


A Very Underestimated Emotion by Teen!Jade

by JCutter



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Canon Compliant, Drama, Edward wants to be straight, Gay Panic, Heavy Angst, Jacob is like fuck it, M/M, Romance, Smut, animalistic sex implied, but mostly it's a pining 'n' denial romp, it's like that tbh, mention of violent homophobic history in chapter 3, no really I had a self-annotated copy of eclipse and never broke from canon just to see if I could, rewrite of Eclipse 'off-camera' from Bella's POV, the creepiness of imprinting is talked about, this does toe the dubcon line you see in most yaoi manga, werewolf packmind shenanigans, you know when Harry from PPP is banging his head against the wall saying 'angst angst angst'?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-01
Updated: 2019-12-19
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:40:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 16
Words: 146,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21623128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JCutter/pseuds/JCutter
Summary: Original summary: It was an accident--a mistake. A chemical reaction, spurred by impulsiveness and driven by passion and stupidity. But neither one of them can stop, and now Jacob is making it even deeper and dragging Edward down with him. -Edward/Jacob; Eclipse rewrite-Importing my very first novel-length fic to AO3 because, despite it obviously being written by a teenager who hadn't dated much, I have a soft spot for the art we all make along the way to becoming great artists.
Relationships: Edward Cullen/Bella Swan, Jacob Black/Bella Swan, Jacob Black/Edward Cullen, Paul Lahote/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 62
Kudos: 224





	1. Crashed

**Author's Note:**

> _Originally posted here: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5900267/1/A-Very-Underestimated-Emotion_  
>  I've decided to keep the original author's notes for posterity. I considered editing but the thought of betaing 140k words sounded like a nightmare lol. Alright, off we go!
> 
> Somebody kill me, I'm actually writing a Twilight fanfic. X_x I have to say to those who don't know me: I'm not a fan of the books very much, but the concept of Jacob/Edward fascinates me. The idea of two people absolutely repulsed by one another falling in love anyway and have to deal with being in love with the same girl that is keeping them away from each other, and so competing with each other for her *and* wanting to be rid of her? I just had to write about it!
> 
> And so, yes, I did have to re-read Eclipse. (In fact, currently on my shelf sits an overdue and full-of-sticky-notes copy of it. *shame*) I wanted to have my story take place there since it the most "Jakeward"-ish books in the series, despite the only real proof of the shipping being in Breaking Dawn. Because of the I-loved-you-because-of-your-future-spawn theory given in BD, Meyer clearly states that Jacob had equal potential to fall in love with Edward as much as Bella. And considering that Jacob ended up falling so hard for Renesmee that he actually imprinted on her, then there's shot that Jacob could've loved both of her parents. (As cleolinda states, "You know, for maximum angst.")
> 
> So, like I said, I was fascinated. I wrote this as canon as I could, or at least I think so. Both boys are highly arrogant and inflammatory towards one another so, however loving they may be with Bella, I doubt a relationship between the two would be that way. Also, in the canon scenes I use dialog straight from the books and most of the actions displayed in the book are also included. (Like any slash fan knows, it all comes down to interpretation.) And… er… I'm not really much of a Bella fan, so I'm not exactly complimentary to her in all things. But, I think I managed to keep my character flaming to a minimum.
> 
> Anyway, with that all said, I wish you happy reading. ^^
> 
> P.S. The title comes from a Jim Morrison quote: "Hatred is a very underestimated emotion."

_Everything about him repulses me. My nose curls at his retch-worthy scent. My skin vibrates with the urge to spring and snap and tear when he meets my gaze and I see black begin to seep into the amber gold of his eyes. A coil of heat rolls in my stomach when he gets too close to me. The werewolf in me snarls._

_The human in me, despite wishing it didn't, wants to know what it would be like to touch him._

x X x _  
_

_Everything about him incenses me. I tremble when he loudly thinks he was born to hunt me, and so thinks he can beat me. The strong lines of his human bones and the harsh curves of his wolf muscles make me want to test his quick healing abilities. The arrogant walk and the flash-fire heat radiating off his body make me want to either run away or kill him, or at least knock him down every peg he's ever climbed up. When he gets too close, I almost wish my heart would pound, rather than my chest simply tightening on a hollow shell while I try not to shake._

_The weak part of me, the shivering scrap of humanity I still have left, wants to know if anything I could do would make him flinch._

x X x _  
_

Jacob could still eat human food even though he was a werewolf-something he was secretly grateful for-but what was the fun in a box of lukewarm pizza when he could snap a bear's neck and eat that instead?

And since the whole 'Call of the Wild' experience, he was rather fond of fun.

So there he was, bounding through the woods like an overeager puppy-which he rather felt like, really-and chasing after a scent that promised a hell of a lot of food and would keep him full for days. A regular wolf could take down a creature three times its size when desperate. A wolf his size could kill anything it could possibly want whenever it wanted. And as much as hunting disinterested Jacob as a human, as a wolf… Well, it was damn fun. Like a video game!

 _Tree!_ The giant dog bowed his head and jumped a fallen log like a racing horse. _Tree!_ He skidded to the side, his paws scrabbling on loose leaves but still propelling him forward. _Tree! Treetreetree!_ Sprinting, dodging, with his maw hanging open and a doglike, huffing laugh escaping him.

Jacob tore through the wilderness and as he did, in the back in mind, he could hear a voice like a character from an old western film, yelling, _"Yeehaw, boys, let's catch us a bear!"_

x X x _  
_

 _Vampires are truly graceful creatures,_ Edward thought a bit smugly. He moved so fast through the woods that he left little more than trembling leaves and small wisps of air in his wake, and he disturbed not a thing. Not like humans with their slow and ugly gait, or like werewolves with their haphazard crashing about. No, he was like the wind. He was the wind. Uncatchable, untraceable, unmatchable, unimaginable. Especially when, like in that moment, he was hungry.

_You gave it a nice try, God, with your cheetahs and your Peregrine falcons. But someone else, perhaps even Satan himself, has crafted a much better creature: me. Us. Vampires._

Edward sprinted and evaded the plants of the wilderness with the utmost ease, following a trail of one of the few creatures that could really satisfy his hunger with Bella around. She drew him in almost as badly as that damn werewolf did. Not that _he_ drew him in, exactly, he just got under Edward's skin, got inside his head, clawed his way into a life that had had almost a hundred years of rival-less bliss and made himself a constant presence in his head. The man thought in nothing but shouts and snarls that rang in Edward's mind. It was like being in a public bus, trying to just contently watch the world go by, with a very loud conversation going in on in the back during the whole trip and ruining your serenity. And then there was the odd nature of some of his thoughts…

 _And there I go, thinking about him again,_ Edward thought with a mental hiss. He blamed it on the wolf reek all around -- so much for 'no-man's land'. He hated the smell of the werewolves, like a wet dog that had been rolling in mud and dead squirrel. It was absolutely disgusting.

Trying his best to block it out, the vampire continued weaving through the trees until he saw what he had been pursuing. An adult grizzly bear, about the size of a full-grown werewolf, and thrumming with blood. It roared at him in what would have been a frightening manner had he been a human. Except he very much wasn't a human, and this wasn't his first bear, either. With an almost bored air, Edward sprang upon the bear's back and was about to sink his human teeth-he didn't have fangs, a fact that had confused him when he was a newborn vampire, but that he was grateful for-when a huge and decidedly furry shape leapt from the underbrush with a resounding crash and a wordless howl. _Dammit_ …

x X x

 _There it is! Haha, it doesn't stand a chance!_ Jacob didn't know when killing had gotten that fun, but he didn't mind a bit. He knew he should probably think about morals at some point… But after he had gutted this bear.

He leapt forward and his two front paws thudded into the bear's chest, throwing it to the ground and holding it there. The wolf howled again, sounding a bit like an adrenaline junky going off a cliff with a whoop of joy.

"You _idiot!_ " Hissed an unmistakably inhuman voice. Jacob swore silently. He had been paying too much attention to the bear to watch for bloodsuckers. He saw a whirl of movement -- invisible to humans, but clear to werewolves -- and Edward Cullen stood glaring at him. _Heh, does he think he's being menacing or something?_ The grizzly gave another snarl and attempted to rise, but Jacob cut off its air supply with one paw, never taking his eyes off the leech. It was almost scary, how much power he had. He was using about as much pressure as a human casually leaning on a table with one hand, but the grizzly gasped for its last breaths anyway. However, that thought quickly took a backseat compared to the trembling that was slowly overtaking his body. If he wasn't already in wolf form, he would have been by now -- but he couldn't exactly explode again.

Edward was in full hunting condition, eyes impossibly black and sending off such aggressive energy and scent that Jacob's nose curled in disgust. Vampires smelled a bit like a rotting body, like road-kill, dunked in a too sugary-sweet scent. Sort of like a candy-coated corpse. Jacob silently admired his alliteration while Edward got progressively more aggravated. When he finally spoke, the sound came out harsh and terse, rather than the smooth undertones he usually used.

"I would run, if I were you. I'm on the hunt and you're just a pathetic puppy," he paused and then narrowed his eyes, "And your alliteration wasn't that great."

Ah. Jacob had forgotten about the magic mind-reading that Edward had. _My alliteration was perfectly fine, thank you, and I don't think I'll run. Since I'm sort of, what? Born only to kill your kind? That puts me at a bit of an advantage, don't you think?_ Jacob shot back.

Edward's lips curled into a snarl. "Arrogant as always, I see. You should know you're too newly-transformed to have a chance against a mature vampire. Leave. Now." His fingers twitched. Jacob ignored it.

_Mature? We're both still in high school, you know. You seem to be rather stuck there, actually._

"I am there by choice!"

 _So you're choosing to be immature?_ Edward bristled. _To each his own, I guess. Anyway, if you wouldn't mind, I think I'll just sit down to lunch and you can take your own leave. I'd invite you to stay if I knew your disgusting presence wouldn't make me retch all over my own food._ Jacob thought loudly and sneered-well, curled a lip of his wolf muzzle, but it was close enough. He did just as he promised and sat down, close to the bear, causing Edward to nearly lunge at him.

"That's my kill, you filthy, insolent mutt! Get away, don't touch it, or you'll find yourself living in the Cullen household as a decorative rug! That is, if we could clean the stench off it, first." He was so tense he was practically vibrating, and his fingers were curled into claws.

Jacob blinked. Edward was seriously going to attack? Well, that was tragic. He would have a hard time explaining to Bella that he and Edward had been hunting together and Edward had tripped on a tree root and broken his neck…

"Get. Out. Of. Here. You. Mutt." Edward ground out; he must have heard Jacob's thoughts again. The wolf in question let his tongue loll out in a dog laugh again. _Make me, bloodsucker._

"I promised Bella that I wouldn't kill you," Edward replied evenly, but slightly condescendingly; like Jacob was a child that needed this explained to him.

 _Ha, like you even could! I'm bred to kill you, remember? Cat, mouse. Or more like dog, weasel. Can you just leave already? You're really putting me off my food._ Jacob looked down at the bear with a mock woebegone expression. Edward twitched and he absently noted that the vampire seemed to be showing a good deal of flaws and emotional giveaways. Must be spending too much time with humans.

"Okay, fine," he bit out -- _heh, nice pun, Jacob --_ "We're both reasonable and… human-like. We can compromise. Why don't I just blood it and you can have all the nauseating flesh you want?"

Jacob rolled his eyes as much as a wolf technically could and sat up. _Fine, if you'll go away afterward._

Edward rolled his eyes back at him and stepped forward, deliberately shoving past him. Jacob squared his shoulders, making it nearly impossible for the vampire to shove him, and it caused a rather awkward rub between them-making Jacob shiver from the cold and Edward spasm from what was probably a startling amount of heat. Just went to show vampires and werewolves weren't supposed to touch unless they were killing each other. Jacob watched, semi-fascinated, as Edward bent his head and sank his teeth into the bear's throat-that was, until he realized that the wolf in him was about three seconds from a total fit. Even if the leech wasn't feeding on a human, he was still feeding. Period.

Jacob jumped to his feet and quickly backed up, away from the vampire. Mocking threats aside, he didn't particularly want to kill the other man when he was trying to be at least amiable. _Be the bigger man, they say, I suppose_. Edward cast a glance over his shoulder at Jacob and a dribble of blood slid from his lips. The wolf shuddered but the human stared, still fascinated in that semi-horrified way. 'Ew, that's terrible… But I can't stop watching!' is the phrase that will make horror movies popular for the rest of forever.

Refusing to be distracted by annoying human thoughts, Jacob's inner wolf lunged at the bit and Jacob's grasp was slipping. _This is bad. Joking aside, if I killed Edward, Bella would be… well._ Well, indeed. All during last year, she had been an utter wreck. A total empty shell. When that vampire had swept through her life, he had destroyed every connection she had to every other person in her life, leaving only him to hold her up. It was probably the most selfish thing Jacob had ever seen in his life, but seeing as Bella wanted it too, perhaps the pair just fed off each other.

The point was, Jacob would avoid killing Edward for as long as he could. And he had an idea. If he could keep calm long enough, he could transform back into a human, leaving him with a bit more control of his body than the wolf. And leaving himself vulnerable with a hungry vampire. But he knew Edward wouldn't drink his blood, it would be like him drinking vomit. _But he could kill me as easily as look at me._ Still, that split second it would take Jacob to transform back into a wolf could give Edward time to run, could give them the moment that would save them both.

Jacob backed up further, letting his fur snag on the thorny branches around him and using the pain to ground himself. The wolf didn't feel pain like a human did. Pain wasn't a debilitation or a deterrent, it was just a sensation that got in the way of more important things. The wolf silently snarled in annoyance. Jacob, the man, grabbed onto the pain as a very _human_ thing, and he felt the wolf form melting away with a smooth swish of disappearing fur.

"Nice move." Jacob looked away from the tree he was gripping to stabilize himself and saw Edward, finished sucking he supposed, standing there and looking at him funny. Jacob shifted uncomfortably, feeling oddly naked under the golden amber stare.

…Probably because he actually was naked.

Face rapidly heating up, he tried to hang his hands casually in front of him, wishing he hadn't left his pants in his room in his eagerness to go for a run. He hadn't thought much of it, since he only had to jump from his window to get to the woods and jump back through the window to get back. He hadn't exactly been expecting company. Edward smirked at the other man, clearly hearing everything he was thinking. Cocky bastard.

"Thank you," Jacob said in response to Edward's earlier comment with as much dignity as he could muster in the situation. The wolf was still thrashing about a bit, but he was easier to control. He was in a cage now.

"You wolves are really easy to aggravate, aren't you?" Edward said, apropos of nothing, and wiping at his mouth with his jacket sleeve.

Jacob blinked. "I guess. Better than being an ice cube," he shot back a bit defensively, unable to tell whether the vampire was insulting him or making one of his many inconsequential observations of life in general. Edward took a step closer, and Jacob was suddenly highly aware of the human-vs.-vampire factor there. Edward cocked his head slightly and peered. Jacob gave up all pretense of subtlety and just held his hands in front of him, covering what he could. Edward didn't look predatory, exactly, just a little too curious. Like Jacob was some fascination in a jar. The brunette took a step closer and held out his hand and Jacob visibly twitched. _What, does he think I'm just some dog he can pet whenever it takes his fancy?_

"What are you doing?" Jacob snapped, stepping back. He wished he could fend him off with one hand, but werewolves were a bit… endowed thanks to the bulking up his body went through, and one hand wasn't going to give him the privacy he wanted.

"Really?" Edward asked, ignoring Jacob's question and listening to the silent thoughts instead. He was now way too close and all Jacob could smell was that hyper-sweet stench and feel something like a cold front hitting him. _Unnatural, unnatural, unnatural_ , his mind chanted nervously, the proximity making him progressively more nervous. One thing Jacob missed about being human was that, while he would sometimes get hunches about things, at least he didn't constantly have them about everything. _Stupid inner wolf._ Jacob watched Edward carefully. The vampire could reach out and touch him now, and they were too close together for Jacob to be able to get away. And not just touch him-he could kill him. Easily. It was all Jacob could think about as Edward smiled his creepy vampire smile. He didn't care if vampires didn't actually have fangs… his canines looked sharp enough as is.

"What are you _doing_?" Jacob finally snapped again, the silence having drug for more than a minute, and he felt his naked back hit the trunk of a nearby tree. Edward crept closer, still looking abnormally curious, and Jacob felt years in a boys' locker room suddenly rear up and grab control of his mouth. "Are you gay or something?" It was the first retort he could think of to get another guy away from him.

There was a flicker in Edward's eyes and his hand lowered slightly. "I don't believe in such perversions, thank you very much," he replied lowly. Jacob felt a minuscule flash of surprise at his reaction -- _Then again, it's hardly a shock, is it? He's seen more 1900's homophobia than New Millennia tolerance --_ but then the flash was gone and Jacob was just glad he wasn't planning to touch him. He didn't know why the thought bothered him so much, but the wolf was pitching a fit and the human was having a fit of nerves. Not that, of course, he was nervous or anything, just… it was weird. The potential guy-touching and the potential leech-touching.

"You have split personality issues," Edward replied -- to Jacob's thoughts again. _The disrespectful bastard_. _Can't he just turn his mind-reading off? -_ \- flatly.

"You're not much less of a freak, either," Jacob shot back, narrowing his eyes.

"Can I just see something?" The bloodsucker asked, like he was exasperated with him. Jacob barely suppressed a snort. Ha! Like he had any right to be exasperated. Sure, blood and ancestral enemies touched all the time, that's cool. Go ahead. 'Cause they were so lovey already, as it is.

 _God, what is with this guy? It's like he's from another world._ Well, Jacob supposed he might as well get over with and let him go on his way. Then he could eat and pretend this whole mess never happened.

"Fine," he growled and held still. His hands were still in front of him and a tree was close enough behind him that the vampire really couldn't see anything important. Maybe he would just poke him, stare a little and walk off. Wouldn't be the first time Jacob was left standing speechless while Edward acted like all the world was normal.

Edward narrowed his eyes slightly and rested his bare fingertips on Jacob's upper arm. Jacob shivered slightly and his eyes followed the feather-soft, ice-cold touch as it slid down his arm to just above his elbow. The werewolf looked up at Edward's face, but his expression was unreadable.

This was incredibly, incredibly weird.

Jacob compared the sensation to walking through a museum and suddenly having one of the statues just reach down and touch you. _Very weird._ He fidgeted awkwardly and looked around at the trees, the bushes, the bear carcass lying a few feet away, the slanted shafts of light coming through the leaves -- anywhere but at Edward, who was continuing his light touching.

Suddenly, Jacob felt the fingers slide around the back of his arm and his thumb met them and… and Edward was gripping his arm. Jacob's eyes widened and he jerked away a bit, just as a sort of I-don't-want-this warning. The grip tightened. _Okay, playtime is over, leech._

Jacob tensed and gave a hard yank with his arm, taking a step back in the process and dragging Edward forward, his own eyes widening in shock. The younger man felt his naked back scrape against the bark behind him and suddenly felt like he was being pressed on by a block of ice. The force of the pull had dragged the vampire forward and their bodies, foreheads, noses and… and… _lips_ … met with a startling thud. Jacob gasped in shock more than pain and felt his lower lip catch on the other man's for just a fraction of a second.

Every thought that had been frantically whirring around in Jacob's mind slipped away like sand. His eyes were still open, wide and apprehensive, and all he could see was molten amber staring back at him with just as much surprise.

_Wha… wha… WHA…?_

Jacob was still breathing -- he didn't have the option, like _him --_ and the tang of vampire pheromones was getting stronger by the second. They weren't supposed to work on werewolves, were they? He didn't think so, but he felt his mind start to fog up anyway. He reached up with both hands and grabbed fistfuls of Edward's jacket -- _So it is real denim, then? -_ \- to throw him off… Except… his muscles didn't seem to want to make that push.

Edward still hadn't moved away.

You'd never hear him admit it, but Jacob was scared. Scared of a vampire being this close to him and just _being there_. And it was because of that fear that what happened next, well… happened. The line between fear and sex is already blurred. With both, your heart races, your eyes dilate, and your skin practically vibrates with the need to move. You can't think straight and things either move too fast or too slow, but you're left reeling either way. His inner wolf only knew that it _wanted_ , but it couldn't identify what sort of wanting it was -- a food hunger? Bloodlust? Or the urge to…( _Oh, shit,_ thought Jacob), to dominate? -- and so it was up to his human instincts to interpret the wild hunger. The tide of emotion forcing him to move crashed over his mind and washed his footing out from under him, and Jacob was pretty sure his human side misinterpreted.

His took their face mash, which Edward still hadn't stopped, and turned it into a kiss. He wasn't really thinking and his mind was a mess, so the vampire had no idea what the other man was doing or what to do about it. Jacob's stomach had stopped churning, but it was doing nauseating swoops that he really wished would stop -- but that would mean an end to the wild chill that was soaking through his skin and making him tremble. It was like skinny-dipping in winter and he was once again reminded that he was very much naked and Edward was very much not. But that thought slipped away, too, as Edward began to respond. His heart was hammering in his chest and his mind felt as if it were swimming through… something. Some sort of watery fog that was telling him this was quite nice and simply letting go and letting Edward take over seemed like a lovely idea. Jacob couldn't think of any decent reason while choking on vampire pheromones and the arousal that was threatening to dispel the last of his reason, and so he agreed. As soon as he did, he felt the body against him lean forward with a new fervor and the chilly hand on his bicep clenched.

Jacob felt a slight flash of pain pass through him before the lips were suddenly gone and he found himself staring into a pair of very startled eyes. Edward didn't move away, he just stared at the werewolf's arm with the same fascination he had stared at him with earlier. Jacob was still working to get a coherent thought through his mind, other than a vague wondering about the effects vampire allure had on werewolves. Edward, still very focused on the arm, slowly tightened his fingers again -- harder this time -- until a spark of pain passed through Jacob's body, and he loosened his grip again. Jacob squinted at him, as if that would make him make any more sense. The vampire flashed a small, crooked smile in response.

"I thought I had… But, no," he whispered, half to himself and almost wonderingly. "I don't have to be gentle with you, wolf."

Jacob held still, feeling himself finally start to wake up, as if his eyes were adjusting to a bright light that he had woken up to. The combination of the human pain and the English words were bringing him back to reason, and he found himself wondering what Edward was talking about. Or, better yet…

_What the hell were we doing? What did we…? Did we just…? He… And I… Oh. God._

Edward froze, picking up the other man's panicked thoughts, and he moved the tiniest fraction back. Jacob knew he had just fed, but the eyes meeting his were already darkening again, and all he could see was blackened topaz gazing back at him. One hand still gripped his upper arm while the other hand hung at his side, barely brushing Jacob's. Edward's denim jacket scraped against Jacob's bare chest, the zipper just as cold as his skin was. He filled his whole vision, and he could smell nothing else than the freezing front a vampire put off. Jacob found himself unable to separate the thrill from the revulsion so he stood there, just as frozen as Edward was.

 _I just kissed a boy. I just kissed a_ vampire _. Which is worse, I wonder?_ He couldn't believe himself. His astonishment was quickly turning into horrified panic, but even in his fazed state, he didn't miss the sudden flood of self-disgust that passed over Edward's face before his expression shut down all together. Spell broken, Jacob leaned back and pressed himself against the tree behind him while Edward took several steps back.

Jacob could barely breathe; Edward had stopped altogether.

There was a crackling in the underbrush and Jacob turned towards the noise, stiffening when another vampire scent wafted towards them. After a moment's pause, the other Cullen brother-the big, bulky one Jacob had seen in the past-stepped into the mini-clearing. Emmett.

 _Clearly_ , Jacob thought in the tone of a person enjoying their last bout of lucidity on their way into madness, _Fate hates me._

Emmett glanced down at the bear, still just a few feet from the other two men, and then looked back at them. He looked from Edward's expressionless face to Jacob complete emotional disarray, and Jacob began to panic. _He knows, he knows, he knows, he can tell…_ But his fears were stilled when Emmett sneered.

"Ever heard of pants, mutt? Or maybe you've decided to fully embrace your inner dog?" After another disdainful look, he dismissed him and faced Edward. "Are you okay? Alice was getting all sorts of weird flashes, like the future couldn't make up its mind or something, and then you disappeared behind that werewolf… block… thing."

Edward smiled reassuringly -- from the look of it, he had had a good deal of practice -- and waved a hand dismissively. "I just needed to speak with Jacob a moment, but we can go now."

So relaxed, so unruffled, not a single tremor from the cold, hard vampire skin. _Bastard_ , Jacob's mind hissed, and the shell-shock still hadn't worn off.

He still shivered slightly, but he couldn't change back into his wolf form. His mind was still thoroughly stuck on Edward for the moment and the whole pack would pick up on it and see what had happened and… well. Jacob didn't know the exact punishment for consorting with a vampire, but I doubted it would just be a slap on the wrist.

Emmett shot a final suspicious look at the naked werewolf, but accepted Edward's words with a curt nod. They were just turning to leave the clearing when another shape came crashing through the woods. Jacob recognized the sound immediately and looked up at the heavens with the same expression a parent would wear if they walked into a room to see their kid sitting and reading quietly with every bit of furniture upside down. It was the sort of _I'm sure you have a good explanation for this and I would very much like to hear it_ expression.

Paul, wearing his wolf body with lips curled into a snarl, stepped into the pale light and glared at the two vampires. Emmett turned, immediately ready to fight, and Paul started into a half-crouch.

_Oh, this is going to go well. Have any more gasoline, Fate?_

Still keeping most of his focus on Emmett, Paul half-turned to Jacob and gave a questioning whine. Jacob shrugged, trying to be casual. He could come up with a brilliant excuse later, but it wasn't up for one right now. Giving his packmate a slightly dubious look, Paul turned his full attention back to the vampire pair and growled low in his throat. A fair warning.

Edward turned towards his brother. "Not that these two are particularly dangerous, but perhaps we should go anyway." Perfectly reasonable. _Arrogant bloodsucker_ , Jacob couldn't help but add.

Emmett snorted and curled his fingers into fists. "Why? This strip of space is just as much ours as theirs," he retorted, amber eyes not leaving Paul and Jacob.

Paul snarled a louder warning this time, indignation-turned-anger leaking into his tone. Jacob wasn't sure what he'd do if Paul charged in his wolf form. If he turned wolf then, Paul would surely hear him thinking about Edward and…. what had just happened, so he knew he'd have to stop him as a human. Jacob stepped forward, finding himself once against wishing for pants, and laid a hand on Paul's neck.

"Paul, let's just get out of here. We don't need another vampire-werewolf showdown right now, and you know Bella would throw a holy fit if we fought again," He reasoned, hoping perhaps this moment of good judgment would balance out the extreme unreason of a few minutes ago. After all, everyone had their bad moments, right?

At the mention of Bella's name, Paul rolled his wolven eyes, and Jacob couldn't blame him. Considering how much they had to hear about here these past few months, all the werewolves were sick of her. And lately, now that Bella had forgiven the Cullen's from abandoning her to suffocate in her own anguish, Sam added fuel to the flame by also thinking about her every time Jacob did and they both tended to feed off each other's anger and frustration and leave the whole pack wallowing in angst while they were trying to hunt.

Exhaling loudly, the giant dog turned and began to walk away, but was stopped when Edward sprang forward.

"What is your problem, wolf? We were kind enough to let you go easily enough. You don't have to repay it with comments like that," he nearly growled. _Oh crap,_ Jacob thought, unable to stop the feeling of resigned inevitability welling up in him, _Paul must have said something…_ Paul turned back around, contemptuous and angry and, with a slight toss of his head, said -- thought --something else. Edward's eyes narrowed.

"What is he saying?" Emmett asked, looking for all the world as if he'd take any excuse for a fight at the moment.

"Paul was simply commenting on the… nature of our familial relationship," Edward replied lowly, shooting Jacob's packmate a dark look. Jacob snickered, realizing what Paul had probably said -- the pack often joked about it, much to Emily's disapproval.

"Well, you have to admit it does seem a little incestuous from this angle," Jacob said, smirking slightly. "You're all staying in one home with the same last name, having a merry old time, I'm sure, and then when night comes…"

Paul's tongue lolled out tauntingly, clearing agreeing with the man, and looked deliberately at Edward again. The latter's lips curled into a sneer.

"Like either of you have any room to talk about perversion. You know, we used to have a word for men who ran around naked together in the woods…"

That personal hit was filled with so much hypocracy, Jacob could just about spit. He started shaking violently, but he refused to transform; he would use his bare fucking hands. He lunged for the leech but Paul beat him there, issuing what Jacob considered to be a pretty impressive one-paw smack down. Emmett looked furious, though. He jumped straight at Paul and punched him in the jaw hard enough for his head to jerk around with a sharp crack. _Shit…_

By this time, Edward had gotten back to his feet, but Jacob was watching Paul with wide eyes. The wolf hated to be punched there and it showed. The giant wolf-dog slowly turned his head back towards the vampires and tilted it so that his neck cricked threateningly. _Shit, shit, shit…_ Jacob chanted, and all he could think was that this could not end without one or both of them being heavily injured. Werewolves may heal very quickly, but vampire scars tended to linger considering their intensity.

Paul lunged, this time his jaws open to rip and tear stone limb from limb, but before he could get a hold of Emmett, another furry shape sprang from between the trees and threw its packmate to the ground. _Sam!_ Paul tumbled hard but rolled to his feet as soon as he gained his bearings. His claws sank into the dirt and he radiated fury, but Sam stared him down. Jacob was partially relieved that they weren't going to fight to the death, but partially terrified since he couldn't send Sam away with an idle excuse. He had to think of something. Some reason why he was here. Perhaps he could use Edward's excuse and say they were talking about Bella, but then Sam would walk to talk about it with him and Jacob really didn't feel like it.

After he was assured Paul wasn't going to move, Sam turned to Edward and Emmett and after a moment of silence, Edward nodded.

"Thank you, Sam. I agree, but perhaps we should just all leave this area, for fairness' sake," the vampire replied calmly, ever the diplomat. Sam nodded, looking like a regal pack leader as always. _The two of them are really a pair,_ thought Jacob, but tried to keep his bitterness down.

Sam nodded once and turned to Paul, who was glaring resentfully at the ground. He looked back at Jacob, who prayed for a good excuse or a quick death. They stared at one another for a while until, at last, Jacob awkwardly cleared his throat. "I… ah… I think I'll walk back, if that's alright."

Sam gave him another long look before nudging Paul and nodding at Jacob. The silver-gray wolf padded over to his human packmate and turned so that the leg where his torn jeans were tied was closest to him.

"Thanks," Jacob muttered, quickly taking the pants and feeling his face heat up again. Edward held up a hand of farewell to Sam and sped away, Emmett on his heals. A moment later, Sam and Paul disappeared off in the opposite direction.

Jacob stood next to the bear carcass, ragged jeans in one hand and barely holding himself together with the other, and tried to stop his violent shaking for a long time.

_"Somehow, I couldn't stop myself._   
_I just wanted to know how it felt._   
_Too strong, I couldn't hold on…_   
_Now I'm just tryin' to make some sense_   
_Out of how and why this happened._   
_Where we're heading, there's just no knowing…"_

_~"Crashed" by Daughtry_


	2. Mr. Brightside

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Previous author's notes kept for posterity._
> 
> Okay, I lied. This chapter has both points of view in it. But after that, really, seriously, it won't happen again. x3 (Sorry… Usually I try to avoid that, but with a chapter this damn long, it had to happen.) While we're on the topic, though, I feel I should warn you… If you're going to follow this story, you'd better in for a long haul. I don't know exactly how long this story technically is, but clocking in at a little under ten thousand words per chapter—and there will be twelve of them-, it's not exactly your standard twenty-thousand word chaptered fic. x3

Edward sprawled out on his newly-bought bed, staring at the ceiling, and tried to reason with the universe or justify himself for a long while. So far, he had thought of a lot of reasons why where that could have gone was a bad idea, but not a single good excuse for what he had done. The simple reason was that he had lost control. _I just wanted to know what he felt like…_ Whether he really was that warm. How he would react to the touch of a vampire.

As soon as he and Emmett arrived home, Edward had sped straight up to his room. Throughout his time with Bella, he had suffered from bouts of extreme guilt, but this had to be one of the worst. His stone cold fingers closed into a fist and he felt a small spark of heat that had remained, even after releasing the man. _The only reason it got out of control was because of him. He pulled away after I had a good grip on him. He was the one who forgot his clothes. He's the one who started the… the kiss._

 _But you kissed him back_ , a traitorous voice in the back of his mind piped up, and Edward gave a sharp huff. He sat up and pulled his knees up to his chest, glaring into empty space. He wished he could blame it on the fact that Jacob was a human with enticing blood, but he wasn't. He couldn't stand the thought of drinking a werewolf's blood. So why did he do that?

_I cheated on Bella. With Jacob, of all people. What sort of insanity is this?_

He lay back down, struggling for a comfortable position, but the truth was that he just felt uncomfortable in his skin. It was tight and hard and while Edward could still easily move, his body was just a steel cage. _The price of beauty_ , his mind chimed again, like a damn modern magazine ad.

Edward pulled his mind away from the subject, and it immediately stumbled back to Jacob instead. However much he detested him, he could admit the man was tempting, with his durability and obnoxious personality and the… reactions… Edward caused in him-- but it wasn't right! _I'm taken, for God's sake. What's wrong with me?_

He turned his glare towards the ceiling, remembering the feel of the overheated muscle under his fingers and hating himself for it. When he had accidentally clenched his fist around that limb, he was afraid he had broken it, but the wolf felt nothing more than a small annoyance. An inconsequential twinge. He didn't have to be gentle with him, like he had to be with Bella. And there was something… attractive… about the way he snarled at him and held up his chin with insubordinate arrogance that just begged for Edward to try to beat some sense of respect into him. Or just beat him.

Or just pin him to another tree…

 _Threateningly, of course._ Because, obviously, Jacob was _male_ and Edward was hardly the type to agree with such perversions. He may be a monster, but he wasn't a complete animal like that mutt.

Edward turned away from the ceiling and looked at his stereo, which currently held a copy of his Bella CD on it -- not playing, of course, since he had a limit to his masochism -- and the shame welled up again. He had cheated on Bella. With a wolf. With a _man_. With the man he strongly suspected Bella loved a little. He really couldn't believe himself.

 _A man! A wolf! Bella's… friend!_ The words rang in his head and overlapped until he couldn't tell one problem from the other and all he could think about was that it was _Jacob_.

He turned over, restless again, and faced the wall instead. If only he could have slept, he could take a break from this world. From himself. It was something, he believed, that humans often took for granted. In the past few decades, it was always about how long they could stay awake and what pill or technique kept them away from sleep the most. It had gotten so bad that, now, a lot of people needed pills to get to sleep after all the pills they'd taken to stay awake. They had destroyed their natural rhythm, thinking it was a good thing, and Edward would have killed a dozen people just for a single night's rest.

He glanced at the clock and sighed. For once, he wasn't eager to see Bella again, but it was time to put on his mask and pretend to be flawless. Consciously, he knew Bella was committed to him, but he was never able to shake the feeling that if she saw the real him, she would leave.

More than he hated that feeling, he hated that he instantly thought of Jacob and how he never had to fake anything in front of him -- the wolf hated him so much already, he couldn't possibly think any worse. That Jacob still… wanted him… even knowing all of his ugly points, was not a good thing. It downright unhealthy.

Why did Jacob want him, anyway? Because, based on the evidence of that afternoon, he clearly did. _What a freak_.

The irony of that thought had Edward smiling all the way to Bella's doorstep and not knowing why.

x X x

When Edward got to Bella's door, he gave it three brisk taps and stepped back to wait. He heard a muffled "Coming!" and, within seconds, the door was thrown open and the love of his life stood in the doorway. He saw the moment her intelligent eyes glazed over with the power of the pheromones he gave off and, stifling the brief pang that caused, he reached out to twine their fingers together. Bella's breath picked up into short gasps and then stopped altogether and Edward smiled. Jacob may have been an odd sort of temptation, but this was who he wanted. With pale skin, softly feminine features and dark brown hair that fell around her shoulders… this was the beauty Edward longed for. Was in love with… He knew, somewhere in the back of his mind, she was only really charmed by his looks and chemical attraction, but he didn't care. She was _his._

"Hey," she whispered at last, breathless. Utterly under his influence.

Still holding her fingers with his own, Edward raised his hand to brush a stray lock of her hair from his cheek. She looked dizzy and out of it, but he was used to that. She was still beautiful, no matter how scent-drunk she was.

"How was your afternoon?" he asked pleasantly, reassuring himself with every second in her presence that _this_ was where he belonged.

"Slow," was the short reply.

"For me, as well," he murmured and drew her wrist up to his face. Yes, this was what real temptation was supposed to feel like. He could hear her heart flutter in her chest and hear the pulsing vibrations in her wrist. Edward gave her wrist a light caress and inhaled deeply, taking in the mix of her freesia-scented skin and the unbearable sweetness that flowed just under it.

 _Not good._ A simple thought suddenly drew Edward's attention away from Bella and he dropped her wrist, but still held her hand.

"Good evening, Charlie," he greeted the irate father and the source of the thought, but he only got a grunt in response. Edward stifled a small hint of contempt. How such a simple man could have produced Bella was beyond him… it must have been all Renee, then -- though her intelligence was sporadic and a bit fleeting. It wasn't their fault, though. They were only human.

Looking at Bella, Edward pulled a pile of papers from the inside pocket of his jacket. "I brought another set of applications," he told her. He had just barely remembered to grab them from his desk before running out the door, but he was glad he did. It was a good idea to put up the appearance of being accepted by many colleges before going off to Alaska. It softened the image of them running away together.

Bella, however, groaned loudly.

"There are still a few open deadlines. And a few places able to make exceptions," Edward replied. Each exception had come from a signed check… the only difference between them was how many zeroes Edward had had to pen out.

The girl's face twisted in dislike and he laughed. "Shall we?" the vampire asked, moving towards Charlie's dining table. Their activity for that evening was filling out college applications, something that was likely to take a few hours, and Edward intended to savor the time.

However, Charlie followed them with another bit of news. "Hey, would you call Jacob some time tonight, too? He's been bugging me every five minutes since six o'clock this morning. I promised I'd have you call him as soon as you could." _Sounded upset._

Edward stiffened and glanced questioningly at Bella. So she had been out during the day as well? And why was Jacob calling?

Bella looked just as puzzled. "Jacob wants to talk to me?"

"Pretty bad, I'd say," Charlie replied, "He wouldn't tell me what it was about-- just that it was important."

Edward kept his face perfectly blank. _Oh no, he wouldn't, would he? He couldn't possibly want her to know that. It wouldn't make any sense, he couldn't possibly…_ Edward's mind circled itself and his fear grew. He didn't have a single good excuse ready -- did Jacob?

Suddenly the phone rang, pulling Edward's attention back to the present and kicking up his fear another notch.

"That's him again, I'd bet my next paycheck," Charlie said, and Bella jumped up and went to the kitchen with an "I got it!" Edward stayed right where he was and listened hard.

"Hello?"

"You're back." Oh… right. Jacob hadn't spoken to Bella since they'd come back from Florida, but since he had seen Edward, he must have known Bella had to be back as well.

"Yes?" Bella responded, and Edward cursed that he missed the next words. However good his vampire hearing may have been, catching muffled words across a room from an old telephone was rather hard.

"Because I've been in the house for exactly four seconds and your call interrupted Charlie telling me that you'd called," Bella sounded annoyed.

A moment later, she continued, "Yeah, I figured out that part all by myself. Go ahead."

So far, it didn't sound like the wolf had said anything bad. What did he want to talk to her for?

"Of course I am. Why wouldn't I?"

There was a bit of a long pause. "So what did you want to talk about, Jake?"

An even longer pause. "Yeah, I know. I'm _so_ glad you called me, Jake. I…"

Edward pushed down a sudden spark of jealousy. What did that wolf ever do? Based on how he had acted since Edward returned, he spent the whole time pawing for Bella.

_Stupid mutt._

"What?" The girl's voice suddenly took on an edge, and she sounded like she was trying to hang on to him through the phone.

"But Jake-" she began, but there was the signature click of a phone being hung up and she stood there, staring at the phone. "That was short," she muttered, a bit sulkily.

Rather curious about the conversation, Edward leaned forward from where he was sitting at the table. "Is everything alright?" he asked.

Bella turned to him. "I don't know… I wonder what that was about."

 _I have a few guesses, but none that I can share. Besides…_ "Your guess is probably better than mine," Edward answered honestly. More accurate, though? Probably not.

The rest of the evening passed without excitement. As usual, Edward "left" before it got too dark, and then appeared in her bedroom. He never understood why Bella was okay with him watching her sleep, but since she was, he wasn't going to complain.

He climbed through her open window and curled up beside her on the bed. It wasn't something he ever really did after becoming a vampire, but she wanted it and so he would give it. Like every night before it, Edward laid beside her and studied her room while she slept. But it looked the same as it ever had and his mind soon wandered.

What _did_ Jacob want to talk about? Had he simply chickened out before telling Bella? Or… had he wanted to talk to Edward instead?

He shook his head. _No, that's ridiculous._

"…Love you…" Bella murmured in her sleep and rolled towards Edward again. He mentally pushed Jacob away again. _She_ was his life. _She_ was what excited him and what he loved. He didn't need pesky newborn werewolves and their raging hormones.

"Mutt," Edward muttered and slowly breathed in Bella's scent for the rest of the night.

x X x

His calm reassurances lasted him until the next morning, when his silver Volvo pulled into the school parking lot and a sleek, black motorcycle was waiting for it. Leaning against the machine was Jacob, fully clothed this time. His jeans were torn and streaked with grease, probably from working with cars and motorcycles all day, and his black shirt pulled tight against every line of muscle on his torso. To a human, the man looked like a dangerous troublemaker, and someone who would punch you as soon as look at you. To any vampire, he was unmistakably a werewolf. From the large, bulkier body frame to the way he carried himself, as if he were one wrong word from a violent explosion—a vampire would know to either kill him or turn and run. Edward didn't have the luxury of either. As Edward studied him further, he couldn't help but wonder if Bella had gotten his age wrong. How could he be sixteen? He looked nearly twenty.

Well, either way, Edward wasn't going to let him close to Bella anymore. He wasn't just a risk to her as a werewolf, he was also a risk to Edward by being -- though he hated to admit it -- potential competition.

"If I asked you to do something, would you trust me?" Edward murmured to Bella, pulling into his usual parking space. She looked up at him, wary and puzzled.

"That depends."

 _Sigh._ "I was afraid you'd say that." Ever since Edward's absence, Bella had become almost… independent. Not as much as a completely sober woman, but closer than usual. And her newfound insubordination reeked of werewolf influence.

"What do you want me to do, Edward?"

Edward strained his mental hearing range and, at last, Jacob's thoughts became clearer. _Ha, what scarety cats! Who's afraid of the big bad wolf?_ A pause. _Oh, there you are, you pretty bastard. If you can hear me, get over here. I'd like to talk to you. Preferably not with Bella, but even if she comes with you, I'm saying what I came to say._ Jacob's dark eyes bored straight into Edward's through the car window, across the parking lot. Even at this range, he could taste a small whiff of _dog_ on the air. Normally, all of this would just anger him, but there was a subtle shift in the werewolf's behavior that had Edward on edge. He wasn't drunk, exactly, just a little giddy -- like a man who had just stepped off a rollercoaster and was reeling for another round.

"I want you to stay in the car," Edward told the girl, not looking away from Jacob, "I want you to wait here until I come back for you."

"But why?" Bella's eyes followed his gaze and landed on Jacob, finally realizing he was there. "…Oh."

 _C'mon, leech, get out of the car. I'm not going to hurt you… not with all these witnesses, anyway._ _I just want to… talk… to you._ Yes, aggressively giddy was right. Raring for a fight, for some reason.

"He asked about school because he knew that I would be where you were. He was looking for a safe place to talk to me… A place with witnesses," Edward replied. It was Jacob's wording, not his, but he found himself using it anyway.

"I'm not staying in the car," Bella insisted, and Edward couldn't stifle a small groan.

"Of course not. Well, let's get this over with," Edward muttered. Great, now there was no telling what he'd have to do or explain during first period. Trust a wolf to stir up perfectly still water.

As soon as he stepped out of the car, a heat similar what he had felt the day before began to well up under his skin. He could taste the urge to fight pulsing off the werewolf in waves, and the same feeling was echoing back from himself.

Edward took a firm grip of Bella's hand and, once they got close enough to stop, he pulled her a bit behind him. Partly because this was just between Edward and him and she needn't get involved, and partly because he liked the dark flicker in the other man's eyes at the gesture of ownership.

"You could have called us," the vampire admonished, his voice firm, but he was determined to be calm and polite.

"Sorry," Jacob sneered and crossed his arms, "I don't have any leeches on my speed dial."

"You could have reached me at Bella's house, of course."

Jacob's expression hardened. _I was trying to keep Bella out of this, you manipulative little bloodsucker. But, of course, you can't help but hide behind her._

Edward stiffened, but Bella stepped in front of him and spoke. "This is hardly the place, Jacob. Could we discuss this later?"

"Sure, sure," the werewolf replied, and there was a hint of condescending in his voice, "I'll stop by your crypt after school."

With a snort, he turned to Edward. "What's wrong with now?" _After all, there's no time like the present for a good ol' plot twist._

 _What the hell are you planning?_ Edward thought furiously, but of course the wolf couldn't hear him. He pointedly looked around at the people starting to gather and watch, fascinated at Jacob's size and muscular prowess, and at the fact that a man was actually standing up to Edward as if they were equals. Apprehension and fear rippled through the crowd along with the quiet whispers and tendrils of lust ran just underneath the main current.

"I already know what you came to say. Message delivered. Consider us warned," Edward all but hissed when Jacob didn't take the hint. The truth was, he wasn't sure, but he knew he wouldn't like whatever the werewolf had to say. _And considering this shift in mood from helpless to furious_ , Edward thought with a short glance towards Bella, _she probably won't either._

"Warned? What are you talking about?" Bella asked.

Jacob's eyes widened, looking slightly disbelieving, but it was a mocking disbelief. "You didn't tell her? What, were you afraid she'd take our side?"

 _On what? What's wrong with you?_ Edward wanted to snap, but held his tongue.

"Please drop it, Jacob," he said quietly, trying to figure out what the wolf wanted. He needed to know before Bella found out and before Jacob revealed it. It might've been the kiss, but if something else happened… For once, Edward couldn't figure out Jacob's point—mainly because, according to the thoughts coming from Jacob's mind, he didn't have one. He was just being aggravating for the sake of it.

"Why?" the werewolf challenged.

Edward could hear Bella's slightly-protesting questions in the background, but the pieces had suddenly come together and he was too fascinated by Jacob's actions to hear her. The man was displaying like an alpha wolf, the kind you saw on the Discovery Channel: chin up, shoulders back, chest slightly pushed out with the most arrogant look on his face he could make and Edward could feel violent urges -- among others -- start to rise to the surface. He was challenging Edward to do something. To… to stop him?

Edward poked tentatively at the mind in front of him. Yes, that was it. He was just looking for a fight. He wanted violence. There was no higher meaning. Edward's fingers twitched and a knot of anger twisted in his stomach. If necessary, he could oblige…

Jacob turned in reply to something Bella said. "He didn't tell you that his big… _brother_ crossed the line Saturday night? Paul was totally justified in-"

He was defending _that_ over-reactive, obnoxious animal? "It was no-man's land!" Edward hissed. It was true, they were away from both sides' lines.

 _That's not what I meant, you blood-sucking bastard!_ Jacob's mind snarled, at the same time he said, "Was not!" Here it was, the blasting anger that was buried just under the surface of every werewolf's skin. He was shaking, threatening to fall apart, and Edward hadn't even touched him yet. Oddly enough, the temptation was there… He knew all he had to do was grab him and the man would explode into a dog. _Such control…_

"Emmett and Paul? What happened? Were they fighting?" Bella whispered, voice rising in pitch. "Why? Did Paul get hurt?"

His world narrowed to just the man in front of him, Edward was shocked at the sudden spark of annoyance he felt. "No one fought. No one got hurt. Don't be anxious."

Jacob's jeering incredulousness overrode his anger for a moment, and Edward's annoyance turned back to its real focus. "You didn't tell her anything at all, did you?" He paused for a fleeting second, and a handful of thoughts slipped through the verbal words. _She's got a cheating boyfriend and she doesn't even know? Damn, most guys at least hint at their slight imperfection. You're pretty terrified of being just human aren't you?_ "Is that why you took her away?" he continued, probably referring to Edward's sudden possessiveness of all of Bella's time. "So she wouldn't know that--?"

"Leave. Now." Now Edward was also shaking and pheromones instilling fear in everyone around him reared up. Jacob, unfortunately, was unaffected.

_That you aren't as perfect as she would believe?_

"Why haven't you told her?" The dark-haired man asked, raising his brows and looking ever so slightly smug. _Is it so wrong having a few issues?_

 _If ever there was someone I would punch with full strength in front of humans…_ Edward mentally growled.

Because of his focus on Jacob, Edward had missed Bella's mounting panic, and her terrified whisper came as a surprise. "She came back for me."

Jacob looked just as puzzled. _Who?_ Then a sudden flash of red hair and a memory of a different vampire scent in the local area flitted past his mind. _Her?_

Edward instantly recognized the image. Victoria! SHE WAS IN TOWN AND NOBODY TOLD HIM?

Edward turned a panicked look towards Jacob, who stared back. _Oh, you didn't know? I thought you were just being an overprotective shit -- turns out you just weren't paying attention._

Oh, he was going to murder the dog in his sleep.

The entire exchange was supernaturally fast, and so Bella only felt a slight pause before Edward reached out and pulled Bella close to him, trying to comfort the fear away. "It's fine," he whispered close to her ear, "I'll never let her get close to you, it's fine."

He raised his head and met Jacob's angered and bitter glower. Apparently he wasn't big on public displays of affection. "Does that answer your question, mongrel?"

 _One of them… almost._ "You don't think Bella has a right to know? It's her life," he challenged, and Edward quite suddenly hated this whole double-meaning conversation and the knots it was twisting in his mind.

"Why should she be frightened when she was never in danger?

"Better frightened than lied to."

"Do you really think hurting her is better than protecting her?"

"She's tougher than you think," and this time, Jacob's voice came out as an almost-growl. "And she's been through worse." He flashed a quick image of them kissing and meshed it with one of Bella barely holding yourself herself together… a memory that must have come from sometime that year. Jacob showed another of Bella rolling a motorcycle towards him, empty eyes shining with the urge to die. _Not to mention her oh-so-wonderful boyfriend is now a cheater. That's gotta be hard._ And a shameless display of the passion Jacob had felt yesterday and his proof of the same feeling from Edward.

Mind thoroughly assaulted, Edward flinched, and he couldn't clear his expression completely clear of the pain. Surprised that he actually found something that could sway the vampire, Jacob smiled slightly.

"That's funny." _So what part are you afraid of? My forwardness, my fur or my gender?_ He asked with a sneer.

Edward winced again, shocked that the helplessness was being turned on him. _Good question. Where is the forwardness coming from, anyway? Why is he suddenly so… in control?_ He reached forward with his mind and probed into the wolf's, and suddenly found himself slipping beneath the layer of bravado into incomprehensive fear. Jacob was on a ride that terrified him, but he was determined to play it cool and scream like he was having fun anyway.

"What are you doing to him?" Bella demanded, and Edward pulled his mind away from Jacob's, taking in the tiniest flicker in his companion's expression.

Well if he could play it cool, so could Edward. "It's nothing, Bella. Jacob just has a good memory, that's all."

 _And an excellent imagination!_ Jacob chirped cheerfully, and suddenly flashed a much more graphic image in his mind of where things apparently could have gone.

Edward flinched again, stunned that the first thing he felt was a far cry from horror. Suddenly, he wanted -- needed -- to get away. Now.

"Stop it! Whatever you're doing." a sharp voice beside him protested.

Bella protecting him? It would have been laughable if he hadn't needed it in that moment.

"Sure, if you want," Jacob shrugged and the grin hadn't entirely faded yet. "It's his own fault if he doesn't like the things I remember, though."

Yes, getting away now was a good priority… And Edward suddenly found an escape. "The principal's on his way to discourage loitering on school property," Edward murmured, tightening his grip around Bella "Let's get to English, Bella, so you're not involved.

"Overprotective, isn't he?" Jacob asked, and laughter rang in his tone. "A little trouble makes life fun. Let me guess, you're not allowed to have fun, are you?"

"Shut up, Jake," she looked angry at his actions towards Edward. She must have guessed, sort of, what they were then.

Jacob laughed clearly this time. "That sounds like a 'no'. Hey, if you ever feel like having a life again, you could come see me. I've still got your motorcycle in my garage."

_What?_

"You were supposed to sell that," Bella replied sternly, "You promised Charlie you would." The irony of that thought amused Edward until he realized how many times disobeying Charlie had nearly gotten her killed. Perhaps he should talk to her at some point about that…

"Yeah, right," Jacob thought, oozing I-am-teenage-boy-therefore-indestructible vibes. "Like I would do that. It belongs to you, not me. Anyway, I'll hold on to it until you want it back."

Except that Bella _wouldn't_ be coming back. Edward's arms tightened possessively around the girl. Jacob noted the sudden gesture and he turned a slightly challenging gaze towards Edward.

_You think she's only in your palm? Just watch this… she eats out of mine just as well._

"Jake…" Bella began, but Jacob leaned towards her and she trailed off.

"I think I might have been wrong before, you know, about not being able to be friends. Maybe we could manage it, on my side of the line. Come see me."

He probably wanted to speak to her without Edward that close, and hell-- Bella might have wanted it too, but he wasn't letting go.

"I, er, don't know about that, Jake." And clearly Bella was aware of that fact as well.

"I miss you every day, Bella. It's not the same without you," Jacob replied, and Edward grudgingly noticed the undertones of truth in his words.

"I know and I'm sorry, Jake, I just…"

"I know. Doesn't matter, right? I guess I'll survive or something. Who needs friends?" _Isn't he laying it on a little thick?_

"Okay, get to class. Move along, Mr. Crowley." The principle suddenly said behind them, and the crowd started to disperse. Well… at least some of them.

"Get to school, Jake," Bella whispered and Edward pulled away and went back to simply holding her hand.

"I mean it," the school official growled, "Detention for anyone who's still standing here when I turn around again," and the last of the crowd disappeared.

"Ah, Mr. Cullen. Do we have a problem here?" _I'll not have fighting on my campus, no sir. Especially not from my star students._

Edward shook his head. "Not at all, Mr. Greene. We were just on our way to class."

"Excellent. I don't seem to recognize your friend," he turned to Jacob, "Are you a new student here?" _I doubt it… Looks like a young man from the reservation._

"Nope," Jacob answered smartly, half-smirking. Edward's and the principal's thoughts lined up exactly: _insolent, disrespectful…_

"Then I suggest you remove yourself from school property at once, young man, before I call the police." _Don't think I won't._

"Yes, sir," the werewolf snapped a sarcastic salute and climbed back on to the bike and shot a final glance towards the vampire. Edward kept his expression as neutral as possible, and Jacob shrugged uncaringly. He kick-started it and, with a deafening roar, the bike tore out of the parking lot and around the corner.

And then he was gone, leaving Mr. Greene -- and Edward -- to fume.

"Mr. Cullen, I expect you to ask your friend to refrain from trespassing again," Mr. Greene warned.

Edward grimaced slightly. "He's no friend of mine, Mr. Greene, but I'll pass along the warning."

 _What a nice boy. We need more of them in this school… And I would hate for that older man to start messing things up for him._ "I see. If you're worried about any trouble, I'd be happy to-"

Edward quickly cut him off. "There's nothing to worry about, Mr. Greene. There won't be any trouble."

The principal nodded. "I hope you're right. Well, then. On to class. You, too, Miss Swan."

With that dismissal, Edward tightened his hold on Bella's hand and started dragging her off to English. She still looked a little dizzy. "Do you feel well enough to go to class?" he whispered.

"Yes," Bella replied softly, and he took her word for it.

As soon as they were settled in their seats, Bella scrawled out a note and slid it over to him.

_What happened? Tell me everything. And screw the protecting me crap, please._

Edward smiled slightly and began to write out a reply. If there was one thing he'd learned in a hundred years of lying was that it was all about the detail work. If your story was in-depth enough, it wouldn't be questioned.

 _Alice saw that Victoria was coming back. I took you out of town merely as a precaution-there was never a chance that she would have gotten anywhere close to you. Emmett and Jasper very nearly had her, but Victoria seems to have some instinct for evasion. She escaped right down the Quileute boundary line as if she were reading it from a map. It didn't help that Alice's abilities were nullified by the Quileutes' involvement. To be fair, the Quileutes might have had her, too, if we hadn't gotten in the way. The big gray one thought Emmett was over the line, and he got defensive. Of course Rosalie reacted to that, and everyone left the chase to protect their companions. Carlisle and Jasper got things calmed down before it got out of hand. But by then, Victoria had slipped away. That's everything._ It was perfect. It included nearly a dozen characters and enough conflicting viewpoints that he doubt Bella would, even if she woke up from his pheromone haze, ever question them about it. And it was plausible -- and it put blame on that insufferable Paul. Edward slid the paper over to Bella.

Bella frowned at it for a few moments, and then erased it all and wrote something else.

 _What about Charlie? She could have been after him_.

The vampire stifled a snort. Did she have no sense of self-preservation? Apparently not. He shook his head, but she frowned at him again and continued writing.

_You can't know that she wasn't thinking that, because you weren't here. Florida was a bad idea._

_I wasn't about to send you off alone_ , Edward replied, after taking the paper from her, _With your luck, not even the black box would survive._ Not to mention the fact that if she died in a plane crash while Edward wasn't there, he would never forgive himself.

They continued to pass notes back and forth to each other until Mr. Berry, the English teacher, came down on them and Edward took the notes away.

The rest of the day went without incident, as did the next week, though Bella seemed to be going systematically through the Cullen family and asking them why they didn't see the danger in Victoria. Luckily, Edward had gotten to them first and told them about the wolves smelling her around and seeing her briefly, so it wasn't a nasty surprise to them. Of course, no one was worried, and neither was he. They were safe.

The end of the week worried him a little, though. It was time for another hunting trip with his brothers -- they were going up to North Carolina this time to deal with a small mountain lion problem the state was having, and Edward had decided to tag along -- and they would be gone all weekend. He knew the girls would protect Bella, but she didn't seem convinced, so he worried slightly.

"It's okay. I've got an eye on her constantly, and on Victoria. If Bella decides to do something stupid, or if Victoria gets close, I'll know and I'll call you right away," Alice assured him with a bubbly levity he wasn't sure really fit the situation.

But the rest of the Cullens agreed with her, and so Edward went. And they were right. She was safe, and Edward was calm.

Calm, that is, until Alice called and told him that Bella's future had vanished behind a wall of black, as dark as Sam Uley's fur.

x X x

Jacob's week had been pretty boring. The wolf pack, assuming that Edward had said something to twist the Bella-knife in deeper, had let him stay human the whole time and keep the angst to himself. However, rising against his emotional difficulties with Bella was this new Edward problem. Inexplicably, the werewolf in him was constantly drooling for another confrontation, like he _wanted_ to be hurt.

Like he had most of the week, Jacob was hanging out in his room in Billy's house when he heard the rumbling growl of an old engine outside. The poor thing was wheezing and spluttering, pushed beyond its age, and Jacob felt hope well up in him before he even realized what it meant. He could recognize that beaten engine anywhere. _Bella!_

In an instant, he was on his feet and darting to the door. He heard Billy's slightly exasperated laugh behind him but ignored it in favor of throwing open the front door. "Bella?" he called.

The brown-haired girl stepped from the truck and smiled when she caught sight of him. "Jacob?"

"Bella! I can't believe it!" Ignoring his lack of shoes, Jacob ran over to her and couldn't suppress a small jump for joy, but since she was jumping too, he figured it was okay to act like a high school girl.

"How did you get here?" _More importantly, how'd you convince your vampire friends to let you?_

"I snuck out!"

 _Ha, I figured._ "Awesome!"

"Hey, Bella!" Billy greeted from the doorway, and Bella turned to him, smiling.

"Hey, Bill-" but she broke off when Jacob picked her up and hugged her hard. This was great! And just like that, he forgot all about Edward. _This_ was who he loved. _This_ was the girl he couldn't wait to see every day. "Wow, it's good to see you here!" he grinned and quickly spun her around.

"Can't… breathe…" she choked out and Jacob guilty set her back down, but he was still laughing.

"Welcome back, Bella," and her happy smile was beatific. Yes, this was where she belonged. With him. With them.

"So how have you been?" he asked, as they began walking through the forest -- though she had to tell him to slow down several times -- and their conversation bubbled happily for nearly an hour. But by the time they reached the beach, Jacob was beginning to run out of happy topics, and he had a few serious questions.

"So," he began, lightly kicking a piece of driftwood and accidentally sending it a few dozen yards in his tension, "what's the story, anyway?" He cleared his throat. "I mean, since the last time we… well, before, you know…" He took a deep breath, trying to calm down the temper that seemed to rise at the thought of her easy acceptance of Edward back in her life.

"What I'm asking is… everything is just back to the way it was before _he_ left? You forgave him for all of that?" Maybe Jacob was just odd, but he thought utterly destroying a person mentally and emotionally was unforgivable.

Bella took a similar deep breath. "There was nothing to forgive."

Jacob looked down at her, shocked and incredulous. Even if she had forgiven him, she shouldn't act like there hadn't been a crime at all. "I wish Sam had taken a picture when he found you that night last September," he growled at last, "It would be exhibit A."

"Nobody's on trial."

 _Ha!_ "Maybe somebody should be."

Bella looked up at him, resolute determination in her eyes. "Not even you would blame him for leaving, if you knew the reason why."

Jacob scoffed, the incredulity turning into anger. "Okay," he challenged bitingly. "Amaze me."

Bella was silent a few moments before beginning. "Edward left me last fall because he didn't think I should be hanging out with vampires. He thought it would be healthier for me if he left."

Jacob was taken for a turn. _That_ was his excuse? Well clearly it hadn't bothered him through the year before. Something had probably happened… Something bad enough for Edward to convince his entire family to up and leave.

"He came back, though, didn't he?" Jacob muttered. "Too bad he can't stick to a decision." _He'll be the death of her. I just know it._

"If you remember, _I_ went and got _him_ ," Bella retorted acidly.

Jacob stared at her a moment. It was her decision, he knew, and he would never convince her away from it. It really scared him sometimes, though. Besides, if he pushed this, he wouldn't hear the rest of the tale.

"That's true. So I never did get the story. What happened?"

She hesitated, and Jacob was suddenly scornful. "Is it a secret? Are you not allowed to tell me?" _Why she bends so easily to his will is beyond me, the superior, arrogant…_

"No," she snapped, "It's just a really long story."

Jacob didn't say anything as he continued walking down the beach. Edward deserved to burn for what he did to her and he couldn't figure out why Bella wasn't the least bit put out by it. He was silent until he reached a large piece of driftwood -- their driftwood -- and sat down. It was sort of like a natural bench.

"I don't mind long stories," he muttered at last, "Is there any action?"

After a few moments of snark between them, Bella sat down and began her story. Apparently Alice had seen Bella throw herself off a cliff and had wondered if she died, so she came rushing back. Rosalie heard of the vision and promptly told Edward, who believed that Bella had died and -- without really checking -- decided he might as well kill himself just in case. Bella, hearing that Edward was going to kill himself, decided to fly to Italy to stop him. Once getting there, Edward saw Bella and realized she wasn't dead, but then they were picked up by some more serious vampires. The Volturi, Bella called them, and they were apparently in charge of all the world's vampires. Jacob briefly wondered if there was a way he could tell Sam all of this and have Sam gather up a few werewolf packs so they could all go to Italy and kill them all, but he didn't think the pack leader knew of any other wolf packs. Bella went on to explain that one of the members of the Volturi was an emotional kook and had decided that Bella's and Edward's love was so true that they must live, and then the pair had flown back to Forks.

"Now you know my whole story," she finished, and Jacob nodded. It was a fascinating story, however much he disliked the ending. "So it's your turn to talk. What happened while I was with my mom that week?"

Jacob was glad she asked. He had thought of a pretty good story to cover what had actually happened between him and the vampires. So he spun the whole tale for her, exactly how he had imagined it, and she responded just like he had expected her to -- a bit scolding, but believing it. They talked a while longer, and eventually lapsed into silence.

Jacob's eyes wandered away from Bella and to the water that stretched out, all the way to the horizon. If only he had gotten to Bella a moment sooner. She would have vanished behind that wall that Alice couldn't see past and the Cullens wouldn't have seen her jump from that cliff. Edward would have never come back.

Inexplicably, Jacob felt his chest slightly tighten at that. _But…why_?

"What are you thinking about?" Bella asked, after he'd been quiet for a long time.

He answered honestly. "I'm thinking about what you told me. About when the fortune-teller saw you cliff jumping and thought you'd committed suicide, and how it all got out of control… Do you realize that if you had just waited for me like you were supposed to, then the bl-" he broke off, remembering her ire, " _Alice_ wouldn't have been able to see you jump? Nothing would have changed. We'd probably be in my garage right now, like any other Saturday. There wouldn't be any vampires in Forks, and you and me…" he trailed off. She would be in love with him, he was sure, just like he was with her. They were perfect for each other. Young and happy and sometimes reckless, and they weren't afraid to show each other their bad sides. And they were both human.

Bella, however, didn't look as happy about that picture. "Edward would have come back anyway," she said quietly.

"Are you sure about that?" Jacob asked, seriously doubting it. The man hadn't ever so much as peaked in on her happiness since he had left. The wolves would have detected his scent if he had.

"Being apart…" she replied slowly, "It didn't work for either of us."

Jacob opened his mouth, angrily, and then closed it again. He could talk until he was blue in the face and Bella would never see beyond the rose-colored glasses that seemed glued to her face.

"Did you know Sam is mad at you?" he said at last. Perhaps she would take his leader's word better than his own.

"Me?" she looked startled. "Oh. I see. He thinks they would have stayed away if I wasn't here."

Jacob almost laughed. No, Sam didn't dislike her because of that. It was foolishness that angered him, not inevitability. "No, that's not it."

"What's his problem, then?"

Jacob took a deep breath and picked up a rock from beneath his feet. He studied it, used it as a distraction, so he didn't have to look at her while he spoke. Even in human form, he could feel his packmates' emotions from the last time they were connected, and he didn't want Bella to think _he_ was angry.

"When Sam saw… how you were in the beginning, when Billy told them how Charlie worried when you didn't get any better, and then when you started jumping off cliffs…" he looked up and met her gaze. "He thought you were the one person in the world with as much reason to hate the Cullens as he does. Sam feels sort of… betrayed that you would just let them back into your life like they never hurt you."

At once, though, he realized his mistake in looking at her. She had taken Sam's anger and assumed it was Jacob's. And he didn't want Bella to be angry, he wanted her to _think_ , which she never did when she was angry.

"You can tell Sam to go right to-"

"Look at that!" Jacob quickly interrupted her and pointed to the first distraction he saw. It was perfect to describe why he was worried about her. It was a northwest golden eagle. A beautiful creature, really, and Jacob watched them hunt often. The eagle swept down towards the water, barely skimming the surface, and then pulled up at the last moment, a silver fish writhing in its talons.

"You see it everywhere," Jacob murmured, "Nature taking its course -- hunter and prey, the endless cycle of life and death."

Bella looked at him, unimpressed.

"And yet," Jacob continued, "you don't see the fish trying to plant a kiss on the eagle. You never see _that_."

He forced a grin and saw Bella try to grin back. "Maybe the fish was trying. It's hard to tell what a fish is thinking. Eagles are good-looking birds, you know."

Jacob's gaze narrowed. "Is that what it comes down to? Good looks?" After all, whenever they were together, he could smell the reek of Edward's pheromones on her, charming her, _influencing_ her. It was disgusting.

"Don't be stupid, Jacob," Bella retorted.

"Is it the money, then?" he asked. He knew the Cullens were incredibly rich, and a middle-class girl just graduating would need the money for college…

Bella, however, was angered by his theory. "That's nice," she muttered, "I'm flattered that you think so much of me."

She turned her back and began walking away, but Jacob jumped up. He grabbed her by the hand and turned her to face him again. "I'm serious! I'm trying to understand here, and I'm coming up blank." What the hell did a corpse have that she couldn't find in another human being?

Bella turned, furious. "I love _him_. Not because he's beautiful or because he's _rich_! I'd much rather he weren't either one. It would even out the gap between us just a little bit -- because he'd still be the most loving and unselfish and brilliant and decent person I've ever met. Of course I love him. How hard is that to understand?" she spat.

Jacob glared down at her in frustration. She hadn't answered his question! What, for God's sake, did they even have in common? And how did she fail to miss that every last one of those qualities had been disproved multiple times? "It's impossible to understand," he replied, exasperated.

"Please enlighten me, then, Jacob," she growled, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "What _is_ a valid reason for someone to love someone else? Since apparently I'm doing it wrong."

 _Wow, where to begin…_ "I think the best place to start would be to look within your own species. That usually works."

"Well that just sucks!" she snapped back, "I guess I'm stuck with Mike Newton after all!"

Part of Jacob felt a bit bad for the Mike guy, whoever that was, since apparently she thought he was pretty scummy. But most of him felt the brutal slap of her judgment and disgust against him.

He flinched back, startled, and dropped her hand. He _wasn't_ an animal. He _wasn't_. That was the sort of trash he expected to hear from a vampire. He was there to protect her, to protect all of Forks, from the violent destruction vampires brought to every place they lived.

"I'm human," he muttered, crossing his arms and trying to stop the shaking that was starting to crawl over his skin.

"You're not as human as Mike," she persisted, and her jeering tone said she was well aware of what she was doing to him, "Do you still think that's the most important consideration?"

 _No I don't, but fuck you._ _You can have your leeches._ "It's not the same thing. I didn't choose this," Jacob insisted, but her cruel, sharp laugh silenced him.

"Do you think Edward did? He didn't know what was happening to him more than you did. He didn't exactly sign up for this."

Jacob felt his lip tremble slightly, the emotion rising up in him and making him shake even harder. Either Edward knew exactly what he was getting into and deserved what he got, or Carlisle was even more disgusting than your standard vampire. _She's right, though… I can be an animal sometimes… If I were really human, I wouldn't react this way_. He could already see his skin blur and he fought the wolf back again. Bella, so defensive was she of her vampires, couldn't see what she was doing to him.

"You know, Jacob, you're awfully self-righteous -- considering that you're a werewolf and all." She continued. A sharp pulse burst out over his whole body and he nearly shook apart, but he quickly wrapped his arms around himself and drew in a ragged breath. He glowered over his slightly-hunched shoulder at her. "It's not the same," he repeated.

"I don't see why not. You could be a _bit_ more understanding about the Cullens. You have no idea how truly good they are -- to the core, Jacob." _Oh, and they're so understanding of us? You just want everyone to be in love with your little pack of sparklers,_ Jacob nearly snarled, but bit his tongue again and tried to force his anger back down. Unfortunately, it just stuck as a lump in his throat.

"They shouldn't exist. Their existence goes against nature," he insisted. He knew he should have better explanations, better reasons, but he could barely think through his werewolf-induced fog. The wolf in him wanted to spring to life and _force_ reason into her, but he couldn't do that. He couldn't expose himself to the same heart-wrenching guilt Sam felt every time he looked at Emily. The man was nearly ruined by it and had attempted suicide more than once. He figured out exactly what he had to do -- throw himself in front of a train, actually -- and was planning to do so, when Emily had finally opened her heart to him and Sam was suddenly bound to this earth because it was her wish for him to be. She was a chain that held him, despite having to look at her scars and at Leah's pain every day. But if it weren't for that, Jacob didn't know how Sam would've survived. Or how he himself would survive if it happened to him.

Jacob suddenly realized Bella hadn't said anything in a while. "What?" he asked.

"Speaking of unnatural…" she began, and Jacob sighed. Didn't she realize it was only because of the vampires that werewolves existed? He didn't want this any more than Edward apparently had.

"Bella," he said slowly, reasonably, "What I am was born in me. It's a part of who I am, who my family is, who we all are as a tribe-it's the reason why we're still here. Besides that…" he trailed off, meeting Bella's silent gaze. "I _am_ still human."

 _Why can't she see that?_ He gently reached out and picked up her hand, satisfied when the wolf made no violent move against it, and pressed it to his chest. Warm, soft skin and a heart that was beating… He knew he was human.

"Normal humans can't throw motorcycles around the way you can," Bella pointed out, and Jacob gave her a small, slightly sad smile. "Normal humans run away from monsters, Bella. And I never claimed to be normal. Just human."

Bella started to smile again and pulled her hand away. "You look plenty human to me. At the moment," she said grudgingly.

 _At the moment_. Briefly, he remembered the stark terror in her expression when she had first laid eyes on his wolf form. He had been huge, bristling, and snarling at the vampire scent around them. He had been protecting her, though. He loved her. Why didn't she understand?

"I feel human," he whispered, and to his horror, he felt tears start to well up in his eyes. _God, what kind of a man am I?_

"Oh, Jake," his love -- no, the love of his life -- whispered back, and took his hand.

Apparently willing to spare time for the werewolf when it no longer had to defend Edward, Bella's compassion came back. "Are you okay, Jake? Charlie said you were having a hard time… Isn't it getting any better?"

The truth was, it wasn't. His hormone surges were more erratic than they had been when he hit puberty, and his temper was still wild and out of control. For the past month or so, he had had to run out of the classroom multiple times to avoid becoming a wolf in front of everyone. Because of that, the school seemed convinced he had some sort of horrible flu that had him throwing up all the time.

"'S not so bad," he muttered at last, but he kept his eyes downward. She sat back down on the driftwood and he had sat down on the wet stones at her feet. He didn't feel like sitting full-view in front of her anymore. The shaking hadn't stopped and he strongly suspected his eyes of still being wet.

She noticed the awkward silence and decided to quickly fill it with noise. "It's been so long since I was here. I've probably missed a ton of things. How are Sam and Emily? And Embry? Did Quil-?" she suddenly broke off.

Jacob gave a small sigh, but it wasn't an entirely sad one. "Ah, Quil…"

"I'm sorry," Bella said quietly.

Jacob snorted, but a slight smile played at his lips, remembering Quil's stunned but happy howl when he had first phased. He sounded like a man that had just hit the first dive of a rollercoaster. Terrified out of his mind, but happy somehow. "Don't say that to him," he warned, his good mood returning slightly. He would call Quil the light of his life if it didn't sound so gay.

"What do you mean?" Bella asked.

"Quil's not looking for pity. Just the opposite -- he's jazzed. Totally thrilled."

_Dude… Jacob? Guys? Wait-- this is why everyone's been acting all funny? Oh my God, I'm a freakin' WOLF! This is so cool! So… does this mean we're all friends again?_

_No, we're family now, Quil._ Sam had said.

Bella still looked puzzled. "Huh?"

_This is so freakin' AWESOME! I'm huge, man! Ha-HAH!_

And Paul. _Ugh, who invited the pipsqueak to the club?_

_So we're all giant wolves now? This rocks! Let's run somewhere! I bet I can hunt much better in this body! This… is… so…. AWESOME! Whoo!_

Jacob rolled his eyes at the memory. What a puppy. "Quil thinks it's the coolest thing that's ever happened to him," Jacob explained, "Part of it is finally knowing what's going on. And he's excited to have his friends back -- to be part of the 'in crowd'." Jacob snorted again. A total puppy. "Shouldn't be surprised, I guess. It's so _Quil._ "

"He _likes_ it?" his companion sounded incredulous at the thought.

"Honestly… most of them do," _It's not really that bad, after all._ "There are definitely good sides to this-the speed, the freedom, the strength… the sense of- of family…" That's what had gotten Jacob through his first phasing. Suddenly, he had a full house again. "Sam and I are the only ones who ever felt really bitter. And Sam got past that a long time ago," Jacob gave a short laugh. "So I'm the crybaby now."

"Why are you and Sam different?" Bella asked, sounding genuinely curious. "What happened to Sam anyway? What's his problem?"

_There she goes with that 'what's his problem' thing again. She must really not like him, for some reason. He's not that bad, though…_

"That's a long story," he replied.

"I told you a long story. Besides, I'm not in any hurry to get back."

That hardly surprised Jacob. "Will he be mad at you?"

"Yes," she admitted, "He really hates it when I do things he considers… risky."

 _So why did you go on a suicide binge when he left?_ Jacob wondered. He hadn't been stupid. He knew what she was doing, but at the time, he had been young and stupid, too. Even knowing that she only wanted to do something dangerous, Jacob had helped her do it. Billy had been furious when he found out why he was suddenly spending so much time with Bella. _She's not feeling well right now, Jacob! Of course she wants to do something dangerous!_ his father had nearly shouted at him. _Being reckless, trying to forget something or someone… That is the most deadly, idiotic reason to start riding! She could get killed! You'd better teach her proper bike safety, or I swear to God…_

Shaking the memory away, Jacob said, "Like hanging out with werewolves."

"Yeah."

Jacob shrugged. "So don't go back. I'll sleep on the couch." _Ha, wouldn't that really rile those leeches up._

"That's a great idea," she muttered sarcastically, "Because then he would come looking for me."

Jacob's smile was bitter. "Would he?"

"If he was afraid I was hurt or something -- probably."

"My idea's sounding better all the time," Jacob leaned back against the driftwood, still smiling slightly.

"Please, Jake. That really bugs me."

"What does?"

"That you two are so ready to kill each other!" she complained. "It makes me crazy. Why can't you both just be civilized?"

"Is he ready to kill me?" Jacob asked, a bit amused. It was a bleak situation, but he was determined to find humor where he could.

And suddenly she was shouting "Not like you seem to be! At least _he_ can be a grown-up about this. He knows that hurt you would hurt me -- and so he never would. You don't seem to care about that at all!"

Jacob blinked, startled, but instantly thought of Edward's _I would run, if I were you. I'm on the hunt and you're just a pathetic puppy._ "Yeah, right. I'm sure he's quite the pacifist," Jacob muttered. Bella snarled under her breath and yanked her hand away from his -- he had almost forgotten she was holding it -- and pulled her knees up, hugging them.

She glared out towards the water and Jacob sighed. No matter what she thought of him, he loved her, and he cared for her. He didn't like hurting her like that.

The werewolf slowly stood up and put his arms around her, but she shook it off. "Sorry," he murmured quietly, "I'll try to behave myself."

He only got icy silence in return.

Jacob sat down beside her on the rotting log and tried to think of something else to talk about.

"Do you still want to hear about Sam?" he asked.

There was an angry shrug.

"Like I said, it's a long story. And very… strange. There're so many strange things about this new life. I haven't had time to tell you the half of it. And this thing with Sam- well, I don't know if I'll ever be able to explain it right…" _Or even if I have the right to._

"I'm listening," she grumbled stiffly, and suddenly, Jacob knew it was okay. They could forgive each other, they really could.

Jacob began to tell her the story, exactly how he had remembered it from Sam's mind-when he had first phased. They had shared minds and Sam was having a small flashback to how his phasing had ruined his life, and Jacob had wondered about the story. Sam tried to pull away, but it's hard to stifle your thoughts without thinking about what your stifling. When he got to the middle of the story, though, Bella interrupted, and Jacob should have known she would.

"The Cullens had no idea," she whispered defensively. "They didn't think that werewolves still existed here. They didn't know that coming here would change you."

Jacob barely stifled a snort. "It doesn't change the fact that it did."

"Remind me not to get on your bad side."

 _Ha!_ She's _preaching to me._ "You think I should be as forgiving as you are? We can't all be saints and martyrs," Jacob replied derisively.

"Grow up, Jacob," she growled.

Jacob smiled a bit. "I wish I could."

"What?"

Bella turned to him, looking shocked and incredulous. "You… can't… grow up? You're what? Not… _aging_? Is that a joke?"

Unaware of Bella's growing rage, Jacob leaned his chin on one hand and answered. "Nope."

She suddenly sprang up, spitting fury and clenching her fists. She looked like she wanted to strangle him. _Holy shit!_ Jacob leaned back.

"Bella? What did I say?" He asked, eyes widening.

"You. Are. Not. Aging?" she growled through her teeth. Jacob, starting to worry, tugged on her arm. "None of us are. What's wrong with you?" This was an incredibly odd reaction. Was she mad that he was immortal? He was really only sort of immortal. He was going to start aging as soon as he could, but he was rather helpless at the moment…

"Am I the only one who has to get _old?_ I get older every stinking day!" Her voice rose to a fevered pitch and Jacob suddenly remembered his dad's stories of Rachel's and Rebecca's old teenage girl tantrums. Now he felt a bit afraid.

" _Dammit!_ What kind of world is this?" she wailed, "Where's the justice?"

"Take it easy, Bella…"

"Shut up, Jacob. Just shut up! This is _so_ unfair!" Bella was practically howling, and she stomped angrily.

"…Did you just seriously stamp your foot?" Amusement was warring with fear now. "I thought girls only did that on TV."

She snarled wordlessly.

"It's not as bad as you seem to think it is," Jacob attempted to reason with the wild creature. "Sit down and I'll explain."

"I'll stand," she replied curtly.

Jacob rolled his eyes, hoping the tantrum was over. "Okay. Whatever you want. But listen, I _will_ get older… someday."

"Explain."

 _Yes, ma'am… Jeez._ "When we get enough control to quit… When we stop phasing for a solid length of time, we age again. It's not easy," Jacob admitted, shaking his head slightly. "It's gonna take a really long time to learn that kind of restraint, I think. Even Sam's not there yet. 'Course it doesn't help that there's a huge coven of vampires right down the road. We can't even think about quitting when the tribe needs protectors. But you shouldn't get all bent out of shape about it, anyway, because I'm already older than you, physically at least." _Is she angry that she's getting older than me? Why would she want us the same age that badly?_

"What are you talking about?" Bella demanded.

"Look at me, Bells. Do I look sixteen?"

She looked him up and down, clearly putting on the most unimpressed look she could manage. "Not exactly, I guess."

"Not at all," Jacob shot back, a bit exasperated. "Because we reach full growth inside of a few months when the werewolf gene gets triggered. It's one hell of a growth spurt. Physically… I'm probably twenty-five or something." he quirked a lip at her. "So there's no need for you to freak out about being too old for me for at least another seven years."

She shook her head, but looked calmer.

Feeling safer, Jacob asked, "So did you want to hear about Sam, or did you want to scream at me some more for things that are out of my control?"

Bella breathed a slow in-out. "Sorry. Age is a touchy subject for me. That hit a nerve."

Jacob's expression hardened. He wanted to know why, but he wasn't sure how to ask. And he already sort of guessed the answer…

"So once Sam understood what was going on, once he had Billy and Harry and Mr. Ateara, you said it wasn't so hard anymore. And, like you also said, there are the cool parts…" she paused. "Why does Sam hate them so much? Why does he wish I would hate them?"

Jacob sighed. "This is the really weird part."

"I'm a pro at weird."

He took another deep breath -- seemingly the thousandth he'd taken since Bella had arrived -- and continued with the story. He told her about imprinting the best he could, but he had no idea what it really felt like, so that was difficult. Eventually Bella went with it and he went on. He explained how Sam had utterly broken Leah's heart, and he told her about when Sam had attacked Emily. He carefully glossed over how Emily and Sam had gotten together -- he wasn't sure how he would explain Sam's suicide attempts and how Emily had finally taken pity on him and accepted him; it sounded disgusting even with the full explanation -- and finished it with, "Leah got the worst end of the stick. She puts on a brave face… She's going to be a bridesmaid." Sam had been horrified when he found out, but Leah put her foot down and Emily was happy, so he eventually let it be.

Bella was silent for a long moment, and Jacob waited. "Did it happen to you?" she finally asked, "This love-at-first-sight thing?"

Jacob didn't smile. "No. Sam and Jared are the only ones." And Jacob never expected it to happen to him. Didn't want it to happen to him. _You lose all control, all reasonability. Suddenly, the only thing that matters to your is your imprint's happiness and health._ Jared had explained, when he had confessed to Jacob how much his imprinting experience had startled him. _You are nothing until you've satisfied them to the best of your abilities, and only then… only then are you allowed to be happy. It's crazy, Jacob, and if I didn't love Kim with everything I have, it would terrify me._

"How did that work out for Jared?" Bella asked, breaking the silence.

"No drama there. It was just a girl he'd sat next to in school every day for a year and never looked at twice. And then, after he changed, he saw her again and never looked away." Jared's memory rose in the back of Jacob's mind.

" _Hey, er… uh… What's your name?"_

" _Mmm? Oh- Jared! It's Kim. Um, hi."_

" _Hello… Kim."_

" _So, erm… why are you talking to me all of a sudden?"_

" _I… don't… know…"_ _Feeling heat rush to his face, he looked away._

_A high-pitched giggle made him turn and look at her again, "Alright, then. Well, it's nice that you finally are. How's your day been so far?"_

" _It- fine. It's been fine. Er… have you seen that new action movie, yet?"_

"Kim was thrilled," Jacob continued, half-grinning, "She'd had a huge crush on him. She'd had his last name tacked on to the end of hers all over in her diary," he laughed at that. Jared had been embarrassed out of his mind when the pack found out and all the boys jeered, but he had also been happy. Like she had accepted his proposal or something.

Bella frowned, though. "Did Jared tell you that? He shouldn't have."

Jacob stopped laughing and cleared his throat. Clearly there was a gender difference in the situation. "I guess I shouldn't laugh. It was funny, though."

"Some soulmate." _And there she goes, scoffing at imprinting again. If only she really see inside their minds, see what it's like._

"Jared didn't tell us anything on purpose. I already told you this part, remember?"

"Oh yeah. You can hear each other's thoughts, but only when you're wolves, right?"

Jacob glared at her, defensive on behalf of his pack. "Right. Just like your bloodsucker." he glowered.

"Edward," she corrected, a bit smarmily.

"Sure, sure. That's how come I know so much about how Sam felt," he admitted, "It's not like he would have told us all that if he'd had a chance. Actually, that's something we all hate." Jacob was suddenly feeling a bit bitter.

_So how did it go with Bella yesterday? Finally get to carry out last night's fantasy?_

_Shut up, Jared._

_I have to admit, that was a pretty creative use of a motorcycle…_

_Shut up, Embry!_

_Hey guys, what do you call a girl who-_

_SHUT UP, PAUL!_

"It's awful. No privacy, no secrets. Everything you're ashamed of, laid out for everyone see," Jacob shuddered slightly. He could laugh at a few awkward memories now, but a few things… he just didn't want to share. Which was why, unbeknownst to Bella, he hadn't phased for over a week.

"It sounds horrible," Bella whispered, but Jacob shrugged it off. "It _is_ sometimes helpful when we need to coordinate. Once in a blue moon, when some bloodsucker crosses into our territory. Laurent was fun-" In fact, he and Paul had gotten in a bit of a tussle over their favorite pieces… "And if the Cullens hadn't gotten in our way last Saturday… ugh. We could have had her!" He clenched his fists. Embry and Quil had been out on a romp when they smelled the red-haired vampire and had seen her just a second later. The rest of the pack had been on the move before they could even vocalize but… well, there was nothing for it.

Luckily for him and Edward, the story lined up almost perfectly with the one they had told Bella. Which reminded Jacob…

"But isn't it like that for you all the time? Having _him_ in your head?"

Bella shook her head. "Oh, no. Edward's never in my head. He only wishes."

_Huh?_

"He can't hear me," Bella explained, "I'm the only one like that, for him. We don't know _why_ he can't."

 _Lucky…_ "Weird," was all Jacob said out loud.

"Yeah," she slumped a bit, "It probably means there's something wrong with my brain."

"I already knew there was something wrong with your brain," Jacob shot back, but he was smiling.

"Thanks," she muttered flatly.

The silence drug on and Jacob shifted over on the log until he was leaning against Bella. Her skin was slightly cooler than his, but she still felt warm. Alive. Not like Edward at all.

As they sat there, he saw her move her arm and stare at the bite scar there. Jacob's inner wolf shuddered, but he didn't look away. "What are you thinking about?" he murmured.

"The sun," she replied simply.

He looked up at the object in question. "Mmm. It's nice."

"What are you thinking about?"

Jacob grinned. "I was remembering that moronic movie you took me to…"

_What a marshmallow. You should hold out for someone with a stronger stomach. Someone who laughs at the gore that makes weaker men vomit._

Suddenly, Jacob remembered who the boy she mentioned earlier was. "And Mike Newton puking all over everything."

Bella laughed along with him, and Jacob brightened. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew they were a long shot… and with Edward around, a really long shot… but he couldn't help but hope. They meshed almost beautifully -- the only bumps occurring when the vampire got involved or when their stubborn tempers clashed.

"I miss that," Jacob said. "The way it used to be so easy… uncomplicated. I'm glad I've got a good memory.

Bella suddenly stiffened and, since he was leaning against her, he felt it. "What is it?"

"About that good memory of yours…" she pulled away and looked him in the face. "Do you mind telling me what you were doing Monday morning? You were thinking something that bothered Edward."

Jacob grinned at the memory, then outright laughed. The wolf pack shared dreams almost every time they dreamed at all, and so everyone's crazy sex dreams were always passed around to everyone else. Eventually, Jacob had gotten comfortable enough in his sexuality that the things he showed Edward didn't bother him anymore. Besides, Leah had already dreamed a remarkably similar scenario and the pack had to thrash out that whole bit of awkwardness. Even worse, Jacob had dreamed so much about Sam and Emily from Sam and Sam and Leah from Leah that he somehow put all three of them together in a dream in such a way that had every wolf kicking dirt at him for a week.

Not that he could exactly share that with Bella. Instead, he told her about the beginning.

"I was just thinking about you. Didn't like it that much, did he?"

" _Me_? What about me?"

Jacob laughed again, but the bitterness was starting to creep in. "I was remembering the way you looked that night Sam found you -- I've seen it in his head, and it's like I was there; that memory has always haunted Sam, you know. And then I remembered how you looked the first time you came to my place. I bet you don't even realize what a mess you were then, Bella," Jacob's laughter completely disappeared and was replied by an angry protectiveness. "It was weeks before you started to look human again. And I remembered how you always used to have your arms wrapped around yourself, trying to hold yourself together…" he shook the images from his mind. "It's hard for me to remember how sad you were, and it wasn't _my_ fault. So I figured it would be harder for him. And I thought he ought to get at what he'd done."

Bella smacked him and then twitched like she's hurt her hand instead. Jacob snickered, and Bella narrowed her eyes at him. "Jacob Black, don't you ever do that again! Promise me you won't."

"No way. I haven't had that much fun in months." _The mighty unshakable was finally shaken._

"So help me, Jake-"

Jacob shook his head in exasperation. "Oh, get a grip, Bella. When am I ever going to see him again? Don't worry about it."

Bella got to her feet and started to walk away, but Jacob grabbed her hand to stop her.

"I'm leaving, Jacob."

"No, don't go yet," Jacob tightened his grip, "I'm sorry. And… okay, I won't do it again," _I'll do something much worse._ "Promise."

Bella sighed. "Thanks, Jake."

Jacob stood up as well. "Come on, we'll go back to my house."

She shook her head. "Actually, I think I really do need to go. Angela Weber is expecting me, and I know Alice is worried. I don't want to upset her too much."

"But you just got here!"

"It feels that way," Bella agreed, and glanced up a the sky.

Jacob sagged. "I don't know when I'll see you again." _It could be never, if that bloodsucker gets his way._

"I'll come back the next time he's away," Bella promised.

" _Away?_ " Jacob had heard about their 'hunting trip' and rolled his eyes. "That's a nice way to describe what he's doing. Disgusting parasites."

"If you can't be nice, I won't come back at all!" she growled and tried to yank her hand away.

Jacob knew she wasn't all that angry, though, and hung on. "Aw, don't be mad. Knee-jerk reaction."

Bella sighed. "If I'm going to try to come back again, you're going to have to get something straight, okay?"

He waited silently.

"See, I don't care who's a vampire and who's a werewolf. That's irrelevant," she explained firmly, "You are Jacob, and he is Edward, and I am Bella. And nothing else matters."

 _What am I supposed to do? Plug my nose and close my eyes whenever he's around?_ "But I _am_ a werewolf. And he _is_ a vampire."

"And I'm a Virgo!" she shouted.

Jacob raised a brow. "If you can really see it that way…"

"I can. I do."

He shrugged, trying. "Okay. Just Bella and Jacob. None of those freaky Virgos here," he joked and shared a smile with her.

"I've really missed you, Jake," she admitted quietly, and the grip they were sharing became mutual, instead of Jacob simply hanging on to her.

"Me, too," he admitted back. "More than you know. Will you come back soon?"

"As soon as I can," she agreed.

Then she really had to go, and Jacob rode in her truck to the border. He was hanging on as long as he could and he didn't really mind walking back all that much. When they reached the borderline, Jacob gave her shoulders one final squeeze and climbed out, and Bella drove away -- the poor truck's engine still choking from its effort earlier that day. _I really should fix it sometime…_

Suddenly, an overly-sweet scent assaulted his nostrils and Jacob backed up a step. He thought Bella had come alone, but no…

A shiny, silver Volvo pulled out from the shade of a nearby clump of trees and Jacob could make out Edward Cullen's infuriated expression from where he stood.

Jacob expected such a look, but he didn't expect Edward to stop the car and storm out of it, denting the corner of the door despite all of his projected control. The reek was even stronger without a shell of metal around him, but Jacob held his ground. All the calm from moments earlier was gone and the hairs on the back of his neck bristled. _What are you gonna do about it, bloodsucker?_

 _A whole hell of a lot_ , Edward's expression replied.

As quickly as Bella had wiped Edward from his mind, Edward had wiped Bella from it and now all he wanted was a little unbridled violence.

And based on how the leech's fingers were curled into fists, he was going to get it.

_"It started out with a kiss, how did it end up like this?_   
_It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss…_   
_Now they're going to bed, and my stomach is sick_   
_And it's all in my head_   
_But she's touching his chest now, he takes off her dress now,_   
_Let me go…"_

_~"Mr. Brightside" by the Killers_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this chapter is sort of a long filler… I had to establish the nature of both boys' relationships with Bella before we could continue. They have to both still love her, and have issues, for this to be the perfect mix of maximum angst and plausibility. And *looks up word count* Holy crap, this damn chapter's long…
> 
> I hope I didn't mess up Charlie's thoughts too badly. He was supposed to have "simple thoughts" according to Edward, so… er… I tried. Sorry if I made him sound a little stupid… On the good side, I think the "I am human" scene on the beach turned out pretty good. Reading it, at the time, I was pretty upset with Bella for acting like that. I mean, she has her cruel streaks with the werewolf, but that was even worse than usual.
> 
> And I don't know if you guys noticed this or not, but Edward's and Jacob's stories were almost completely different. The only similarities were that the vampires and werewolves were both there and they were chasing Victoria, and that Paul and Emmett fought… It seemed a little flaky to me, so I decided to just make it an outright lie. Again, it's all about interpretation…
> 
> Anyway, hope you all enjoyed it, and once again: reviewers and lurkers are both welcome and appreciated!


	3. Bruises and Bitemarks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Original author's notes kept for posterity._
> 
> Hey, thanks for all the nice reviews, guys! And don't worry, Sarah, there will be a little… Bella-negativity here and there. I'm going to be bashing Edward's and Bella's relationship together more than them individually, though. And it should feel exactly like reading Eclipse. When I read the novel over again, I realized there was something going on in the background between Jacob and Edward that was causing their massive moodswings and general twitchiness around each other, so… I figured I'd make it a relationship. You'll see a lot of Eclipse scenes in here. This is, essentially, Eclipse-just different viewpoints this time. There's enough plotholes that I never had to break canon even once.
> 
> Anyway, as per requested, hope you guys find this sexy and angsty enough!

The door slammed hard enough to rock the whole car but Edward didn't spare it a backwards glance. The only thing that mattered was beating some sense into that obnoxious animal-the one who couldn't seem to stop alternating between pawing at _his_ property and trying to wind Edward up. And though he hated to admit it, Jacob had already succeeded.

Edward knew he hardly looked flawless now, with his long-sleeved shirt untucked and denim jacket falling off one shoulder in his haste. He hadn't even bothered brushing his hair-but quite frankly, he didn't give a damn. He had no one to impress there.

Jacob, who was striding forward even faster than Edward was, wasn't much cleaner. He still wore a too-tight t-shirt and another pair of torn and dirt-smeared jeans. This wasn't the sort of civilized, too-cool-for-you confrontations they had had before… this was just two messy high school boys with a penchant for blood and violence.

"I'm only giving you one warning, mongrel: stay the hell away from Bella," Edward snarled loudly, sneering against the reek of wet dog.

"Sure, sure. 'Cause I'm really into bending to your every wish, leech," Jacob replied, smirking insolently with his hands in his pockets.

Edward moved forward so fast Jacob had no time to react and he suddenly had the man by the collar, tightening the hem around his neck. "You are an influence of the very worst kind and your sheer existence puts her in danger. Stay away, or I swear-"

He broke off when Jacob pulled both hands from his pockets and shoved Edward backwards, sending him staggering and spitting fury. " _I'm_ a bad influence? You're the one who wants to kill her every time you look at her. You're the one who gets a kick out of sucking-"

 _Oh, don't even start!_ The vampire thought furiously. Edward swung and missed, but only by a breath, and his next punch had Jacob flinching to the side, clutching his abdomen. " _You're the worst monster between the two of us!_ " Edward hissed.

Jacob straightened and grabbed Edward by both collars of his jacket, ignoring the purple bruise blooming over his stomach. "I have just as much claim as you do, bloodsucker, and she can go to whoever she wants," he snarled, shaking.

Edward tried to wrench himself away but only succeeded in tearing the back of the jacket nearly in half. "Not when it involves a disgusting creature like _you_! Where do you get off with all those revolting fantasies, anyway?" He continued, morbid curiosity beginning to leak through the cracks in his anger. It was something that had bothered him since he'd first seen them. Whatever Jacob's other evils were, Edward had never guessed he was… like that. Just thinking about it made his whole body feel too hot and tight, like he was going to be sick but couldn't. At least, that's how he interpreted it.

Jacob's laughter was sharp and ringing. "I could ask you the same question! Been bothering you for a while, have they?" _Want some more to pass the time?_

Edward lunged forward to punch him again, but Jacob grabbed his wrist and twisted it to a halt. "You're reacting just a little too strongly," Jacob leered, leaning into Edward's personal space, "Over-compensating, even."

" _You_ were the one who liked it!" Edward replied, enraged and refusing to back down.

"Ha! Like you didn't kiss me back!" Jacob jeered, catching Edward's other wrist and walking forward, forcing the vampire to walk backwards to keep from falling. "Like you're really as squeaky clean as you'd like the whole world to believe."

"Cleaner than you!" Edward snapped back, "Where I come from, your filth is on par with murder!" he spat, trying to pull himself from the werewolf's grip. Quite frankly, the fantasies whirling through the other man's mind were terrifying and there wasn't enough space between their bodies for Edward to feel comfortable.

"Oh yeah?" Jacob shot back just as Edward's shoulders and back hit the car, and his aggressor pushed his wrists against the car door, pinning them -- and him -- there. "Well your filth _is_ murder." _I'm trying to make a point, here, Cullen._

 _Jesus, what's gotten into me?_ A small voice from Jacob's mind asked, but the raging storm quickly drowned it out and Edward knew he would have to fight the wolf off if he wanted out. _Which I very much do_ , he mentally insisted.

"What point are you trying to make?" Edward demanded.

"Y'know," Jacob's half-grin was dark, as were his eyes, "I'm not really sure."

"You're insane," Edward whispered, and it wasn't far from the truth. There wasn't a lot of thought going on, just chemical surges in Jacob's mind. Like he wanted to phase but was taking that wild lack of control and was re-directing it somewhere else. A very dangerous 'somewhere else'. Jacob grinned mockingly and Edward's eyes narrowed.

"I thought you _loved_ Bella," Edward taunted back, grasping at straws and trying to haul his confidence back to the surface, "And she's female, in case you hadn't noticed. Besides…" he paused, unsure of how to word it, exactly, "Two men can't really… I mean… There's no pleasure to be had there, I'm sure."

 _Oh, really?_ A dark chuckle. "This isn't about Bella, leech. This is about finding the one thing that actually rattles you. The one time your mask cracks and all your little imperfections scatter across the ground-and let me tell you, it's rather fascinating to watch."

"Get. Off. Me," Edward growled, "You disgusting, repulsive, little…"

Jacob leaned forward and Edward trailed off, pressing himself back against the side of the vehicle. "Disgusting, repulsive little what?" the werewolf asked, lips just a breath away from Edward's, who shuddered violently. Once again, a multitude of emotions was rising up just beneath his skin, pushing him in a hundred different directions. Was this what Jacob had felt like when Edward had him pinned?

He didn't reply but, finally gathering the strength, he tried to bodily throw Jacob off of him. The wolf released his wrists and the vampire twisted away from him, sliding between him and the car, but Jacob grabbed a fistful of his jacket before he completely got away and -- with a loud shredding sound -- the jacket fell away from his body. Edward yanked away again and knocked Jacob backwards, making him fall and, by sheer luck, hit his funny bone on the metal frame of the car.

"Ow!" he snarled, grabbing his elbow and squinting at Edward, who took a moment to smirk victoriously before glaring at him with dead seriousness. "I didn't come to play word games with you, mutt. I came to tell you to stay the hell away from Bella. She won't ever come to you again, and I don't want you trying to get to her. Find some other girl-" he sneered, "-or boy, on your reservation and stay out of our lives."

Jacob's expression hardened and he lowered his arms. "No." _You can't stop me. You can't control me. You may think I'm a dog but I'll be damned if you ever figure out how to leash me like you've done to her._

"Fine," Edward hissed, "I look forward to your funeral, then."

He got a fake smile in return. "And I, you," Jacob replied with mock graciousness.

Edward gave him a hard look, but stiffly ignored his presence as he walked back around the wolf and opened his dented car door again. He had already wasted more time than he wanted to- he needed to catch Bella before she had a chance to regroup and sharpen up. A rattled and willing Bella was what he needed to make his point: stay away from werewolves.

"Oh, and _Edward_ ," Jacob added just before Edward reached the driver's seat, and the odd tone in the man's voice put the vampire on edge. He turned around and leaned against the inside of the car door, looking supremely disinterested.

That is, until he realized that Jacob was less than a hand's length away. "You were wondering what's so great about two guys?" the wolf was almost purring, "It's this:"

He reached down and grabbed the front of Edward's jeans, making him jerk in shock, and his eyes widened in horrified fascination as a burst of heat radiated through his body from the extreme warmth of Jacob's hand. Edward's brain suddenly felt disconnected from his body. The taunting purr continued, "We have the same equipment, and we know how to use it."

He punctuated it with a smooth stroke and Edward, snapped out of his trance by the provocative motion, kicked the other man away and threw himself into the car, barely missing Jacob's hand as he slammed the door shut. Two sharp twists of the key and the Volvo roared to life, drowning out Jacob's laughter. _What is this?! I've never… not since… not for nearly a hundred… can't believe…_ Edward's mind was tripping over itself in its haste for an answer, and he couldn't even find satisfaction in the fact that now Jacob's mind was catching up to the rest of his body.

 _Haha, that was great! Hehehe…_ A poignant pause, like the stillness before a storm, then:

_Wait. Wha… WHA?! Oh, God, what did I…? Did I just…? Oh, God…_

And then he disappeared out of range as Edward floored the pedal and sent up a cloud of exhaust and a cacophony of squeals before tearing down the road, away from the borderline and away from the wolf that was staring straight-ahead with wide eyes.

Edward's whole body was on fire as he raced to catch up with Bella. How long had that been? Ten minutes? _Felt like an hour_. His fingers tightened spasmodically around the wheel and suddenly he was highly aware of the vibrations the car made as it drove. Some inner pressure was settling in his stomach, like he needed to… needed to _do_ something. Anything. It was too much, all too much, and Edward felt ready to burst out of his skin to escape the slow burning.

He was so wrapped up in storm whirling in his mind that he almost drove head-on into the back of the rusted, worn truck in front of him. He slammed on the brakes, dragging his own car back down to the speed limit, and trailed close behind the truck. He would recognize that brown hair and light, flowery scent anywhere. _Bella_.

 _Oh, God… does that count as cheating, too? It was unwilling—that has to count for something_.

But the feelings in his body were blurring the line of consent and Edward couldn't think straight. He knew he had to talk to Bella; there was a reason he had ditched his hunting trip. In this condition, though, he wouldn't be able to explain himself properly…

He wanted to turn back around, confront the werewolf, do _something_. He didn't know what. Not quite violent, but close. Some… other… thing… _JUST SOMETHING._ Turn the tables on Jacob, make him feel completely helpless again. Bring the man to his knees. Do something that made the inexplicable heat swirling just below his stomach go away.

Bella took an odd turn and started heading down a different road, and Edward followed, wondering where she was going. Some friend's house, it turned out. She pulled to a stop in their driveway and Edward slowly drove past. He couldn't talk to her at a friend's house, so he would just wait back in her room. Ten minutes later, his car was parked around the corner from Bella's house, where it wouldn't raise comment, and he was standing in Bella's room.

Edward didn't know how long she would take getting home, but he only had that indefinite period of time to pull himself together.

Alone in his girlfriend's room, Edward began to pace. He would just physically work the tension off, if he needed to. Back-forth, back-forth in front of her door, and then a 'C' around the three sides of her bed, staying as silent as possible.

_So wrong. So very, very wrong…_

_We have the same equipment and we know how to use it_ , Jacob whispered in his mind, and Edward flinched. No, he was not like that. He didn't want that.

He liked _Bella_. He admired her, and liked looking at her. She was like a delicate painting or a smooth sculpture that he loved to just reach out and touch. She attracted him. That was what attraction was supposed to feel like, right?

Right.

Not this flaring heat, or the nasty urge to… to something. If Jacob was a girl, then he would know exactly what the something was, but he wasn't so he didn't. Right?

Right.

Much to his extreme dislike, Edward found his seventeen-year-old self more knowledgeable than his hundred-year-old self. It knew what the urges meant. And it -- much to Edward's mortification -- knew how to deal with it. _Not that I would ever… No. Because this is Bella's room, not mine. Not that I would in my room, either. Or anywhere._

He also vaguely remembered how his… _issues…_ arose at just about anything without any logical pattern during that time in his life. So maybe it was okay. It was just a fluke. A crazy, once-in-an-eternity fluke.

_Except it happens every time that mongrel gets close._

Edward rolled his shoulder with a quiet huff and sat down on the cotton bed. His fingers dug into the top blanket. "Ridiculous," he whispered. And it was.

He slowly leaned back on the bed until he was completely relaxed on it, and he took several deep breaths, inhaling Bella's scent. He _would_ calm himself, he _would_ be reasonable, and he _would_ be composed when Bella arrived.

Still, the urges simmered just under the surface and Edward knew if Jacob had come bursting through the door, the urges would have snapped and manifested themselves however they wanted. Briefly he recalled Jacob's thoughts just before he had kissed him. It had been all instinct in that moment. The man had simply let his humanity slip and had let the instincts take over and do whatever they wished.

And the instincts had manifested as lust.

That, Edward acknowledged with a hard swallow, was what these urges were.

It was lust. Against all his better reasoning, against his very nature, it was lust.

For a _man_. For a _werewolf_. For _Jacob fucking Black._

He was well and truly going to hell for this.

Over the next hour and a half, Edward moved around the bedroom. He stayed on the bed awhile, then went back to prowling through the open space, and then lingered by the window and watched the world refuse to fall to pieces at his revelation.

He wanted to jump up and down and howl his displeasure to the universe, demand justice from whatever deity happened to be watching. Or better yet, he wanted a hole he could just fall into and live for the rest of forever. Or have the werewolf spontaneously combust. Whichever worked, really.

The vampire paced and prowled and brooded for another hour, running every memory he had of Jacob Black through his mind again and wondering why he ever started finding him attractive. He knew, consciously, that he would be mostly safe in this decade if anyone found out… But in his mind, he recalled nine other decades full of bloody vengeance and almost inhuman torture to anyone who dared to love anyone other than a woman. Men had been stoned to death, hung, burned at the stake, or tied to aggressive and starving horses where they were either dragged for miles across dirt and sharp rocks or kicked to death. Whatever lethal action was chosen for them, though, they were almost always castrated first.

Edward shuddered. The 1900's were filled with a hundred reasons why never to like boys. Ever. Under any circumstances.

And though he knew he could defend himself against any human who tried to hurt him, the message was already burned into his mind. It was something he would never shake.

 _Sodomy is the worst kind of evil_.

And with that, anger flared back up. Who did Jacob think he was, doing things like that? In broad daylight, even. He was stupid and insane and was trying to drag Edward down with him… Well, he wasn't going to put up with that. No way. He would just have to avoid the man like the plague and keep Bella away from him as well.

_Speaking of…_

At the sound of an old engine pulling up in front of the house, Edward glanced out the window. Bella climbed out of the truck and shut the door, making her way towards the house. He turned away from the window and turned his dark glare towards the door. First things first, he had to get Bella away from that unstable creature.

After a few minutes of talking downstairs, Bella reached her bedroom door and walked in, keeping her back to Edward until she shut the door. She turned around slowly and as soon as she looked at him, she cringed.

"Hi," she said tentatively. Edward kept his face expressionless. He was alright with her acting up occasionally, but this was simply not acceptable. She would not be going to back to La Push under any circumstances.

"Er… So, I'm still alive," she began, but broke off when Edward gave a low growl.

She tried again. "No harm done…"

Edward moved forward, frustrated and exasperated, and pinched the bridge of his nose. How could he explain this to her? "Do you have _any_ idea how close I came to crossing the line today? To breaking the treaty and coming after you? Do you know what that would have meant?"

Bella gasped. "You can't!" she nearly yelled, and then quickly lowered her voice. "Edward, they'll use any excuse for a fight. They'd love that. You can't ever break the rules."

Edward's eyes narrowed. "Maybe they aren't the only ones who would enjoy a fight." _Though that would mean seeing Jacob again_ …

"Don't you start!" she snapped, sounding just as frustrated as he was. "You made the treaty-- you stick to it."

"If he'd hurt you-"

"Enough! There's nothing to worry about. Jacob isn't dangerous."

 _Ha!_ "Bella, you aren't exactly the best judge of what is or isn't dangerous."

"I know I don't have to worry about Jake. And neither do you."

Edward ground his teeth, feeling the ghosts of Jacob's hands on him and disagreeing almost strongly enough to admit everything to her. Let her see what sort of a creature he was! But… that would mean revealing his own faults to her as well.

Bella took a deep breath and crossed the room, wrapping her arms around him when she got there. "I'm sorry I made you anxious," she whispered, and that comforted him. _Good. She's not going to go there again._

" _Anxious_ is a bit of an understatement," he murmured back, "It was a very long day."

"You weren't supposed to know about it," she admitted, "I thought you'd be hunting longer."

"When Alice saw you disappear, I came back," Edward explained. Speaking of… Now he would have to go hunting again to make up for the time he lost.

"I can wait," he replied simply.

"That's ridiculous. I mean, I know she couldn't see me with Jacob, but you should have known-"

"But I didn't," he interrupted her, "And you can't expect me to let you-"

"Oh yes, I can," she interrupted right back, "That's exactly what I expect-"

"This won't happen again," Edward growled flatly. She didn't seem to be understanding that.

"That's right! Because you're not going to overreact next time."

"Because there isn't going to be a next time."

"I understand when you have to leave, even if I don't like it," she protested.

"That's not the same. I'm not risking my life."

"Neither am I."

Edward twitched. "Werewolves constitute a risk."

"I disagree."

"I'm not negotiating this, Bella." _Why are you suddenly able to fight me?!_

"Neither am I!"

Edward's hands balled into fists and he tightened his grip on her wordlessly. Something had shifted between them and he knew it. Something had given her a bit of resistance to his influence… and he knew exactly who.

"Is this really about my safety?" she asked suddenly and Edward glanced down at her sharply.

"What do you mean?"

"You aren't… I mean, you know better than to be jealous, right?"

The vampire remembered how Bella had looked when Jacob had shown Billy the motorcycles, and how she had run away to see him when Edward had clearly said _no_.

"Do I?" he challenged.

"Be serious."

"Easily. There's nothing remotely humorous about this."

Bella frowned. "Or… is this something else altogether? Some vampires-and-werewolves-are-always-enemies nonsense? Is this just a testosterone-fueled-"

The last one hit too close to home and Edward cut her off with a blazing look. "This is _only_ about you. All I care is that you're safe."

"Okay," she sighed and pulled back from him a little. "I believe that. But I want you to know something -- when it comes to all this _enemies_ nonsense, I'm out. I am a neutral country. I am Switzerland. I refuse to be affected by territorial disputes between mythical creatures. Jacob is family. You are… well, not exactly the love of my life, because I expect to love you for much longer than that. The love of my existence. I don't care who's a werewolf and who's a vampire. If Angela turns out to be a witch, she can join the party."

 _Spoken just like a human_ , Edward thought, a thread of bitterness working its way through his mind.

"Switzerland." she repeated.

He frowned, but his anger collapsed with a sigh, and he buried his face in her hair. "Bella…" he started, but the scent that came in on the next inhale stopped him. _Jacob_. He wrinkled his nose.

"What now?" Bella asked.

"Well… don't be offended, but you smell like a dog," Edward answered with a forced smile. They would discuss this whole visiting-werewolves thing later, but for now… He could let it go.

The next week passed without seeing Jacob, but there were several more arguments about her rights to visit La Push. Edward had told her repeatedly that _No, you are most certainly not going_ , but she seemed determined to do so.

So when the end of the week came and Edward was going to be gone hunting for the weekend, he spoke to Alice.

"You still owe me a Porsche," were her first words when he found her in her room.

"Yes, I know," he sighed, but he had an idea, "And I promise to get you one… on one condition."

"Oh?" she asked, putting down her book and looking at him. Surely she already knew, but he explained anyway.

"Bella keeps wanting to go to La Push and I need you to keep her from going whenever I'm gone. Can you do that? Just… keep her here. Make sure she stays happy. Please?"

"Of course!" the girl trilled. "Do I get my car if I do?"

"Only if you promise to take care of Bella _every time I am gone_ ," he emphasized, and she agreed.

That night, Edward sent out a call to Volkswagon and the next morning, a shiny, yellow Porsche sat in the garage next to Emmett's Jeep.

Satisfied, Edward took his brothers for another hunting trip and, hopefully, he could burn off some of this Jacob-related tension.

Unbeknownst to him, though, a werewolf was going through a similar revelation -- but was drawing completely different conclusions.

_"Two single hearts on fire,_   
_Currently on the wire._   
_As inhibitions fade,_   
_A focused moment made._   
_Bruises and bitemarks say takes one to bring the pain_   
_Passion lies in screams of ecstacitic dreams."_

_~"Bruises and Bitemarks" by Good With Grenades_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So… hope you liked this chapter! ^^ Pretty short compared to the last one, unfortunately... I think the Edward/Jacob confrontation went pretty well, though! I know it seems weird that Edward took a while to figure out his urges were lust, but after reading Midnight Sun, I realized he was pretty sexually naïve for a man who had lived a hundred years.


	4. Supernatural

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Original author's notes kept for posterity._
> 
> Hey, thanks again to the kind reviews and the 550 or so lurkers! Glad to know you're all reading. =3
> 
> Also, ah, I have a correction from my last post: I will have to make a small break from canon in the form of an OC. But don't worry, he'll only appear once and then he'll be out of the way. x3 It's just that I couldn't have anybody that the wolf pack would know. And just as some fair warning, they'll a bit of swearing and sex (though a fade-to-black, sorry to disappoint) from this chapter on.

Jacob's week was full of negative spikes, followed by a steady morale decline. His inner wolf had been creating a mess with his mind, so Jacob had to sit out every wolf run with the pack-and the pack wasn't happy about it. All of them had complained at him at some point about suddenly acting all human, but Sam had fended them off-and then Quil imprinted. On a _two year old_. The whole pack had been rightly shocked, but Quil explained himself as soon as he figured it out. Like Jared, his basic personality remained, but the specifics had shifted. However, instead of being the _perfect_ high school boyfriend like Jared, Quil had become the _perfect_ older brother. Inexplicably, he seemed to be able to stand every single mundane game for an unlimited period of time, and he somehow understood Claire's stilted speech. Claire's parents were confused at first as to why one of the neighborhood boys was suddenly taking interest in their daughter's health and happiness to an almost obsessive degree, but Quil was making headway with them by being, essentially, the perfect babysitter. They'd also been swayed by Claire's sudden want to follow Quil around wherever he went and harass him into playing a bunch of games. The whole situation was a bit awkward, but Jacob was grateful for it.

It meant no one was directly focused on him and he could work out his own issues. Specifically, a crisis of sexuality. Unlike Edward, he didn't have any homophobic hang-ups, but also unlike Edward, he had a sense of masculinity to lose. Same panic, different issues -- but Jacob had no pretty girlfriend to bury himself in. Metaphorically.

During that week, though, Jacob realized that he wasn't going to figure his problem out alone. He needed someone who could help. He needed someone to explain it to him… Someone who really _knew_.

Someone like Michael.

He was about a head shorter than Jacob with blonde hair styled into loose spikes. He was semi-stylish without making a scene about it, and he had the whole almost-annoyingly-bright-and-friendly thing going on. Pretty smart, a member of the orchestra, and planning to go into business when he grew up. He was also -- and here was the important part to Jacob -- very, very gay.

The boy sat just two rows to the right of Jacob in chemistry class and a little bit in front of him, so it was pretty easy for Jacob to study his victim. In just a few days, he had it all planned out. After class, just before their lunch, Jacob would stride up to the boy -- looking proud and in charge and totally heterosexual -- and ask him how he had _known_ he was… Well. And since Michael wasn't friends with any of the werewolves, there was no chance of the question getting back to any of his packmates, so he was safe. His plan was perfect.

That was, until chemistry class ended and Michael had blown it to pieces.

"Hey! Hey, Jacob?"

Jacob, who had been stalling as the classroom emptied so he could speak to Michael, looked up, startled. "Yeah?"

Michael strode up to him, eyes narrowed and backpack slung over one shoulder, looking much more like the 'in charge' one. "Can I talk to you?"

Jacob nodded a bit apprehensively and they walked out of the classroom together and around the corner before Michael stopped him with a hand on his arm. Jacob waited.

The short blonde cleared his throat before starting. "You've been staring at me for nearly a week like you wanted to say something but couldn't figure it out. So… What do you want?" he asked.

Here it was. Jacob's moment to stand up tall and ask, without a single hint of doubt or confusion because he was just _that_ on top of his life.

"Er… um…" _Damn it._

Michael waited with his arms crossed.

"Ah… I just wanted to… erm… Well, how do I put this? Uh…" Every sentence seemed to be self-destructing somewhere between his brain and his mouth and he looked everywhere but at the other boy.

"No, I won't go out with you," Michael said flatly, and Jacob's head snapped up, but he noticed the other boy was grinning. "Oh, just spit it out."

Jacob grinned back sheepishly. "Alright, er… This is going to sound… weird… but… how did you _know_? I mean… _Know?_ "

Michael was silent for a long while, studying Jacob, who fidgeted under the scrutiny.

"Huh," he said at last, "I would have thought it was Embry, or maybe Quil, but not you. This is sort of a surprise."

A hot flush rose to Jacob's face. "N-no! I'm not… I mean, I don't think…"

"Statistically, I knew there had to be at least one in your clique," Michael continued, purposely ignoring the other man's discomfort, "but… Well, that it's you is a surprise."

"Just tell me how you know, will you?" Jacob growled, his embarrassment growing.

Michael smiled, looking amused. "You really think there's a gay test out there? 'Do this one thing and you'll know for sure'? It's not that easy."

"So there's a series of tests?"

The twerp had the audacity to laugh. "No, Jacob. You just have to figure it out yourself. No one can tell you. Just… I don't know, spend some time with girls, spend some time with boys… You'll figure out which you like better soon enough."

Jacob hesitated. "What if… what if it's both?"

"Then you'll be ostracized by the gay clan and the straight clan and will be forced to wander the Earth as a lonely pariah while your dick withers away," Michael deadpanned.

"What?"

He laughed. "Heh… There's something naively charming about closet cases," he patted Jacob's shoulder, "I'm going to be late for lunch. You have a good day, okay?"

"Okay…" Jacob cleared his throat. "Erm… thanks… sort of."

"No problem." And he was gone.

Jacob's eyes were on the ground as he walked to his typical lunch table with the pack. _So I'll just have to figure it out then. Go hang out with Bella, and go hang out with…_ An image of Edward flashed in his mind and he shoved it down. _With some random guy_.

Really, his life was complicated enough without this whole werewolf crap. When he was first learning how to control himself, Sam had described it as having a second personality. _Get to know the other personality… Once you understand them, they'll be easier to control._ What did you do if you shared a body with a gay wolf, though? What then, Uley? Jacob reached the lunch table and slouched unhappily in his seat. Embry and Quil joined him a moment later, and then Jared and Paul.

"Still angsting?" Paul asked, setting down his tray and already gulping down food.

Embry glanced over at Jacob. "Yeah, still angsting."

"Oh, shut up," Jacob muttered.

"Hey, guys!" Jared chirped when he sat down. "Guess what? Kim got a new kitten! And it's so cute! She's really happy about it all."

Paul groaned. "Ugh, I hate it when you pick up Kim's essence," he muttered. "Freakin' high school girls."

"It's black and white with this little speck of white on its tail, and then its eyes are the most amazing shade of green you've ever--"

"Oh stuff your stupid kitten, gaywad," Embry growled, throwing his roll at Jared, who ducked with a grin. Jacob winced a bit at the term.

"You're just jealous," Jared shot back.

"Of having a girl that smells like _cat_ all the time? Ha!"

"Hey, cats don't smell all that bad."

"Will you two knock it off" Seth complained, coming up to the table with his lunch tray and setting it next to his best friend. "You're completely ignoring Jacob's problems."

"The only _problem_ is that he hasn't gotten laid enough lately," Paul snorted, and Jared and Embry snickered.

Jacob glared. "It's not that," he growled. Quil looked up curiously. "What is it, then? You've been even worse than usual."

The werewolf didn't reply, merely slumping back in his seat, and the rest of the wolves groaned in various levels of exasperation.

"I liked him better when he was all moony and getting tail all the time. At least, then, he talked," Embry joked, nudging Jacob, who glared again.

"Shut up, Embry. Bella would never… I mean, we didn't… Just shut up."

The whole pack leaned in. "Really?" they all asked, and the seemingly-scripted moment had Jacob scooting his chair away a bit.

"Ye-es," he answered slowly, "Really."

A snort. A muffled snicker. Then full-blown, howling laughter. Including Seth, the traitor.

"So you took her to the movies-"

"Fixed up her motorcycle and took her 'riding' with it-"

"Phased into the most badass creature out there, right in front of her-"

"Never once wore your shirt in front of her-"

"Got all Prince Charming-y and _saved_ her-"

"Acted like the best friend that's always there when her loser boyfriend isn't-"

"And you never _got any?_ " Jared finished, and they all collapsed into laughter again.

"We… were wondering… how you were hiding it… from us…" Apparently this was a hoot for Embry, who could barely breathe.

Jacob slid lower in his seat. "You guys are assholes."

"And you're gay," Quil shot back.

Jacob flinched and flushed bright red, hands balling into fists under the table. "Am not!" _Am I?_

Suddenly, Embry turned in his seat. "Leah! Hey, LEAH!" he called, "Come over- OW!" He grabbed his shoulder, where Jacob had just punched it. Hard.

"She doesn't need to know, you stupid-"

"Doesn't need to know what? The whole conversation you're blaring out loud enough for the entire cafeteria to hear you?" asked a sarcastic voice over Jacob's shoulder. _Too late._

"They all heard?" he muttered, and looked over his shoulder. A good deal of the tables were staring at theirs, and the rest were trying to look like they weren't. Jacob turned back around and the look in his eyes spelled death for every wolf at the table.

"Yes," Leah continued simply, "Though I don't know why you guys are surprised that Jacob's still a blushing virgin. It was fairly obvious."

Her voice matched the I-simply-just-hate-you-all serenity she had been feeling all week. They called it that because the last guy to say she was on her 'moon cycle' had a good deal of fur ripped out of his tail.

"How could you tell?" Jared asked, and Leah smirked sardonically.

"I've seen them standing in the same room, you blind fools."

Jacob sunk even lower. Even Leah, the least feminine girl he knew, had enough women's intuition to see it. _Bitch._

"I hate you all," he grumbled. Leah patted his head like a dog, "I know how you feel," and wandered off to rejoin her group of friends, who were all giggling like freaking chipmunks. He suddenly hated them, too.

The pack hooted and jeered for another few minutes, but soon lunch was over and they split. Jacob wasn't sure what he was more pissed about, them thinking Bella had been in any condition to… well. Or that his angst was now a joke to them. Bastards.

His conversation with Michael kept coming to the forefront of his mind, though, and he couldn't help but wonder. Was he really just going to have to figure it out? Maybe there was a way to convince the wolf that girls were vastly superior and that it had no business bringing up images of Ed- of guys like that when there were plenty of girls that wanted him. And he liked girls. Curves and light voices and soft parts. Femininity. It was… nice.

Though there was something rather tempting about hard muscle, domineering expressions and personalities you wanted to just physically and mentally bend to your will but never could, and that rush of testosterone you got every time a guy challenges you to--

Except that Jacob was not into that sort of thing. Girls. Breasts. Shaved legs. That's what he liked.

He just had to prove it to his inner wolf that girls were much better and that being straight was a wonderful thing, and that it was a stupid dog who should obey the human it shared a body with.

 _He's right. I am insane_ , Jacob thought with a mental sigh. But there was a simple solution. He was already in love with Bella, and so lusting after her had been easy. Surely the wolf could acknowledge that she was a perfectly nice specimen of the feminine form. Even better, they had plans for Saturday for her to hang out at his house and maybe the beach and other romantic places.

They were plans he firmly looked forward to -- that is, until the phone rang that night.

"Hello?" Jacob asked, picking it up.

"Hey, Jake, it's me," Bella greeted quietly, sounding rather unhappy about something.

 _Oh, God damn it…_ "Hi, Bella. What's up?" _You're going to say you can't come, aren't you?_

"Nothing good. I can't come over Saturday after all."

Jacob's shoulders drooped. "Stupid bloodsucker. I thought he was leaving," he muttered, remembering Billy mentioning that Charlie had said that Edward was going on a hunting trip so Bella would be open. "Can't you have a life when he's gone? Or does he lock you in a coffin?"

She laughed and Jacob twitched. "I don't think that's funny."

"I'm only laughing because you're close. But he's going to be here Saturday, so it doesn't matter."

"Will he be feeding there in Forks, then?" he asked caustically. Really, that vampire's control on her was ridiculous. _Maybe he's assuring himself of the same thing I--_ Jacob stomped the thought before it could continue and listened to Bella's reply.

"No. He left early."

 _What's the problem, then?_ "Oh. Well, hey, come over now, then! It's not that late. Or I'll come up to Charlie's."

"I wish. I'm not at Charlie's. I'm kind of being held prisoner."

 _Wait… What? Was I the only phone call she could make? Does she need someone to spring her?_ Jacob's fist tightened on the phone and it gave a sharp crack. Billy cleared his throat and Jacob forced himself to loosen his grip. "We'll come and get you," he snarled. He had a wolf pack he could call whenever a coven of vampires had to be shredded.

"Tempting," she practically chirped, her voice forcibly light. "I _have_ been tortured -- Alice painted my toenails."

"I'm serious."

"Don't be. They're just trying to keep me safe." _Damn it! She calls all mad and as soon as I get mad with her, it's suddenly okay. One day, I swear I'm going to rip those rose-colored glasses off her face and ritually burn them._

"I know it's silly," she continued, "but their hearts are in the right place."

 _HA!_ "Their _hearts_!" he sneered.

"Sorry about Saturday. I've got to hit the sack, but I'll call you again soon." She sounded apologetic, but Jacob was still bristling.

"Are you sure they'll let you?"

"Not completely. 'Night, Jake." she sighed.

"See you around."

With a wordless snarl, he slammed the phone down, making Billy clear his throat again. Jacob couldn't really blame him, considering all the things he'd broken in his anger lately, but he was too distracted by Bella's imprisonment to care.

Tomorrow, he'd spring her. From school if he had to. His eyes drifted to the window, where the barn stood against the rain, where he knew his motorcycle sat. He had never clocked a vampire's speed, but he knew from their hunt with Laurent that bikes were just as fast, if not faster. And… And Bella had said the psychic vampire couldn't see the future of werewolves, so she would never see it coming.

That was it, then. Tomorrow, he would outrun some vampires.

x X x

The next day, he spent all morning watching the school parking lot. It was just around lunch time, when people were out walking around and eating, that he spotted her. She was standing next to that boy again -- the Mike kid -- and was easy to get to. He didn't want to steal her in public, though, and he should probably check to see if she really wanted to, but…

 _Oh, what the hell._ He wrenched the throttle on the bike and it roared forward, streaking up onto the sidewalk. He turned it to the side and it squealed to a stop, leaving a black streak on the ground. Everyone turned and stared, but Jacob couldn't hear their jabbering over the roar of the engine. "Run, Bella!" he shouted.

She glanced at him, and then turned to Mike beside her. Jacob waited as they spoke for just a moment, then Bella kissed him on the cheek -- _huh. So does leading people on just come naturally to her or…? -_ \- and bolted for his bike. She clambered on and, as soon as he felt her arms tighten around his waist, he wrenched the throttle again with a "Hold on!" and they tore down the long street towards La Push.

_60... 70... 80..._

They were nearing nearly ninety miles per hour as they raced across the Quileute borderline -- fast enough that a vampire would have to work damn hard to catch them -- and only slowed down once they'd crossed it.

Jacob grinned, and then burst into laughter. "We made it! Not bad for a prison break, eh?"

"Good thinking, Jake!" she shouted back, and she sounded happy.

"I remembered what you said about the psychic leech not being able to predict what _I'm_ going to do. I'm glad _you_ didn't think of this -- she wouldn't have let you go to school."

"That's why I didn't consider it."

The werewolf laughed again. "What do you want to do today?"

"Anything!" And her laughter rang with triumph and freedom.

x X x

Twenty minutes later, they were back on the beach together. Jacob was worried, though. Unlike last time, Bella didn't completely dwarf Edward in his mind… they almost stood as equals. It was like the vampire taint had clung to him this time and he couldn't scrub it off by being around a human.

"Do you think they'll come looking for you?" he asked at last.

"No. They're going to be furious with me tonight, though," she replied grimly.

Jacob picked up a rock and tossed it into the waves, watching it skip once and fall through the surface. He could almost already picture Edward's furious face as he raced across the borderline, almost as fast a werewolf, and tackled him, shoving him to the ground and--

"Don't go back, then."

She snorted. "Charlie would love that."

Jacob shrugged. "I bet he wouldn't mind."

Bella was silent for a long moment, and then perked up. "So what's the latest pack scandal?" she asked, a little too lightly.

Jacob froze in his tracks and looked down at her. _That sounded like an icebreaker to something. Did she find something out? Is it about me? Or Quil? Or…?_

She blinked up at him. "What? That was a joke."

"Oh."

"… _Is_ there a scandal?"

Jacob chuckled, but it was a bit forced. "I forgot what it's like, not having everyone know everything all the time," he lied smoothly, "Having a little quiet, private place inside my head." _This is ridiculous. Now I'm just getting paranoid…_

"So what is it?" Bella tried again. "That everyone in your head already knows?"

He hesitated a moment, wondering if he should tell her, but then decided she could use a distraction too. "Quil imprinted. That's three now. The rest of us are starting to get worried. Maybe it's more common than the stories say…"

 _It was weird, Jake. Surprisingly easy, really. I just looked at her, and then… I don't know. It's like she's the most important thing to me I feel like a mom, or something. Like this girl is my sole reason for living,_ Quil had explained, wide-eyed and confused-but not unhappy.

Jacob's looked at Bella. Outside of the pack, she was the most important thing to him, so why wasn't he imprinting? He cared about her health and happiness, and he loved her, so… What wasn't he doing? He stared at her harder, focusing on just sinking into her gaze. _This is Bella. This is who I love, you stupid inner wolf. Imprint… imprint…_

Bella shifted uncomfortably. "What are you staring at?"

He sighed. "Nothing." _Girls. Soft parts. Gentle niceness. C'mon, wolf…_

Jacob hesitated a moment, and then reached for her hand and took it. She let him and Jacob allowed himself a quiet smile. This had to work. It just _had_ to!

"Why is Quil's imprinting such a scandal? Is it because he's the newest one?" Bella asked after a few minutes' silence.

"That doesn't have anything to do with it."

"Then what's the problem?"

"It's another one of those legend things," he lowered his voice, almost talking to himself, "I wonder when we're going to stop being surprised that they're _all_ true?"

"Are you going to tell me? Or do I have to guess?" she asked impatiently.

A corner of Jacob's lips twitched. "You're never get it right. See, Quil hasn't been hanging out with us, you know, until just recently. So he hadn't been around Emily's place much…"

"Quil imprinted on Emily, too?"

Jacob choked on air. "No!" I told you not to guess!" He cleared his throat. "Emily had her two nieces down for a visit… and Quil met Claire."

And there was the moment where he had to tell her. How could he explain, though, without her getting the wrong idea? He couldn't blame her if she did, since nearly every wolf freaked out until they phased again and through Quil's mind… they understood.

"Emily doesn't want her niece with a werewolf?" Bella asked, confused. "That's a little hypocritical."

"Would you please stop guessing? You're way off. Emily doesn't mind that part, it's just, well, a little early," Jacob explained defensively, though he knew he was dancing around the issue.

"What do you mean _early_?" Bella knew it, too.

"Try not to be judgmental, okay?"

Bella nodded silently.

Jacob opened his mouth, closed it, and opened it again. "Claire is two."

Bella was utterly silent. Just as Jacob was about to say something else, he was interrupted by several water droplets hitting his shirt and then full-on rain. Bella was still silent as water rained down on them both, sliding along the hems of Bella's jacket but soaking through Jacob's shirt and making it cling to his overheated skin.

"Quil… imprinted… with a _two-year-old?_ " she said at last.

"It happens," Jacob shrugged as casually as he could and bent to pick up another rock from the sand. "Or so the stories say." He flung it out into the water.

"But she's a baby," Bella protested, sounding rather stunned.

"Quil's not getting any older," Jacob replied firmly. "He'll just have to be patient for a few decades."

It was what Sam had said when everyone found out. Of course, Paul had followed it up with a _Patient for what?_ , which made Jared cover his head and say _I swear, if I start fantasizing about a toddler, I'm ditching this crazy pack_. Quil had been utterly humiliated by it all and the pack knew it, so they were all making an effort to be understanding. Jacob and Sam already understood that there was a certain inevitability to love, but the rest… Well, it was something to get adjusted to.

"I… don't know what to say," Bella said at last. Jacob looked down to meet her gaze, but she was staring at the ground, horror and a good degree of disgust clearly written across her expression.

"You're making judgments. I can see it on your face," Jacob growled, defensive on behalf of Quil. Since Jacob still wasn't phasing with the others, Quil had had to come and explain it in person, and they had sat and talked for a long time. Quil didn't judge Jacob for swearing his life to a leech-lover so Jacob didn't judge Quil for swearing his life to a two-year-old.

"Sorry," Bella muttered, "But it sounds really creepy."

"It's not like that; you've got it all wrong." Jacob picked up another rock and threw it. _How can I explain this? How can I make this make sense?_ He took a deep breath. "I've seen what it's like, through his eyes" -- _at least, after he explained it to me -_ \- "There's nothing _romantic_ about it at all, not for Quil, not now. It's so hard to describe… It's not like love at first sight, really. It's more like… gravity moves. When you see _her_ , suddenly it's not the earth holding you here anymore. She does. And nothing matters more than her. And you would do anything for her, be anything for her." _Sometimes it feels like I've lost myself, Jacob. Like I'm just what she wants, what she needs. I'm just an extension of what she requires._ Jared had said, when Jacob had expressed his fears to the man that imprinting seemed to be taking him over. _You're right, it's scary. But since it's what she wants… it's what I want -- or what I have to want. I can't tell the difference anymore._

"You become whatever she needs you to be," Jacob continued, "whether that's a protector, or a lover, or a friend, or a brother. Quil will be the best, kindest big brother any kid ever had. There isn't a toddler on the planet that will be more carefully looked after than that little girl will be. And then, when she's older and needs a friend, he'll be the more understanding, trustworthy, and reliable than anyone else she knows. And then, when she's grown up, they'll be as happy as Emily and Sam." _And doesn't that just ring with irony?_

"Doesn't Claire get a choice here?" _No, her soul already made the choice for her._

"Of course," Jacob said instead, "But why wouldn't she choose him, in the end? He'll be her perfect match. Like he was designed for her alone." _Like the center of his universe is only her and there's nothing in life she'll go without that he can give. The perfect pet._

They walked in silence for a while longer, until Bella reached down and grabbed a rock too. Seeing her toss the rock and watching it fall several meters from its goal broke the tension a bit.

"We can't all be freakishly strong," she muttered when Jacob laughed.

They were quiet for a moment longer, and then Bella asked, "When do you think it will happen for you?"

"Never," Jacob replied flatly.

"It's not something you can control, is it?"

Jacob hesitated, then admitted, "It's not supposed to be. But you have to _see_ her -- the one that's supposedly meant for you."

"And you think that if you haven't seen her yet, then she's not out there? Jacob, you haven't really seen much of the world -- less than me, even."

Jacob turned and stared at Bella, hard and piercing. More than anything else in the world, he wanted to imprint on her. It would be perfect. _They_ would be perfect. If only Bella and Jacob-the-wolf could see that. "No, I haven't," he said lowly, "But I'll never see anyone else, Bella. I only see you. Even when I close my eyes and try to see something else. Ask Quil or Embry. It drives them all crazy." And it was the truth. None of the pack could stand how fixated Jacob seemed to be on a girl they all knew was hopeless. It _had_ to work, though. It just _had_ to.

Bella looked downed and Jacob looked up, watching the rain fall.

"Maybe I'd better go home," she whispered.

"No!" _No, she can't go home. This is my only chance! I can be straight, I can be normal, if only this thing with Bella could… just…_ work, _dammit. I love her. She's my chance to get away from all this supernatural crap. Away from being a uncontrollable werewolf. And away from Edward._

Bella just stared at him.

"You have the whole day off, right? The bloodsuckers won't be home yet."

Her stare turned into a glare and Jacob quickly backed up. "No offense intended."

"Yes, I have the whole day. But, Jake…"

He was being too pushy, and he knew it. He would have to take a step back -- to allow her to take a step forward. "Sorry," he held up his hands innocently. "I won't be like that anymore. I'll just be Jacob."

"But if that's what you're _thinking_ …"

"Don't worry about me!" he said brightly. "I know what I'm doing. Just tell me if I'm upsetting you." _Please don't leave me._

"I don't know…"

"C'mon, Bella. Let's go back to the house and get our bikes. You've got to ride a motorcycle regularly to keep it in tune." _Not to mention those were the good old days. You remember those, don't you, Bells?_

"I really don't think I'm allowed."

"By who? Charlie or the blood-" _Stop and think._ "Or _him_?"

"Both."

But he could see she had caved. She would come with him, be his friend, learn that they really were great together. Jacob hesitantly grinned, and then brightened when she grinned back.

"I won't tell anyone," he promised.

Bella half-heartedly snorted. "Except every one of your friends."

"I promise not to think about it."

She laughed. "If I get hurt, it was because I tripped."

 _I won't let you get hurt. Not again._ "Whatever you say."

And for the rest of the afternoon, they rode. Jacob tried, every minute of every hour they were together. He didn't know what imprinting felt like, but he like anything else he attempted, he figured he would succeed if he just _tried hard enough_. And he did. He focused on Bella as hard as he could. From her warm, bright eyes to the soft brown hair that fell around her shoulders to the grin she flashed every time her motorcycle accelerated and startled her into an adrenaline rush. She _was_ beautiful. And he loved her.

But Edward rattled there, in the back of his mind. During their drives all up and down the road to La Push, Jacob must have had at least a hundred fantasies of them being caught by the irate vampire. And then a rush of heat would flash through all of Jacob's body -- even hotter than the werewolf that already lurked under his skin -- and Jacob's mind would start to go fuzzy and a red mist would cover his vision. And then the too-hot-too-cold touch between them; the fury mixed with nausea mixed with the headiest thrill of lust…

But _no_. Jacob wanted Bella. He would have _her_. Not _him._

It was his mantra -- _her_ not _him_ , _her_ not _him -_ \- as he made sandwiches for their lunch-dinner and they carried sodas into the garage to eat with them.

"This is nice," Bella commented, sitting down with her food, "I've missed this place."

Jacob smiled and looked around the dingy garage. It was cheap and a little dirty, but it was rather nice in a feels-like-home sort of way, wasn't it? "Yeah, I can understand that. All the splendor of the Taj Mahal, without the inconvenience and expense of traveling to India."

"To Washington's little Taj Mahal," Bella raised her can and grinned at him.

Jacob touched his can to hers. "Do you remember last Valentine's Day? I think that was the last time you were here -- the last time when things were still… normal, I mean."

Bella laughed. "Of course I remember. I traded a lifetime of servitude for a box of conversational hearts. That's not something I'm likely to forget."

Jacob laughed along with her. "That's right. Hmm, servitude… I'll have to think of something good." He sighed, though, as his mood declined again. "It feels like it was years ago. Another era. A happier one."

He reached over at let his hand lightly brush Bella's. "Things have really changed."

"Yeah," she agreed, "Charlie _used_ to like me. I hope Billy doesn't say anything about today…" she bit her lip, worried, but Jacob wasn't.

"He won't. He doesn't get worked up about things the way Charlie does." _Time to initiate Plan Take Down Bella's Walls One At A Time_. They had to be okay with each other before she could ever move beyond that.

"Hey, I never did apologize officially for that stupid move with the bike. I'm really sorry about ratting you out to Charlie. I wish I hadn't."

She looked unforgiving. "Me, too."

"I'm really, really sorry." He stared at her pleadingly.

"Oh, fine!" she growled at last. "You're forgiven."

He grinned again. "Thanks, Bells!"

 _But there's another important thing. Something we have to get straight before I can ever fall in love with her._ "You know that day, when I brought the bike over… I've been wanting to ask you something." he hesitated. "But also… not wanting to."

Bella froze.

"Were you just being stubborn because you were mad at me, or were you really serious?" he asked quietly.

"About what?" she whispered back, but Jacob guessed that she already knew the answer.

"You know. When you said it was none of my business… if- if he bit you," and he couldn't quite stifle a cringe at that thought. Beautiful Bella, her skin frozen over, her eyes darkened to coal, and the light human scent drenched in the sickening, rotting sweetness of vampirism.

"Jake…" she started, but couldn't finish.

"Were you serious?" he repeated, and the tremors started.

"Yes," she whispered.

He inhaled, grabbing the wolf and shoving it back down. It had no place in human conversation, and Jacob didn't want to share minds with the pack anyway. "I guess I know that," he murmured in reply.

"You know what this will mean?" Jacob asked suddenly. "You do understand that, don't you? What will happen if they break the treaty?"

"We'll leave first." _So she does understand._

"There wasn't a geographic limit to the treaty, Bella. Our great-grandfathers only agreed to keep the peace because the Cullens swore that they were different, that humans weren't in danger from them. They promised they would never kill or change anyone ever again. If they go back on their word, the treaty is meaningless, and they are no different than any other vampires. Once that's established, when we find them again-"

"But, Jake, didn't you break the treaty already?" she protested. "Wasn't part of it that you not tell people about the vampires? And you told me. So isn't the treaty sort of moot, anyhow?"

 _Ha, yeah, when I was a fool of a kid. Trailing after some girl who batted her eyelashes for information._ "Yeah, I broke the treaty -- back before I believed any of it. And I'm sure they were informed of that," he glared, "But it's not like that gives them a freebie or anything. There's no fault for a fault. They have only one option if they object to what I did. The same option we'll have when they break the treaty: to attack. To start the war."

And suddenly, all he could think about was that he couldn't believe it was happening. It was all too fast, way too fast, and he didn't have time to think. To figure out where he wanted to move his pieces. He remembered watching Jurassic Park a few years ago, where the characters just attacked by one thing after another after another and there was never any time to just _think_. It felt like that. Panicked, rushed. What if they did fall in love, but Bella still wanted to be a vampire? Or what if, worst case scenario, something _did_ happen with the Edward… situation? There were so many ways this could go wrong, but he didn't have time for a better plan. And this plan of figuring out himself with Bella… he just didn't think it was going to work. Not with the hourglass drained as far as it already was.

Bella shuddered, probably imagining what the war would be like. "Jake, it doesn't have to be that way."

The worst part was, he knew which side she's choose. He knew who she'd be praying for. "It _is_ that way," he growled. And just as suddenly as the last epiphany, he knew it wouldn't work. The situation was complicated enough without him dragging Bella even deeper into his life. What would imprinting accomplish? Could werewolves even imprint on vampires, or stay imprinted on a girl who became a vampire? And he still wanted to, desperately needed to, thrash the situation out with Edward as well. He wasn't going to let it stand how it was -- however stupid not letting it stand would be. _God damn it, I have to know. I_ have _to know. Is Jacob the wolf gay, or is Jacob the human gay, too?_

"Will you never forgive me, Jacob?" For becoming a vampire? No. _She just doesn't get it! Why? Have I not made that clear enough?_

"You won't be Bella anymore. My friend won't exist. There'll be no one to forgive."

"That sounds like a _no_ ," she whispered sadly.

_I need time to think. I can't say anything correctly right now._

Jacob waited silently, his unspoken ultimatum clear. It may not apply to right then, but it was something she would have to think about over the next decade. At least they had then. Ten years might not be enough to fall in love or fall out of love, but it was something. A handful of years to use.

"Is this goodbye then, Jake?" _Wait, does she think this applies to right now?_

"Why?" he asked, puzzled. "We still have a few years. Can't we be friends until we're out of time?"

"Years? No, Jake, not years. _Weeks_ is more accurate-" _Snap._ "Jake!"

He was on his feet, trembling so violently his mouth was already snarling like a real wolf, and he could see his skin blur. He was vaguely aware of a sharp ball of aluminum in his fist and of soda running down his forearm and dripping onto his shoes. His inner wolf reared again, but Jacob grappled with it and forced it back down. Deep breaths. _In. Out. In. Out._ Humans had self-control, and so Jacob would have self-control. He wasn't an animal.

"Weeks," he said flatly, opening his eyes and glaring at her. He couldn't believe it. This beautiful girl was going to become a vampire in so little time that there wasn't any to think. None.

She stared back with stark terror and didn't move. Jacob tried to convey his feelings in a humanly manner again.

"He's going to change you into a filthy bloodsucker in just a few _weeks_?" he all but hissed.

She nodded silently. Jacob felt like he was going to be sick. Most people, including him, could expect certain things from their tomorrows. They may not know exactly how they would go, but they had an idea. Jacob… had nothing. He didn't even know where he'd be in an hour. He _had_ no future. It was nauseatingly terrifying.

"Of course, Jake," Bella whispered, after the silence had drug on. "He's _seventeen_ , Jacob. And I get closer to nineteen every day. Besides, what's the point it waiting? He's all I want. What else can I do?"

_You lose, Jacob._

" _Sorry,_ " Bella had said, " _Age is kind of a touchy subject for me."_

"Anything!" Jacob gasped out, and the word was nearly a sob, "Anything else! You'd be better off _dead_ , I'd rather you were!"

"Maybe you'll get lucky," and Jacob dazedly realized his mistake when he heard the pain in her voice. "Maybe I'll get hit by a truck on my way back."

Bella jumped to her feet, throwing down her food and climbing onto the motorcycle they'd fixed together. In the garage where he'd fallen in love with her. And with a fountain of mud, she left it and him, streaking down the road where he'd lost her.

Jacob was too shocked and horrified to chase after her. He just couldn't believe… he didn't have years to figure himself and Bella and Edward out -- he had weeks. Weeks! And maybe it seemed like a long time to the other kids in his high school, but to him… that was nothing.

 _They must want to change her by the end of June. By graduation. 'Good job making it through school, dear, here's a pair of vampire fangs in your throat!'_ And suddenly, he felt like hurling again. He knew he had lost Bella, just like that. Ruined any chance with her at all. Even worse, other than aesthetically, he hadn't been attracted to her since she'd arrived…

Now all he wanted was the slow burn of Edward's presence to drive off any last bits of sanity he had left. Just let the vampire stench and the ice cold touch smother his mind and let logical instincts take over. Desolately, and blind to the pouring rain drenching his shirt and making his feet slosh in his shoes, Jacob began wandering up the road Bella had taken. The only road in and out of La Push. The road where Jacob had driven Edward off, too. Well, _maybe_ driven him off. Jacob wasn't a fool -- he had seen the arousal in the other man's eyes before he leapt into his car and disappeared. _Is that a good thing? Do I want that?_

He wondered, vaguely, what Cullen would think if he could hear his thoughts now. Could he hear his thoughts now? He knew it was some sort of range-system. Maybe the louder his thoughts were, the greater the range. _Maybe_ , he thought as the miles stretched on and he neared the borderline, _Edward would hear me if I just reached for his mind and screamed for all it was worth. He'd probably come to taunt me, or to kill me if Bella was that hurt, but at least he'd be here…_

And so, kneeling in the mud on the side of the road, that exactly what Jacob did.

x X x

"Hello, mutt."

Contrary to what most people thought, werewolves did get worn down by the cold eventually, and so it was with a rather fuzzy mind that Jacob raised his head and looked at the man who had just spoken. _Hello, Edward._

"I heard from Alice that Bella came home crying her eyes out and hating you. Care to tell me what you said?"

"I said… a lot of things… that were better left unsaid," Jacob replied truthfully. But feeling pathetic or not, he didn't want to look pathetic, so he hauled himself back to his feet as he said it. It was still raining and Edward was dripping wet. It ran through his hair and across stone skin that seemed to just deflect it. His expression was nearly unreadable, but Jacob could tell he wasn't angry. Just… something else.

"Why did you say those things?" The vampire asked.

Jacob narrowed his eyes and between his body warming back up from motion and the wolf taking notice of a vampire nearby, he was beginning to wake up.

"Bella said you were planning to kill her in less than a month," Jacob answered, feeling strangely calm. He had run out of shouting and howling when he was calling for the vampire for nearly an hour. Now… now he just wanted to make a point.

Edward looked regretful, but resolute. "As much as it pains me, yes."

Jacob narrowed his eyes, the strange calm beginning to stir into an angry mix of emotions, none of them mellow in the least. He stared at him, feeling his hands start to tremble lightly. Edward took a couple steps too close again, like he had in the field, but Jacob refused to back down this time. He wasn't going to bend over every time that bloodsucker wanted. Even if he had wanted the bloodsucker there. Even if the bloodsucker's expression was softening into almost pitying concern. No, _I don't need it._

"Why?" Jacob demanded, feeling the tremors begin to move up his arm and settle in his chest as threatening rumbles. The strong werewolf was back -- with nothing to lose -- and so was the Edward-inducing fog on his mind. How could he have forgotten this feeling? It was filthy and raw, but at least it was _real_. The level of gritty realism was amazing, really. It was the same feeling Jacob used to get when he took down an animal and it died with the sickeningly-loud sound of tearing flesh.

"It's what she wants, and I've already promised. I don't see what it has to do with you," Edward responded smoothly, with just the slightest hint of superiority, and completely ignored all the thoughts he must have been picking up from Jacob. The werewolf fumed. The other man was so calm, so unmoved by it all. Didn't _he_ feel the same dark temptation that he did? The same urge to see how far they could push this?

"No. I don't." Edward's voice became sharper, and Jacob felt his instincts push to counter the challenge -- the werewolf not wanting to shown up by a vampire, the man not wanting to be shown up by another man. And, in a way, Jacob Black not wanting to be shown up by Edward Cullen. Two steps and Jacob was nose-to-nose with the leech, his sickly sweet scent flooding the wolf's nostrils and making his lip curl a bit-- but he wasn't to be deterred by that.

 _What are you doing?_ the logical part of his brain asked quietly. Jacob ignored it. Absently, he noted the rain dwindling off into just the occasional drops, but the evening sky was still dark and unforgiving. Edward took a step back, his unreadable expression flickering slightly.

It was sort of appallingly fun, the situation Jacob had gotten himself into. It was a bit like Fear Factor… Jacob had survived his worst fear, standing unarmed in front of a hungry vampire, and now it was time for his second challenge of doing something disgusting. The competitors always had to do something disgusting.

_So what would you do for a million dollars, Jake? Eat a spider? Swim in blood?_

_Kiss a vampire?_

Edward, probably hearing the direction Jacob's thoughts were taking, took an apprehensive step backwards. "Jacob, no. I didn't come here to… to…" He trailed off as Jacob deliberately stepped into his personal space again, close enough to taste his chill breath.

"I can't believe you're going to turn her into a leech like you already," Jacob all but hissed, furious for a multitude of reasons -- none of which were particularly reasonable. Furious, but _alive._ But once again, his emotions began to shift and the fury became the same thing he felt when he had assaulted the vampire the last time they were on this street… the rush of an addiction being supplied. The joy of a pothead who gets his next bag of leaves. The sweet relief of a heroin-addict who gets his next vial of chemicals. The uncontrollable compulsion of a tweaker to get the next inhale of his newest fix. _Insane. Unhealthy. Too good._

Jacob almost couldn't believe Edward was forcing the thing between them to a head already. _He has to have felt the shift between us. He has to know we can't just leave it sitting in the corner like a big, tense pink elephant._

"I'm spoken for," Edward said quickly, his voice coming out in a rush of air.

"So?" Jacob replied, and vaguely felt a flash of concern. Sam and Jared had warned him that his hormone surges might knock him out of whack a bit, but… How much was this werewolf thing going to change him? Jacob had already felt a bit of a shift when the Cullens had come back, but now his morals had slid even more towards self-benefit than usual lately.

Edward, sensing Jacob's growing self-awareness, breathed a slight sigh of relief. Jacob half-smiled to himself. What, did he think the awareness changed anything? Oh, no. He was open for a change. Besides, Bella hadn't seemed to like shy and demure Jacob very much, anyway. And neither did Edward.

Following an impulse, Jacob reached out and grabbed Edward's wrist in a hard, tight grip. He still felt like cold, hard stone. Inhuman. Edward growled at him and tried to pull away, but seemed to be trying to still be gentle. Did he have no sense of roughness, of any lack of grace? Sure he did. Jacob had seen it himself. _Well, I'll just have to show him the fun in it, then…_

"Let go of me," Edward murmured lowly, meeting Jacob's gaze and probably trying to intimidating him into letting go. It wasn't going to be that easy, though. They were both clothed, and so they were more equal than during the first confrontation, and neither of them was blinded by anger like their second confrontation, so they were also thinking more clearly. And because of both of those things, Jacob had plans-- plans he was careful not to think about, lest Edward pick it from his mind and see it coming.

"Can I just see something?" Jacob asked, a bit of mocking in his tone.

Looking back, Edward really should've said no. He should have told Jacob to go screw himself and walked off. It would have saved them both a lot of future grief. Instead, he simply said, "Fine," returning the mocking tone. _Good. I was hoping for that._

Sending reason off with a light wave and a causal 'see ya later!", Jacob pulled Edward close with the hand that held his wrist and grabbed his other wrist, deliberately inhaling the sharp tang-like rotting cotton candy-and kissed him.

Cold, hard, inhuman, undead. It made Jacob want to kiss the human life back into him; like Edward was Sleeping Beauty and Jacob could pull the deadened heat from his lips and the warm flush back to his cheeks if he just loved him hard enough. All the while, Jacob found himself slipping away. _What was so great about human girls, anyway?_ He seemed to have forgotten.

Edward twisted one wrist and Jacob grudgingly let it go, expecting a swift punch, but received a hand in his hair instead. He wished he could ask why, but that would mean pushing away the freezing cold soaking through their clothes and battling Jacob's burning heat. It would mean an end to the heady rush slowly going to the werewolf's head. Jacob wrapped his now-free hand around Edward's lower back, slipping warm fingers under the hem of his shirt, and felt him spasm in response. It was perversely delicious -- and running on the heels of shock and lust, the fury flared back to life and Jacob mentally staggered under the combination of all three. He wanted to bite and hurt and punish, to penalize Edward for doing this to him, but he didn't know how -- not when he wanted Edward to enjoy it too, for some reason. And the lips on his were ripping the ground from under him and making his sanity slip that much further. Ignoring the twists in his mind and stomach, Jacob slid the hand just resting against the vampire's back around his waist to pull him closer and Edward grabbed a hold of one of the werewolf's belt loops with the hand that wasn't in his hair, pulling their pelvises together as close as their chests were.

 _Oh-my-god-what-are-you-doing-please-stop!_ Jacob's mind wailed loudly, but he ignored it. After all, what did a wolf know of propriety and restraint? It simply took what it wanted, when it wanted, and concerned itself with consequences later. And wasn't that what Edward called him? A mutt. A dog. Stupid animal.

"I- didn't-" Edward gasped out, still reeling from the shock of Jacob's latest attack, but Jacob cut him off.

"Shut up," he snarled. Like he really cared what stupid epithets Edward used. He felt his lips snag on the other man's as he spoke and that seemed much more important. It was exhilarating, addictive, like hunting and killing. Hot, cold, fire, ice. Jacob was hard already.

 _Does-the-word-VAMPIRE-mean-anything-to-you?_ the mental howl continued in distress.

Edward stopped breathing and Jacob's breath was coming out in short, ragged gasps. The hand in his hair tightened into a fist and yanked at his locks, forcing his head back. Jacob gasped again at the feel of a freezing tongue against his neck and shuddered at the feather-light rake of Edward's harmless teeth. Jacob felt like Lucy, swooning in Dracula's hands and he jerked his head back up to stare at Edward. The vampire's eyes were black and he still looked horrified and fascinated. _Why?_ his heated gaze asked. _Why? Why? Why?_

Good fucking question.

Jacob pressed up against him again, trying to reassert his dominance, but it seemed like Edward was tired of being the one chased and controlled. He kissed him back, angry and unforgiving, like this was Jacob's fault.

Jacob matched him, move for move, and felt an answering hardness pressed against his. The wolf in him reared up and demanded that he sink his teeth into the scruff of the other man's neck now that he'd been accepted, but Jacob couldn't reach it and he didn't feel like turning him around. Instead, he leaned forward and bit the side of the vampire's throat, at the sensitive bit of flesh over his collarbone -- and as he did, he ran his hand even further up under Edward's shirt, sending a shock of heat even _he_ could feel up his back. Edward's hips jerked against his, and the thrill transferred to Jacob as well. He might as well have been biting a soft rock, and Edward tasted even worse than he smelled, but what did Jacob care? _I'm doing this to him! Me!_ He was the only thing that could make the vampire lose his cool.

Even better, who was around to stop them?

They seemed to have the same thought at the same time: that there were suddenly too many clothes involved. They had brushed hands and arms and lips, but that was it. This would be entirely new and different. Jacob let go of Edward and grabbed the front of his shirt, attempting to undo the buttons, just as Edward grabbed the bottom hem of Jacob's shirt and yanked upwards. Jacob's found his head and arms suddenly tangled and he was slightly disoriented until Edward gave another yank and threw the shirt in the mud. Jacob growled -- he liked that shirt -- but he had plenty of others.

He quickly turned his attention back to Edward's shirt and fiddled with the buttons. _Dammit!_ He was shaking too hard to undo them. But oh well, it wasn't like it was Edward's only shirt, either. He hooked two fingers over the top hem and yanked downwards, ripping every button from the threads that held them in place, and showered both their feet with the tiny bits of plastic. This time, it was Edward's turn to growl, but it's hard to look threatening when you're being undressed, so Jacob ignored it.

For a moment, there was a _Now what?_ pause, but then Jacob placed both hands against the ice cold expanse of skin in front of him and felt Edward cover his hands with his own and shudder in response. The vampire slowly ran his fingers down Jacob's arms, over his shoulders, and then against every line of muscle his wolf phasing had given him. Their transformations left no room for extra fat, so it all melted down into muscle and sinew. Quil had been rather thrilled about that, Jacob remembered.

"Any particular reason you're thinking about Quil and his chest right now?" Edward asked wryly.

"Oh shut up," Jacob repeated, but without its typical bite. He ran one hand up Edward's chest, over his neck and rested it against Edward's jaw. _How strange…_ Jacob squinted and stared until Edward looked away. "What are you staring at?"

"You're… very surreal, you know that? Sort of… ethereal. Not even there. I don't know how anyone mistakes you for being human." Both their voices were quiet, as if speaking too loudly would break the spell.

"Aren't you afraid of me? At least a little bit?" Edward asked.

Jacob shook his head, "No, not really. You as a man scares me more than you as vampire. Are you afraid of me?"

"Yes. Men that have nothing to lose are the most dangerous sort."

Jacob barked out a laugh. "I have things to lose. But maybe I want to lose them."

"But why this way? Why me? It doesn't make any sense." Edward breathed as he fell back against one of the trees that lined the road. Jacob followed the motion until they stood remarkably similar to the way they had stood in the field.

"What, you think this makes sense to me?" Jacob gave a twisted sort of smile. "I have no idea what the hell I'm doing."

"You're a fool." But there was a vibration of a laugh in his comment.

"I don't see you walking away." Jacob replied, and the flick his thumb made to pop the first button of Edward's jeans was almost a caress.

For the rest of the night, they were locked in a sort of battle. The whole time, it felt as if Edward's ice was trying to freeze Jacob's fire while his fire tried to melt Edward's ice. It was as brutal as a fight to the death, but there was also a strand of intimacy wound through the violence and confusion. It was a sparkle of light that crawled through the muck, somehow making it even more intense than it would have been. It was exhilarating. Filthy, but exhilarating. People shouldn't get a kick out of a struggle to defy Nature, but Jacob did; and since Edward was there, Jacob figured he probably did, too.

And as the sky slowly cleared to show a huge expanse of stars and the moon crawled through the sea of glittering specks, Jacob realized he was happy. Not exactly in the bubbly, sunny way he was usually happy… But he felt assured, content. Somehow, in Edward's arms, there was a stable place to stand. A future he still couldn't guarantee, but trusted. The fear and pain had dampened when ice cold fingers twined with his, and Jacob… was happy.

_"But now it's too late, it's taking over me,_   
_It feels so supernatural._   
_And I'm pulled the other way, it's more than I can take_   
_And I'm losing hold of everything._   
_No matter how I try, you know I can't deny_   
_'Cause you feel so supernatural."_

_~"Supernatural" by Daughtry_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, technically I stole that conversation between the wolves from a conversation I overheard in the lunch room about a week ago, but I twisted it to fit. It worked surprisingly well. x3
> 
> Anyway, all of the last chapter was Edward angsting about his newfound issues, and here's Jacob angsting about his, so now we can move forward… At least we got a good breakthrough at the end!
> 
> Though I realized something awesome about having supernatural creatures together: I can totally have that humanly-unrealistic, pornfully fun, ripping-clothes-off-each-other moment.


	5. This Can't Be Right

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Original author's notes kept for posterity._
> 
> As per usual, thanks for all the reviews, guys!
> 
> Now as for Utena's question… ah… I'm afraid I have something to confess. (For those of you who missed it, the question is "Who tops?") Well, er… I'll be honest. I have no idea—which is why there's only a sort-of explicit sex scene floating around my computer (how explicit is "explicit" anyway? The staff won't give me any specifics.) I wrote one all the way up to the point where I'd have to decide who tops and who bottoms, and I couldn't decide. Edward is so much of a control freak it's practically scary and Jacob constantly oozes puddles of raging testosterone all over the place, and both of them are so obsessed with asserting their dominance that I can't really imagine either of them handing the reins over to the other for any period of time, which is what a bottom has to be able to do.

At long last, Edward opened his eyes and looked over at the watch on the wrist of the too-hot arm slung over his chest. _Nearly two a.m. I'm late for seeing… her._ He had been laying there for hours. Jacob and he had simply stayed where they collapsed, in a bed of leaves and mud in a loose circle of trees. They were hidden by clumps of underbrush and the cover of night, but he still felt exposed. The overly-starry night stared down at them from between the leaves and the silent judgment had never been stronger or more disapproving.

Tired of pretending to sleep, Edward threw off the mongrel's arm, sat up and looked her his shoulder at his- er, at Jacob. The man was still sprawled out naked on the leaves, curled up slightly like a sleeping dog with a space where Edward had fit rather nicely… And he was dreaming of fire and artic plains for some reason. _I won't even pretend to understand him._ Edward was slightly dazed, unsure of how to proceed from there. He could never tell Bella, of course. She was fragile and he had to shelter her from everything, including his own evils. But what if the mutt said something? He probably wouldn't, but maybe they should talk anyway… Edward sighed and crawled over to their pile of clothes, pawing through them until he found his pants pocket and thus his phone. He had had it turned off all weekend, but it he figured it would be a good idea to check to make sure his family wasn't trying to find him. _Bella's probably worried…_ He switched it on and saw a missed call and a voice message. From Bella. Still feeling rather numb, he turned on the voice mail and held it to his ear.

" _You. Are. In. Trouble,"_ came her furious voice. _"Enormous trouble. Angry grizzly bears are going to look tame next to what is waiting for you at home."_

Edward smiled slightly. She was still cute when she was angry, even after over two years. _Hey, why am I suddenly warm?_ He vaguely heard a groggy thought and shifting behind him, and the low groan of a body waking up.

"That doesn't sound good," Jacob commented quietly, a tint of amusement in his tone. His voice was gravelly from mixture of sleep and, perhaps, from what they had done earlier that night. _He still looks wound up_ , Jacob's thoughts continued.

Edward turned away again, still clutching the phone. "It will be fine, I'm sure."

Jacob was right, though… he was still tense. The whole situation was surreal and he didn't know how to mentally process it. And while he didn't pick up any words, he could sense general discomfort and hesitation leaking from the werewolf behind him.

Finally, Edward cleared his throat. "We should probably keep this between us."

He heard a snort. "But I was going to blog all about it when I got home," he answered sarcastically.

Edward groaned and turned around. "Be serious, would y-" he suddenly broke off.

Silently, at some point, Jacob had moved up right behind him, and Edward found himself staring into two pools of deep brown that looked right back without any hint of reserve or even caution. _Just pure emotion…_ Edward's eyes slid down from Jacob's gaze to his lips and then down his throat and lower. Oddly enough, he didn't just want to look and admire, he wanted to touch. He wanted to please and be pleased back. And not just on a physical level, but almost… intimately. In the purest sense of the word. _So that's sexual attraction,_ Edward thought, somewhat dazedly.

Jacob, clearly sensing his thoughts, stared back heatedly. "Y'know, I didn't think that would be your first comment," he murmured, his voice lower and rougher, but he trailed off before he could finish the thought. _Oh… Oh, crap_. The thought confused Edward until he saw that Jacob suddenly looked a little crestfallen. "Did you… like that at all? I mean the whole…?"

"Yes!" Edward exclaimed quickly, and then shrank back. "I mean… It's not something I have any business liking. I love _Bella_." he insisted.

Jacob leaned forward so that his forehead just barely rested against Edward's. "So do I." _Fate must hate us both._

Edward exhaled and leaned back. "Well… Look, this isn't- this can't- _I_ can't- I need to go."

Jacob looked back at Edward, steadily and expressionlessly. His thoughts whirled softly, spinning resignation and contentment together into a gentle mix of _well, that's life_.

Edward took a deep breath, inhaling wet dog, his own scent and another scent that must have been that infamous "sex smell" he'd heard so much about. Unable to think of what else to say, he reached for his clothes, picking them up and shaking at least some of dirt off. All they had to do was make it until he got home and then he could change and "arrive" at home to greet Bella.

 _Well at least there's no gray area. You definitely cheated this time_ , he thought grimly.

After a moment's pause, Jacob carefully reached around him to grab his own clothes. They both dressed in utter silence, only broken by Jacob's occasional _I don't think I'll ever look at him the same_ , _Well this is awkward_ and even a _I wonder how anyone could possibly mistake him for a human…_

When they were fully clothed, Edward turned to Jacob. "I mean it when I say no one else can find out. Ever. If it ever got back to Bella…"

Jacob paled slightly. "I know. It's just an affair between the two of us."

His choice of words had them both blanching.

"Well… I suppose I'll see you around…?" Jacob asked, a little too brightly.

Not that Edward knew what to say, either. "Yes," he replied just as brightly, "I mean probably. Not that I… I mean, right. Yes."

Jacob's serious face crumpled into a chuckling grin. "That made no sense."

"You make no sense," the vampire shot back, lips twitching.

The werewolf smiled back, but didn't say anything as his gaze raked over him, lingering on the patch of skin exposed from where Edward's now-buttonless shirt had fallen open. Edward self-consciously raised a hand and pulled his shirt closed again, making Jacob's eyes jump back up and meet his.

"Well," Edward cleared his throat again, "I need to get back to Bella."

Jacob nodded. "Alright. I'll, er… Maybe I'll call tomorrow."

"But you don't have any leeches on speed dial."

He smirked. "You told me I can reach you at Bella's house."

Edward's eyes narrowed. "You're a fool."

"I don't see you walking away," the werewolf's voice was almost a challenge.

"I am," Edward replied firmly, "Right now."

He turned and began walking back towards the road where he could get a clear run, straight back to the Cullen residence, when a call stopped him.

"Hey, hate to see you go, but love-"

"Finish that thought and I will follow up on my threat to turn you into an ornamental rug," Edward growled over his shoulder.

Jacob snickered, but otherwise didn't respond.

The vampire turned and, with a final glance at the werewolf, sprinted all the way back home. And, inexplicably… he was happy.

x X x

When Edward "arrived" home -- after quickly running to his room and grabbing a change of clothes -- he spotted Bella curled up the couch of his room, stubbornly ignoring the bed. Edward smiled silently and picked up her gently moved her to the bed. He covered her with the blanket and then slid in beside her. Unfortunately, the movement made her stir.

"Sorry," he murmured, as she blinked and tried to see, "I didn't mean to wake you."

Remembering her furious voice message, he waited for her anger, or at least her extreme displeasure, but it never came. Alice must've explained about the kidnapping and the bribe and the whole holding-hostage situation, and Edward wouldn't blame Bella for being upset about it. But no aggression came. They sat in the stillness for a long while, cloaked in the darkness of a sky that had clouded over once more. After a long pause, she reached out and began kissing up his chin and jaw until she found his lips, and he kissed her back-gently and chastely. There was no fire, no battle, no pent-up anger… _This is nice_ , Edward thought, a little too firmly. He pulled back and looked down at her, smiling.

"I was all braced for the wrath that was going to put grizzlies to shame, and this is what I get? I should infuriate you more often."

She smiled back. "Give me a minute to work up to it."

"I'll wait as long as you want," he whispered back, and he found his fingers twisting in her hair a little harder than usual. The heat, while more pale than it had been earlier that night, was coming back. He kissed her again, as gentle as possible, but he let a formerly-smothered passion slowly leak into it.

"Maybe in the morning," she gasped.

"Whichever you prefer." A series of kisses across her cheek and just under her jaw.

"Welcome home. I'm glad you came back," she whispered.

"That's a very good thing," Edward replied, distracted. Tasting, touching, _pleasing_ …

She hummed in agreement and twined her arms around his neck.

Experimentally, Edward ran his hand up her arm and down her side, tracing the gentle curve of her waist and hip and down to a soft thigh… where he was struck with an idea. He gently hitched her leg around his hip and bent down to trace the hollow of her throat with his lips. _Mmm, sex,_ his mind murmured pleasantly. _Nnn, yes, quite…_ he brightly agreed with himself.

_And then she dies._

Twitching slightly, Edward forced himself to pull back a bit. Slow down, at least a little bit. He couldn't stop, though-- he didn't have _that_ much self-control. _I need a distraction._

"Not to bring on the ire prematurely," he whispered, remembering seeing her on the couch and pouncing on that, "but do you mind telling me what it is about this bed that you object to?"

He rolled them over so she sat in his lap, something that he was sure was going to bring about embarrassing consequences if he didn't stay completely focused on the conversation. Bella seemed to be having the same problem. Her breath was coming hard and fast and her whole body vibrated slightly. She didn't reply for a long time, seemingly trying to pull her head down from the clouds. Not that he could blame her. His pheromones must have been going through the roof at that point…

"The bed?" he asked again. " _I_ think it's nice." _And I thought you would too. Now we have something big enough to share…_

"It's unnecessary," she answered breathily. Edward smiled and rolled them over again, this time hovering over her.

"That's debatable. This would be difficult on a couch." And he kissed her again.

Frustratingly, though, he seemed to be hitting a road block. Mentally and emotionally, he was very much for what they were heading towards, but physically… he seemed to have trouble getting up the… motivation. His body just wanted to lay still and stop rolling around, but Edward himself very much wanted… well, something. The first thing Jacob had taught him was that there were activities between sex and celibacy, and he rather wanted to try one or two of them out. But his body… just… wouldn't… play along…

"Did you change your mind?" Bella suddenly asked, still breathless.

 _Sort of._ Edward sighed, giving up on trying to get his physical self to join the party. "Don't be ridiculous, Bella. I was just trying to illustrate the benefits of the bed you don't seem to like. Don't get carried away.

"Too late," she muttered, "And I like the bed."

"Good." _At least I got something._ "I do, too."

"But I still think it's unnecessary," she continued, sounding rather put-out. "If we're not going to get carried away, what's the point?"

He sighed again. "For the hundredth time, Bella -- it's too dangerous." _Oversexed teenagers._

"I like danger."

"I know," he replied, a bit sourly. Though now, he supposed, he had a hard time really blaming Bella for her unhealthy attraction to werewolves when he seemed to be having the same issue.

"I'll tell you what's dangerous," she said suddenly, "I'm going to spontaneously combust one of these days -- and you'll have no one but yourself to blame."

He paused and focused on her body a moment, slightly confused. Her heart was still rattling in her chest and there was an extra layer of heat radiating from her skin, especially from just below her waist, as if she was…

He mentally trailed off and started pushing himself away.

"What are you doing?" She clung, startled.

"Protecting you-" _Us._ "-from combustion. If this is too much for you…"

"I can handle it," she insisted and hung on. Edward frowned and laid back down, and she squirmed back into his arms. Edward held her, a bit guiltily.

_Jacob's panicked voice. "Hey, you can leave a guy hanging like that! That's mean!"_

" _Sorry… But what, exactly, was I doing?"_

" _Nnn… I'll give sex ed. later. For now-just keep-doing-"_

" _That?"_

" _God, yes."_

Edward swallowed hard, glad Bella couldn't see his face. His body was springing back to life rather suddenly. "I'm sorry I gave you the wrong impression," he said suddenly, trying to distract himself, "I didn't mean to make you unhappy. That wasn't nice."

"Actually, it was very, very nice," Bella all but purred.

He took a deep breath, trying to settle back down. "Aren't you tired? I should let you sleep."

"No, I'm not. I don't mind if you want to give me the wrong impression again."

 _Yes, let's!_ "That's probably a bad idea. You're not the only one who gets carried away."

"Yes I am," she grumbled under her breath.

Edward barely stifled a laugh. "You have no idea, Bella. It doesn't help that you are so eager to undermine my self-control, either."

"I'm not going to apologize for that."

He smiled, but his good mood started tipping downwards again. "Can _I_ apologize?"

"For what?"

"You were angry with me, remember?"

"Oh, that," she murmured, a bit flatly.

"I'm sorry. I was wrong. It's much easier to have the proper perspective when I have you safely here," he pressed her closer to his body, "I go a little berserk when I try to leave you. I don't think I'll go so far again. It's not worth it."

"Didn't you find any mountain lions?" _She doesn't_ sound _angry…_

"Yes, I did, actually. Still not worth the anxiety. I'm sorry I had Alice hold you hostage, though. That was a bad idea."

"Yes."

"I won't do it again."

"Okay." She paused. "But slumber parties _do_ have their advantages… _You_ can hold me hostage any time you want."

He 'hmm'ed in agreement again and buried his face in her hair. "I may take you up on that."

"So is it my turn now?"

He was confused. "Your turn?"

"To apologize."

Edward blinked. "What do you have to apologize for?"

She stiffened. "Aren't you mad at me?"

"No."

"Didn't you see Alice when you got home?"

"Yes- why?"

"Are you going to take her Porsche back?"

 _What? I may have my moments, but I'm not a total jerk._ "Of course not. It was a gift."

"Don't you want to know what I did?" Edward stifled a sigh. The evening seemed to have worn him out and he just wanted to lay still and quiet for a while-almost like sleeping. He felt rather lethargic and agreeable, really. It was nice… but it seemed to be confusing Bella.

"I'm always interested in everything you do -- but you don't have to tell me unless you want to."

"But I went to La Push," she said flatly.

"I know."

"And I ditched school."

"So did I."

She was quiet for a moment, and then turned to face him. "Where did all this tolerance come from?"

 _A sympathy session with your mutt friend?_ Edward stomped down the thought. He was a bit startled at how his thoughts were turning. He almost sounded like a werewolf. And Bella was still waiting for an answer… He supposed there was a way to answer without lying.

"I decided you were right. My problem before was more about my… prejudice against werewolves than anything else. I'm going to try to be more reasonable and trust your judgment. If you say it's safe, then I'll believe you." _Within reason_.

"Wow."

"And… most importantly… I'm not willing to let this drive a wedge between us."

She smiled and nestled back down again. Edward suddenly remembered how Jacob looked, on his knees in the mud, completely soaked, and mentally shrieking everything he could think of…

_I love Bella._

_So do I_ , he had said, sounding just as confused and wounded as Edward did.

"So… Did you make plans to go back to La Push again soon?"

She suddenly froze up. Did she think there was a wrong answer? "Just so that I can make my own plans," he explained quickly. "I don't want you to feel like you have to hurry back because I'm sitting around waiting for you."

"No," she replied. Her voice wasn't just flat, it was completely emotionless. Like the emotion had exploded so far outwards she couldn't gather it back again. "I don't have plans to go back."

Edward frowned. "Oh. You don't have to do that for me."

"I don't think I'm welcome anymore," she whispered.

_I said… a lot of things… that were better left unsaid._

Hmm. He never did find out what had happened. "Did you run over someone's cat?" he asked casually, trying to sound teasing.

"No," she took a deep breath, "I thought Jacob would have realized… I didn't think it would surprise him."

Edward waited.

"He wasn't expecting… that it was so soon."

"Ah," Edward replied quietly, remembering the look on Jacob's face when he told him what he had found out.

"He said he'd rather see me dead," and the tears were evident in her voice on the last word.

 _Bella and Jacob are pretty good at blindly tearing into each other._ He sighed and pulled her into a tighter hug. "I'm so sorry."

"I thought you'd be glad."

"Glad over something that's hurt you? I don't think so, Bella," he murmured softly, but he stayed tense. Jacob really had to learn some tact. But… the wolves just didn't see vampirism the same way. Bella just saw it as an extension of her life. Jacob saw it as death and the grizzly reanimation of a corpse. _She has no idea how much that horrifies him._ _But he needs to try to see it from her side as well._

"What's wrong?" Bella asked, when he had been quiet too long.

"It's nothing." _Though I really shouldn't be sympathizing with him._

"You can tell me."

"It might make you angry." _After all,_ she's _the one I love. Not that messed-up dog._

"I still want to know," she insisted.

Edward hesitated, then quietly answered. "I could quite literally kill him for saying that to you. I _want_ to."

She laughed, a bit half-heartedly. "I guess it's a good thing you've got so much self-control."

 _Yeah. Right._ "I could slip."

"If you're going to have a lapse in control," her tone suddenly dipped into a teasing flirtation, "I can think of a better place for it."

She began to reach up to his face, but he quickly bound her arms closer to her body. "Must I always be the responsible one?"

She grinned. "No. Let me be in charge of responsibility for a few minutes… or hours."

"Goodnight, Bella."

"Wait- there was something else I wanted to ask you about."

 _Sigh._ "What's that?"

"I was talking to Rosalie last night…"

Edward remembered running into her on the way back from the trip. Apparently she was planning to tell Bella the story of her turning. And he got a brief flash of how the conversation when he was speaking with Alice -- right before he went off to La Push. Quite frankly, it was a story Edward didn't really feel like reviewing, but he guessed Bella wanted to talk about it...

"Yes," he replied, "She was thinking about that when I got in. She gave you quite a lot to consider, didn't she?"

"She told me a little bit… about the time your family lived in Denali." _Oh, did she?_ Edward thought, eyes widening slightly.

"Yes?" he replied, keeping his voice neutrally interested.

"She mentioned something about a bunch of female vampires… and you."

_Ooh, who's the pretty new boy?_

_Er… Good evening, ladies. My name is Edward. Edward Cullen. It's a pleasure to meet you._

_Oh, and so polite! Not like the others at all!_

_So where're you from, handsome?_

Edward gulped, slightly. That moment had to be one of the most uncomfortable times in his life.

"Don't worry," Bella said, after a long silence, "She told me you didn't… show any preference. But I was just wondering, you know, if any of _them_ had. Shown a preference for you, I mean."

Suddenly, Edward found himself backed into one of those questions with no right answer. He had heard of them often from the many other boys in high school he had known.

"Alice will tell me. I'll go ask her right now."

Bella started to move and Edward tightened his grip. "It's late," he said a bit stiffly. "Besides, I think Alice stepped out…"

"It's bad. It's really bad, isn't it?" Her heart rate picked up, probably imagining a beautiful vampire girl. At least, that's what he hoped she was imagining. If she was picturing a vampire harem, then it meant one of his family members let it slip that that's what the Denali clan actually was… and how would he explain staying with that sort of group?

"Calm down, Bella," he advised, kissing her nose, wishing there was a way to distract her. "You're being absurd."

"Am I? Then why won't you tell me?"

"Because there's nothing to tell. You're blowing this wildly out of proportion." _Let it go, let it go, let it go…_

"Which one?" she asked, and he knew she wouldn't let it go unless he named someone.

Briefly, he remembered Tanya, a pretty blonde girl who had been particularly happy when he had returned a couple years ago. That was right after his Bella freak out, actually… He shook the memory and focused.

"Tanya expressed a little interest. I let her know, in a very courteous, gentlemanly fashion, that I did not return that interest. End of story." _Except for the part where she found out about my gift and decided to give me a pornographic show in her head for no discernible purpose._

Bella looked like she was trying to stay calm. "Tell me something -- what does Tanya look like?"

"Just like the rest of us -- white skin, gold eyes," he answered quickly.

"And, of course, extraordinarily beautiful."

He shrugged and stifled a sigh. "I suppose, to human eyes. You know what, though?"

"What?" she sounded put-out again.

He leaned down, breathing next to her ear. "I prefer brunettes."

A brief flash of Jacob running fingers through midnight black hair ran through his mind.

 _Brunettes_ , he insisted to himself.

"She's a blonde. That figures." _How does she- never mind._

"Strawberry blonde -- not at all my type," he answered, kissing her cheek and then trailing a chain of kisses down into the base of her throat and back again.

"I _guess_ that's okay, then."

Edward smiled. "Hmm. You're quite adorable when you're jealous. It's surprisingly enjoyable."

Bella scowled, but Edward silenced any further protest with a final kiss. "It's late. Sleep, my Bella. Dream happy dreams. You are the only one who has ever touched my heart. It will always be yours. Sleep, my only love." Edward whispered, and he meant it. Bella had his heart and soul, even if Jacob seemed to have his body rather occupied with his raging but quiet fire… but one's heart was much more important that one's body, wasn't it? _Yes. Yes it is._

But a voice remarkably resembling Jacob's snorted with derision in the back of Edward's mind and he found himself staring at the wall for the rest of the night.

x X x

Bella had to go home the next morning to keep up the sleepover charade, so Edward lurked just around the block in the car and listened carefully to Charlie's thoughts.

 _Bella's back… Laundry? Should have done it… Shirt missing? Hmm._ Edward rolled his eyes, disdain rising up in his throat -- but it was tempered with condescending amusement. He continued to wait quietly, though, and listened for their conversation to settle down.

When he figured it was his cue, he drove around the corner and parked beside Bella's beaten truck. However, when he walked up to the door, his pleasantly content mood evaporated. A new scent was clung to the front steps and seemed to be leaking from the house itself. He knocked on the door, sniffing and trying to identify who it was. After a few muffled words, Bella opened the door with a wide smile, but froze at the look on Edward's face.

The scent kicked up another notch and Edward grimaced with distaste and more than a little worry. Bella blinked up at him, looking just as worried. "Edward, what-?"

He hushed her with a pair of fingers on her lips. "Give me two seconds. Don't move," he whispered, and bolted past her and up the steps. He gave the upstairs a quick once-over and then darted back down and stopped back on the front step in front of Bella again. _Somebody was in her room, but who? Victoria? Didn't smell like her…_

Edward stepped into the room, trying to recall any vampires that knew Bella -- he should have also known them. Trying to be as casual as possible, he swept Bella into the kitchen with an arm around her waist. "Somebody's been in here," he murmured, keeping both arms protectively around Bella and looking around. The scent wasn't fresh and there weren't any thoughts besides Charlie's coming from the house, so they must have left…

Bella looked up at him, expression unreadable. "I swear that no werewolves-" she began, but he cut her off with a shake of his head.

"Not one of them. One of us." She paled.

"Victoria?" _No. She smelled of spice and danger… this one… it's more subdued. Someone wild, but more… kidlike? Definitely male. Unfortunately…_

"It's not a scent I recognize."

"One of the Volturi?"

Edward nodded. "Probably." But he hoped not.

"When?"

"That's why I think it must have been them -- it wasn't long ago." He inhaled again, trying to guess the time. "Early this morning while Charlie was sleeping. And whoever it was didn't touch him, so there must have been another purpose."

"Looking for me," Bella supplied quietly, and her face grew more ashen by the minute.*

Edward frowned and was about to continue when Charlie came up on them. _Bella's upset. And Edward's… angry?_

He smiled, startled but pleased. "If you two are having a fight… well, don't let me interrupt." Smiling even broader, he put the dishes he was carrying in the sink and walked out. Edward's contempt for the man jumped up another level. "Let's go."

"But Charlie!" Bella protested. Edward stifled a sigh and then pulled out his phone. "Emmett," he whispered into the receiver and paused as it dialed the man in question. After barely more than a second, the vampire picked up.

"Edward? What's up?"

Edward had to make this fast. "Some other vampire has been in Bella's house recently, and they can't have gotten that far. I need you to try to find them. Can you do that? Grab Jasper, if you need to."

"Yeah, I can get him, but… you sure?"

"Positive. Come quickly, please."

"Alright. We'll be there in a few, see if we can pick up their trail."

Emmett agreed and Edward flipped the phone shut. "Emmett and Jasper are on their way," he whispered and began pulling Bella towards the door. "They'll sweep the woods. Charlie is fine."

Bella didn't reply, even as Charlie shot them a confused look and a _Where're they going?_ as they left. Edward continued dragging her into the car, and she only spoke again when they were on their way to Carlisle's house.

"Where are we going?" her voice was still a whisper.

"We're going to talk to Alice." _She'd better have seen something. Or better yet, have not seen something, because being silent about a vision like that is absolutely idiotic._

When the pair of them reached the house, all the minds in the room reflected various levels of concern, though Alice's thoughts rang with guilt.

He turned to her first. "What happened?" he demanded, his anger jumping up at the thought that one of Bella's main defenses was breaking down.

Alice crossed her arms defensively. "I have no idea. I didn't see anything." _I'm sorry, Edward. I don't know why I couldn't-_

"How is that _possible_?" Edward hissed back.

Bella frowned beside him. "Edward…"

"It's not an exact science, Edward," Carlisle said, quietly standing up for Alice.

 _Who has no business being stood up for!_ "He was in her _room_ , Alice. He could have still been there -- waiting for her."

"I would have seen that," Alice replied quietly.

"Really?" Edward asked acidly, throwing up his hands in exasperation. "You're sure?" His causticity was reminding him of the way werewolves thought and acted, but he had no time to worry about picking up bad habits.

 _That's not fair._ Alice's mind hissed and his gaze shifted to meet her cold stare. "You're already got me watching the Volturi's decisions, watching for Victoria's return, watching Bella's every step. You want me to add another? Do I just have to watch Charlie, or Bella's room, or the house, or the whole street, too? Edward, if I try to do too much, things are going to start slipping through the cracks."

"It looks like they already are," Edward snapped, and a ghost of a sneer darkened his features.

"She was never in any danger. There was nothing to see."

"If you're watching Italy, why didn't you see them send-" Edward growled, but Alice cut him off.

"I don't think it's them. I would have seen that."

"Who else would leave Charlie alive?"

"I don't know," Alice admitted.

"Helpful." His expression became a full sneer.

"Stop it, Edward," Bella suddenly murmured beside him and Edward forced himself to bite his tongue. He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, forcing his temper back down. _I really could use at least one damn night's rest at some point…_ He took another breath.

"You're right, Bella. I'm sorry." he turned to Alice, who gazed back at him neutrally. "Forgive me, Alice. I shouldn't be taking this out on you. That was inexcusable."

"I understand," she responded, and he saw from her mind that she really did, "I'm not happy about it, either."

Edward paused again, thinking. "Okay, let's look at this logically. What are the possibilities?"

Everyone moved and tried to calm down, their thoughts shifting from worried anxiety to at least an attempt at slow and logical thinking. Edward grabbed Bella's hand and they sat on the sofa next to Esme. He held onto her hand while his sort-of mother put an arm around Bella's shoulder.

"Victoria?" Carlisle suggested.

Edward shook his head. "No. I didn't know the scent. He might have been from the Volturi, someone I've never met…"

"Aro hasn't asked anyone to look for her yet," Alice disagreed, "I _will_ see that. I'm waiting for it." Edward could see that his comments still stung her a bit, and she wanted to prove her gift was still useful. Reliable.

"You're watching for an official command," Edward corrected, noting the wording.

"You think someone's acting on their own? Why?"

"Caius' idea?" Edward suggested. Perhaps he was ordering one of his underlings to do it so that they wouldn't recognize the scent.

"Or Jane's… They both have the resources to send an unfamiliar face…" Alice continued quietly.

Edward found himself growling. "And the motivation." Both were rather sadistic vampires who took a certain pleasure in ruining the sort of things Aro loved. How they managed to command forces together was a mystery to Edward.

"It doesn't make sense, though," Esme put in quietly. "If whoever it was meant to wait for Bella, Alice would have seen that. He -- or she -- had no intention of hurting Bella. Or Charlie, for that matter."

 _That's true…_ Edward thought, but felt Bella's cringe before he could voice it. "It's going to be fine, Bella," he soothed, running cold fingers through her hair.

"But what was the point, then?" Carlisle wondered.

"Checking to see if I'm still human?" Bella suggested.

"Possible," Carlisle agreed.

Suddenly Rosalie exhaled loudly. _He's back!_ Edward turned, hopefully, toward the front door, but Emmett's words upon entering were a disappointment.

"Long gone, hours ago. The trail went East, then South, and disappeared on a side road. Had a car waiting." _Damn. I was kind of looking forward to a nice scuffle._

"That's bad luck," Edward muttered. "If he'd gone west… well, it would be nice for those dogs to make themselves useful." _Jacob could probably use a little cathartic violence, too. Maybe it would calm him down a bit. Though he is rather interesting when wound up…_

Bella winced and Edward's attention was jerked back to her. He absently rubbed her shoulder and listened to more of Emmett's and Jasper's report.

"Neither of us recognized him. But here," he opened his fist and held out a crumpled leaf to Carlisle. "Maybe you know the scent."

Carlisle inhaled and Edward heard him shuffle through the long list of vampires he knew, but came up with nothing. "No. Not familiar. No one I've ever met."

"Perhaps we're looking at this the wrong way. Maybe it's a coincidence…" Edward and the rest of the family cut Esme off with sharp looks of various levels of incredulity. She looked around at all of them, but continued anyway, "I don't mean a coincidence that a stranger happened to pick Bella's house to visit at random. I meant that maybe someone was just curious. Our scent is all around her. Was he wondering what draws us there?

 _What sort of roundabout way to get information is that?_ Edward nearly growled, but Emmett beat him to it. "Why wouldn't he just come here then? If he was curious?"

Esme smiled. "You would," her tone was that motherly fond tone she often used during one of the Cullens' signature moments. "The rest of us aren't always so direct. Our family is very large -- he or she might be frightened. But Charlie wasn't harmed. This doesn't have to be an enemy."

 _I seriously doubt it_ , Edward thought silently, as did the rest of the family, but Carlisle loudly wished it were true.

"I don't think so," Alice said at last, "The timing of it was too perfect… This visitor was so careful to make no contact. Almost like he or she knew that I would see…"

"He could have other reasons for not making contact."

"Does it really matter who it was?" Bella asked suddenly, the family's gazes all turned to her. "Just the chance that someone _was_ looking for me… isn't that reason enough? We shouldn't wait for graduation."

Edward's grip on her hand tightened as he struggled to stifle another flash of frustration at her constant want to be a vampire. "No, Bella. It's not that bad. If you're really in danger, we'll know."

"Think of Charlie," Carlisle added. "Think of how it would hurt him if you disappeared."

"I _am_ thinking of Charlie! He's the one I'm worried about! What if my little guest had happened to be thirsty last night? As long as I'm around Charlie, he's a target, too. If anything happened to him, it would be all my fault!" Her voice rang with distress and Edward looked away.

"Hardly, Bella," Esme comforted her instead. "And nothing will happen to Charlie. We're just going to have to be more careful."

" _More_ careful?" she repeated, her anxiety jumping up again.

"It's all going to be fine, Bella," Alice said, her voice quiet and sure. Edward just squeezed her hand and wished that, one day, he'd find a way to tell her that becoming a vampire didn't solve all of one's problems.

The rest of the family agreed with Esme and decided to put more effort into guarding Bella and her father. Already, they were deciding night shifts. One of the family could guard the home while Edward comforted Bella, and they would keep it up until they caught the snooping vampire.

"You won't be alone for a second," Edward promised as he drove her back home. "Someone will always be there. Emmett, Alice, Jasper-"

Bella sighed, interrupting him. "This is ridiculous. They'll get so bored, they'll have to kill me themselves, just for something to do."

 _The hell?_ "Hilarious, Bella," he replied flatly.

When they got home, just in time to have dinner together, it was apparent that Charlie still thought they were fighting. He hummed pleasantly in his mind as he settled down at the table while Bella threw together a quick dinner. Edward had excused himself from the room for a moment, checking to make sure Emmett was in place -- which he was -- and went back to the dining room just as Charlie began speaking again.

"Jacob called again," Charlie commented, too casually. Edward expected to tense at the news, but he surprised himself by having a supreme lack of concern. That was, until he sat down and Jacob's words from a couple nights ago rang in his head. _Maybe I'll call tomorrow._

Bella set a plate in front of him and he stared at it. _You told me I can reach you at Bella's house_ , the teasing voice continued.

Edward shook it from his mind.

"-a fact?" Bella was asking, her callous casualness a lot more real than Charlie's.

"Don't be petty, Bella. He sounded really low."

"Is Jacob paying you for all the P.R. or are you a volunteer?"

Charlie sighed and grumbled into his food, his thoughts whirring angrily. _Wonder what she'll think of him tomorrow. Every day last year -- always something different. 'Who's Jacob? Oh, he's pretty cool. No, he's my best friend. No, now he's the member of a cult. No, he's my best friend again.' All year. Make up your mind…_

Other than that, the dinner went on quietly and contently, and eventually it was time for Edward to "leave". He gave a pretty convincing goodbye at the door and then walked out into the rain. As soon as the door shut, he ran between a couple houses across the street

to quickly purge the dinner he had eaten and then went back to Charlie's house. Emmett was leaning against the tree just outside Bella's window, staying mostly dry under the branches. When he saw Edward pass, he shot him a joking grin.

"Have fun tonight. I'd better not hear you two… _talking_ … while I'm down here," he teased, and Edward growled.

"I already told you, Emmett. We're _not_ doing _anything_."

"Sure, sure," Emmett waved it off, and Edward saw a brief flash of Jacob doing the same thing. He silently climbed through Bella's window and, after a few minutes of talking, he gently sang her to sleep and waited until she was settled into deep sleep before he pulled away slightly. He rolled into his back and stared at the ceiling, feeling rather discomforted.

 _What if Jacob really_ is _trying to call me? He wouldn't, would he? He knows better than that, I'm sure… Besides, he has to apologize to Bella, doesn't he? He's probably calling to do that. I think. Just to talk to her._

Indignation and then surprise at the indignation rose at once, and Edward twitched at the combined feeling. _Why should I care if he doesn't want to speak to me? It's not like I want to speak to him, either. He's just some mutt._

But he had a hard time meshing that thought with the look in Jacob's eyes when they had finally fallen back onto the cold, muddy ground and stared at one another in shock that night.

_No, this is ridiculous. 'Some mutt' is right. That's exactly what he is._

And with that, he turned and pulled Bella towards him again, firmly reminding himself just _where_ his heart and soul laid.

x X x

"I'm going to let him off the hook," Bella announced after breakfast the next day. Charlie was off fishing with one of his friends from the police station and so they had the whole day off.

Edward, again, couldn't seem to be upset at that news. "I knew you'd forgive him. Holding grudges is not one of your many talents."

She rolled her eyes and dialed the phone. Edward followed his promise to trust her and deliberately stood on the opposite side of the kitchen, so he couldn't hear whatever Jacob said.

"Jacob?" Bella asked hesitantly after the phone had rung a couple times.

There was a long pause, where Jacob's voice buzzed on the other side.

"I'm not mad. You're forgiven," she replied simply to whatever he said.

Another pause. "Don't worry about that-- I'm used to it."

_I was right. He is apologizing._

She suddenly frowned. "How?"

Edward waited, staying perfectly calm and disinterested in the conversation.

"Oh, _there's_ a brilliant idea."

Bella shot a quick glance at Edward before replying again. "Not right now."

A pause. "That's not the problem. There's… well, there's this other problem that's slightly more worrisome than a bratty teenage werewolf…" she trailed off, sounding a little too hard to be just joking. Jacob didn't seem to fall for it either.

"Um…" Bella hesitated. Edward's eyes narrowed, but he was still calm. If Jacob had to know about the visitor-vampire problem, Edward would rather _he_ was the one to explain it. He silently held out his hand for the phone. Bella stared at him critically. Jacob said something Edward didn't catch, and he held his hand out a little closer.

Bella pulled back slightly and spoke into the receiver. "Do you mind speaking to Edward? He wants to talk to you."

There was a very long pause that time, and then Bella hesitantly handed the phone to Edward, who held it up to his ear. "Hello, Jacob," he greeted, perfectly polite and neutral.

Jacob was silent for a long moment. "Hello, Edward. How… interestingly convenient." His voice was not necessarily unhappy, but it was unreadable beyond that. "Bella mentioned something about an issue. What happened?"

"Someone was here -- not a scent I know," Edward explained, still calm, but his chest felt tight for some indiscernible reason. "Has your pack come across anything new?"

"No," Jacob replied, sounding disappointed. "Not a single whiff of vampire -- except for the Cullens, of course. Hey, I was wondering, is there any chance of Bella being able to come over?" he paused and a hint of mischievousness crept into his tone. "Or _you_ , if you wanted-"

"Here's the crux of it, Jacob," Edward cut him off quickly and firmly ignored his last sentence. "I won't be letting Bella out of my sight 'til I get this taken care of. It's nothing personal-"

"Hey," Jacob protested, "we aren't dangerous. When will you understand that? Besides, as much as you refuse to admit it, we _are_ the natural enemies of vampires, so she would be pretty safe from them here."

"You might be right," Edward began, but Jacob cut him off again.

"She would be much safer here than at home and maybe Billy could keep Charlie occupied here as well, if you're worried about him, too. Chances of some stray vampire walking into a camp full of werewolves is pretty low." He quieted down, and then added. "And I think Bella would be safer if a werewolf was around her home as well. If I could get Sam to agree to it, the pack could help your coven. We could have a… a truce until the stray leech is caught."

"That's an interesting suggestion," Edward said, after a quiet pause. _Why oh why can't I read minds over the phone? It would be much easier that way…_ But about his suggestion… it had merit. "We're quite willing to renegotiate. If Sam is amenable."

"I think he is. Or he will be. I'll have to talk to him, but he'll probably be alright with it. Hopefully we'll be able to take some of the heat off your family -- and get a chance to take down Bella's latest and greatest threat," he sounded amused.

"Thank you," Edward responded politely and neutrally.

Jacob cleared his throat before saying his next bit. "Also, there was something else I wanted to ask… You're planning to try and pick up the vampire's trail right? Well, werewolves are pretty good trackers, so if you needed help, I could… I mean, if you wanted to." His next words seemed to come out almost grudgingly. "I guess you can bring Bella, too… if you want."

If Edward was able to flush, he felt like he might've in that moment. "I'd planned to go alone, actually-" he corrected Jacob's assumption and heard the wolf's quiet "Oh." -- "and leave her with the others."

"Alright…" Jacob said at last, "Well, I could take care of her for a while, while you're out tracking. She'd be safe here; I promise. Think about it, would you?"

"I'll try to consider it objectively," Edward agreed, sounding perfectly professional. "As objectively as I'm capable of."

"Okay. And… if you two are alright with it, I'd like to come over and check out the scent so that I'll recognize it if I run into it later."

Edward felt a bit skeptical of Jacob's motivations to come to Bella's place, but he knew the suggestion was a pretty good idea. If the pack ran into a stray vampire, they would be able to report back to him that it was the one that snuck into Bella's room.

"That's not a half-bad idea. When-?"

"Now?" he asked quickly, then cleared his throat. "I mean… anytime, really."

"No, that's fine," Edward replied. "I'd like a chance to follow the trail personally, anyway."

"Does that mean you're not…? Never mind. I'll be there in ten minutes."

"Ten minutes… certainly." Now that the business was done, Edward wasn't sure he wanted to stick around to hear the next topic the werewolf might come up with it. He held the phone out to Bella again. "Bella?" he offered.

She took it and slowly drew it up to her ear. "What was that all about?"

Edward turned away and studied the various objects in the kitchen, keeping his mind focused on the subject at hand. Yes, he would definitely have to be out of the house when Jacob visited. Ashamed as he was to silently admit it, he didn't think he was ready to see the wolf in the light of day. Especially if he was coming half-naked -- a fashion pattern Edward was started to catch on to.

After a few minutes and more chatting between the people on the phone, Bella hung up and Edward turned to face her again. He would need a reasonable explanation as to why he would rather be away from the house while Jacob was there.

Of course, like all things Edward found perfectly reasonable and Bella did not, it had to be hashed out in an argument.

"This is ridiculous. Why do you have to leave?"

"I just think it would be better that we avoid each other, for the sake of peace."

"You're still mad at him, aren't you? I thought there was a truce now."

"There is, and I'm not. I just think my time would be better well spent investigating the mystery vampire's scent trail than stuck in a room with Jacob." His voice started to strain under the stress. He really, really didn't want to be there when Jacob was.

"You _are_ still angry with him!" Bella accused.

Edward sighed. "It's not that I feel any personal antagonism towards him, Bella, it's just easier for the both of us. I won't be far away," he continued, already walking towards the door, "You'll be safe."

She huffed. "I'm not worried about that."

Neither was Edward, to be honest, but it was a point he'd gotten used to making-and it was true. Suddenly, he was struck with an idea. Maybe he couldn't _be there_ for Jacob when he arrived, but he could leave a… friendly reminder.

When Bella approached him to escort him out, he gave her a long hug and exhaled slowly into her hair, leaving a healthy dose of his scent over her. A mark of _She's mine, wolf_ and a friendly sort of greeting. Sort of.

"I'll be right back," he said brightly and walked out the door.

Almost immediately, he picked up the stranger's scent and began following it exactly how Emmett had described-eastward. As he started tracking, he wondered what Jacob and Bella would talk about in his absence, but he knew it was none of his business.

 _I wonder if he really does still love her…_ Edward wondered absently, though he was almost positive he did. What he wasn't sure about was how Jacob managed to mix his love for Bella with his… whatever-it-was for Edward.

_Well, werewolves are pretty good trackers, so if you needed help, I could… I mean, if you wanted to._

Edward swallowed and shook his head. He wasn't sure where Jacob's -- and thus also Edward's -- _thing_ could take them, but it wasn't any place good, and he had every intention of avoiding it to the best of his abilities.

If only he could figure out why that thought made his chest tighten unpleasantly.

_"This can't be right_   
_But it doesn't feel so wrong._   
_But when I'm all alone, I'm thinking of you._   
_But I'm with her._   
_It can't be right that it's you on my mind_   
_She's still my life."_

_~"This Can't Be Right" by Raghav_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a question. Why does Bella have Victoria built up as this sort of super-vampire who is the worst of all evil monsters that can kill her just by looking at her meanly? It's really sort of… awkward. Didn't she only see Victoria once, two years ago? But whenever she talks about Victoria, she's terrified out of her mind.
> 
> Also! You know what's annoying? Authors who have extended bits of dialog with only random splattering of physical motion with it. Meyer seems to do this a lot with Bella and the vampires. I suppose she ran out of purple prose to describe them and she can't really describe herself, so now we're just going to have to flounder in darkness and confusion, hearing nothing but voices for half the scene. And you know what's sad? I used to absolutely adore purple prose. I lived for that unctuous crap. I cruised books to make sure they had it before I would buy it. But Twilight… dear god, I never want to hear it again. X_x Why would anyone say "the bouquets of brilliant anemones undulated ceaselessly in the invisible current" when "the wind was blowing through the field of flowers" works just as well? At this point, I just want to know who's doing what while saying whatever and move on. Honestly, it's like the description is completely sucked out of some scenes and over-stuffed in others, I swear…
> 
> Pfft, ANYWAY, on another note-I hope you like how the story's going so far. ^_^ I probably should have started with that, but I was holding my bitter breath until the last sentence of the chapter and I really needed to breathe. And I know the sex is probably a little early, but I needed something intense to explain Edward's complete 180 about werewolves which makes no sense in canon and required the extreme logic of a yaoi fan to explain.


	6. Please Don't Leave Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Original author's notes kept for posterity._
> 
> Alright, alright, I'll… er… get to work on the smutty versions, then. x3 (Sex fiends! All of you!) And I agree about the versatile point. I'm thinking… maybe Edward would top for the first time (since while Jacob may be sitting in the closet and sometimes peeking through the cracks, Edward is crouched in the corner with his arms over his head) and maybe Jacob the second ti- Never mind. You heard nothing.

"Come in, Jake!" Jacob heard Bella's shout almost as soon as he'd rung the doorbell. He opened and shut the door with a quiet pair of clicks and peeked into the kitchen. Just as he had expected, Bella was there-washing dishes for some reason. Didn't her father do that? Or better yet-didn't she have a dishwasher?

He came up behind her, looking around for a conversation starter. Bella remained silent and just continued to pile dishes into the sink. Did she know he had come in?

"Should you really leave your door unlocked like that?" he asked, then jumped back as Bella jolted and sloshed dishwater over the front of her shirt.

"Oh, sorry," he added, a bit embarrassed as she stood there, sopping wet.

"I'm not worried about anyone who wouldn't be deterred by a locked door," Bella replied to his previous comment, wiping the front of her shirt with a towel she'd grabbed off the counter.

"Good point," he agreed, and glanced around the kitchen again. Edward's scent clung to almost every inch of the house, but another vampire scent was also hanging on, lingering just under Edward's. The new scent reeked even worse than the Cullens did, and Jacob found his nose twitching slightly.

When her shirt was mostly dry, Bella turned and stared at him critically. "Is it really so impossible to wear clothes, Jacob? I mean, I know you don't get cold anymore, but still."

Jacob smiled, not particularly ashamed. Only wearing pants was a habit he had picked up after phasing for so long. He glanced down at his leg. He was even still wearing that cord around his ankle.

"It's just easier," he replied simply.

"What's easier?"

He smiled again, the lie coming to him easily. Though it wasn't so much of a lie as it was an out-dated truth. "It's enough of a pain to carry the shorts around with me, let alone a complete outfit. What do I look like, a pack mule?"

"What are you talking about, Jacob?"

 _What does she think, my wolf gene considers clothes a part of my body?_ "My clothes don't just pop in and out of existence when I change -- I have to carry them with me while I Run. Pardon me for keeping my burden light."

She flushed, having apparently avoided communal showers all her life. "I guess I didn't think about that."

He laughed and then held his left leg forward, pointing to the leather cord he was still wearing. "That's more than just a fashion statement -- it sucks to carry jeans in your mouth."

The conversation made him feel a brief pang for his werewolf life. It was good back then -- better than good, really. He liked being strong and fast, and to spend time hunting or roughhousing with his brothers… The only problem was sharing his mind with them. He would love to run with his family again, just like he had loved it before, but the thought of them finding out about Edward terrified him into staying human. He knew he wouldn't be able to hold back his inner wolf much longer, though, so he was already looking into methods to control the direction of his thoughts. Mantras, narration, detail focus…

He realized Bella was still looking uncomfortable and forced a grin. "Does my being half-naked bother you?"

"No," she said stiffly, flushing and turning back to the dishes. He laughed and, though he wanted to stay with her longer, he had a job to do.

"Well, I suppose I should get to work. I wouldn't want to give him an excuse to say I'm slacking on my side."

_Hey, aren't you supposed to be doing something, too? You're just laying there._

_Sorry, Edward, just admiring the view. You're really sort of… pretty._

… _You're ridiculous. You sound like a girl._

 _If I was a girl, would I be able to do_ that _?_

Jacob quickly pulled himself from the memory in time to hear Bella's protest. "Jacob, it's not your job-"

He cut her off with a shake of his head. "I'm working on a volunteer basis here. Now, where is the intruder's scent the worst?"

"My bedroom. I think."

 _Her bedroom? Why?_ His eyes narrowed. "I'll be just a minute."

He quickly jogged up the steps and opened her bedroom door, inhaling. And immediately regretted it. "Ugh," he muttered to himself, wrinkling his nose. The stench was incredible. It smelled like something had crawled under her bed and died.

He memorized the scent though, just as he had memorized all the Cullens' -- and Edward's especially -- and then walked back down the steps.

Bella was still washing dishes.

"Whew," he exclaimed when he reached the kitchen again. Suddenly the smell there wasn't so bad. Bella jumped again, this time sending water splashing across the floor instead of herself.

"Yeesh, Jake, cut that out!"

Jacob winced, but grinned. _Humans…_ He took the towel from her hands and bent to start mopping the floor. "I'll make it up to you," he said, when the floor was clean. "You wash, I'll rinse and dry."

"Fine," she growled and gave him the plate.

He flipped on the warm water and ran the plate under it. "Well, the scent was easy enough to catch. By the way, your room reeks," he commented over the sound of the running water.

"I'll buy some air freshener."

Jacob laughed and they went back to washing the dishes in silence. _No reason to rush off. I can probably stay here until Edward comes back. Maybe a while after that…_ He vaguely wondered what Bella thought of the whole vampire thing, other than just being okay with it. Was it strange, knowing about all of his powers and the mind-reading gift? Did she ever think about what it must've been like to never eat real food or be able to feel warm? Edward must've also been exposed to more history than she -- or Jacob either, for that matter -- could imagine. It was strange, being around a supernatural being like that, even when Jacob was one of them.

"Can I ask you something?" Jacob suddenly blurted.

Bella handed him another plate, hesitating. "That depends on what you want to know."

"I'm not trying to be a jerk or anything," Jacob added, "I'm honestly curious."

"Fine. Go ahead."

He dried the plate and set it aside, turning to her. "What's it like -- having a vampire for a boyfriend?"

Bella rolled her eyes. "It's the best," she answered sarcastically.

 _What's that supposed to mean?_ "I'm serious. The idea doesn't bother you -- it never creeps you out?" _Do you know he's never tasted anything but salty, metallic blood since he was turned? How many of his friends has he seen die, I wonder…_

"Never." Bella continued. _Does she ever think about this sort of thing? What being a vampire really means? Does she care?_ He frowned at the questions running through his mind. _And why do I even care?_

"Anything else?"

"Well," he hesitated. It was another question that had bugged him for a while, but he had no idea how to ask it. "I was wondering… do you… y'know-" Jacob told himself just to spit it out, but he chickened out in the end. " _Kiss_ him?"

Oddly enough, though he really shouldn't have cared, he wanted to know if that had been Edward's first time… in a situation like that. It seemed a little unfair that he didn't know about Edward, but the vampire knew it had been his. Jacob knew it was his fault, and he couldn't really blame Edward for the imbalance, but it still bugged him. For reasons he still didn't know, he had blurted out-a bit panicked-that it was a 'totally new experience' towards the middle, and Edward had laughed at him. He'd also looked relieved, actually… _But that doesn't prove anything_ , his mind muttered.

Bella laughed at the question. "Yes." Jacob looked up, startled, but considering Bella wasn't blushing… she must've took the question at face-value. In the back of his mind, an image started coming up of Edward and Bella kissing on a bed, their fingers twined and Edward's hair falling in his eyes… And then realized he might've been silent too long.

"Ugh," he shuddered. Hopefully convincingly, but his heart was pounding.

"To each her own," Bella murmured, picking up another dish. Jacob turned back to the sink as well, but shot Bella a sideways grin.

"You don't worry about the fangs?"

She smacked his arm with her wet towel. "Shut up, Jacob! You know he doesn't have fangs!"

"Close enough," he muttered, thinking of the sharp teeth that had scraped against his skin. Edward wasn't tempted in the slightest to drink Jacob's blood -- it was all about the sensations. But it must be harder with Bella being a human. _How does he deal with that?_

Bella gritted his teeth, suddenly looking angry, and started working through the pile of silverware.

"Can I ask another one?" Jacob asked quietly, taking the soapy knife she passed to him. "Just curious, again."

"Fine," she agreed curtly.

He was quiet a long moment. _Do I really want to know the answer?_ But he knew he did, however unpleasant the answer would be. "You said a few weeks… When, exactly…?" he broke off, hoping he didn't have to finish the question.

He didn't. "Graduation," Bella whispered.

"So soon," Jacob murmured, half to himself. Too many more questions popped up in his mind for him to pick one to ask. Had she really thought about becoming a vampire? Really, really thought about it? Didn't she ever wonder why Edward never looked happy, even when he seemed sort of happy? Jacob had seen him wear many different expressions, but every single of them had had a vein of sadness running beneath them -- in his eyes, mostly. The thought made Jacob suddenly tighten his fist, frustrated. _Why do I even car-_ "OW!" he shouted, and forced his fist to unclench. The knife he'd been rinsing clattered to the counter with a splash of blood and crimson ran down his fingers.

"Damn it! Ouch!" he growled, glaring at the knife, which glistened with red against the blade. He was immediately distracted, though, when Bella flew into a panic.

"Oh, no, Jacob! Oh crap!" Forgetting her anger, she grabbed a dishcloth and pushed it at him. "Here, wrap this around it!"

"It's nothing, Bella, don't worry about it." Had she forgotten he was a werewolf? The cut hurt but he wasn't going to die. Hell, he could probably slice elbow to wrist and it wouldn't kill him.

"Don't worry!" she gasped, and fell back against the counter, paling significantly. "You sliced your hand open!"

He just shot her an odd look, and turned to the sink to run the cut under the water. It should heal in just a minute or two and he didn't want to deal with dried blood all over his hand.

Bella stared, fixated and green, at the blood and water swirling in the sink.

"Bella," Jacob drew her attention up from the mess. He frowned at the fear and disgust and panic in her expression when she looked up at him.

"What?" her voice was faint.

 _Oo-kay…_ "You look like you're going to pass out, and you're biting your lip off. Stop it. Relax. Breathe. I'm fine."

She released her lip and narrowed her eyes at him. "Don't be brave."

 _I'm a werewolf, dammit! I'm not dying._ He rolled his eyes, refusing to respond to the ridiculousness. _Apparently vampires are the only ones allowed to be durable around here…_

"Let's go. I'll drive you to the E.R."

"Not necessary." He shut off the water and wrapped the previously-offered towel around the wound. The active bleeding had stopped and he could already feel it knitting.

"Wait! Let me look at it." Bella said, reaching for his hand. After the panic, though, Jacob was highly skeptical of that plan.

"Do you have a medical degree that you never told me about?"

"Just give me the chance to decide whether or not I'm going to throw a fit over taking you to the hospital."

Jacob laughed and placed the uninjured hand on his chest. "Please, not a fit!" he exclaimed with mock horror.

Bella was not amused. "If you don't let me see your hand, a fit is guaranteed."

He sighed. "Fine." He unwrapped his now perfectly-fine hand and held it out to her.

She took it and stared, then confusedly turned it over to look at the back of it. She turned it over again and squinted at his palm. Where the jagged cut had been, there was only a faint pink line. It would be completely unmarked by that afternoon, Jacob was sure.

"But… you were bleeding… so much." She looked confused and concerned.

He was getting a bit tired of her thinking vampires were completely invincible and werewolves were just a bunch of people that could turn into dogs. "I heal fast," he replied flatly.

"I'll say…"

He forced a smile and thumped the uninjured hand against his chest. "Werewolf, remember?"

She silently held his gaze for a moment. "Right."

He laughed. She still looked completely disbelieving. "I told you this. You saw Paul's scar." The fast healing really came in handy with how many times Paul and Jacob squabbled over inconsequential things and then tore into each other as wolves until they calmed down. It was a running joke with the pack at that point. _Or, had been…_

She shook her head. "It's a little different, seeing the action sequence firsthand."

Bella got down under the sink and grabbed bleach and another towel to start scrubbing the floor with. "Let me clean up," Jacob protested.

"I got this. Throw that towel in the wash, will you?"

He did, and then turned to watch her. She scrubbed the floor until he was the cleanest part of the kitchen and then scrubbed the sink as well. When she'd finished, she dumped twice the recommended amount in the washing machine before starting it and looked sternly victorious when any evidence of injury was completely gone.

"Do you have obsessive-compulsive disorder?" he asked, a bit disapprovingly. Though, considering how she'd reacted when he was actively bleeding, perhaps she was allergic to it or something.

"We're a bit sensitive to blood around here. I'm sure you can understand that."

"Oh." _Does she think werewolf blood is attractive to vampires?_

"Why not make it as easy as possible for him? What he's doing is hard enough."

"Sure, sure. Why not?" he agreed amiably. Cutting himself might be a good idea, though. The nausea it would induce would put Edward off of human-like blood for a week.

He felt a pang, though, as he reviewed their conversation. _She seems to really dislike werewolves… But I thought we were good to her._

"Can I ask you something, Bella?" Jacob blurted as she drained the dishwater.

She sighed, but didn't necessarily say 'no'.

"What's it like-- having a werewolf for a best friend?"

She laughed instead of answering.

Jacob pressed, "Does it creep you out?"

"No." She smiled at him. "When the werewolf is being nice, it's the best."

Jacob grinned, relieved. "Thanks, Bella!" He pulled her into a tight hug, relishing the way she almost-melted, like she really trusted him, and he breathed in the flowery scent of her hair and-

He dropped his arms and stepped back immediately. "Ugh. Your hair stinks worse than your room," he complained. Edward would have had to deliberately breathed there for it to be that strong. And while the scent wasn't all that horrible when it came to the cold rush Jacob felt in his presence, it was pretty terrible on its own.

"Sorry," Bella muttered, but Jacob shrugged it off.

"One of the many hazards of socializing with vampires. It makes you smell bad. A minor hazard, comparatively…" He trailed off as he heard someone shuffling at the door, not coming in but not leaving either. One whiff told Jacob it was Edward, and his heart rate sped up.

She glared. "I only smell bad to you, Jake."

He grinned. _Time to leave._ "See you around, Bells."

She looked puzzled. "Are you leaving?"

Jacob nodded. "He's waiting for me to go. I can hear him outside." He didn't need to say who.

"Oh."

"I'll go out the back," he offered, but paused. "Hold up a sec- hey, do you think you can come to La Push tonight? We're having a bonfire party. Emily will be there, and you can meet Kim… And I know Quil wants to see you, too. He's pretty peeved that you found out before I did." _It was rather funny to see, actually… But it only kept him down for about a minute_.

She grinned at that, but then sighed. "'Yeah, Jake, I don't know about that. See, it's a little tense right now…"

"C'mon, you think somebody's going to get past all-" _Oh, God._ "-all six of us?" he asked, stuttering on the last bit. _If the new vampire showed up… I would have to phase. And they would all see… everything. The whole pack would know… Oh, shit…*_

"I'll ask," Bella said doubtfully.

Jacob growled slightly. He was starting to get worried about her and Edward's relationship, even if he knew it wasn't his business. "Is he your warden, now, too? You know, I saw this story on the news last week about controlling, abusive teenage relationships and-"

"Okay!" she interrupted and started shoving him out of the kitchen. "Time for the werewolf to get out!"

He forced another grin. "Bye, Bells. Be sure you ask _permission_ ," he taunted and then walked out the back door, leaving Bella fuming.

It was raining lightly but he barely felt it as he ran home to where all the wolves were getting ready for the 'outdoor party'. It was technically a council meeting, but because of the age of the pack members, it had become a lot more casual over time. Now they had a bonfire and hotdogs and everyone sat in a pretty unofficial circle outside. There would probably be legends, too, if somebody got Old Quil or Billy talking about them… Jacob was rather looking forward to it. He could eat massive amounts of food without standing out and he could spend time with the pack without being in wolf form. They were at a bit peeved at him, Paul especially, but the anger was tempered by concern, so they were still mostly friendly-- except Leah, but that was the norm.

And even better news than the planned get-together was Bella's afternoon call, saying she could go. Jacob whooped and immediately told everyone, who all groaned with varying degrees of exasperation.

"You're an idiot," Paul said flatly, shoving Jacob with his shoulder, who shoved back with a grin. The two growled at each other without any real ire. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Embry and Quil exchange happy looks that clearly said their best friend was back. Seth grinned, though he wasn't quite sure why everyone was happy. _I still can't believe he phased…_ Jacob had been in human form at the time, so he hadn't found out when everyone else had. But according to the others, Seth had run straight to Jacob's house when he was able to wrestle himself back into human form and found out Jacob was in the pack, too. All Jacob knew was that Seth had practically broken down the door, wearing nothing but a pair of jeans he'd thrown on without doing up, and had started yelling about how awesome Jacob was and how he was happy to finally be cool, too… and then went on to jabber about sights and smells and adventures in such a Jacob-focused matter that he started to worry about the fact that he was only wearing boxers to bed. It had taken Seth nearly half an hour to get the point where he actually said that he'd become a werewolf.

Jacob was amused now, but he remembering being highly irked at the time -- especially when the whole pack started howling outside his house, demanding that he join them for Seth's first run. It had annoyed him even more when Seth suddenly had a whole new reason to focus on Jacob. At least Quil's excitement had been defused to all the pack members… Seth was, for some reason, just highly fixated on Jacob. Constantly.

And though Jacob would never admit it, he was worried about the kid. Fourteen and already a werewolf? He was growing at rapid rate towards adulthood, but still… if he faced a vampire, he could get crushed.

Even stranger than his phasing was Leah's, considering she was a girl. It was a bit awkward since they were all muscular, attractive boys and she was a lean, attractive girl, and they all had to look at each other when they changed quickly. Eventually, though, they had all gotten used to having her in their family -- except for Sam, whom she seemed to take a particular pleasure in bothering.

The pack was settled, though, for now. At least, Jacob thought so. He still had to get information secondhand from one of his friends when a scandal came up since he was avoiding the pack mind link, but he hadn't gotten any bad news in a while.

Jacob's mood brightened again and his thoughts turned away from the newest pack members when it was time to start setting up the fire and the chairs for the adults; the wolves and children had to sit on the ground, but none of them really minded.

In two hours, Jacob was standing with his red Volkswagen Rabbit -- the first car he'd made from the ground-up and thus his favorite one -- on the werewolf side of the boundary. The wait was only about ten minutes before that shiny silver Volvo appeared down the road and pulled to stop nearly half a football field away. _Is Edward allergic to werewolves now?_

Edward and Bella both got out of the car at once and moved to take something from the trunk. Jacob peered and recognized the large metal object they were pulling out of the back: Bella's motorcycle.

 _Does she not want it anymore?_ It hurt, but Jacob was hardly surprised. As if Edward was even going to 'allow' her to ride with him anymore, anyway.

Along with the motorcycle, Bella had a new red helmet under her arm and Jacob noticed she was wearing a riding jacket as well. He was slightly confused, but that didn't put him off from paying attention to Bella's appearance. The black leather jacket gave her an edge she hadn't had before and her ruffled hair hinted clearly at what the pair had been up to before they had come over. Jacob kept his expression as neutral as possible.

Interestingly enough, Edward was also wearing a leather jacket. _Does he…? Did he…?_ But Jacob couldn't imagine Edward on a motorcycle. He always imagined Edward to be the cultured type who stood around in regular jackets next to rich, shiny cars. Which he did. Jacob was the type that rarely wore clean clothes and drove around on a roaring, black bike. Though Jacob got a brief flash of himself on his motorcycle with Edward on the back of it… Or on the front of it with Jacob reaching around him to hold the handlebars as well…

He shook the image from his mind and watched as Bella turned to say something to Edward, who -- Jacob's eyes widened -- wrapped her arms around her waist and pulled her into a close, intense kiss. As the werewolf watched, Edward's hands remained possessively on her hips while Bella's hands moved up his chest, over his shoulders, and became buried in her hair. Jacob twitched. Violently. His jealousy flashed from one subject to the other, and he couldn't decide whether he'd rather knock Edward away from Bella or Bella away from Edward-but he knew he wanted to knock _somebody_.

_One minute… two minutes…_

_Oh, for God's sake._ Jacob glared at Edward, though the vampire couldn't see him. _Are you two waiting for me to join in, or what?_ he asked caustically.

Edward jerked back, startled, but Jacob could hear a quiet laugh from the distance. He said something else to Bella and then walked back to his car. Jacob's attention turned back to Bella and the motorcycle, firmly ignoring the look Edward was shooting him from the car.

"What's all that?" he asked when she got within speaking range.

"I thought I should put this back where it belongs."

 _Back in my barn, with the rest of the things you don't want anymore?_ Jacob thought bitterly, and he saw out of the corner of his eye that Edward was watching critically. Jacob mentally snorted. If he wanted a show, he could have just asked.

The werewolf grinned widely and pulled Bella into one of his tight bear hugs. Over her shoulder, he stared challengingly at Edward, who slid into the driver's seat and started the engine to leave.

"Cut it out, Jake!" Bella gasped. He kept his grin on and set her down, watching as she immediately turned to wave to Edward, who was already leaving. _You don't need me, I don't need you, either._ Jacob thought, a bit darkly.

He never paused to wonder where the sudden anger was coming from, boiling just under his skin.

"Nice," Bella commented acidly.

Jacob shot her a look of innocence and didn't bother making it look real. "What?"

"He's being pretty dang pleasant about this; you don't need to push your luck."

Jacob laughed and the noise rang with bitterness. _Luck indeed._ He walked around the car to hold the passenger door open for her.

As he got in the other side to drive back to La Push, he finally answered her unasked question, still chuckling. "Bella, you can't push what you don't have."

Somehow, actually seeing Edward _with_ Bella in person just cemented the level of unnecessary Jacob was -- and that stung more than Bella giving back the bike did. But Jacob had brought her there to party, and party they would, so he fought to shake off the sudden, foul mood.

After a fairly silent drive back, the bikes were dropped off at the barn and the pair made their way over to the cliff top where the rest of the group was gathered. Immediately, the attention of the group turned to them. Embry was the first to greet Bella, waving and calling loudly, "Hey, vampire girl!"

Quil jumped up next, giving Bella a high-five and kissing her on the cheek, much to Seth's and Embry's amusement. Jacob led her over to Sam and Emily, who scooted over to make room. Emily gave Bella's hand a light squeeze of welcome, and the rest of the group seemed pretty okay with Bella being there. Except Paul.

"Try to keep the bloodsucker stench downwind, would you?" he sneered.

Quil glared. "Shut up, Paul! _I_ think she smells fine."

Jared laughed. "Quil, stop being such a douc-" he broke off at Emily's sharp look. "-doofus. Stop being a doofus, I meant."

Embry stuck out his tongue -- and then flipped him off when Emily looked away again. Jacob looked around, grinning, at everyone there. It was the whole wolf pack and company. Sam, Jared, Paul, Embry, Quil, Seth and Leah were all the pack members, and their parents: Old Quil, Sue Clearwater and Billy. And then Jared's imprint, Kim. Leah was busy moping silently, as usual, but everyone else was happy. Jared and Kim were holding hands and looking into each other's eyes excessively, but everyone ignored that. New imprints will be new imprints and it was better to just let them be their annoying selves. The whole group was in an almost perfect circle around the fire, except for the space left for the enormous pile of food they had. Each wolf, they knew, was going to have at least ten hotdogs and they all had their own 2 liter bottles of whatever drink they wanted.

There was a quick scuffle for the hotdog roasting sticks, with Embry surprisingly coming out on top -- until Paul tackled him and specifically took his stick away. That was Jacob's cue to step in, which he did with a fervor, and wrestled it away from his pack mate. Paul snarled and tried to grab it back but Seth slipped between them and took the metal stick for himself. The three scuffled for a few moments, with Quil and Embry occasionally jumping in to try their hand against the biggest boys- until they got too close to the fire.

"Stop!" Sam growled at them, when Embry's shoulder brushed one of the burning logs and he jumped back with a yelp. The alpha reached over and calmly took his own roasting stick from the pile, glaring at all of them. Him and Jared had sat out -- Sam annoyed and Jared laughing -- while the 'kids' had worked it out amongst themselves. "You're acting like a bunch of animals."

Paul and Jacob howled like wolves and the rest burst out laughing. Sam just snorted.

The boys settled down a bit, all of them grabbing a different stick, and Jacob scooted back to Bella. She stared at him incredulously.

"What?"

"…Nothing."

x X x

"Are you gonna eat that hot dog?" Paul asked a couple hours later. They were all stuffed and chattering quietly amongst themselves while Jacob enjoyed his victory over Quil, who had attempted to take the last dog.

Jacob leaned back and patted his stomach, looking mournfully at the hot dog that he was still twisting around in the flames. "I guess," he answered slowly, smirking at Paul. "I'm so full I'm about to puke, but I _think_ I can force it down. I won't enjoy it at all, though." he sighed.

Paul snarled and leaned forward, looking like he was going to jump over the fire and attack Jacob for it. That would have normally just made him want to eat it more, but he was too stuffed to fight.

"Sheesh. Kidding, Paul. Here." He tossed stick and dog over to Paul, who caught it just before it hit the ground.

"Thanks, man," Paul said cheerfully, and destroyed the thing in one bite.

Kim had fallen asleep on Jared's shoulder, but the rest of the group was pretty awake. Good thing, too, considering that the stories were probably just about to start.

Jacob was just about to ask Sam when they'd start, but Bella leaned over to him. "It's getting late," she murmured quietly, probably having noticed the sun setting.

"Don't start _that_ yet," he complained, whispering as well, "The best part is still coming."

"What's the best part? You swallowing an entire cow whole?"

Jacob laughed. "No. That's the finale. We didn't meet just to eat through a week's worth of food. This is technically a council meeting. It's Quil's first time, and he hasn't heard the stories yet.. Well, he's _heard_ them, but this will be the first time he knows they're true. That tends to make a guy pay closer attention. Kim and Seth and Leah are all first-timers, too."

"Stories?"

Jacob scooted over so that he could lean against the low ridge of rock she was leaning on, and put his arm around her -- she seemed to be okay with it. "The histories we always thought were legends," he explained. "The stories of how we came to be. The first is the story of the spirit warriors."

Hearing him talk about the story, the others started perking up. The wolves all straightened up to listen and Jared gently nudged Kim awake. Leah just closed her eyes to listen.

After a moment's pause, Billy cleared his throat and began.

The story was a long one, but Jacob listened intently, as he did every time he heard it. Even as a child, his dad had always told him how important each and every legend was, and Jacob had heard them all multiple times. He doubted his dad would tell them all during the council meeting, but there were many to hear. The story of the first imprinting, why the werewolves ran such high temperatures, when the pack's mind first completely linked, making secrets worth nothing… That one had always fascinated Jacob, but now it scared him. Secrets were everything. Secrets were what kept him from losing himself in the pack mentality. Secrets kept him _safe_.

When Billy came to the part about each wolf's fur reflecting their spirit, Quil interrupted.

"So that's why Sam is all black. Black heart, black fur." It was an insinuation Leah had made to counter Sam's comment of her gray fur explaining why she was always depressed.

"And your chocolate fur reflects what?" Sam whispered back. "How _sweet_ you are?"

Billy ignored them and finished the story, hinting at the tale of the first imprinting, of the third wife -- but he didn't tell the story.

It was Old Quil who picked up that one. But instead of talking about the imprinting, he started the tale of the third wife. The tale of the Cold Ones, the vampires. As soon as Bella realized it, she stiffened, and Jacob gave her shoulders a quick squeeze.

The story was a vicious one, a cruel one. It was sad and desperate, a tale of a pack that didn't know how to deal with vampires yet. They learned, though, how to truly kill vampires. And they learned how to identify them.

In the middle of the story, Old Quil looked towards Jacob's dad, who pulled out a pouch from around his neck. _The_ pouch. The ashes of the head of the first vampire they killed.

Bella was not the only one who gasped -- Seth was just as startled, as was Embry. It must have been odd, seeing a physical link from the distant history to the present. Jacob was used to seeing it, though. He was probably one of the few people who knew Billy never took it off.

The story continued, and Old Quil talked about the third wife's sacrifice. He also talked about the two younger sons of Taha Aki becoming werewolves before they were grown. It was because of that part of the story that, while the council members had been surprised when Seth shifted, they did not disbelieve it.

When the story ended, the group was silent. Bella was motionless.

Quil, however, let his inner puppy show. "Burden," he snorted. "I think it's cool."

Seth nodded, but Jared flicked a rock at him and the rest of the pack laughed. During times of peace, like the time they were in, it seemed funny and cool… and it was. But a war was coming, and only Jacob knew it. Maybe Edward knew it too.

They could all joke around that night, but in a just a handful of weeks, they would be fighting a vampire coven with strength and gifts like they'd never seen. And as much as Jacob hated to admit it, he knew less than half of the pack would survive the fight, even if they won. If they lost, the entire tribe would probably be killed to wipe out the last of the werewolf genes, if nothing else.

The group was quiet and still again, and then they slowly started to disperse. Jared took Kim home, and Sam and Emily went home as well. Sue took Leah and Seth, but the rest of the pack went off on their own. Probably to run in the forest or reenact the legendary battles -- and Jacob was sure Jared, Sam and the Clearwaters would be joining them shortly.

With a brief pang of loneliness at being left out of the pack -- though he knew it was for his own good -- he lifted the now-sleeping Bella and started walking back to the car. As he laid her in the passenger seat and drove back towards the border, she didn't wake. They arrived and Edward and his silver car were already waiting, but Jacob didn't wake Bella just yet. He stepped out of his own car and shut the door as quietly as he could, and then made his way over to Edward.

"Hey," Jacob greeted.

Edward, who watched his approach silently, just nodded.

Jacob turned and nodded towards the Rabbit. "Bella's asleep right now. But I'll wake her up in a minute."

Edward continued to look completely expressionless. "Why not wake her up now?"

"I just wanted to talk to you for a minute," Jacob replied, and when he was met with stony silence, he continued, "I, er… I saw your new jacket. And I was wondering… did you get a motorcycle?" He knew it sounded like a weird question, but he sort of wanted to know the answer, and he didn't know how he'd bring it up with Bella.

Edward was silent for a moment. "Yes, but I decided to give it to my brother instead. What's it to you?"

Jacob quirked a lip. _That's so strange… So he does ride motorcycles. For how long, I wonder?_ "Well, I- if you wanted to, maybe we can go riding sometime. I've fixed up my own bike some more and I put in a new engine, so it can probably keep up with whatever fancy one you probably bought," he semi-teased, but the offer was serious.

Edward blanched, and Jacob blinked at him, confused. "That's a _terrible_ idea!" came the sharp reply. "No, I don't want- that's just- Jacob, why are you doing this?" the vampire demanded, suddenly looking angry at him.

Jacob frowned. "I just wanted to get to know you, is all." _Why are you being so cold?_

Edward glared. "Well I don't _want_ to get to know _you_. And you seemed to be forgetting, but we don't like each other. At all. I have a better question: why are you being so _warm_?"

"I don't know…" Jacob shrugged uncomfortably, but it was the truth. "I know it sounds weird, but I just… felt the urge to. I told you, none of this makes sense to me, but I'm willing to go along with it."

"That's because you are an idiot," Edward growled. "Where this is going is nowhere good."

"But-"

"This can only get worse! This… this… this _thing_ you're starting is a horrible idea, and I don't want anything to do with it. It can only go down. And maybe you're okay with scraping rock bottom in life, but don't drag me with you." Edward snarled.

Jacob took a startled step back. "Wha… Hey," suddenly his anger started spiking, in response to Edward's, "maybe you're forgetting, but you were as involved in that _'thing'_ as I was."

Edward's snarling glower became even more pronounced and Jacob stood up taller, refusing to be looked down upon. The sickly sweet scent, the same scent that clung to the body Yaha Uta had grimly taken back to the wolves as proof of the vampires, swirled around them both, clashing with Jacob's warmth and making his nose twitch. The cold front was back, as were the pheromones that clashed with Jacob's werewolf resistance.

He had been right, earlier: the scent was _nothing_ when it went without Edward's presence.

"You have more self-denial issues," Jacob hissed at last, "than anyone I know."

Edward bristled. "'Self-denial' implies I'm avoiding something I actually _want_ ," he sneered, "You seem to be laboring under the impression that I give a damn about you."

"You… What's wrong with you?" Jacob demanded, a distressed edge creeping into his tone. He didn't know why, but Edward turning and walking away without so much as a consolatory _But thanks for the offer_ was… was scaring him. Was making him want to plead for Edward to stay. _And I don't even know why!_ The wolf didn't want the vampire to slip from his grasp, and the human didn't want to lose the freezing heat, the passion, that had been given to him. That, combined with the complete 180 that Edward's mood towards him was doing….

"What's wrong with me? What's wrong with _you_?" Edward shot back, his voice rising to a yell. "A few hormonal surges, a night of- of- and you're suddenly in love with me?" He jerked his chin up to cover the slight waver in his voice. "Well I certainly don't feel the same. You may think you're human, but you're not. You're just a filthy mongrel and nothing I would ever want to be around."

Jacob opened his mouth, but the words caught in his throat. He wasn't even sure what he wanted to say. The same lash that had struck him when Bella had said the same thing struck him again, and he couldn't move. _What happened? Why is this happening? Why… Why do I care? I… want him. I want him!_

"I don't want you," Edward emphasized slowly, and Jacob couldn't tell whether he was just imagining the flicker in the man's gaze or if he was actually affected by the things he was saying. Either way, he didn't want him to win. He didn't want him to go. He started to shake furiously, and the aggressiveness spiked again. _You don't get to leave. I don't want you to leave._

"Oh really? You think you can just walk away this… connection we have?" Jacob tried to turn the condescending tone back on its user. "I know I wasn't the only one who felt that. Who felt _this_ ," he reached out and rested his fingers against the base of Edward's throat, who jerked back violently from the heat. "Yeah, I thought so," he growled, pulling his hand away and feeling the cold shock start to dim.

"Yes, I do think I can walk away from that," Edward snapped back, "It's easy. All I have to do is remember that I am in love, and I don't need to get pawed at by anybody else. I don't need you, Jacob. You think this is special? It's not. I feel it with Bella every. Single. Day. And _you_ are just a distraction. A new taste that interested me for a night, but now you're nothing. You're just Bella's plaything, and I've realized this, so I'm letting her play with you. But if I were you," he flashed a callous smile, "I'd get ready for her to get bored, too."

Snarling and shaking hard enough to affect his ability to stand, Jacob lunged and shoved Edward viciously, who staggered back several steps. Jacob flashed a sneer and the vampire lunged back at him, fists clenched, and Jacob thought -- and hoped to God -- he was going to swing… but he didn't. Slowly, deliberately, Edward took a step backwards and took a deep breath, forcing his fingers to relax.

Jacob panted, rearing for a fight-or something else. But other than his harsh breathing, they were silent.

"I think," Edward said, just as slowly as he had calmed himself down, "that it would be better if we just went back to just competing over Bella. Perhaps you can work out your… issues… with someone in your pack," he suggested, and Jacob bristled on behalf of all of them.

"You think this is about that?" he asked, and his fury compacted and suppressed itself until Jacob's voice was soft and cruel. "This has nothing to do with being gay or straight, or even to do with gender at all. This is about you and me. Don't you feel it? That magnetic pull that should be driving us apart but it's driving us together instead? Every one of my pack mates has said that they never want to touch a vampire. They aren't tempted by at all. They hate the feel, the scent, the very _presence_ of your kind. Not the curiosity, not any sort of sick pleasure, could make them want it… But not me.

"Me? I can't fucking stop wanting to." He reached out again and roughly grabbed Edward's hand, but Edward didn't pull away. He just stared back with wide, amber-gold eyes.

Jacob raised their clasped hands in front of their faces. "This drives me crazy. I have no idea why, not even the slightest clue, but I want it. I want _this_. You can't get away," he leaned into Edward's personal space again. " _I won't let you_."

Edward twisted away and Jacob let his hand slide from his. "You are the most pathetic person I know," he whispered, but fear flashed in his eyes, "You are just clinging to me, perhaps in the hopes that someone will love you. Anyone at all. You are vile and inconsiderate and one of the lowest of the low," and the fear vanished and was replaced with a gentle, gentle cruelty. Just a thin needle slipping into Jacob's vein.

"I don't want to talk to you, I don't want to go riding with you- I don't want to be around you anymore than is strictly necessary. If I never smell your wet dog reek again, I'll be happy. This 'connection' means nothing to me. _You_ mean nothing to me."

Jacob was absolutely silent, staring at Edward. The vampire gave off no emotion, no hint of anything at all. Just stone cold silence from a stone cold being. Jacob swallowed hard. _Maybe he really doesn't feel a thing._ For some reason, maybe just to contrast Edward's complete detached and impassive reaction, he felt emotion rising up and getting stuck in his throat. He was still shaking, but it wasn't wildly out of control. He wasn't going to find any release in another form.

Edward had finally succeeded in freezing his fire and it could only rage silently under its sheet of ice, while the vampire stood triumphant.

"I'll go get Bella, then," Jacob whispered, and he turned back to the car, missing Edward's battle with his expressionless mask.

Jacob was barely thinking as he woke Bella and quickly spoke to her, saying goodbye. She thanked him for the event, and probably something else, but it fell on ears that had turmoil and shock ringing in them. He pushed her off towards Edward's Volvo and then climbed in his own car, trembling behind the wheel. He hadn't been kidding when he told Bella he had no luck in life. As his nonexistent luck would have it, he had volunteered for that night's shift of guarding Bella's house. He watched Bella and Edward get in their own car, and then turned on his headlights and started towards the house in question.

All during the drive, he felt some emotion clawing at him from the edges of his mind. It was more personal than jealousy, and sharper than loss. A mixture of anger and hurt and defensive dislike. It was keen, burning sting that made Jacob's driving sloppy and made his skin feel too tight. More than once, the world blurred before his eyes, but he clutched the wheel and silently led the loving couple behind him home.

He had thought Edward was nothing. He thought it was only a physical thing -- maybe a freak gene in both of them, or maybe just a chemical reaction between them. Lately, he had started feeling more than that. He cared, maybe a little, but… but not this much.

 _It hurts_ , Jacob's mind whimpered, but he couldn't clarify why.

They got to Bella's house and Jacob and Edward both parked around the corner. Bella went inside and Jacob stationed himself by the tree just outside under her window, leaning against the cold bark, and Edward waited outside a few moments before walking over to her window to stay for the night.

"I hate you," Jacob whispered as Edward walked past him.

Edward stopped, but didn't look at him. "The feeling's mutual." And then jumped through the open window sill and the sheet of glass slid shut with a resolute thud.

For the remainder of the night, Jacob stood under the tree outside Bella's window, breathing in Edward's scent and hugging himself in the rain. _He's right. I am pathetic,_ he thought silently, glaring at the ground and ignoring the water that ran through his hair and dripped into his eyes. _Why do I care? Why can't_ I _walk away?_

But he knew the reason. Felt it keenly. He wasn't just talking about Edward in his argument about the connection -- he was talking about them both. And the helpless fear he'd seen flash in the vampire's eyes now reflected in his own.

_"I don't know if I can yell any louder_   
_How many times have I kicked you outta here?_   
_Or said something insulting?_   
_I can be so mean when I wanna be, I am capable of really anything,_   
_I can cut you into pieces._   
_But my heart is broken…"_

_~"Please Don't Leave Me" by Pink_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I realized after I'd finished the chapter and thought about it, that Jacob actually stuttered because he almost said 'eight', because of Seth and Leah-and Bella, I guess, wasn't supposed to know about that (lolwut?). But I liked how that bit turned out anyway, so I decided to leave it and make Jacob worry about Seth and Leah later.
> 
> Hey, hoped you guys liked the chapter! And three cheers for Jacob moving in an emotional direction? Edward will be shortly behind, I assure you-sort of. I've scanned ahead in the book and there's a whole lot of talking where the Edward/Jacob-ness really doesn't come into play, so the next chapter will have a bit of time skipping and slowing down and backtracking and… Eh. No worries, though, there will still be a pretty big shift.
> 
> Also, I had a hard time picking which section of the song to post as the basic theme for this chapter-the whole song fits really well! In fact, I might even go as far as to say this is the theme song for the whole story. A recommended listen for any fans of the fic.


	7. I Can't Stay Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Original author's notes kept for posterity._
> 
> First of all, I'm very sorry for the delay of this chapter. =/ My laptop was confiscated by my roommate and it took me a while to find it. I found it though, and I intend to keep publishing this.
> 
> Once again, thanks for the awesome reviews, guys! And heh, glad you liked the dialog, DaNiTiC. Also, thanks for the tip, Renie, I went back and fixed it so… should sound better now. ^^
> 
> And it's okay, Jace, I know it's not a flame. ^^ As for the POV thing, since my story is in third-person, there's no need for any "So-and-So's POV" above any particular section. Each chapter, the characters take turns telling stories from sort of their point of view, but I still want that separation between the reader and the characters, so that you're looking down on the story rather than actively participating it.
> 
> In this chapter, I ended up skipping a lot of fluff that I figured was generally unnecessary, but I managed to slip in a moment that I wanted. I hope you guys like this one. It's a little emotionally up-down-sideways-splosion, but I think it turned out well. Happy reading (from Edward's-sort of-point of view! ^^

_I wish I could just go back to the first half of the century. No humans around that I gave a damn about. No werewolf pack nearby. No anything. God, I hate this._

Edward sat up all night, sitting next to Bella's sleeping body and flipping through her well-worn copy of Wuthering Heights. Why she liked this book, he had no idea, but he wished he knew. It was just about two terrible people who hurt each other and hurt themselves. So caught up in the whirlwind between each other were they, that they never noticed the pain they were causing others either.

He glanced over at Bella. It wasn't like that between them at all. They were sweet, and caring. Edward made sure of it. But Jacob and he… there was no gentle love between them. No care. No soft kindness. Hands shaking slightly, he continued to flip through that horrible, horrible book.

" _It would degrade me to marry Heathcliff now; so he shall never know how I loved him: and that, not because he's handsome, Nelly, but because he's more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same…"_

" _At fifteen, she was the queen of the country-side; she had no peer: and she did turn out a haughty, headstrong creature! I own I did not like her…"  
_

" _You're acquainted me, Ellen, with your old master's habits. He is clearly on the verge of madness: he was so last night at least. I shuddered to be near him…"_

" _He's not a human being, and he has no claim on my charity. I gave him my heart, and he took and pinched it to death, and flung it back to me…"_

" _Terror made me cruel…"_

Edward's fists clenched on the book. Cathrine's and Heathcliff's love wasn't decent; it just _wasn't_. It was cruel and merciless and such negative passion should never be considered a healthy relationship by any means. And every unhealthy relationship was bound to end in darkness… So he, Edward, would refuse to take the first step toward Jacob. He would refuse.

_No matter how much I want-_

He let out a hiss and flung the book down. As it hit the bed, Bella suddenly cringed and her eyes snapped open in the darkness.

He grimaced. He must've been louder than he thought. He carefully lifted the book again, but tossed it carelessly to the floor. "Did I wake you?" he asked quietly.

She had her face buried in his chest and he carefully wrapped his arms around her. "No," she replied, just as quietly, "I had a bad dream."

"Do you want to tell me about it?"

"Too tired, maybe in the morning, if I remember."

So quiet, so fragile. Edward had to be so very, very careful with the girl. She was crystal wrapped in tissue paper with a heart of spun glass and any wrong move could send cracks rippling through every fragile surface in her.

"In the morning," he agreed.

"What were you reading?" she asked suddenly, only seeming half-there. It was because of that, that he answered honestly.

"Wuthering Heights."

"…I thought you didn't like that book."

_I don't. I hate it almost as much as I hate- werewolves._ "You left it out," he explained, "Besides… the more time I spend with you, the more human emotions seem comprehensible to me. I'm discovering that I can sympathize with Heathcliff in ways I didn't think possible before."

She sighed softly and sank back down into the sheets, already disappearing again.

"I'm also discovering that I don't like them at all…"

But she was asleep before she could his quiet admittance.

x X x

The next three days were mostly mundane. Alice was planning a huge graduation party that Edward was pretty sure Bella wouldn't like, but he had decided to let it slide. After finding out Victoria was probably involved with an army of newborn vampires in Seattle, they could all use the distraction of a bunch of obnoxious teenagers in their house. They did get a bit of good news, though, in that he and Bella had had the chance to iron out some of the confusions that continued to cling to their relationship. But… he was still feeling nervous. With immortality reaching out for Bella and Bella reaching right back, Edward couldn't help but fear that she would regret it.

He was careful, though. For those long three days, he held his tongue about his worries about her feelings for him and about her callousness towards dying. He was getting tired, though. Tired of holding back, tired of staying silent, tired of being with such a fragile girl. Edward loved her, he really, really did. But sometimes… her apathy towards the complications grew wearisome. And it was because of that, he slipped. Just one time.

_They were standing in the living room together, and Edward was slowly losing his mind._

" _One year of college wouldn't kill you. Maybe you'd even like it," he persisted, keeping his voice soft and velveteen, and trying to keep the pleading off of his expression. "Just think about it, Bella. Imagine how excited Charlie and Renee would be."_

_She shook her head and changed the subject to her fear about Victoria and whoever had snuck into her room. But her fears quickly abated, and the indifference towards her family returned._

" _I'm mailing the contents of my bank account to Alaska tomorrow. It's all the alibi I need. It's far enough away that Charlie won't expect a visit until Christmas at the earliest. And I'm sure I'll think of some excuse by then."_

_Edward's blood ran cold -- colder than usual, that is. She didn't care that her family would miss her during the holidays. She didn't care that they would wonder how college was going, and that they would worry about their little girl becoming an adult. She only cared about her vampirism keeping a secret. And what, did she think she'd be able to go back and visit later? Bella would never be able to see them again. Ever. And she either didn't understand or didn't care._

" _You know," she continued, her voice light and teasing, "this whole secrecy and deception thing is kind of a pain."_

_She didn't understand or she didn't care. Edward dropped the perfect act and glared down on her, hard and disdainful and so deliciously imperfect._

" _It gets easier." Dislike pulsed off of him in waves. "After a few decades, everyone you know is dead. Problem solved."_

Edward knew she had to hear it, but it was the wrong way. And he undid it almost immediately. He changed the subject, deliberately wound her back up into her pro-death enthusiasm, and the day continued. The subject was never brought up again, and the vampire knew that Bella still didn't… Well, the whole business with immortality still wasn't clicking right in her mind.

Along with that came a worry about their future, as well. It seemed strange that he was having doubts, even after they'd come all that way, but he did. And it was things like these that had him wandering through the woods in the early morning. He needed air. He needed to be alone for a while.

It was nothing against his family and fiancée, of course. But… well, he had started out as a loner and he had always had that option open for him. At any time, he could just turn and walk away. But once Bella became a vampire, once they got married…

And when the complications of being a vampire came into sharp focus…

Edward shook his head and kept walking, inhaling the scents of the forest life and reaching out a hand to brush the leaves as he moved past them. It was relaxing, to just be a wild creature again. He was no less of a predatory animal than the bears and wildcats he hunted were and if even they slowed down to smell the flowers occasionally, so could he.

With the peace all around him, he could almost forget the man that caused the turmoil that stirred in the recesses of his mind.

After nearly an hour, though, his alone time was up.

Edward froze when he detected a faint scent on the air. That there was a strange scent wasn't the surprise, but rather what the scent _was_. He hadn't smelled anything like it in decades. It was werewolf, sure, but a highly-watered down one.

The last time he'd smelled it was when the old alpha of the last wolf pack finally settled down and agreed to trust the Cullens. He said that he was convinced they would leave the humans alone, and so he would trust them enough to stop phasing. And he did. Years later, when he had finally reached old age and lay dying on his bed, he had called for the Cullens. He still trusted them, he said, trusted them enough to die knowing all the humans nearby would be safe. What was really memorable, though, were not his words, but his scent. The scent of a wolf who hadn't phased in a long time.

It was the scent Edward was catching now -- or, sort of. It was stronger than someone who hadn't phased in months, but a lot weaker than a standard werewolf, who phased nearly every single day. But who in La Push had enough control to do it? Sam, perhaps? Or maybe his second-in-command, whoever that was. He doubted it, though. They were all very, very young -- for werewolves anyway. Vampires, and the few people that knew about them, often underestimated the lack of control that came with being a werewolf. It was incredibly, incredibly difficult to stop for more than a few days. So it had to be someone outside the pack.

Edward walked forward slowly, knowing the wolf would probably smell him right away, recent phasing or no. He reached a semi-clearing, more of a space in the trees really, and there stood the man. He wore simple jeans and a t-shirt, both well-worn, and was hunched against one of the trees. Dark hair hung in his eyes and his misery was etched in every line in his body.

_Yes, this is where it was. I'm sure of it,_ Edward caught the wolf's errant thought as soon as he got within range and frowned. The thought was resigned and tired, but it didn't match the werewolf's appearance. He still looked young and spry, with smooth skin and muscles showing through the tightness in the shirt. Young enough that whoever it was had to have an incredible level of control over their wolf. But, beyond that, there was another thing off about the man.

It was that he looked, oddly enough, like a _man_. Oh, he had the body shape of a werewolf, and the height, and the size, but the air of him was all wrong. There was none of the cocky self-assurance, none of the anger buzzing under his skin. If Edward was unable to smell, he would have simply assumed he was just a physically impressive man, not an aging werewolf.

Confusion and curiosity warring in his mind, Edward took a few steps forward and listened as more thoughts rose to the surface. _Why, oh why did I kiss him?_ the other man went on, _God, I can even still smell him now…_

At that, Edward stiffened and shot a quick glance down at himself. Smelled him? Kissed _him_? As in… Edward himself? No, it couldn't be. Edward ducked a little, trying to see the man's face through the-another unusual thing for a werewolf-combed hair that hung in his eyes.

"Jacob?" Edward called tentatively. The man looked up, expressionless, and stared at the vampire. The face became clear, and an unwanted pang of worry hit Edward.

"Oh. Hi." _What's he doing here?_ Both voices were despondent.

Edward walked even closer, ignoring the greeting and the question. "Jacob… when was the last time you phased?"

He had been impressed when he had thought it was a random stranger, but with Jacob… he was worried. Had he lost his wolf? Was that even possible? Surely he didn't have the amount of control necessary…

Jacob shrugged. "A month or so. Why do you care?"

"I just wondered… how did you…?" Edward trailed off, surprised as Jacob's mind started waking up to the fact Edward was _right there_ and a whole lot of different emotions were coming up with it.

"Why are you here, Edward? What do you want?" Jacob's whisper rose to a growl and he straightened up, his emotionless stare becoming almost a glower. _I don't want you here._

Edward, remembering their argument from three days ago, knew this was a lie. Then again, Jacob was probably still angry at the things Edward had said, so he might have changed his mind… Regardless, to walk away would be to obey a werewolf, so Edward held his ground. "I just wanted to talk."

_The hypocrisy… is staggering_ , the other man thought, but he slumped back against the tree in defeat. "Talk, then," he muttered, and then slid all the way down the trunk until he was just sitting under it, staring at the ground.

Edward walked over to him and sat nearby, crossing his legs and staring at Jacob. Closer up, the other man looked like he was in a dangerous state. In three days, dark circles had appeared under his eyes and his hair was ragged with neglect. His face was different, too. Darker. And so were his eyes. Something had utterly rocked his world and he was staggering from the aftereffects.

He didn't have to read Jacob's mind to know what that event was. "Are you okay?"

"Sure, sure. I've been just great," Jacob replied, pulling one knee up and leaning against it. "You?" his tone was mildly sarcastic.

"I've been fine." Edward sighed and looked at Jacob. He was still technically a werewolf, but right now, he looked so much like a human… And the vampire envied him for it. It seemed like, even if it was just for a short while, Jacob could be normal.

"You're lucky, you know that?" He continued, leaning against a tree a couple feet away from Jacob's.

_Ha, that's the second time someone's said that to me. Where's the proof, I wonder?_ "Oh? And how do you figure that?"

"You can take all your inhumanity and lock it in another form to do with it what you will. But this is the only body I have and I have to deal with the monster I am every second of every day." It was Edward's turn to be bitter for once. He had been with Bella nonstop for nearly seventy-two hours and while that usually didn't bother him, he was a little tired of being perfect. He wanted a break -- and here was the perfect outlet. He didn't have to be that way with Jacob because Jacob couldn't possibly think any less of him.

The werewolf snorted. "You think I don't have to deal with the wolf everyday? Just because I look like a human doesn't mean a human mind is the only one in my head. Face it: we're both monsters."

"Monsters isolated from the rest of the world, and isolated from our own kind," Edward agreed.

"Not getting along with your family?" Jacob asked, and he didn't sound triumphant or even happy about it. Just indifferently curious.

"No, just… Worried about Bella." Edward wasn't sure if he should be telling Jacob this, but it wasn't like it would really affect anything.

"Mmm," was all he said in response, but the look he shot Edward was a bit puzzled and stirred curiosity leaked from his mind.

"She…" But he abruptly changed his mind about telling Jacob the details. He didn't need the wolf having inside information. "Well, never mind. We're getting along fine, it's just that I worry about our future. We don't have just a few decades to worry about making it through, we have to work with one another for the remainder of our existence. It's just different, is all."

Jacob nodded. "Makes sense. She seems to be handling her death pretty well-" he shot a sideways glance at Edward and there was judgment in his eyes. "-for someone who completely understands all the connotations of it." There was the very slightest hint of a question at the end.

The vampire grimaced back. "I agree… Though I wonder if she really…" he shrugged, frustrated. "Never mind. I don't want to talk about it. What's wrong with you?"

Jacob let go of his knee and leaned against the tree, letting his legs lie flat. He looked like he could have been napping. "Just trouble with the pack. They don't like me 'playing human', as they call it."

From the other man's mind, Edward got flashes of a group of men standing around Jacob, growling at him about something. His father looking at him worriedly as Jacob only filled his plate once. The sound of a window shutting and blocking out howls calling for him. The images faded as Jacob continued.

"And… I'm having issues with myself." _Heh, there's an understatement, if I've ever heard one…_

"Like what?" Edward asked, and he was genuinely curious. The sensation of them talking amiably was odd, but he sort of enjoyed it. There were different conversation topics than the ones he had had several hundred times over, at least.

Jacob mimicked his forced-casual shrug. "Becoming a werewolf is like hitting puberty all over again. I don't miss being twelve -- in fact, it really sucks. Not to mention the… what did you call it?" his expression turned teasing, but there was a more murky emotion that ran deep underneath it, "The _thing_ between us?"

Edward stiffened. "I don't want to talk about that, either."

Jacob sat up and leaned towards the vampire. "I do."

"Well, I _don't_ ," Edward put his foot down and leaned back slightly.

Jacob sagged slightly, but he still looked determined. How the man was repeatedly able to produce such contrasting appearances was beyond Edward. Beyond all reason, Jacob could still look proud on his knees. Could look crushed standing tall. Edward distinctly remembered seeing both.

"How can you deny this? How can you?" Jacob demanded, but his voice was low and too soft to really be angry. Edward could hear the slight edge of desperation that was leaking into the tone as well.

"I told you why before," Edward replied stiffly.

Jacob continued to lean over, and he lifted the hand that wasn't holding him up and took Edward's hand. Edward faked indifference.

_So cold…_ Jacob silently whispered, but out loud, he said, "Can't you see the escape in it? When I'm with you, I feel nothing. I want that nothingness back -- why don't you? At least for a bit?" _I'll take anything at this point._

Edward shook his head, but his resolution was slipping despite his decision that their relationship was too unhealthy to ever be allowed. Already, he could feel the warmth slowly saturating his hand from Jacob's. His fears about Victoria and the newborn army, his worry over Bella's eagerness to become a vampire, his growing irritation with his family… Jacob's heat was burning it away.

The wolf leaned in close enough for Edward to taste his breath. _Please._

He had to get out of there _now_ or he'd fall into the same trap he'd fallen into every time they'd been in each other's presence. He yanked away and tried to jump up, but Jacob held on tight and threw a leg over Edward's waist, pushing him back down. Edward immediately regretted letting himself sit down. Jacob wasn't quite sitting in his lap, and he hovered over Edward -- looking earnest and emotional, but incredibly threatening to the vampire.

"Get off me," he was ashamed to hear the low plea in his voice. The helplessness to sensations he was trying to suppress. Jacob was a werewolf, and a _man_.

" _This has nothing to do with being gay or straight, or even to do with gender at all. This is about you and me."_ Edward remembered Jacob saying, but even if he was right, even if it was just about two people… Edward shouldn't be one of those people. He shouldn't even _want_ to be one of those people.

"No. I need this. _We_ need this," Jacob whispered, and though Edward wanted to immediately deny the wolf's assumptions, he didn't have the heart to lie to him again. Not when he was looking at him that way. And another realization made him even more unwilling to lie.

Unlike usual, Jacob wasn't moving straight for what he wanted. He wasn't just _taking_. He seemed to want Edward's agreement. He didn't just _want_ Edward, he wanted Edward to want him, too. He was also looking for more than just an agreement -- he wanted assurance. And as soon as Edward realized it, he recognized the odd emotions coming off of Jacob. _Need_.

"I can't… I have obligations…" Edward whispered, desperate to make his point. He still had to say no, but he wanted Jacob to know… _To know what? I don't care about him. I don't! I can't._

"Blame it on the heat of the moment tomorrow," Jacob matched Edward's whisper, and he leaned forward, closing his eyes and letting their noses just brush. "Blame it on adrenaline, or hormones, or Mercury retrograde. I don't care, just let me touch you again." _Please._

Edward exhaled slowly and, though Jacob had to have directly inhaled his breath, the werewolf didn't move away. They had gone beyond caring about scents. It was all about touch now… And he was keenly aware of the heartbeat in vibrating radiator that hovered just over him.

He reached out with one hand and ran his fingers over Jacob's cheek and up into soft, messy hair. He watched as Jacob slowly closed his eyes and gently leaned towards the touch.

It was comfort. The man just wanted comfort. And Edward could really use the comfort, too.

He leaned up, turning his head slightly so their noses weren't in the way, and pressed his lips to Jacob's as gently as he usually did with Bella's.

The man complied immediately, and with his wants assured, his fire immediately kicked up. And flaring up at the feel of the fire was Edward's blizzard. Jacob slowly lowered himself until he was sitting on Edward's lap and their bodies pressed against one another, the contrast whirling a familiar heat in Edward. His breath caught in his throat and Jacob, feeling the shift, started to gently shake again. The kiss deepened and, once again, they both lost themselves.

That time, it was slow and careful, and emotion went along with it. They weren't gentle or calm -- they couldn't be -- but it was as close as they could come. Jacob was reaching for Edward's heart, and while Edward couldn't give it to him, he could provide the temporary illusion that was nearly as good.

Their touches were less wildly experimenting and more carefully trying to improve. Edward knew more about what the idea of sex looked and felt like, and so he knew what they headed towards. And Jacob, knowing this and also feeling more confident, introduced even more activities Edward had never heard of. He had no idea how little he knew until a mortal -- well, wolves were technically in the gray area between -- teenage boy showed him.

For nearly half an hour, they comforted in one another. Jacob put off what he had to know would be his eventual rejection, and Edward could just lay back and stop worrying for a while. They gave each other the one thing only they could give one another, and the only thing they had to give to one another. It was mutually exclusive gift, and Edward couldn't have let go of it in that moment for all the world.

x X x

Afterward, just like they had the last time, they laid silently in their bed of nature for a while. But this time, they had taken the time to pull their pants back up before relaxing. As they rested, both of them were shaking slightly with the aftershocks of the passion and emotional upheaval that came with every such interaction, but they weren't unhappy -- or exactly happy, either. Just… sated.

Edward was sprawled on his back lazily, not bothering to pose for the man he really didn't have to impress. He knew his hair was mussed from their latest romp, but he didn't care. Jacob's hair was even messier. It was probably inconsequential, though, when one looked at his whole body. It wasn't just his chest that was toned -- every inch of him was smooth and efficient for physical work. And Edward, much as he hated it, felt highly aware of that fact.

Jacob was awake this time, laying next to Edward, but not holding him. He seemed to be studying the vampire, like he was a puzzle he needed to figure out. Edward studied him back, thinking about Jacob's claim that he didn't have any luck. Why didn't he see how fortunate he was? _Or, at least, more fortunate than I am…_

After thinking about it a while, Edward raised his gaze from Jacob's body to his eyes. Oddly enough, _now_ he wanted to talk about what had been bothering him before.

"It must be nice, having someone wanting you for something other than the pheromones you put off," Edward commented, seemingly idly. It was for that reason that he really considered Jacob lucky.

"I don't think it's that miserable, being eternally and irresistibly attractive," Jacob replied wryly, rolling over on his side and settling down again. Edward folded his hands behind his head and stared back at him.

"I always wonder whether someone actually loves me or are they just high on my presence. I'll never know… You realize that, don't you?" His gaze narrowed. He dropped the idle act and looked at Jacob seriously

The other man studied him for a moment longer. _So now he wants to talk about his problems. Not that I mind, of course, but it's not like I have any useful advice to give._

The clear words seemed to fade away in replace of several wordless realizations and acknowledgements. Jacob was aware that he was doubting Bella, though he didn't know why. And while there was a slight temptation to store that information for use later, the fervor wasn't there. Edward realized that Jacob, at that moment, didn't care about getting Bella back. He just wanted Edward.

"You could fake it," Jacob said at last, "Tell yourself they do. Don't question things you don't want to know the answer to." _I use that strategy all the time._

"And lie to myself for the rest of eternity?" Edward had considered it, but it seemed like a miserable existence.

Jacob shrugged. "Hey, it's a price I'd willingly pay to be able to have anyone I loved love me back. I wouldn't care if it was fake… All that would matter was her looking at me like I was her everything."

Edward sighed and looked away again. "It isn't all that great, you know."

"Oh? What's wrong with it?" The other man followed his gaze and looked back towards the sky as well. _Sounds great to me…_ _To mean that much to a person…_

Edward stared upwards for a while, wondering how to word the problem. At last, he said, "We don't really have much to talk about except for each other. We talk about our relationship, our future, our eternal togetherness and… For a while, it was wonderful. To mean that much to a person, as you said… So much that they can barely speak of anything else… Well, it's addicting. But eventually, we ran out of things to talk about, and we're stuck with the same topics."

"Don't you have any hobbies to share or anything? Favorite tv shows? Music? Hell, with your hundred years of history experience, I bet you could talk about politics for hours," he flashed Edward a side-long grin. "Surely there's more to talk about than loving each other forever and ever-est."

Edward's lips twitched, but he didn't smile. "There really isn't. There's nothing. She just stays near me, living in a half-daze in my presence, drinking in my voice and my appearance like there's nothing else to me," he sounded slightly frustrated now. The vampire sat up and propped himself up on his arms.

"She doesn't know anything about me. She knows more about my _family_ 's stories than me!" _Jasper got to tell her his entire vampire life story, but she's never even asked about mine._ "She doesn't know what it was like to have so many friends come and go, to meet someone and then have them inevitably die. She doesn't grasp the world views I do because she hasn't been around as long. The things I've witnessed, the changes in this country… The history books don't do it justice, they just don't!"

Jacob sat up as well, probably startled at the tone and volume, and stared at Edward, who was glaring off in the distance, seeing a hundred years of visions in his head. Jacob was right, he had seen so much… "She doesn't know what becoming a vampire was like for me," he continued. "To go from choking on my own mucus and slowly going mad from fever to feeling as if my whole body was on fire as the vampire venom swept through me and slowly killed me… I had Spanish Influenza, by the way," he added, noting the slightly confused looked Jacob wore. He nodded and Edward swept on, not caring about how much he was spilling to a former, still potential, enemy.

"She doesn't know how I screamed for a quick death, how I begged for Dr. Cullen to stop the 'alternative treatment' he had suggested in the first place. At the time, I would have given anything just to live and so I barely listened to his explanation, but now -- knowing how it would turn out -- I don't think I'd do it…"

Jacob watched silently, fascinated, as Edward spilled even more. "Bella doesn't know how I felt when I realized I'd never sleep or dream again, how I found myself going mad in my new vampire state. She thinks, _how pleasant, I'll live forever_. But she doesn't understand the pain, the self-doubt, the self-hatred. Am I monster? Am I even meant to be living? I was an abomination of nature that killed the real nature in this world. And after that… Being alone. Detached. There was no one I could relate to, no one I could understand," he ranted, his eyes widening as his story went on.

_Wow. It's everything_ , Jacob realized, _that he wants to tell Bella._ And he was right. It was everything Edward wished he could show her were he not too terrified at the thought of her seeing his imperfection. _And therein lies the problem,_ he thought silently _._

The werewolf continued to stare at Edward, watching as he nearly wanted to cry but couldn't. Wanting to sleep and escape reality, but couldn't. Wanted to forget, but couldn't. People normally broke up their days by sleeping and every time they woke up, they could say 'oh, now it's a new day', but Edward could never sleep and so all of his days just blended into one long, misery-ridden 'forever', and it… it just wasn't all that great. And for some reason, the comfort he had just soaked in from Jacob was making him want to break apart -- just once. But he fell silent, knowing Jacob probably didn't even want to hear all the craziness. No one ever did.

But to the vampire's complete shock, Jacob scooted closer to him and said, "Go on." _I want to know._

After meeting his gaze for an immeasurable moment, Edward took a deep breath and continued. "Alright," he murmured, relaxing, but stayed sitting up. "After nearly forty years of killing people- every time I tried to quit and failed… I finally got into the habit of just eating animals. I could survive, that way, and I weaned myself off human blood. After that decade-long struggle, I decided I was going to try to be as normal as possible and so I started going to high school-"

_Why would he do that?_ Jacob mentally asked, and though he immediately decided not to verbally ask, Edward heard it anyway. "It's strange, yes, I know," he replied, "But it was my version of normal.

"I would go to one school, stay for four years, go to another, do it again. After about three rounds, I impressed a few adults on the school board and went to college. Majored in biology. Maybe I could fix myself, maybe there was a gene I could tweak. A way to undo the curse. But no. Nothing. With a college degree, I left town and went to high school again. And again. And again. Would you believe that I slowly began losing myself? How I slowly came to the realization of how much better vampires are than humans? Humans with their shallow emotions and two-week relationships. With their self-obsession and determination to fit in. Shut up, tow the line, fit in with the crowd, keep your head down. And God, I tried."

Edward's fists began compulsively clenching and loosening, but he felt detached from the story. As if it was someone else's. Jacob looked utterly fascinated, but there was something personal about his curiosity… Like he didn't just want to hear about the story because it was interesting, he wanted to hear about the story because he wanted to know more about Edward.

" _I just wanted to get to know you, is all,"_ he had whispered.

And Edward, beyond logic and reason, wanted to comply. He wanted someone else to know him. But even with that fact raising his mood, the story pulled it down again.

"But I couldn't help but stand out," he went on, his tone subdued. "In every school, it was the same thing. A high school girl would come up to me and tell me that she loved me, or that she… _wanted_ me, or that she would die to be in my arms for just a night, and damn it all… It wasn't real. I'd rather never be loved than to hear another thousand fake 'I love you's. They didn't mean it. They were charmed. They had just been blinded by a brilliant flash of light and they forgot what shadows looked like.

"Other boys hated me for stealing their girls away when I never intended to. And they hated me even more when I got angry back and suddenly my pheromones kicked up and they found themselves dazed in my presence as well. The first time a man approached me, I… God, it was horrible. All I could think was, 'what if this had happened fifty years ago?' They would have killed us both, just to be safe. They would have us hung or burned, or tarred and feathered."

His expression darkened. "People laugh at tarring and feathering now, but I remember it was horrible. I saw the scars of some of the older citizens, back when I was human… Their skin was distorted from when it had been torn off by the tar when they had desperately tried to clean off the feathers. Some of them had amputated limbs because the burn of the heated tar had led to blood infections and they had no other way to stop them at the time… And I just… How do I explain this to Bella? How do I tell her the story of my life?"

Edward turned desperately to Jacob, wishing the other man would have an answer, but he knew he didn't. And Jacob knew he didn't.

For a long moment, he was silent, and then the thoughts began. He seemed to have forgotten Edward could read his mind.

_Damn, what do I say to that? I don't understand those things any more than Bella does. At least, not really… But I want to try. I want to see all of Edward's imperfections, no matter how strange they are. What does he look like when he's truly angry, or afraid, or confused? What do real emotions look like on him?_

It was cognitive enough that Edward knew the werewolf part of him had nothing to do with it and it was a bit of a shock to realize that Jacob was leaning towards him without any compulsion from the monster in him.

"You can tell _me_ ," Jacob told him, looking determined and completely, inexplicably earnest. Like he had decided something that Edward had missed from his mind. "All of it. I don't care. What do you look like when you're ugly?" His tone was slightly teasing but the expression was dead serious. Edward couldn't look away. This man… this man was different than any other he had ever met.

"Why would you want to know that?" Edward asked, extremely puzzled. He'd heard of people being 'thrown for a loop', but he had never really felt it until then.

The reply was the most simply-stated cocky challenge to their very nature that he'd ever heard. "Because I like the dark. I'm more at home in the pouring ran than a sunny and cloudless day. Because you're fascinating."

"Because I look different," Edward replied flatly. He had heard the line over and over again.

Jacob snorted. "You think some sallow skin and mood-ring eyes draw me in? No, it's the personality. I want to know _you_. Every flaw, every problem. I'd like to know I'm not the only one with the feeling of an overwhelming amount of filth on my soul."

Edward smiled slightly. "But what if it ruins your terribly romantic vision of vampire paradise?"

A corner of the werewolf's mouth quirked up in a half-grin. "The only thing romantic about vampires is bringing a head back to your mate as a love prize."

"A love prize?"

He shrugged. "Never mind. Just another one of those crazy Quileute wolf stories."

Edward shook his head, amused, but let it go. "I don't know where to start. I remember the first time, waking up conscious from when the newborn madness was done, and realizing that I didn't have a single piece of clothing that was wearable in public. They were all torn by my athleticism or stained brown with dried blood from who knows how many kills. I remember the first time I killed a mountain lion. At first, I had to do it as gruesomely as possible just to keep myself interested. I remember when the world suddenly seemed incredibly hot. Compared to my ice-temperature skin, everything felt like it would burn me. I hated the sun. Not because of the glitters it caused me to break out into, but because it felt like it was going to melt me. Those rays slipping through my skin and bouncing off of internal flesh that was rock-hard and threw light back like gems -- that's what causes the sparkles, you know.* I didn't like all the heat, even though it couldn't hurt me. I used to hate how I only felt okay touching a statue. Their skin was always as smooth and hard as mine, and it was just my temperature, too. It was comfortable, but inhuman. Like me. For a while, I lived in Alaska. It was colder and darker there, and it felt like home. I lived with a clan of other vampires there, and it was nice. Simple. I went to high school near their city. Twice. Then came here, to Washington. I went to a few cities here and there before deciding to settle back down with Carlisle. He's a good man, though I'll never understand how he could have lived as long as he has without growing to hate society or himself."

Slowly, slowly, Edward began to sink back down onto the slightly damp earth underneath him, and he looked back up at the sky. "There are so many times where I've done stupid things. Things done in anger or fear or disgust. Some of them were accidental, some of them I couldn't bring myself to be sorry for. I've killed so many people that I can barely remember any of them anymore, and I hate that. When I was a newborn, one piece of prey just bled into the next, but after I became conscious… I realized a lot of people were walking around free that should have been in jail. The first time I killed a criminal was when I lost my temper and broke his neck. It was during a bar fight, so I was able to pass it off as an accident and slip through the justice system. The second time, I ran into another man that was fantasizing about his latest murder, and I didn't think he deserved to live." Edward smiled slightly, and Jacob couldn't seem to be able to take his eyes off him. Well, for what it was worth, he really was getting a life story.

"It may seem corny, but eventually I became a sort of avenger. I found people who had committed crimes and I drank their blood. They deserved to die like that. Die as scum, as worth nothing more than the chickens humans slaughter for food. The crimes became lighter, though, as time went on. It started out as just murder, then more rapists than I could count, and then a few handfuls of domestic abuse. It started to taper off at theft, but the thefts would become smaller and smaller… Suddenly, I realized I was killing just about anybody who I had gotten angry and disgusted with. Who had done things that were incredibly stupid, but not inherently evil. I had to stop. I had to stop killing humans, had to stop becoming the monster that I just couldn't shake. Carlisle helped me with that. We practiced walking around at night and every time I would get the urge to kill, he would hold me back. The addiction was hard to break, and I failed more times than I care to admit. Once, I nearly tore Carlisle's arm off in my attempt to get to a group of men that were laughing about the woman that they had just drugged and indulged in -- but I stopped. I really stopped. It's been a little less than a hundred years of being a vampire, but I'm off human blood."

Edward was silent for a long time, and so was Jacob. Edward was bitterly proud of that last fact, like a man that had survived war. He hated what he'd seen and what he had done, but proud that he survived it. Overcame it. Because of the past couple years, he could almost forget what sort of creature he was, and Bella had been another form of forgetting. And Edward had liked that -- the getting away from it all.

But, though Jacob brought it all back, Jacob's method didn't seem all that bad, either. He made Edward feel sort of… normal.

"So you're easily angry, murderous, impulsive and arrogant of an entire species?" Jacob commented lightly, after a long silence, "I like that."

The vampire turned his head towards the other man, and gave him a slightly-incredulous smile. "Why's that?"

Jacob shrugged. "It makes me feel better about being fascinated by the sound of tearing flesh. And having dual personalities doesn't seem as insane."

Edward rolled over on his side and eyed him. "It's my turn, then. Tell me _your_ story."

And Jacob did.

By the end, another hour had passed. Jacob's story had been less hard-facts and more pure emotion, and Edward was utterly enthralled by it. His first phasing sounded incredible, as did the runs through the woods, and the general freedom of all. He was just as much of a predator as Edward was, except that he actually _took the form_ of a wild animal. After their talk, they had reached an understanding. They knew where each other was coming from, and why they were both together in that moment. And laying on the grass, side-by-side, they had both found peace in another person for the first time in a long time.

However, like all peaceful moments Edward had ever had, it eventually came to an end.

"Mmm, I could get used to this life," Jacob murmured, his right hand still brushing Edward's.

The vampire lazily turned his head. "What life?"

" _This_ life," Jacob intentionally twined their fingers and lifted Edward's hand slightly off the ground as emphasis. "You, me. This connection." He paused significantly. " _Us_."

_Why is he talking like this is a permanent situation?_ Edward wondered, worry starting to sink into him, but decided that asking that was a bit too forward. "You know that I consider myself taken, don't you?" he asked instead.

Jacob smiled and his expression was warm. "I know. But this goes beyond that, I think. Like this is how it's supposed to be." _Meant to be. Hmm… Jared said it suddenly felt like Kim was all he cared about. He was all she could think about, and that he felt a thrill just by being in her presence -- an extreme spark, a raging fire. But is it even possible to imprint on a vampire?_

Edward pulled his hand away a bit rougher than he intended and he could tell that Jacob just realized his thoughts could be heard. The werewolf's face heated up slightly and he looked away. He didn't immediately discredit his thoughts, though, and that worried Edward. _Perhaps a bit of forwardness is necessary…_

"Jacob, this cannot go on. This is a one-" _Two, technically,_ Jacob silently interrupted. "-time deal and I have no intention of letting it continue after today," he announced.

Jacob leaned back, surprised, but not fully awake to the rejection yet. "But I thought you'd changed your mind. That's why you came back, isn't it?"

Edward shook his head slowly and watched Jacob's eyes widen further. "No, I crossed paths with you by accident."

"You…" he trailed off, looking baffled and hurt, like Edward had pushed him into a mud puddle in front of his friends. His sentence continued, unbidden, in his mind. _You didn't come because you thought I was upset? You really are leaving me?_

Edward grimaced. "Jacob, I don't exactly… feel the same way about you that you do about me," he explained, his tone still slow and gentle. The werewolf suddenly sat up, looking down at him, the hurt flashing in his eyes.

"And how do you think I feel about you?" _How do you know?_

Edward narrowed his eyes. How could he have not noticed the wolf's advances? "You're always going on about a 'connection' between us, and you seem to like to always have my attention on you. You're also the one who always instigates our… sexual interactions."

Jacob glared. "Meaning?"

"Meaning," Edward sat up, tired of trying to argue on his back, "That you're a fool. This is… was… just a comfort thing for me. I only wanted an escape, as you called it."

"I was just… I thought…" Jacob's eyes widened again, realizing he had indeed said just that. "I was just trying to convince you to be with me again. I thought, once we had… That you would want to… to come back."

"To come back to where? A hedonistic and immoral affair that does me absolutely no good? No, I have no intention of 'coming back'."

_What?_ "It's not just that!" The other man immediately protested, and the shock and anger rippled across his mind where Edward's picked it up. "It's not just physical -- at least _I_ don't think so. You trusted me enough to talk to me, and I understood. And then I told you everything about me, and you listened and understood as well. I don't think anyone else knows that much about me, or you." As he spoke, Jacob slowly sat up and mirrored Edward's position. Except while Edward's was slightly forced indifference, tension stood out in every line of Jacob's body.

"Yes, but this is… It's not…" Edward took a deep breath. "We're too different. We have almost nothing in common, even with that understanding. I won't… I don't want to… Look, Jacob, I'm not interested."

"Liar!" Jacob retort was nearly a cry. "Why are you really leaving?"

"I've already given you a hundred reasons!" Edward shot back, waving one arm to emphasize the amount and moving backwards.

For once, Jacob didn't try to lessen the space between them. "But they're all just excuses! They've all been disproved a hundred times over! Are you worried about Bella? Because I wasn't going to make you leave her. At least… not now. _This_ , what we're doing _now_ , is okay with me. We can still be together, and she'll be okay," he insisted, using his wide and earnest eyes again.

"It's not that! …Well, not entirely," Edward amended. "This… isn't… what I'm used to. It's not what I do. You're too…" _Equal to me._ "…different for me to be comfortable with it."

"Different how?" The hurt line of Jacob's mouth started to twist into a sneer. "I'm not so completely under your spell that I can't think? I can actually stand up to you?"

Edward growled. "No. Different because you rub me completely the wrong way and make me do idiotic things like this," he gestured vaguely between them. "I don't like myself that way and, since you're the only cause of it, I simply have to go back to where I belong -- which is certainly _not_ here." _Why am I even explaining all of this? I should just tell him to get the hell away and leave,_ Edward thought, almost as frustrated with himself as he was with the wolf. _I can't believe I'm…_ justifying _myself to this animal. I can't believe I fell into this trap in the first place._

Jacob's glare was furious and upset, but there seemed to something other than that under his initial emotions. There was some resolution, some line of reasoning, that he wanted Edward to know. "This is who you are," he said firmly, his voice almost to a growl. "You don't have to wear a stupid mask in front of me. You can be rough and mean and honest and it's okay because at least you're expressing yourself. You don't have to act all statue-y and perfect with me." Edward flinched slightly.

_Too hard, too close. I don't want to talk about this. I never should have told him all of that…_ Edward thought, the panic stirring again. "Just stop it, Jacob. I'm happy where I am and I don't need your interference -- you're just an obnoxious teenage boy."

A throb of pain and distress shook Jacob's mind again. _I can't believe him. I really thought he had come back to… to make sure I was… But, no. No, of course not. No one cares about the little wolf who can't play along with the status quo._ _Fine. I guess that means I don't have to care anymore, either._

" _You're_ calling _me_ 'just a teenage boy'?" Jacob asked, his voice coming out in a hiss. "We're both seventeen, leech." Edward almost rolled his eyes. _Back to the epithets, are we?_ He realized, with a detached sort of exasperation, that they probably weren't even listening to each other anymore. Then again, when had they ever? It wasn't about coming to an understanding, it was all about _winning._ All about who could hurt the other the most.

"No, you're seventeen, I'm a hundred and eight -- give or take," he corrected, his irritation rising, and a bit of superiority leaked into his tone.

Jacob jerked up his chin, proud and taunting. "Oh, so finally you admit it!" he crowed, "Doesn't that give you a bit of a pedo issue when it comes to Bella…?"

With that, he cocked his head, smirking and making Edward want to throw him back to the ground. Where did he get off saying things like that? Stupid, insufferable _mongrel._

"Like a wolf has any right to call me a pedophile!" he snarled back. "Tell me, just how old is that Claire now?"

_How dare you?_ "Leave Quil out of this, you filthy bloodsucker!" Jacob pushed himself to his feet and clenched his fists.

"Then leave Bella out of it, you insolent little mutt!" Edward jumped to his feet as well, snarling.

"Bella has everything to do with this!"

"I thought this was between you and I," Edward taunted, mimicking the sarcastic head tilt Jacob had used earlier.

"She's the reason you're leaving!" Jacob's voice hit an even higher pitch and his anguish seemed to be threatening to completely tear his anger down. "She's taking someone else I… I…"

"So now it's Bella's fault you started acting like this?" Edward's contempt rose in the form of bile in his throat. "I can't believe you."

"I can't believe _you!_ You're such a… you're so… You…" He broke off, frustrated beyond words, and then grabbed Edward by the forearms and shook him. "God damn you!"

Edward pulled free and pushed him back, taking a step backwards himself. "This had to be the worst idea I ever had," he muttered, his hatred for Jacob warring with his own self-hatred. "Leaving them… coming back here… I'm going home."

"Why? So you can go play perfect again?" Jacob shot at his retreating back. "You may think you can trick all the others, but not me. I know that you can be human too."

"I'm _not_ human," Edward hissed over his shoulder.

Jacob's eyes flashed. "You sure seem like it to me."

"I'm _not_. I'm not a slave to my own hormones, forever scrambling to fulfill my own _needs_ and forgetting how to be a civilized creature."

_Oh?_ Jacob's hurt had hardened into anger and now the anger was becoming arrogant self-confidence. Unmistakably werewolven. He cockily flashed a few memory clips in his mind of Edward being anything but civilized and hardly ignoring his hormones.

Edward hands balled into fists and he glared off into the trees. "What you say has no consequence to me, Jacob. I already intend to spend the rest of my existence with Bella. I'm already decided."

Jacob stepped up behind him, making Edward's shoulders tighten. "All the more reason to fight _now_ ," he replied lowly, and Edward felt his warm breath ghost over his back and neck. He shivered, but was quick to cover it up by turning and glaring pure fury at the werewolf.

"No, it's not! Just stop! This isn't just some book or play or some stupid television show, this is _life_ and you can't just completely change… change things like that. You're taking this mess and making it even worse. Stop!"

"Stop and watch you lose yourself? No." Jacob's eyes hardened. "I used to think you really did think you were perfect. I used to -- and still sort of do -- hate you for it, but now I get it." His gaze was flicking back and forth, trying to read something in Edward's, and he was finding it unnerving. "You only _want_ to be perfect. For you, for her, for everyone. Edward Cullen doesn't get to have issues. And _that's_ why you're running," he concluded.

The fist that met Jacob's jaw was hard enough to bruise bone. The werewolf staggered back, clutching the side of his face and snarling. Edward trembled furiously, his hand still in fists, and glared at him wordlessly. He had _no_ business saying _anything_ like that.

_He's deluded. Utterly deluded._ Edward mentally hissed, and then ground his teeth together when he heard Jacob echo the thought even louder. He stood up straighter to say something that would hopefully slash Jacob into enough pieces that he would stop talking and just leave, but he couldn't come up with any articulate words and ended up just giving him a wordless, guttural snarl -- even louder than the one Jacob was giving.

Jacob took a step back, but his lip curled, mirroring the angry expression of a wolf. Angry and contemptuous. He slowly lowed his hand and the vampire could clearly see a purple bruise darkening visibly against the already-dark skin.

" _I never want to see you again,_ " Edward murmured, forcing himself to shove every feeling down and away, and his voice betrayed nothing to the other man.

Jacob's expression continued to display his wide range of responses. But he couldn't help it -- he was only a dog.

_It's like he really has become a statue…_ Came the dark and quiet thought. Incredulity leaked between the hurt and anger and confusion that was swirling together in his mind. Not a storm yet, but it could be.

Edward narrowed his eyes and waited for an out loud response.

At last, Jacob visibly swallowed everything else he wanted to say, and replied. "Fine."

"Fine," Edward returned.

"Fine," Jacob growled back.

_Okay, stop now before this becomes more ridiculous,_ Edward admonished himself, and then turning back around, he walked slowly and resolutely away.

No, he was not running away just because he left first. He just… felt that it would be best that they were no longer in each other's presence.

Jacob rattled things that Edward believed had no business being rattled. He said "status quo" like it was a bad thing, like it was something to be defied. _Fool. Utter idiot. Stupid mutt. Complicated, unnecessary, aggravating, useless werewolf._

_Why is he trying to open a door that doesn't need to be opened? I wouldn't choose it, even if it_ was _open. He's just complicating things._

Edward was fuming and edgy for the rest of the day but he was determined to not show even the slightest flicker. He was perfectly polite with the mix of maturity and a slight hint of flirtatiousness that Bella liked, and he never mentioned Jacob. He was flawless. Completely, utterly flawless. And both he and Bella liked him that way. Proving Jacob wrong had, of course, nothing to do with it.

The problem with his no-werewolves-anymore plan was, Bella called Jacob that night and planned to go to La Push the very next day during Edward's hunting trip -- and Edward would have to drive her there and see the werewolf again. It seemed whenever they swore never to see one another again, they immediately did.

Apparently Fate had decided to call Jacob's bluff.

"So how do you feel you did on your exams?" Edward asked pleasantly on the way there. Anything to distract him from the car he knew he'd see at the end of the road. Luckily, Bella had had her senior class exams the past couple days, so they had a conversation topic.

"History was easy, but I don't know about the Calculus," she replied uneasily. "It seemed like it was making sense, so that probably means I failed."

Edward laughed, and it was almost genuine. "I'm sure you did fine. Or, if you're really worried, I could bribe Mr. Varner to give you an A."

She grimaced. "Er, thanks, but no thanks."

Edward really laughed that time, until they turned the corner and the red car sat waiting by the borderline.

_Oh, there you are. Wonder if you can hear me._ Jacob's thoughts cut through the quietness in the car. His tone held a good deal of emotions, but most of it was just belligerent anger. _Stupid mutt_ , Edward hissed back, but Jacob couldn't read his mind.

"What's wrong?" Bella asked, not opening the door yet.

Edward shook his head. "Nothing." His eyes narrowed and stared at Jacob, who refused to get out of the car, too.

_I'll take that expression as a yes. Well listen up, you obnoxious parasite: I refuse to just sit back and do nothing. So screw you and screw vampires and screw that wolfy connection. I'm all about Bella now. I don't need you or your issues or your_ indecision _. So screw. You._

"You're not _listening_ to Jacob, are you?" Bella sounded concerned and a little accusatory.

_And I decided something else. I won't just sit around and wait for Bella to dump your sorry ass and come directly to me either. So, if you don't mind-or even if you do-, I intend to put both feet forward. You'll like this next part, I'm sure…_

"It's not easy to ignore someone when he's shouting," Edward replied dryly.

_You know how Bella hates hurting people? Well, until now, I didn't want to back her into a corner… but now I think a corner sounds like a great idea. I'll finally admit it to her. I'll tell her I love her, which you know I do, and she'll know it too. And she won't want to hurt her poor Jake. I used to hate pity, but now I'm starting to see the advantages._

"Oh. What's he shouting?"

Edward's fingers tightened on the wheel. "I'm absolutely certain he'll mention it himself."

_What's taking so long, leech? Let her go. It's my turn._

The angry mental tone was punctuated by two sharp honks of the car horn.

Edward narrowed his eyes. "That's impolite." _He doesn't need to take his anger out on Bella._

"That's Jacob," Bella sighed and stepped out of the car. Edward watched as she walked over to Jacob's and, after a short wave his way, got in the passenger seat.

_Thank you. Now I think I'll go level the playing field now._

With Bella both at a distance and between two cars, Edward let his mask slip. He didn't want the playing field leveled. He still didn't know who Bella would choose if either of her two competitors demanded an ultimatum. Whoever delivered it, all three of them knew it would end up being "Edward or Jacob, with no contact with the other afterwards."

Edward hated the whole situation. He really did. There weren't any good solutions. Not one single resolution that would leave everyone happy. It had been bad when he and Jacob had just been competing for Bella's love… but now Jacob was competing with Bella over Edward, while still competing with him over her, and Edward was mature enough to admit that if Bella and Jacob were together, he would be jealous of them both. Every time he'd imagined Jacob with Bella's soft loving, he immediately got furious -- but now when he imagined Bella with Jacob's wildfire passion, he got just as furious.

It was absolutely crazy, but it was the truth: all three of them were competing with every other person for the third. Even worse, there wasn't a single competition between the two other people for the third that couldn't come to blows. Unbidden, another passage rose in his mind:

_I saw the quarrel had merely effected a closer intimacy- had broken the outworks of youthful timidity, and enabled them to forsake the disguise of friendship, and confess themselves lovers._

_"This is wrong, I should be gone,_   
_Yet here I lay._   
_'Cause I can't stay away…_   
_I'm conflicted._   
_I inhale, now I'm addicted._   
_To this place, to you babe,_   
_I can't stay away."_

_~"I Can't Stay Away" by the Veronicas_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I know, a pretty half-assed attempt at explaining the sparkling but at least I tried. x3
> 
> For this chapter, for that first scene, I had to get a copy of Wuthering Heights. As Edward was doing, I flipped through the book, pulling out quotes that I thought would fit Jacob's and Edward's relationship. It truly is a horribly painful book. Cruelty in its most loving form, or perhaps vice versa.
> 
> On another note, that story that Edward told about the werewolves was the only excuse I could come up with for the old wolf pack to die out, even after the Cullens had moved there. Jacob said that they normally wouldn't stop phasing with a coven that close by, so I figured… Hey, maybe they decided to trust each other. So, yeah. An excuse.
> 
> By the way, I'm extra-curious this time… Did you guys like this chapter? I decided to put the plot progression on hold (sort of) to really dig into the issues with Twilight that bother me. Things Meyer never addresses, but should. She hints at all sorts of things, but she never really expands on it. Do you agree with what was said in this one? Disagree? Why, either way? And, also, what about Edward's history? All Meyer really told us was that he started out killing criminals and then just… stopped, and started eating animals. Because criminal totally deserve to live(?) So… I filled in the spaces. Whoo. And, yes, I was originally going to include Jacob's story as well, except that I saw that Meyer had posted a side-story on her site that had his history in it, so… I guess I was worried I'd borrow from it too much, and the re-write would be too similar. So just go read it on her site-it fits alright enough.
> 
> (And for those of you that are worried about scenes coming soon, about Edward's reluctance to have sex with Bella to stem from him wanting to save his virtue… I'd just like to point out that at no time did he ever actually say he was a virgin. He just sort of danced around the issue and turned the topic around. And in Breaking Dawn, he's described as the perfect sex partner, which absolutely guarantees he wasn't one.)


	8. Damned If I Do You, Damned If I Don't

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Original author's notes kept for posterity._
> 
> Thanks for all the reviews again, guys! It's good to know a lot of people are enjoying stories like these. My next few works are probably also going to be Twilight fanfiction that pulls apart at the different problems and/or unexplained bits of the series. And I understand what you mean, Melodious, but I don't want my own hand getting into this story too much. I have other pieces in the works that are entirely original, but I want this story as heavily imbedded into the original as I can. Theoretically, I want someone to be able to have this story in one hand and the book in the other and to easily be able to mesh one into the other.
> 
> Another thing I wanted to point out, though, is in that line, Jacob wasn't saying he was alright with a threesome or even with being the 'other woman' that much. He basically meant "If it means I get to keep you, I'll do anything." But kudos to the readers that are noticing Jacob's steady decline. That'll reach a climax soon, so look out for that.
> 
> Aaaand… I honestly can't remember, Ashly. x3 They might've—but even if they did, that wouldn't apply, since that was in Twilight.
> 
> Now without further ado, the next chapter!

"Hey, Bells," Jacob greeted cheerfully, but now that Edward was gone, he could give in a bit to the exhaustion. He loosened his shoulders until he sagged a bit in the driver's seat, and he let his expression go back to neutrality. He couldn't let Edward see what he was slowly doing to Jacob, but it was alright if Bella was exposed to a bit of weakness. Unfortunately, at that thought, Edward tried to rise up again, but Jacob quickly stomped him back down. _This is Bella-time right now, Jake.  
_  
Bella stared at him, blinking. "Are you all right, Jake?"

"Just tired," he replied, yawning. "What do you want to do today?"

Bella studied him for a moment longer, but then turned back to the car window. "Let's just hang out at your place for now. We can ride our bikes later."

"Sure, sure," the werewolf agreed peaceably as they pulled up to his house.

They walked into a silent home and Jacob flicked on the light as they entered the living room. It was dark and a bit dirty, but it was stuffed with comfortable things and it felt like a home. Or, at least, it should. Lately, Jacob had just been feeling detached from the rest of the world. He was drifting, fading in and out of focus, through a world that didn't seem to quite fit him anymore.

"Where's your dad?" Bella asked, probably noticing how quiet it was.

Jacob thought for a moment, and then remembered their breakfast conversation. "Over at the Clearwaters'. He's been hanging out there a lot since Harry died. Sue gets lonely."

Jacob flopped onto the tiny couch in the living room and scooted over to make room for Bella, who followed him and sat down, seemingly unafraid to be too near him like she had the month before. _Is that progress? I can't tell._

"Oh. That's nice. Poor Sue."

_Poor Sue, indeed._ Apparently she, along with Leah, blamed the children's phasing for Harry's heart attack -- which understandably caused a good deal of family tension. Indirect patricide tended to put a strain on every family's evening dinner. "Yeah… she's having some trouble… With her kids," he said slowly. Suddenly, now that he was resting on the couch, he felt even more tired than he had been.

"Sure, it's got to be hard on Seth and Leah, losing their dad…"

Jacob made a vague agreeing sound, unsure of what to say at that point. He yawned again and threw his arm over the back of the couch, leaning against it, and stared blankly at the tv screen.

"What's with you, Jake? You're like a zombie," Bella looked over at him, studying him like Edward had. _Not that I intend to ever compare the two, since she is wonderful and he's a twat. And why am I even thinking about him? Bastard._

"I got about two hours of sleep last night, and four the night before," he admitted, "I'm exhausted."

"Why aren't you sleeping?" Her tone said he'd better have a good excuse.

Good thing he had practice coming up with them on the fly. "Sam's being difficult." The lie was fairly easy, considering there were threads of truth in it. "He doesn't trust your bloodsuckers. I've been running double shifts for two weeks and nobody's touched me yet, but he still doesn't buy it. So I'm on my own for now."

The truth was, he was either awake all night thinking about the… situation… with the man he completely, absolutely, a hundred percent didn't give a damn about… or he was sleeping and plagued with nightmares about the same thing. There was even the occasional _nicer_ dream, but he never got any rest from those either.

"Double shifts? Is this because you're trying to watch out for me?" she protested, "Jake, that's wrong! You need to sleep. I'll be fine."

"It's no big deal." He brushed it off and then changed the subject, trying to sit up straighter. "Hey, did you ever find out who was in your room? Is there anything new?"

"No, we didn't find anything out about my, um, visitor."

_Is that what they call it these days?_ "Then I'll be around," he said simply, closing his eyes and leaning his head against the back of the couch.

"Jake…" she started, but he cut her off.

"Hey, it's the least I can do. I offered eternal servitude, remember? I'm your slave for life," he teased.

Bella didn't laugh. "I don't want a slave!"

Jacob stifled a sigh. "What do you want, Bella?" He had tried so hard to be perfect for her, but he was always missing something. He just wished he knew what it was.

"I want my friend Jacob -- and I don't want him half-dead, hurting himself in some misguided attempt-"

_Damn her unending guilt about everything. I really could have picked a better excuse._

"Look at it this way," he interrupted her again, "I'm hoping to track down a vampire I'm allowed to kill, okay?"

Bella was silent for so long that Jacob opened one eye and peered at her. "Kidding, Bella."

She continued to stare silently at the TV.

"So, any special plans next week?" he tried to change the subject. "You're graduating. Wow. That's big." He tried for casually happy, but completely missed and just sounded depressed and, indeed, half-dead.

"No special plans," she said slowly. "Well, I do have to go to a graduation party. Mine. Alice loves parties, and she's invited the whole town to her place the night of. It's going to be horrible."

Jacob snorted, and then smiled teasingly at her. "I didn't get an invitation. I'm hurt."

"Consider yourself invited. It's supposedly my party, so I should be able to ask who I want."

"Thanks," Jacob replied, a bit sarcastically. _Yeah, like I'd ever walk into the Cullen coven alone and unarmed_ , Jacob thought dryly. But his inner wolf connected that situation with seeing its favorite vampire again, and Jacob felt a familiar tug towards him… and hated it.

"I wish you would come," Bella continued, a bit sadly. "It would be more fun. For me, I mean."

"Sure, sure," he muttered, but he wasn't entirely adverse to the idea. Maybe if he took a couple packmates along. Quil and Embry were still nice to him… It would still be incredibly stupid to do, though. "That would be very…"

He had closed his eyes too long. He had no idea if he was even awake. But the darkness was so tempting after staying awake nearly all last night.

"Wise…" he murmured, and the darkness completely slipped over his head. Almost immediately, he was immersed in another world…

_He's back in the forest, or close to it. Some sort of house behind him, a line of trees in front. A nice day. Calm. Pleasant. Jacob looked around. The clearing was empty except for two wolves… Seth, he recognized immediately… and Leah? Wait, where were the others?_

_But a scent caught his attention before he could ask them. No, it was two scents. Unmistakably a pair of vampires. Edward! And… and who? Who was that? Edward and the stranger stepped forward from the line of trees and stopped a few feet away from him. Edward was shirtless, and his pants were torn here and there. His hair was ruffled and his eyes were pure gold… And right then, even though Jacob sometimes just hated him beyond words, he couldn't look away. That is, until the girl stepped forward in front of him._

_The girl was absolutely beautiful and though she reeked, she fascinated Jacob. She rang with familiarity, though where he had seen someone like her, he didn't know. Her clothes, though they seemed to maybe have once been a dress, were shredded pieces of cloth draped artfully over perfect skin. Around her shoulders, she wore a pale button-down shirt that was just Edward's size, which would explain his shirtlessness. The vampire woman carried all the typical traits of a vampire, the pale and flawless skin, the grace, the clear smile and… and red eyes. This one drank blood._

_Jacob wanted to tense immediately, but his body wasn't complying. He tried to step backwards, but it didn't move. He just stood there. 'Get away! Get back! Run! Do something!' he snarled at himself, but his body simply stepped forward and… grinned?_

_He was saying something to them, and Edward was saying something back. And the woman spoke, too. From his body's eyes -- how strange was that? -- he studied her. She couldn't be over a year or two older. Not even twenty. And she had long and flowing brown hair that cascaded over her shoulders with just a hint of wave. Something about that hair was familiar… Something…_

_"I gotta say it, Bells," Jacob heard himself suddenly say, "You're a freak show."_

_Jacob froze, horrified. Or tried to. He was still grinning -- but why? That was Bella! As a vampire! The pale skin, the flashing red eyes, the stunning and lethal grace._

_It was a dead corpse, reanimated as a predatory zombie, designed to be beautiful only to draw people in. A vampire. A… a fucking vampire!_

_Bella -- no, it wasn't her, it was just her corpse -- said something else, and Jacob heard himself say something in reply, but he missed it. All he could hear was ringing in his ears. Edward stepped up and put his arms around Bella, meeting Jacob's gaze. He bent down and whispered "I love you," in Bella's ear, never taking his eyes off the werewolf at his mercy. He smiled. A cruel rejection. Throwing in his face what the future would pan out to be._

_'No! No, no, no, no…' Jacob whimpered in his mind, unable to stand that his body was just standing there, smiling widely. Like it was okay with this. Why? Why?_

_Bella flashed a beatiful, vampiric smile, and so did Edward._

_Jacob could see the matching wedding rings glittering on their fingers._

_'No, no, no, no, no, nonononononono…' With a pained growl, bordering on anguished, Jacob tried to wrench his body away. Tried to run. He didn't want to see this. He wanted out. Out. Out! OUT!_

_He thrashed and pulled, even trying to phase, but he couldn't escape the cage. Even when Bella and Edward approached him, their cold, pale fingers intertwined without him… He couldn't get out. His body just stood there, pleasantly content._

_He didn't want to see Bella this way. He didn't want to see Edward this way. Now they were both so… so… happy without him. They didn't need him anymore. Edward now smiled without a single hint of pain -- something Jacob had never seen. And Bella could give him everything that only Jacob used to be able to._

_With their matching bodies, Edward would never have to hold back. And they could do things even Jacob couldn't do._

_They could have a family._

_'NONONONONO!' Jacob tried to wail, but he couldn't. He could only grin. He could only stand there and smile and be happy and be LYING. No, he wouldn't. He wouldn't do it. He wouldn't stand there-he would show them that he was hurt. They had to see his pain to know of it. But that would hurt them too…_

_He had to run, then. Get out of there. Leave! Forever, if he had to. Away from his love, away from his lover, away from their glorious immortal union._

_Jacob tensed to try one final lunge out of his bodily cage, when he felt something shove his arm, and then his whole body was falling. Was he being attacked?_

_Bella and Edward smiled again, without a hint of emotion towards him. He was just a mutt._

_'Leave me ALONE!' Panicked, half-hysterical, Jacob forcibly wrenched his eyes open, regaining control of his body and-_

Jacob leapt to his feet, looking around wildly and trying to orient himself back in the present, in the awake world. "What? What?" he shook his head and blinked, seeing a girl on the couch -- the same girl, but a different one. No, that didn't make any sense. She was still alive now. Or here. Except, that was a dream, right? So real…

"It's just me, Jake," the girl said, "Sorry I woke you."

_Dream._ It was a dream. Which meant… "Bella?"

"Hey, sleepy," human-Bella smiled lightly.

Jacob ran a hand through his ruffled hair and exhaled. "Oh, man. Did I fall asleep? I'm sorry! How long was I out?" The room around him slowly cleared and he saw that he was standing in the living room with the television on. Not in a forest. Not with a vampire-Bella. She was still pale, but she looked back at him with soft brown eyes.

As he slowly forced his heart rate back down, she shrugged at his question, looking unconcerned. "A few Emerils. I lost count."

He flopped back down onto the couch, depressed again. That was what he'd forgotten. Edward was planning on turning Bella in a matter of weeks. By the end of June, the vampire had to choose between his human love and his werewolf lover—and Jacob wasn't sure he'd win.

_Not to mention my whole afternoon plans are ruined… I guess I'll just have to do it, then._ "Wow. Sorry about that, really."

If he couldn't have Edward, fine! Jacob didn't need him anyway. But Bella… Bella was still in his grasp. He could still make her understand how Jacob felt about her. Edward wasn't the only one with a back-up plan if their… _affair_ … didn't pan out. And even though part of the wolf felt uncomfortable with using her, the other part just wanted to grind glass and spite into Edward's face.

Bella stroked his head, probably smoothing down his hair. "Don't feel bad," she soothed, "I'm glad you got some sleep."

He yawned again, rolling a few muscles to wake up further. "I'm useless these days. No wonder Billy's always gone. I'm so boring."

"You're fine."

"Ugh," he groaned, forcing himself to get up. "Let's go outside. I need to walk around or I'll pass out again."

"Jake, go back to sleep," Bella insisted. "I'm good. I'll call Edward to come pick me up." She paused, feeling her pockets. "Shoot, I'll have to borrow your phone. I think I must have left his in the car."

She started to get up, but Jacob quickly grabbed her hand. "No! No, stay. You hardly ever make it down. I can't believe I wasted all this time."

_How do I build up to it now?_

He gently pulled her off the couch and they walked outside, still hand in hand, and stopped outside the house. What was he going to do now? "I'm an idiot," he muttered, pacing.

"What's the matter, Jake? So you fell asleep?" she shrugged lightly.

Jacob grimaced. He didn't have a plan -- not with only an hour or two left. Not when he needed time leftover afterwards… "I wanted to talk to you," he admitted. "I can't believe this."

"Talk to me now," she insisted, and -- still grasping his hand -- pulled him towards her and forced him to stop pacing. He met her gaze a moment before quickly looking away with his face heating up. How was he going to word it? Build up to it like a proposal? Talk about what they'd been through?

"Look," he said quietly. "I was planning to do this a little bit differently," he laughed self-deprecatingly. "Smoother. I was going to work up to it, but… I'm out of time to work."

_Just spit it out!_ he told himself, but the words were stopping before he could put a voice to them.

"What are you talking about?" she asked, a bit rougher. Jacob wondered vaguely if her vampire boyfriend had given her a heads-up.

He breathed slowly, in and out, and then continued. "I want to tell you something. And you already know it… but I think I should say it out loud anyway. Just so there's never any confusion on the subject."

Bella suddenly pulled her hand away and crossed her arms, staring at him expressionlessly. _Is that supposed to be encouraging? I might as well go back to-_

He stomped on that thought. _Okay, no more excuses. No more excuses, and no more vampire flings. Bella, from here on out._

"I'm in love with you, Bella," and he thanked every deity he could think of that there wasn't as much as a quiver in his voice. "Bella, I love you. And I want you to pick me instead of him. I know you don't feel that way, but I need the truth out there so that you know your options. I wouldn't want a miscommunication to stand in our way."

Bella stared silently at him for nearly a minute, and he stared right back. He was sure and serious and wanted her to realize this. However, when her completely stunned expression stayed frozen for longer than that, Jacob grinned.

"Okay. That's all," he said, breaking the tension.

"Jake-" She cleared her throat a bit awkwardly, still looking stunned. "I can't- I mean I don't… I have to go."

She turned to leave but he quickly grabbed her shoulder and pulled her back.

"No, wait!" He protested, holding her there. "I know that, Bella. But, look, answer me this, all right? Do you want me to go away and never see you again? Be honest."

She paused for a very long time, and Jacob was starting to get a bit nervous when she finally said, "No, I don't want that."

"See." He grinned again, relieved.

"But I don't want you around for the same reason that you want me around," she admitted softly. _No shocker there, I suppose._

"Tell me exactly why you want me around, then."

She paused, this time for not as long. "I miss you when you're not there. When you're happy, it makes me happy. But I could say the same thing about Charlie, Jacob," she quickly clarified after that. "You're family. I love you, but I'm not in love with you."

He nodded, pretty much already knowing that. "But you do want me around."

"Yes," she agreed with a resigned sigh.

"Then I'll stick around."

"You're a glutton for punishment," she muttered.

Jacob thought of his constant urge to be around her, and the equal pull towards Edward, and how both of his ankles seemed to be caught between two bear traps. "Yep," he agreed simply, reaching out to brush her cheek.

"Do you think you could behave yourself a little better, at least?" she growled, batting his hand away.

He let it drop. "No, I don't. You decide, Bella. You can have me the way I am -- bad behavior included -- or not at all."

She glared. "That's mean."

He shrugged. "So are you."

She was pulled up short by that and as she stared at him, her expression turned from irritation to pretty strong self-dislike. "You're right," she whispered, taking him way too seriously.

He laughed. "I forgive you," he teased, "Just try not to get too mad at me. Because I recently decided I'm not giving up. There really is something irresistible about a lost cause." _Interpret that as you will._

"Jacob," she deliberately drew his gaze and held it. "I love him, Jacob. He's my whole life."

"You love me, too," he pointed out firmly, and quickly held up a hand when she began to protest. "Not the same way, I know. But he's not your whole life, either. Not anymore. Maybe he was once, but he left. And now he's just going to have to deal with the consequences of that choice -- me."

_In more ways than one,_ Jacob's mind pointed out, and he smiled at that. Their situation was so sickening, it was almost funny. No one could possibly win, no matter how it panned out, at this point. Except maybe Bella, though that could still be iffy.

"You're impossible," she grumbled with a shake of her head.

Jacob reached out and took her chin, meeting her gaze again. "Until your heart stops beating, Bella, I'll be here -- fighting. Don't forget that you have other options," he said, completely seriously. She needed to know that. Just in case. In the back of his mind, Jacob was pretty sure that he'd lose unless Edward suddenly started acting human, but he still wanted to try.

Bella's head moved a bit, but she didn't pull away. "I don't want options," she disagreed. "And my heartbeats are numbered, Jacob. The time is almost gone."

"All the more reason to fight- fight harder now, while I can," he whispered, and he was suddenly elsewhere. He was standing in a ring of trees, backed against one of them with a pair of dark, dark eyes locked with his. The chin in his hand was cold, and the gaze was unrelenting. Just begging to be challenged.

_"I don't want you."_

_"Oh really? You think you can just walk away this… connection we have?"_

And with those words, it was suddenly Edward's face in his hands and Edward's body he reached for. Decided, he kissed the lips in front of him with all the roughness that he had always kissed the vampire with. The lips were cold and unyielding and Jacob's hand snaked around to the back of his- _her_ \- HIS neck to pull him that much closer. Hands tightened and pushed at Jacob's chest, but not enough to make him stop. Not enough to make him want to give up on the damnable creature he held.

_"Yes, I do think I can walk away from that. It's easy…"_

Hands reached for his face and pushed at him again, but Jacob held on, wrapping an arm around the almost feminine waist.

_"What are you doing?"_

_"Can I just see something?"_

_"Fine."_

Jacob continued the kiss, refusing to give up. He wouldn't let Edward get away. He wouldn't. Even if he was furious at the man, even if he wanted to forget him -- he couldn't. He wanted him. Badly. And Edward couldn't leave him, not like this.

The body in his arms went limp. _Wait- Edward wouldn't do that._

_"You are the most pathetic person I know,"_ Jacob heard the cruel whisper again. _"You are just clinging to me, perhaps in the hopes that someone will love you. Anyone at all."_

Jacob kissed once, twice more, but there was no response.

He pulled back and opened his eyes, and the eyes looking into his were warm brown.

Not black. Not golden. Not the passionate mix of the two.

_Brown._

Jacob closed his eyes, hating himself so much it hurt, and smiled at the thought of the damage Edward would inflict on him as soon as he found out. _I'm one sick, sick puppy._

"Are you done now?" Bella asked, and he could read nothing from her tone.

"Yes," he sighed, the self-deprecating smile still on his lips.

Suddenly, he felt an odd blow on his jaw, like hard rain. He heard the crunching sound well enough, though.

Jacob's eyes snapped open as soon as Bella screamed, "OW! _OW!_ " He stared in shock. Did she just hit him? Was that what it felt like, to be hit by a human?

"Are you alright?" he asked, concerned. She jumped up and down, clutching her hand.

"No, dammit! You broke my hand!" She sounded absolutely furious.

"Bella, you broke your hand," he corrected. "Now stop dancing around and let me look at it." He reached out to her, but she skittered away.

"Don't touch me!" she hissed. "I'm going home right now!"

_Well, this wasn't how I expected it to go. Nice going, Jacob_. "I'll get my car," he said calmly, turning towards it.

"No, thanks. I'd rather walk." She started towards the road and he followed her, putting a protective arm around her waist.

"Just let me drive you home."

"Fine!" she snarled, pulling away from him. "Do! I can't wait to see what Edward does to you! I hope he snaps your neck, you pushy, obnoxious, moronic DOG!"

The kiss must've upset her more than Jacob had thought, but he couldn't blame her. With how hard he usually grabbed Edward, she was honestly lucky she didn't get hurt… She might have, if it had continued. Worried as he was, though, her fit was pretty amusing.

He rolled his eyes and got in the car along with her.

"Didn't I hurt you at all?" she demanded.

"Are you kidding?" Jacob shot her a sideways grin, trying to lighten the mood. "If you hadn't started screaming, I might not have figured out that you were trying to punch me. I may not be made of stone, but I'm not that soft."

"I hate you, Jacob Black."

"That's good," Jacob shrugged. "Hate is passionate emotion."

_Sick, sick puppy._

"I'll give you passionate," Bella muttered, looking sullenly out the window. "Murder, the ultimate crime of passion."

"Oh, c'mon," he teased. "That had to be better than kissing a rock."

"Not even remotely close." Her tone was the coldest he'd ever heard it.

"You could just be saying that," he muttered back. She was taking him way, way too seriously. _But_ , he supposed, _I do sort of deserve it. That was a pretty stupid move._

"But I'm not."

Yeah, she was certainly not going to be loving him any time back soon. He laughed self-deprecatingly again. "You're just mad," he replied to what she had said, "I don't have any experience with this kind of thing, but I thought it was pretty incredible myself."

It was the truth, really. He hadn't kissed any girl before, and Edward had told him -- on that first night, in fact, rather dazedly -- that kissing a boy and kissing a girl were absolutely nothing alike. Though that could have been the werewolf/vampire aspect coming in…

She groaned wordlessly.

"You're going to think about it tonight," he was still teasing, but his tone was serious. "When he thinks you're asleep, you'll be thinking about your options."

"If I think about you tonight, it will be because I'm having a nightmare."

He sighed and slowed the car down, turning to talk to her. "Just think about how it could be, Bella. You wouldn't have to change anything for me. You know Charlie would be happy if you picked me. I could protect you just as well as your vampire can -- maybe better. And I would make you happy, Bella. There's so much I could give you that he can't. I'll bet he couldn't even kiss you like that -- because he would hurt you. I would never, never hurt you." He insisted.

She icily held up her injured hand.

He sighed again. "That wasn't my fault. You should have known better."

"Jacob, I can't be happy without him."

"You've never tried," the werewolf continued in the same firm tone. "When he left, you spent all your energy holding on to him. You could be happy if you let go. You could be happy with me."

"I don't want to be happy with anyone but him," she growled, and Jacob really wished there was a way he could make her see reason. Or, at least, slow down and think about their relationship. How she had simply fallen desperately back into Edward's arms when he came strutting back still galled him.

"You'll never be able to be as sure of him as you are of me. He left you once, he could do it again." he reminded her.

"No, he will not," she paused, and her tone lowered. "You left me once."

"I never did!" he growled back. He had thought she realized when he pushed her away, it was all for show for his pack. They were watching and listening and he had to get her away from him. But he had gone to her that very night to tell her the truth. Or at least try to. "They told me I couldn't tell you- that it wasn't safe for you if we were together. But I never left, never!" He then remembered something he had never told her about the weeks he spent almost constantly in his wolf form. "I used to run around your house at night -- like I do now. Just making sure you were okay."

She stared out the window. "Take me home. My hand hurts."

He sighed and sped up the car again, turning the corner to Charlie's house. "Just think about it, Bella."

"No."

"You will. Tonight. And I'll be thinking about you while you're thinking about me."

"Like I said, a nightmare."

Then Jacob remembered something about that moment. He knew he wouldn't have fallen for his own hallucination if 'Edward' hadn't reacted. "You kissed me back," he realized, grinning at her.

She gasped, and then hissed, but said nothing.

"Are you okay?" he asked, looking over at her hand.

"I did not," she very nearly spat.

"I think I can tell the difference," he replied, letting a bit of his smugness leak into his tone. _Denial, denial._

_"'Self-denial' implies I'm avoiding something I actually want."_

Jacob pushed the memory back down again.

"Obviously you can't," Bella shot back. "That was not kissing back, that was trying to get you the hell off of me, you idiot."

Jacob laughed. "Touchy. Almost overly defensive, I would say."

She took a deep breath and looked down at her injured hand, twitching her fingers and generally ignoring him.

"I'm really sorry about your hand," Jacob said, quieter that time. "Next time you want to hit me, use a baseball bat or a crowbar, okay?"

"Don't think I'll forget that," Bella muttered. Jacob smiled again and turned onto her street.

"Where are you taking me?" she suddenly demanded, sitting up straighter.

He blinked, blankly. "I thought you were going home?"

She groaned. "Ugh. I guess you can't take me to Edward's house, can you?"

A multitude of responses welled up, but Jacob grabbed control of them all and forced himself to school his features back to just... normalcy.

"This is your home, Bella," he nearly whispered. _Does she consider the Cullen household her official home already?_

"Yes, but do any doctors live here?" She asked bitingly.

He grimaced. "Oh. I'll take you to the hospital. Or Charlie can."

"I don't want to go to the hospital. It's embarrassing and unnecessary."

He pulled into the drive, a bit unsure. He wanted to make sure she was okay, but he knew he'd done enough damage as was. _Sick, sick-_

"Go home, Jacob," Bella ordered, but she sounded more tired and resigned than angry. She got out of the car and started walking towards the house. Jacob made up his mind and shut off the engine, jogging after her.

"What are you going to do?" he asked, following her up the walkway.

"I am going to get some ice on my hand, and then I am going to call Edward and tell him to come and get me and take me to Carlisle so that he can fix my hand. Then, if you're still here, I am going to go hunt up a crowbar."

Jacob didn't respond _. I really earned this one. Can't you just pick one, Jake? Your own indecision got you into this mess._ He held the door open for her and she walked through without looking at him.

"Hey, kids," Charlie greeted them both with a smile. "Nice to see you here, Jake."

Bella walked past him without as much as a sideways glance. "Hey, Charlie," Jacob quickly filled in the empty space where some sort of daughter/father greeting should have been.

"What's wrong with her?" Charlie asked, watching as Bella stalked into the kitchen.

"She thinks she broke her hand," Jacob admitted, leaning against a nearby wall. He sort of wanted to help her get ice, but it would probably be a bad idea.

"How did she do that?" Charlie asked with a smile, his tone hinting that this was hardly the first time. He was probably used to all of her various injuries.

Jacob, laughing, could hardly blame him. "She hit me."

Charlie's eyes widened, but then he laughed as well. "Why did she hit you?"

Jacob decided to just go ahead and say it, before she beat him to it. "Because I kissed her," he replied simply.

Based on the violent sounds from the kitchen, Bella was working herself into a wordless fit. Charlie glanced at the kitchen door and smiled at Jacob.

"Good for you, kid," he said, as Jacob walked further into the living room and dropped onto one of the couches.

They were both silent after that, waiting for Bella to come back out. Instead of coming in, though, they heard her dial the phone and start talking to someone Jacob was almost positive was Edward.

"Will you come and get me, please?… I want Carlisle to look at my hand. I think it's broken… I punched Jacob…" She continued talking with brief pauses where Edward responded.

Jacob smiled when he heard the words he was waiting for. "He kissed me."

The leech would be there in less than five minute after hearing that, he was sure. _Heh._ Well, really, Jacob had nothing to lose. Let Edward come. Let him see what his decision yesterday hath wrought.

"Maybe you ought to take off, Jake," Charlie suggested, looking a bit worried.

Jacob flashed a grim smile. "I think I'll hang out here, if you don't mind."

The older man met his gaze a moment, then nodded. "Your funeral," he muttered, sounding almost worried.

As soon as they heard the click of a phone hung up, tires squealed to a stop outside, followed by the loud slam of a car door.

Bella stormed past, but this time Charlie stopped her. "How's your hand?"

She lifted the ice pack, showing him her hand. "It's swelling."

Charlie frowned. "Maybe you should pick on people your own size," he suggested, mostly in jest, but serious worry ran underneath his casual tone.

"Maybe," she agreed, and then left to get the front door. There was a bit of talking that Jacob mostly ignored, until he heard his own name. _Damn, he smelled me._

"Jacob." Edward's voice was quiet and even, and the werewolf wasn't used to hearing him say it that way. Harsh and angry, or gentle and pleading, like when… well. But never in his I-am-so-very-perfect voice.

Jacob stood up, slowly and deliberately, and walked down the hall to face Edward. _Surprise,_ he greeted, mock cheerfully. Edward's expression hardened.

Charlie was right behind him. "Now, now," he warned. Like Jacob and Edward keenly did, he probably felt the aggressive electricity invisibly heating up the corridor. "I don't want any fighting, do you understand? I can go put my badge on if that makes my request more official."

Edward's gaze never left Jacob, and his tone was too even to be anything but threatening. "That won't be necessary."

"Why don't you arrest me, Dad?" Bella suggested. "I'm the one throwing punches."

"Do you want to press charges, Jake?" Charlie asked, raising a brow.

Jacob grinned at the father. "No. I'll take the trade any day." _Would you press charges, Edward?_

Edward grimaced silently.

Bella turned an annoyed gaze on Jacob. "Dad, don't you have a baseball bat somewhere in your room? I want to borrow it for a minute."

Charlie stared her down. "Enough, Bella."

Jacob's gaze never left the vampire in the room. After a long pause, Edward pulled his own gaze away. "Let's go have Carlisle look at your hand before you wind up in a jail cell," he said to Bella, soft and warm. _The perfect boyfriend. How nice._

Edward ignored him in favor of putting an arm around Bella and leading her towards the door. "Fine," Bella agreed, leaning against him.

Edward led Bella through the door, but just before he stepped over the threshold, he shot a lightning-fast glance over his shoulder at Jacob. No human, no matter how observant, would have caught it. _Oh, he wants to talk does he?_

Jacob immediately started walking after them, ignoring Charlie's hand, which had grabbed at his arm.

"What are you doing? Are you crazy?" The man hissed, but Jacob shook his head.

"Give me a minute, Charlie. Don't worry, I'll be right back."

He strolled through the door that Edward had deliberately left open, and followed them to the car. Edward put Bella in the car and then turned and faced Jacob.

Jacob stood where he was, arms crossed, staring Edward down as hard as he was staring Jacob down.

"I'm not going to kill you now, because it would upset Bella."

Jacob looked unimpressed. _I doubt you would kill me anyway._

Bella huffed, and Edward turned to her, immediately complacent. It was Jacob's turn to huff as he soothed with a soft touch and a gentle, "It would bother you in the morning."

As soon as she settled down, the vampire turned back to Jacob, who found that he was getting a thrill just by meeting his gaze. Oh, he was in deep, all right…

"But if you ever bring her back damaged again -- and I don't care who's fault it is; I don't care if she merely trips, or if a meteor falls out of the sky and hits her on the head -- if you return her to me in less than the perfect condition that I left her in, you will be running with three legs, mongrel."

Jacob rolled his eyes. _Have you forgotten how many times you've returned her "damaged", leech?_ He silently shot back.

Edward twitched slightly, but continued, verbally ignoring the thought. "And if you ever kiss her again, I will break your jaw for her." His voice was clearly shooting for possessive anger, but he overshot it and Jacob caught the thread of jealousy that ran through the idea. _Don't like the idea of either of us kissing each other, do you?_ he mentally taunted. Edward's expression flickered again, but it was still too fast for a human to catch. _He's just too practiced being in Bella's company to make an easy mistake like that, then._

"What if she wants me to?" he drawled aloud, deciding to make the main argument public.

"If that's what she wants, then I won't object." Edward forced a casual shrug. "You might want to wait for her to say it, rather than trust your interpretation of body language -- but it's your face."

Jacob grinned, becoming darkly amused at Edward's near-perfect show for Bella.

"You wish," Bella grumbled from the car.

Jacob briefly felt Edward try to press for deeper thoughts, but only came up with vague images. He had a pretty good gift, but at the end of the day, he could only see what people were thinking about in the present. Still, he got enough images to justify averting his gaze to Bella and murmuring, "Yes, he does."

"Well, if you're done rummaging through my head," Jacob interrupted pointedly, "why don't you go take care of her hand?"

"One more thing," Edward met his stare again and Jacob refused to break it. "I'll be fighting for her, too. You should know that. I'm not taking anything for granted, and I'll be fighting twice as hard as you will."

"Good." Jacob growled. "It's no fun beating someone who forfeits."

"She is mine," Edward hissed back, his composure slipping. _Even better._ "I didn't say I would fight fair."

Jacob sneered. "Neither did I."

"Best of luck," Edward was so sarcastic, it was almost a taunt. But the vampire was too high and mighty to be so uncivilized in front of his dearest.

"Yes, may the best man win," Jacob replied, smirking slightly.

"That sounds about right, _pup_ ," Edward shot back. Jacob was silent for a moment, and Edward breathed -- so soft there was no way anyone further away than Jacob could've caught it -- "I don't need you."

Jacob grimaced. _I don't need you, either._ He deliberately looked away from Edward and leaned over to wave at Bella. "I hope you hand feels better soon. I'm really sorry you're hurt."

She looked away and as soon as her face was turned, Jacob reached out and grabbed Edward's wrist -- a position they were both highly used to by now -- and held Edward's gaze. _You brought this on yourself. You were the one who wanted us to just fight for Bella._

And the flash of feeling from the skin-on-skin contact hadn't faded yet, no matter how many times they'd already had it.

Edward yanked his wrist away and Jacob let him, receiving only a warning glare in reply. He slid into the driver's seat and, after a final look at Jacob, took off down the street. Jacob watched them go, almost pensive.

He knew now that he had feelings for the vampire. What, exactly, they were and how deep they went were still unsure, but they were there. He nearly detested Edward and the man drove him crazy, but now he couldn't imagine a life without him. Strange, but he had become a necessary piece of the puzzle. Even stranger, Edward somehow stood higher in Jacob's mind than Bella. When he was just with her, the slight passion with her was there, but Edward completely eclipsed her when they were all together.

He wondered if any of the other guys in the pack had felt like that. Their human side pulling toward one person and their wolf side pulling toward another…

But Jacob found that he didn't mind standing on a knife's edge so much. Oh yes, it was painful as all hell, but it was also rather… exciting.

x X x

He had stayed and chatted with Charlie for a few minutes after that. After being assured that Jacob was fine, the man asked all of the standard father/police questions. No, he probably wasn't going to kiss her again. No, there wouldn't be a fight. Yes, he would watch his back. Yes, he would call if there was trouble. Jacob would've been annoyed, but Charlie was a friend of the family, and he knew he cared about him almost as much as he cared about Bella.

As Jacob started to walk home, though, his mood started to tip downwards again. The high of Edward's freezing, confusing, all-consuming presence was wearing down and Jacob once again felt reality start to seep back in. And with the sense of reality, a crawling sort of madness also clawed at the edge of Jacob's mind. He was overheated and trembling just thinking about the vampire. The need to rip and tear and punish was completely overriding the comfort he previously sought. The day before had sated him -- though hardly soothingly -- and now it was back to headgames and cruelty. He knew he needed to figure himself out, figure _them_ out, but his small grasp of reason was detached and his inner wolf was kicking it aside as irrelevant.

As Jacob strode faster down the side of the road leading to La Push, the words from the day before and his and Edward's argument from four days ago were ringing in his head. What he hated the most was not the things the vampire had said to him, but the fact that even after he had said them and even though Jacob hated him more than any other vampire he'd ever met… he still felt the need to save him.

His human pull towards Bella had completely taken a backseat to his werewolf pull towards Edward -- and he hated that. Hated it with a passion. But… he made no move to stop it. Even though he still loved her, the wildfire that he craved wasn't there. Instead, she had become -- as dirty as he felt admitting it -- a chess piece in his game with Edward.

Though it wasn't quite a game anymore. It wasn't a competition either, but it also didn't feel like any sort of real relationship. It was a sort of… No, it _was_ a game -- but not the type that people considered fun.

Jacob vaguely remembered when he and Paul had tried playing Mercy. They clasped their right hands and took turns slapping the back of each other's hands as hard as they could until the other cried 'mercy!'. The game didn't really have a point -- you just proved your masculinity by hurting the person you cared about for sport.

He and Edward seemed to be doing the same thing. They held on to one another with an almost dangerous fervor, and they took turns ripping each other to shreds. And unless one of them called mercy soon, someone's hand was going to start bleeding.

Then again, Edward was trying to let go. It was Jacob who wouldn't let him. And he had no intention of doing so. The werewolf realized something when Edward had told him his story… Edward was hurting. He was losing himself to something he couldn't stop, and Jacob knew exactly what that felt like. They had both started changing due to the supernatural turn both their lives took. He also knew that, no matter how twisted it seemed, he would be good for Edward.

They understood each other even while detesting one another -- but that was actually in their favor. They didn't have to change and they didn't have to cover anything up. What they each thought of the other couldn't possibly get any worse, so they could reveal all their ugly and negative sides without having to worry about driving their counterpart away. They could be raw and real and uncensored in their… their… whatever-this-feeling-was-going-to-become. _Love?_

That last thought, quite frankly, terrified Jacob. That emotion hadn't exactly panned out well the last time, and he knew it was just as much a burden as a gift. But he really had no other way to explain what he felt. The icy flash-fire of Edward's physical touch along with the heady rush of his presence and the violent thrill that sparked up between them every time they shared a space… Just thinking about it made Jacob's heart pound harder.

When Jacob got home, he just gave a quick wave to Billy and said he'd be in his room -- and then he did just that.

His room was dark and peaceful, and there was time and empty space to think. He needed that with the roller coaster Edward was keeping him on. Sometimes he would see him and be absolutely thrilled, while other times, the vampire would hurt him more than anyone else ever had. He couldn't seem to pick a mood and face Edward with it with any level of surety. Already twice, the vampire had caught him at his absolute emotional worse, but he had also seen him at his most violent. Jacob grinned darkly when he remembered the look on Edward's face when Jacob had grabbed him, just before he had leapt into that pretty Volvo and had sped away. _Was that really just two weeks ago? Feels like months._

Even with the thrill still thrumming in Jacob, though, the pain slowly started seeping back again. He'd be lying if he said the things Edward said didn't cut him to bone nearly every time, but he hated showing it in front of anyone. With a heavier heart, Jacob flopped back onto his bed, studying the ceiling and squirming under the need to do something with himself but having nothing to do.

_"Jacob, I don't exactly… feel the same why about you that you do about me…"_

_"…Anyone to love you. Anyone at all…"_

_"You're a fool. This is… was… just a comfort thing for me. I only wanted an escape, as you called it."_

Jacob narrowed his eyes at that. No, he had seen Edward clearly when they were together. He was happy; he had taken off all of his masks and had been given a short break from his past. Jacob had made him happy, he was sure of it. Whether that was a good thing or not, Jacob couldn't decide… Part of him wanted to cry victory over the leech for proving his point, but another part of him said that the happiness defeated the point of crushing him underneath his paw. A third part of him, the small human part, saw hope in Edward in the weirdest way. Jacob shook the thought from his mind and thought back to Edward's disclaimer. No, that definitely hadn't been one-way passion. He knew Edward had been lying. He knew he wasn't the only one distracted and thrown off his rails by the other.

_"What you say has no consequence to me, Jacob. I already intend to spend the rest of my existence with Bella. I'm already decided."_

The werewolf flinched. Edward was probably telling the truth then, but Jacob wanted a chance to change his mind. Surely, _surely_ , Edward had to know that they weren't entirely hopeless. A werewolf and a vampire? Yeah, it sounded crazy, but… It could happen. And the thought only disgusted Jacob's inner wolf like blood and guts in movies did. Sure, it was nasty, but there was a sort of… thrill in it, no?

Jacob kept pondering it and turning it over in circles in his mind for nearly two hours. Remembering, planning, putting pieces together and trying to work out Edward's point of view. _Who is he more attracted to_ , Jacob suddenly wondered, _Bella or me?_ He had to admit, when he saw Bella and Edward together, there was no sign of sparks -- just Edward throwing around his attractive scent and Bella going slack. On the other hand, Jacob and Edward… Every argument they shared, every shared glance, every… moment… that stuck out in his mind… Yes, they had sparks. No doubt about that. Most of them could probably be labeled simple 'aggression', but there was _something_ there…

While Jacob continued following his own mental tail in circles, he was left alone. Billy probably knew he could scavenge for dinner himself, and it wasn't like he got a lot of visitors anymore. He was thankful for the solitude, since he knew he was hardly in the mood to deal with being social at the moment -- not that he was really much of a socialite on his good days.

He took a deep breath. There was nothing to do about the thing, as Edward so eloquently put it, except ride it out and see where they went. One day wasn't any surer than the next and looming in front of them was the finish line: Bella's death. _There's one hell of a ribbon to run towards_ , Jacob thought sarcastically, folding his hands behind his head and grimacing at the ceiling. He was starting to get sick of all the feelings that kept getting tied up in his issues with Edward. It would have been just physical but _Noooo_ , his human side had to start getting tied up in the wires.

Thinking about Edward only made him angry, and then he would remember why he was angry and would start feeling those stupid chest pains, and then the hurt would make him frustrated again -- and, of course, then the frustrations would shoot back up into anger. Along with that went exasperation with them both and that same bout of nausea he got when he thought too hard about vampires. The whole thing really was ridiculous, and he wasn't doing anyone any favors by pushing it.

He still wanted to push it, though…

His mind was just starting to go down that track when he got -- oddly enough -- a visitor at the bedroom door.

"Jacob!" A sharp, feminine voice that Jacob immediately recognized yelled, and the call was punctuated by two short pounds on the door. Jacob rolled over and faced the wall, stifling a groan. He forced himself to lie perfectly still and closed his eyes, breathing as evenly as he could. Just because he still couldn't get to sleep -- _damn that leech -_ \- didn't mean he couldn't fake it. After a short silence at the door, he heard an exasperated sigh and then the click of his door opening, followed by a second click of it closing. _Damn her, too._

"You breathe slower than that when you're actually asleep, dumbass," the voice continued condescendingly, this time coming from the center of the room. "And you aren't snoring."

Jacob sighed in defeat and looked over his shoulder. "What do you want, Leah?"

The female werewolf stared him down, her arms crossed and her dark eyes entirely free from pity. No matter what he had said to Edward earlier that day, he would have found the lack of pity comforting -- if he were in the mood to be comforted. As it were, he simply glared at his packmate and waited for her to talk about whatever it was she wanted.

After studying him a moment, Leah reached behind her, grabbed the chair at his desk, and swung it around to sit on it and face him. She sat in silence for a while, still staring at him, and then began.

"The boys all say you're grieving for Bella and that's why you don't want to share minds with us anymore."

_Oh, so we're going to talk about this, are we?_ Jacob stayed silent.

"I'm here to tell you I think that's a bunch of bullshit, since you had no problem displaying your Bella-love to all of us a few months ago." Her eyes narrowed and she immediately put on the most overly-casual airs she could muster. "I'm also here because it feels weird without your whiny mind running with us, so I figured I would help you get over yourself. So what's the problem?"

Jacob propped himself up on his elbows and continued to glare at her. "As if I would tell you."

"Would you rather I just sit here and think out loud, then? I have a few alternative theories," she threatened. Jacob would have been worried, except that there was no way she would ever guess the real problem, and because it was _Leah_ , for God's sakes. He rolled back towards the wall, looking supremely unconcerned. Maybe the she-wolf would take the hint and leave.

She didn't.

"So we know that the issue isn't Bella, but you're jumpy and coy, so it involves some sort of relationship. You also don't appear to be love-struck, so I'm assuming it's a 'just sex' situation." Jacob looked at her from the corner of his eye and saw her ticking off the points on her fingers, looking content and carefree. _Good for her._ He, however, was feeling a slow panic started to build up. She guessed that much just by how I've been acting? He knew she, as a girl, was pretty observant, but that was a bit frightening.

Jacob continued to stare at the wall, now frozen, as Leah -- far from finished -- proceeded to rip the earth from underneath him. "Now you, being you, are usually okay with talking about sex with us, so there must be a scandal attached. So I'll be that it involves someone we know. And not just someone we know but that we would downright detest being with you."

"So it would have to be someone on the _opposite side of the war perhaps_?" She hissed, but Jacob refused to turn around. He only lay there, silently begging her to stop. If she really knew… if the pack really knew… Jacob had no idea what would happen to him. He literally hadn't the slightest clue what the punishment would be-only that it would be pretty bad.

"So," Leah continued, after the silence had drug on nearly a minute, "I suppose the only thing left is to start guessing names…" _Hold still, don't react, don't react…_ He knew if he gave just the tiniest cringe, she would pick up on it and know. "Let's see, opposite side of a war… someone we would know… A Cullen, perhaps?"

Jacob thought he had held perfectly still, but the short, cynical laugh behind him apparently said otherwise.

"I can't believe you, Jacob. Are you just aching to be hurt again?" _Damn it, damn it, damn it…_

He rolled over, furious, and glared at the spiteful girl. He wasn't going to give an inch. "Knock it off, Leah. You don't even know who it is. And it's none of your business either way!"

Finally, her playful casualness was replaced with scorn and semi-disgust. "It becomes my business when it starts to affect the whole pack," she snapped, "No one is happy about you pretending you're not a werewolf, and the only reason Sam isn't in here yelling at you is because he thinks I would have been better off not being a wolf, so he wants to grant you that option. Again, in my opinion? Utter bullshit." She sat up taller in the chair and leaned towards the werewolf on the bed.

"This is a bad idea, Jacob, and you would be better off revealing it to the whole pack than to allow it to fester and grow like you're doing. I don't care if it's Alice or Rosalie or Edward fucking Cullen, just man up and tell the pack… your- your stupid… problems… and…" she slowly trailed off, her eyes widening with incredulity. Jacob mirrored the expression, suddenly highly aware that he was gripping the top blanket of his bed with trembling, white knuckles and had only started to do so at the sound of the last name.

"Leah-" he whispered, desperation creeping into his tone. But it was too late. She had her answer. Her expression completely cleared and was replaced with cold resolution. She stood up and pushed his chair back to its place at the desk.

Jacob jumped to his feet as she went to the door. "You just want the spotlight away from you!" he accused, hoping to goad her into a fight. Maybe then she would be too focused on hating him to talk reasonably about his problem with the pack.

Leah turned around, her gaze and voice cold. "Can you blame me? No one ever gets angry at me anymore except you. It's always 'poor Leah, she's just grieving, she's just lashing out in pain'. But you respect me. You don't treat me like a child or a stupid victim of circumstance, and I'm granting you the same respect. I don't pity you, I just want you to get over yourself."

At any other time, he would have been touched.

"Leah, please…" he began, but he realized he was giving too much away already. Even if she didn't plan to flat-out say it to the pack, the conversation was still firmly in her mind for any of the pack members to stumble across. _She has no proof_ , he told himself. _There's no way Sam can pass a judgment without solid proof in front of him._ He repeated this over and over in his head as he continued. "You're just poking around and stirring up trouble that isn't even there," he growled, hardening his expression and trying to stop the shaking that was rippling across his skin. "Just stop reading into those 'signs' you think you have. I'm not with anybody, especially not a filthy leech- that's _disgusting_. It's a… a family thing," he lied smoothly. At least, he hoped it was smooth.

Leah stared at him flatly, looking like she'd like to roll her eyes but that the sentiment would be lost on him. "Right," she said at last. She turned and pushed the door open, but paused in the doorway before leaving. "You really are a glutton for punishment," she said quietly, but not entirely uncaringly. It was almost like she did give a damn, but couldn't say anything. And really, she couldn't. Since she still shared minds with the pack, it was like every room she would ever be in would be bugged.

Jacob barked out a bitter laugh at the comment. _Don't I know it_.

When it seemed like he wasn't going to give any verbal response, Leah left the room and he listened as her footsteps led down the steps and then out the front door. Jacob exhaled. Fury and fear was now bubbling up underneath the indifference he tried to school his features into. She had a guess, at least a pretty strong one, and she probably even knew… He was so dead. So very, very dead.

He slowly stopped the shaking that was wracking his body and forced himself to sit back down on the edge of the bed. He knew he would have to phase at some point soon, both to cool down his slowly mounting urge to and because there was only so long the pack would allow it, even with Sam's grudging agreement. _And_ , he thought reluctantly, _I'll at least have to phase to find out how much the pack guessed and knew._

"You're right, Edward. This whole thing really is a bad idea, but I'll be damned if I let it stop now."

_"I fought it for a long time now_   
_While drowning in a river of denial_   
_I washed up, fixed up, picked up,_   
_All my broken things…_   
_Somethin's telling me to leave, but I won't,_   
_'Cause I'm damned I do you, damned if I don't."_

_~"Damned If I Do Ya (Damned If I Don't)" by All Time Low_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, to those who recognized Jacob's nightmare immediately! That is a scene from Breaking Dawn. I wanted to work one in, and it was either that, or the one where Bella sprang at him… but I figured this one would be more demonstrative of both his pull towards Edward and his pull towards Bella. Oh, and did anyone else notice that in Eclipse-how Edward deliberately left the door open when taking Bella to the car? See, that's what you get, Meyer. You leave plot holes open and people like me will fill it with anything they want and make it fit canon. (Don't believe me? Just ask Rowling. And hers actually have plot to pull apart and poke at.)
> 
> Yay for Jacob starting to wake up to the situation, but can I get a collective "Oh shit" for Leah doing the same? We've hit the halfway mark, so there are still a whole lot of other things to do before this ends. Hope you guys like it so far, too. ^^
> 
> Next: You'll get to see what some behind-the-scenes characters think of all this.
> 
> Oh, and a note about the upcoming ninth chapter: I'm sorry, but I need to stay in Jacob's point of view for the next one. But no worries, I'll be back to the every-other-chapter pattern after that.


	9. Interlude: The Family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Original author's notes kept for posterity._
> 
> Okay, here's my little stalling installment. I just wanted to logic-fy the wolves' reactions later on, and I wanted to take a bit of a break from our two boys for a bit. Sorry this is so short, but I only wanted a small interlude. x3 So enjoy! Chapter nine will be up in just a couple days, hopefully. (And sorry it's taking so long… I've run out of pre-written chapters, so now I'm writing them as I'm posting them!)

The air was tense, Emily noticed, when the wolf pack came into their typical hang out space: her kitchen-dining room. Everyone was edgy, something she was only used to seeing in Paul, and no one would look directly at Leah.

"It's pretty obvious to me," the she-wolf began when she entered, but Paul knocked her hard with his shoulder as he stormed past her to the pantry and she broke off with a glare. Sam came in just after her, followed by Embry, Quil, Jared and Seth. Colin and Brady shuffled in after, looking a little lost. Emily knew they weren't used to the normal pack drama yet, so it was all probably a bit jarring and uncomfortable.

"You're wrong," Embry growled, punctuating it with a thud of his first against the small kitchen table as he sat down at it. Seth sat beside him and was fidgety and worried, like he wasn't sure who to agree with: his best friend or his sister.

"Well, I hope she's wrong! Imagine if he was checking one of us out while… we were…" Jared trailed off as the rest of the pack silenced him with various degrees of furious looks. "Sorry, just trying to bring a little humor to the situation-"

"Well, don't! The whole thing is sickening!" Paul snapped, snatching a pack of crackers from the pantry and tearing it open with his teeth.

Quil, who slouched in a chair on the other side of Embry, sat up and frowned at his fuming packmate. "You can't help who you fall in love with, Paul."

Leah laughed sharply at that and Sam flinched a little at the sound. Emily looked around at everyone in the small room and crossed her arms. "What is all of this about?" she demanded. "I take it you're talking about Jacob and… who?"

They were all silent, as if saying it out loud would make it real, but at last Seth whispered, "Edward Cullen."

"You're wrong!" Embry repeated even more vehemently before, and his hands were shaking on the tabletop.

"Jacob hates that bloodsucking scum!" Paul snarled at Leah, joining the rest of them at the kitchen table. "He could never stop talking about how much he hated him when the Cullens came back!"

Sam finally spoke up from where he leaned against the far wall and staring pensively down at the floor. "Which is another way of saying that Jacob could never stop talking about him."

"Wait, we're actually taking this theory seriously? C'mon, this is Leah we're talking about!" Jared protested.

Leah suddenly sat up from her slouch and sneered at him. "Which means what? I'm not a reliable source of information? You saw the conversation with him from my own mind!"

"Maybe you just weirded him out or something," Seth said hopefully. "He always looks guilty and angry when he's upset."

Sam shook his head. "He's hiding something very serious from us, and all of Leah's points make sense. Why won't he phase anymore? What is he trying to keep secret in his mind?"

No one had a good answer to that.

"Well, if we can't be sure… maybe we shouldn't do anything yet…" Colin put in hesitantly.

Frowning, Emily finally came over to the table and sat down as well. Perhaps it would be a good idea to push the conversation away from a bunch of volatile people bouncing aggressive off of one another to a family thinking of solutions for their brother. "Why don't you think of this in terms of what you would do? What if Jacob is, indeed… romantically involved with Edward?" she asked reasonably. Frankly, the idea shocked her, but she wasn't willing to say so out loud. Jacob seemed to be so head over heels in love with Bella, it was hard to imagine him with someone else. But the boy was young yet, and things could always change. But to shift to Edward Cullen of all people…?

"Order him to stop?" Quil suggested after a moment's silence, but he shifted uncomfortably at the prospect. What if they felt for each other what he felt for Claire?

"Just a good, solid beating should suffice," Paul muttered, and he bristled as if he expected the fight to be soon.

Seth opened his mouth and closed it a couple times before speaking. "Maybe… we can just leave him alone. He's… it's his business. I don't like it any more than you guys do, but… he's family. He's our brother." He was quiet and faltering, but the loyal conviction was there.

Jared stared down at the table. "Family or not, he's still technically a traitor. And traitors are kicked from the pack."

"Hey, wait a second!" Embry growled, "It's not as if he'd ever choose the bloodsucker over us! He would only be a traitor if he would do that."

"Would he?" Quil asked quietly.

"No, I don't think so," Sam replied.

"Me, neither," Embry agreed firmly. "Jacob knows better than to throw his life away for a stupid fling."

Sam drummed his fingers lightly on his thigh and watched them silently. "Perhaps it would be better if we just let this situation… play itself out." He said at last.

They were all silent for a moment. "You think Edward will dump Jacob like a bag of rocks and go back to Bella, don't you?" Leah murmured quietly, and there was chilly judgment in her tone.

Sam nodded. "I do. A werewolf and a vampire just aren't meant to last. And… well, Edward seems pretty dedicated to his chosen prey."

He said this with a resigned assurance -- as if he believed that would be the happy ending to it all. Half the pack nodded faintly, but neither of the Clearwater siblings would look at their leader and Quil only stared bleakly.

Seth put his arms on the table and laid his head on them. "Jacob's a good guy. He doesn't deserve that again."

Embry looked over at him, slightly resentfully. "Would you rather they stay together? What good could come from that?"

"I don't have a solution, okay?" Seth shot back, "But Jacob's our best friend. Our brother. Our packmate. He… he seems to have this nasty habit of getting partners that are bad for him, but he still cares for them. He'll still hurt when Edward leaves."

"It would be better for him, though," Brady put in firmly.

Nevertheless, none of them looked happy about it. They had all seen Jacob the night Bella flew off to Italy to save Edward. He was ruined. He knew he was going to lose the minute she had pulled her arm from his grasp, and he had stood with his muzzle almost touching the ground as he brought back the news to the pack. If he lost another person… If Bella had inadvertently taken another piece of him…

"And maybe he can stay with us when or if Edward leaves him alone," Jared continued, trying his best to sound bright and hopeful. Unfortunately, all he could really feel was sad and nauseous.

Sam met Emily's questioning gaze. Ultimately, they all knew, he decided what was to be done with Jacob. "No," he murmured at last, "Jacob stays with us no matter what he does or who he chooses. He's our brother."

Judgment had been passed, and everyone fell into a solemn silence again. The only sounds were the crackle of the cracker bag as Paul reached for them again and of Emily's quiet and resigned sigh.

That poor boy.

"No one tells Jacob that we know," Sam said, after the silence had dragged on a bit. "We're not going to make a deal out of this, or reveal that we've been speaking behind his back. He'll tell us when he wants to, and we will deal with it then, alright?"

Paul made a noise, almost like a strangled snort, in the back of his throat, but nodded -- as did everyone else. Emily, however, worried. What would be worse for Jacob, to have the pack members confront him individually, or to have him come out to the pack as a whole against his will? She supposed neither one would be good, but there was more pressure on him if faced with all of his packmates at once. She said nothing, though. It wasn't her business to jump into a fight, it was her business to sweep up the broken glass when it was done.

"Why couldn't you have just been wrong?" Embry muttered darkly, slouching in his seat, and studied the grain of the table.

Nobody had an answer.

_"The family. We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life, sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together."_

_~Erma Bombeck_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, folks. No song for this one.
> 
> Anyway, I just wanted to give you guys a small glimpse into what each pack member is thinking about the situation right now-it'll come up later on the test. =P Chapter nine should be here shortly so… the salad before the appetizer.


	10. Fairy Tale

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Original author's notes kept for posterity._
> 
> Hmm, guess there wasn't as much of a need for a stalling episode as I thought there was… Got this thing done faster than I figured. Anyway, this chapter goes a bit slower than the other ones, but hopefully you'll start to see the slow transition of Jacob's and Edward's relationship/issue/interaction… (Oh, and hey, more Bella-bashing for those who are fans of it. x3)

It was the day of Bella's graduation party, and Jacob still had every intention of going because, to his own admittance, he was a _sick, sick puppy._ Over the weekend, he had decided that avoiding her and Edward really wasn't going to do anything for him, so why the hell not? He also decided on the perfect gift for her, too. Months ago, back when he thought he and Bella were going to spend a long time together and back when there weren't any Cullens in Forks, he had hand-carved her a small, wooden wolf charm. The thing had sat on his bedside table for a long while for him to project his angst at, but it was time he finally gave it to her. It might be a good apology gift for the mental-breakdown-slash-forced-kissing incident, too.

However, Jacob wasn't crazy enough to walk into a coven alone -- even one that would be crowded with tons of humans too. So, with his wolf charm on a store-bought chain and wrapped, it was time for step two: get company to come with him. And he decided his two best friends would be the best bet for that company. Except-- 

"Hell no," was the first thing out of Embry's mouth when Jacob asked, and Quil gave a short nod in agreement.

"Aw, come on, please!" Jacob pleaded from the two boys on the couch in his living room. They both looked a little edgy, but not exactly angry. So did all of the pack, really. Over the weekend, he had run into almost all of them around the reservation or at different people's houses, and they all reacted to him the same way: stressed and tense, with a sort of forced friendliness. And they all said the stress was from something else pack-related. So, Jacob decided, whether they saw his conversation with Leah or not, they clearly hadn't drawn the same conclusion that she did. He was still considered part of the pack.

"That sounds like a pretty terrible idea, Jacob," Quil said flatly. "Walk into a vampire coven in human form? They could kill us as soon as look at us."

"I don't think they'll attack in front of all the humans that'll be at the party, too," Jacob reasoned. He _really_ wanted them there. He didn't want to face Edward and Bella alone, or go to a party where he wouldn't know anyone.

Embry grimaced. "Why should _we_ go? There's nothing for us."

Jacob's fingers drummed on his knee for a moment, and then he said, "There'll be girls you've never seen there, Embry!" he grinned. "And it's a dance party, so you can show off your moves."

The werewolf rolled his eyes. "Not all of us are playboys, Jacob."

"True…" Quil smirked at Embry from the corner of his eye. "But you are."

"Well what's in it for Quil?" Embry redirected them, lips twitching.

Jacob, again, thought a moment. "A chance to help out your very best friend?" he answered hopefully.

"You mean the friend who's been ditching us for nearly a month?"

Jacob stared down at his shoes. "Yeah, that friend."

He felt a nudge at his knee and looked up to see Embry looking back at him with an outstretched hand. "Hey, we get it, you're going through some… _thing_ … that's bothering you. And… well, we wish you'd tell us, but if you need our help, we're here. Do you really need to go to this party?"

"Yeah," Jacob gave a weak smile, "I really do. Bella invited me, and so I want to go, and…"

"And?" Quil asked.

"And… I have other business there, too." _Namely, to show Edward that he hasn't completely scraped me off of him yet._

Quil and Embry exchanged glances, their expressions unreadable, but they turned back to him with forced smiles. "And you really need us there?"

Jacob nodded again. "Yeah. If I'm going to jump into a situation where I'm likely to get chewed, I want my wingmen with me."

Quil nodded back, silently agreeing, and Embry sighed. "Fine, fine. We'll go with you and just… be there, if you need our help."

Jacob grinned. "Thanks, guys."

So right at the turning point between evening and night, the three of them were driving down the long driveway to the Cullen household. Jacob had his gift in his pocket and was trying to be bright and cheerful, but the other two couldn't seem to shake their tension. Tension that seemed to be lashing out at random things.

"Why the hell are there so many lights? I feel like it's Christmas. Did they think we wouldn't be able to see or something?" Embry growled, looking around at all the twinkling lights on every third tree they passed, leading all the way up the drive.

Jacob shrugged. "It's probably harder for people to find the house since they can't smell it."

That might have been one of the sources of tension. All three werewolves were highly aware that the car they were in was headed towards a huge center of vampires where the scent hung thick and heavy and where they would be at a disadvantage in a fight. When they pulled up to the house, there were already several cars there and they could hear techno and hip-hop thrumming from the building. Jacob also saw a variety of colored lights flashing through cracks in the curtains.

"Never realized Bella was a raver…" Quil muttered under his breath, scanning the nearby shadows and wrinkling his nose at the smell. Jacob couldn't blame him, he was choking on it, too.

The trio made their way up to the porch and Jacob quickly rang the bell. He wasn't going to chicken out now. _They won't attack anyway_ , he assured himself firmly. His hands were still shaking though, and so was Embry.

They waited for a long minute. "They probably smell us," Jacob sighed. They weren't going to leave, though. He pressed the doorbell, this time holding it down for a couple seconds before releasing it.

Another long pause.

"Jacob, maybe we should-" Embry began, but Jacob had already grabbed the doorknob and pushed the door open, ignoring the cracks of a splintering wooden lock and walking into the main hall of the house. Just as Quil had suspected, they'd turned the entire place into an underground club. The floor was completely black and perfect for reflecting the pulsating lights flashing from the ceiling. Giant speakers lined one wall and a very full food-and-drink table lined the other. Jacob twitched slightly as the pounding of the bass-beat hit his ears. _I don't think I've been to a club since I phased… It's louder than I remember._

He took a few slow steps inside, Quil and Embry following tentatively, and he immediately caught sight of Bella. She had her back turned and was looking around, completely ignoring them.

"Hey, Bella!" Jacob called, waving her over. She turned around and immediately made a less-than-friendly face. She gave a curt wave, and then quickly sped through a crowd of people and disappeared.

"Told you this was a bad idea," Embry muttered, but Quil elbowed him.

"We'll be around, Jake. Just… call if you need us."

The two men wandered across the dance floor to the food, and towards a pack of girls.

Jacob strode forward, determined to catch Bella before she completely ditched him. She _had_ invited him after all. He caught up to her just as she was nearing the Cullens' kitchen. He reached out to grab her shoulder, but she ducked away and tried to bolt. _What?_ Jacob's hand closed on her wrist and he tugged on it to turn her around. She glared, clearly wanting to be anywhere but there.

"Friendly reception," he commented lightly, returning her glare with a steady gaze.

"What are you _doing_ here?" she hissed, yanking her hand free with a glare.

Clearly she was still angry. "You invited me, remember?"

"In case my right hook was too subtle for you, let me translate: that was me _un_ inviting you," Bella growled.

Jacob frowned. "Don't be a poor sport. I brought you a graduation present and everything."

She folded her arms and pointedly started looking over his shoulder at someone or something in the crowd. "Take it back to the store, Jake. I've got to do something…" She trailed off, tilting her head and still looking around.

Jacob stepped in front of her to regain her attention. "I can't take it back. I didn't get it from the store -- I made it myself. Took a really long time, too." He knew he was being a bit petulant, but he was starting to get annoyed with her complete disregard. Yes, he made a mistake, but it certainly wasn't the first one. _You're just trying to dodge the guilt,_ a voice in the back of his mind muttered, but he ignored it.

Bella ignored him and continued to scan the crowd for somebody. Or just trying to find an escape from him.

"Oh, c'mon, Bella. Don't pretend like I'm not here!"

"I'm not," she snapped back, but even that sounded distracted. "Look, Jake, I've got a lot on my mind right now."

Jacob sighed and gently put his hand under her chin, lifting her face up to directly meet her eyes. "Could I please have a few seconds of your undivided attention, Miss Swan?" he asked in his best Edward-impression.

She jerked away from his hand and narrowed her eyes at him. "Keep your hands to yourself, Jacob."

"Sorry!" he dropped his hands at the sound of her angry hiss. She really _was_ furious. "I really am sorry. About the other day, I mean, too. I shouldn't have kissed you like that. It was wrong. I guess…" _How am I going to explain this one?_ "Well, I guess I deluded myself into thinking you wanted me, too."

She very nearly sneered. "Deluded -- what a perfect description!"

_She's reminding me of Leah, now._ "Be nice. You could accept my apology, you know."

"Fine," she replied flatly. "Apology accepted. Now, if you'll just excuse me for a moment…" She turned to walk away and Jacob's gaze dropped to the floor.

"Okay," he muttered, letting her go. "I guess you'd rather be with your real friends. I get it." He'd finally done it. No more nice afternoons at La Push anymore, then. _Stupid werewolf. Your indecision did this._ Embry and Quil were right, it had been a mistake to come. _And I didn't even get to see-_

She groaned loudly and Jacob looked back up. Now it looked as if her anger had turned to exasperation. "Aw, Jake, you know that's not fair."

Jacob was confused. "Do I?"

"You _should_ ," she leaned towards him, trying to catch his gaze, but a specific scent wafted by and Jacob's eyes snapped up and over her shoulder to a man in the corner.

Edward stared at him expressionlessly, frozen mid-stride. His skin, which was almost glowing under the throbbing and flashing lights, stood out against the black button-down he wore -- sleeves rolled up to his forearms, as always. His whole outfit was black, actually, and it made him blend almost effortlessly into the shadows. He looked dangerous. He looked… enticing.

"Jake?"

Jacob's gaze was still over Bella's shoulders, on the vampire less than thirty feet away. Under the red-and-purple strobe lights, he couldn't believe anyone could mistake them for being human. No one could glow like that. No one could look so menacing or so ethereal-or so very, very inhuman. The darkness masked whatever emotion he was wearing, but every now and then, a beam of light would hit it and Jacob would feel the weight of dark amber eyes on him.

"Hey, you said you made me something, right?" Bella's voice wrenched his gaze away from the vampire. "Was that just talk? Where's my present?" Jacob rolled his eyes. _So now she's interested._

"I'm waiting," she said, holding her hands out. Jacob glanced up again, but the space where Edward had stood was empty.

"Right," he said, a bit distractedly, but he reached into the back pocket of his jeans and pulled out the fabric pouch that he had put the charm in. He set it in her palm.

She smiled. "Hey, that's pretty, Jake. Thanks!"

He stopped himself from rolling his eyes again and settled for a sigh. "The present is _inside_ , Bella."

"Oh." She fiddled with the strings holding the pouch shut, so Jacob reached out and took it from her again, untying it. He turned the bag upside down and shook the charm and the silver bracelet he had bought into her hand.

"I didn't make the bracelet," he admitted, handing her the pouch. "Just the charm."

He watched as she lifted it up to peer at it closer and turned it over in her hand. It had taken him days to get the dozens of tiny lines to indicate the wolf's fur right, but it had turned out pretty good. At the time, he had been pretty proud of it.

"It's beautiful," she finally whispered, lowing the charm and looking at him. "You _made_ this? How?"

He shrugged. "It's something Billy taught me," he explained. "He's better at it than I am."

"That's hard to believe," she murmured under her breath, still studying each detail of the wolf and touching it almost reverently. Jacob smiled. Perhaps he had succeeded in getting her a good apology gift.

"Do you really like it?"

"Yes! It's unbelievable, Jake." She grinned and he returned her expression, but when the too-sweet tang of Edward's scent came back, his attention snapped back to that. However, that time, Edward decided not to be visible. The smile slid off Jacob's face. _He's playing that game, is he?_ "Well, I figured that maybe it would make you remember me once in a while. You know how it is, out of sight, _out of mind,_ " Jacob said pointedly, glancing up to see if the vampire was sticking to the ceiling or something.

Bella ignored his comment. "Here, help me put it on."

She held out her wrist and he quickly fastened the clasp for her. The silver rings clinked together.

"You'll wear it?" he asked.

"Of course I will." He grinned at that, and this time it stayed. She really had forgiven him. The anxiety came back, though, when she began scanning the room frantically again.

"Why're you so distracted?"

"It's nothing," she replied, a little too airily, "Thanks for the present, really. I love it."

Jacob frowned. _Something's definitely up. Bella never gets worried about anything._ "Bella? Something's going on, isn't it?"

"Jake, I…" she trailed off, finally focusing only on him. Jacob waited. "No, there's nothing."

"Don't lie to me, you suck at lying. You should tell me what's going on. We want to know these things," he said firmly. He knew something had Edward wound up like all hell, and he knew a vampire had snuck into Bella's room at some point, but he knew nothing else. Clearly, though, Bella did.

"Jacob, I will tell you. Just let _me_ figure out what's happening, okay? I need to talk to Alice."

At the name, Jacob's eyes widened. "The psychic saw something."

She nodded. "Yes, just when you showed up."

_So that's why she was distracted. Just looking for the sparkling fortune teller._ He lowered his voice for his next words. "Is this about the bloodsucker in your room?"

"It's related," she admitted.

Jacob stared at her for a few long moments, taking in the tense lines on her face, the lack of focus, the light tint of fear that radiated from her body… Something had her badly scared-and nothing scared Bella. Not vampires. Not werewolves. Not exceptional heights.

"You know something you're not telling me… something _big_."

"Yes," she murmured, her voice barely above the music.

He grimaced, and then looked over his shoulder. Quill and Embry were wandering a bit aimlessly, glancing over at Jacob every few moments. The last time they looked, their eyes narrowed. They knew something was up, too. Jacob's gaze flicked back to Bella for a moment, and the look on his face had his two packmates marching straight towards them. They weaved through the crowd, touching no one, and flanked him on either side.

Jacob turned back to Bella. "Now. Explain."

"Jacob, I don't know everything," she hedged, glancing around the room again.

"What _do_ you know, then?" He folded his arms and saw Quil and Embry mirror the motion.

Suddenly, Bella brightened. "Alice!" Her voice came out as almost a squeak.

Jacob looked over his shoulder and saw the vampire in question look directly at them and skip -- _skip? -_ \- to Bella's side. She quickly stepped behind Bella and wrapped her arms around the smaller girl's waist. "I need to talk to you," she murmured softly, locking eyes with Jacob and shooting him the second most possessive look he'd ever seen. Edward still held first place.

"Er, Jake, I'll see you later…" Bella trailed away, smiling brightly and leaning into Alice.

_What… the… Hell?_ For the smallest instant, Jacob wildly wondered if they were together. Everything from the possessive arm that curved around Bella's waist to the way Alice held her body close and whispered in her ear. But no… no, that was ridiculous…

Still.

"Hey, not so fast," Jacob snapped, bracing his arm against the wall and blocking their way. They weren't going to slink away without telling the wolves what the problem was. Chances were, if it was a problem for vampires, it was going to be a damn big issues for the werewolves.

"Excuse me?" Alice's gentle voice was gone and a hard growl replaced it.

"Tell us what's going on," Jacob growled back.

But before she could say anything, Jacob saw another flashing movement and suddenly another vampire was standing right next to him, aggression pulsing off of him in waves. He was blonde and pretty badly scarred up, and was leaning protectively towards Alice. Jacob grudgingly lowered his arm, trying to avoid a fight. They couldn't afford a showdown among a pack of humans. "We have a right to know," he insisted firmly, careful to keep his voice below the music.

The male stepped between Alice and Jacob, who narrowed his eyes at the aggressive stance. Clearly he was raring for a fight -- and Jacob would be happy to oblige.

"Hey, hey. This is a party, remember?" Bella broke in, a hint of hysteria in her voice.

Jacob's glare slid past the male vampire and to Alice, who was still clutching Bella. It was because of his focus that he saw the point at which she suddenly changed her mind. "It's okay, Jasper. He actually has a point."

The male -- _Jasper -_ \- didn't relax or step down. Jacob raised his chin slightly. He wasn't going to be intimidated by some uppity leech.

"What did you see, Alice?" Bella asked, glancing between all of their faces anxiously.

The black-haired woman glanced back down at her. "The decision's been made."

Jacob squinted slightly. _What? What's that mean?_

"You're going to Seattle?" Bella frowned.

"No." came the short answer.

And then Bella went from abnormally pale to as white as a sheet. "They're coming here."

Jacob felt his chest clench and trembles danced over his skin. On either side of him, he noticed both other werewolves also shaking. He wasn't sure who 'they' were, but he figured it had something to do with the red-haired vampire that had freaked Edward out before. The vampire that terrified Bella and worried the whole pack of them. The 'they' implied that now she had friends.

"Yes," he heard Alice say in the background.

"To Forks."

"Yes."

"For?"

"One carried your red shirt."

Jacob grimaced. If a pack of vampires were coming, it was up to the pack to kill them off. It sounded like they were no friends of the Cullens, either, so perhaps they'd have that coven on their side. The vampires and Bella continued to discuss the issue in front of Jacob, Quil and Embry. He listened intently, picking up information to give Sam, and he was sure the other two were as well.

Jasper was grimacing. "We can't let them come that far. There aren't enough of us to protect the town."

"I know. But it doesn't matter where we stop them," the psychic replied. "There still won't be enough of us, and some of them will come here to search."

Bella mouthed something but Jacob missed it. He did pick out her next words, though. "Alice. I have to go, I have to get away from here."

Alice was still looking vaguely ahead, not seeing any of them. "That won't help. It's not like we're dealing with a tracker. They'll still come looking here first."

"Then I have to go to meet them!" Bella's voice was rasped and choked with near-terror. "If they find what they're looking for maybe they'll go away and not hurt anyone else!"

"Bella!" Alice cut her off, her tone tinted with exasperation.

"Hold it," Jacob interrupted, jumping in. He had to be sure of his theory. " _What_ is coming?"

Alice's look turned icy. "Our kind. Lots of them."

_I was right._ "Why?"

"For Bella. That's all we know."

"There are too many for you?" he asked, cocking his head. So there had to be enough vampires to not only be able to out-maneuver Alice's psychic abilities but also out-smart Edward's mind-reading. The other Cullens might have special abilities they could use, too... So that meant a whole festival of leeches.

Jasper bristled. "We have a few advantages, dog. It will be an even fight."

"No," Jacob shot back, a wild idea coming to mind. He could use something to distract himself. "It won't be _even._ "

Before he could elaborate, Alice's face lit up with a vicious hiss. "Excellent!"

Her growl turned into a grin and Jacob couldn't help but grin back. _Time for a good ol' fashion vampire-hunt._

"Everything just disappeared, of course," Alice continued, referring to her view of the future Jacob guessed. "That's inconvenient, but, all things considered, I'll take it."

"We'll have to coordinate," Jacob added, "It won't be easy for us. Still, this is our job more than yours." Finally, the town guardians would finally get to do some guarding. And the coordination shouldn't be too hard with Edward able to read their minds to relay their commands to the Cullens.

"I wouldn't go that far, but we need the help. We aren't going to be picky."

_Right. Like werewolves are really such a step down._ But even the slight scrape against his pride couldn't dampen his excitement.

"Wait, wait, wait, wait!" Bella jumped in, sounding frantic. Jacob turned to her in annoyance and saw Alice do the same out of the corner of his eye.

"Coordinate?" Bella all but spat when everyone was finally looking at her.

Jacob scoffed at her incredulous doubt. "You didn't honestly think you were going to keep us out of this?"

"You _are_ staying out of this!"

Jacob grinned again. "Your psychic doesn't think so."

"Alice- tell them no! They'll get killed!"

Jacob couldn't help it. He threw back his head and laughed. Quil and Embry echoed the sound. Honestly, some rogue vampires taking down a large werewolf pack? Ha! The vampires would have to number in the dozens to win.

"Bella," Alice's voice turned soft and soothing. "Separately we could all get killed. Together-"

"It'll be no problem," Jacob finished. Quil let out another excited laugh. He had missed the last vampire hunt, so this would be his first time -- but Jacob had confidence in him. His wolf form was fast and darting, and he could outrun any vampire if absolutely necessary.

"How many?" Quil asked, the excitement practically flying off of him. Jacob turned his sunny expression to him, but Bella interrupted again.

"No!"

Alice smiled. "It changes. Twenty-one today, but the numbers are going down."

_So twenty-one of them and fifteen of us. Sam and Paul could both easily kill two, and I bet Edward could get more than one, too. We're pretty damn even._ Jacob thought, the thrill whirring through him.

"Why?" Jacob asked after a short pause, wondering why the numbers are going down.

"Long story. And this isn't the place for it."

"Later tonight?" He pressured, hoping he'd be able to get a hold of Sam and the rest of the pack as soon as possible.

This time, Jasper answered. "Yes. We were already planning a… strategic meeting. If you're going to fight with us, you'll need some instruction."

Jacob gave a silent snort. _Yeah. Right_.

"No," Bella protested weakly, but no one paid her any mind.

"This will be odd," Jasper sounded almost thoughtful. "I never considered working together. This has to be a first."

"No doubt about that," Jacob agreed with a short shrug. "We've got to get back to Sam. What time?"

"What's too late for you?"

The oldest werewolf rolled his eyes. "What time?" he repeated. _Like we really have a bed time._

"Three o'clock?"

"Where?"

"About ten miles due north of the Hoh Forest ranger station. Come at it from the west and you'll be able to follow our scent in."

Jacob wanted to point out that they could follow the scent from any direction, but he held his tongue. "We'll be there."

He turned and Quil and Embry were a breath behind.

Bella's "Wait, Jake!" held him back though, and he paused as the fellow pack members went on ahead. " _Please_! Don't do this!" she protested, sounding horrified by the idea. God, did she have no faith in them at all? They were werewolves. Giant vampire hunters! They were the vampire's _only predator_. Sometimes her faithlessness really got frustrating.

"Don't be ridiculous, Bells," he replied, giving a casual wave. "You're giving me a much better gift than the one I gave you."

"No!" Bella repeated, but Jacob kept walking. He jogged to catch up and met them at the Rabbit.

"You were right, Jacob!" Quil grinned at him as he slid into the car. "The party was totally worth it." Jacob laughed. _That it was!_

Embry's excitement, however, was tempered with concern. "You know what these means, don't you?" he asked quietly.

Something in the warning tone had Jacob's knuckles whitening around the steering wheel. He turned to look at Embry. "What?"

"You're going to have to phase. You're going to have to share minds with us again."

x X x

For the first time since his phasing, Jacob felt cold. Ice ran through his veins and he trembled violently. Instead of his usual compulsion to shake apart, he felt as if he was going to implode from the stress.

But he had his mantra. He had his mental exercises. He was going to keep the pack from reading his mind if it killed him.

Jacob's fingers tightened on the windowsill, where he was looking out into the forest and waiting for his pack to come get him. They'd wonder what he was hiding, and they'd guess and poke at it, but he wouldn't let them figure it out. Only Leah 'knew' the truth, but it was really only a guess; they couldn't punish him based on her assumptions. Sam would technically be able to force it out of him, but the leader respected him, and Jacob doubted it would come to that. The pack would be angry and frustrated, but Jacob believed -- _had_ to believe -- that he would last the night.

For three hours, Jacob stayed by the window and practiced not thinking about Edward -- and complimenting himself every five minutes for not thinking about the man at all.

All too soon, Jacob heard a nine-part, singing howl. He slid his window open and leaned over the sill, looking out into the forest. Almost immediately, he saw a pack of huge wolves step from the shadows of the trees and look up at him expectantly. Jacob knew he wouldn't be able to skip this mission. He glanced over to the table by the window where he had his ankle cord and a pair of durable pants. It seemed strange, to prepare that again, but his fear damped a bit at the familiar activity.

The biggest one, his fur dark and foreboding, stood up on his haunches and growled at Jacob.

Wincing slightly at Sam's warning against procrastination, Jacob put a foot up on the windowsill and pushed off, flying into the open air and dropping two stories below. It felt like returning to an old habit, but was terrifying nonetheless. It was perfectly normal for him, but there was a whole new threat to it. The silver-gray wolf -- Paul -- crouched and snarled a little, the impatience showing in his flicking ears and twitching muscles.

Jacob drew a slow breath and released it as he bent to tie the sweat pants loosely to his leg so the knot would have room to expand as he phased. This was easy. He could do this. All he had to do was drop the reins. _And plummet to my death._

Jacob unclenched his fists decisively and instantly felt a wash of heat burst out from his heart and slide over his skin as violent rattles. He tipped his head back, terror being burned away by the fire of a werewolf that had been held back for far too long, and exploded outward in all directions. Extra mass and fur covered him, pushing him up and out until he stood nearly six feet high at the shoulder. He stood on four legs with a long swishing tail and his maw was low to the ground as he caught his breath. He was a werewolf again. Slowly, he raised his eyes until they met the gaze of his leader.

_Welcome back_ , Sam murmured in his mind, and Jacob felt the same emotion reverberating from the other pack members -- except… there were two new strangers in the mix. _Who?_

Jacob's head whipped around and he snarled at the two smallest wolves, whose minds he didn't recognize. The two shrank back from their miffed older brother, but Seth jumped between Jacob and the other two before he could do anything.

_Jacob, stop! We've had two new phases this month, so they're now official members of the pack. That's Colin, and that's Brady,_ Seth explained, jerking his nose at one, then the other.

Leah curled a lip at Jacob. _That's what you get for cutting yourself away from us for so long… Oh, and why is that, by the way?_ She asked with mock curiousness.

Suddenly, her mind was right against his and he could tell that she was listening hard enough to catch the breathiest whisper of subconscious if Jacob let it slip. He immediately clenched his focus and stared down at the leaves. _If it was any of your business, I would have said so._ He growled, then shut down his higher thinking to focus solely on the ground.

_Dark green, still damp from the morning rain… Evergreen? Looks like it._ He pressed down into the ground with one paw, focusing only on what it felt like for his paw to sink into the mush and feel it crumple between the pads. The huge wolf dragged the paw through the earth, mind and eyes watching the dirt and leaves slide through his claws with an almost obsessive concentration. As he dragged it, deep marks were made by his claws in-

_So it's going to be like that, is it?_ Embry's voice was soft, but the bitterness was clear. Jacob jerked his head up.

_No, it's- I mean- I can't-_ Jacob stuttered and faltered. As soon as his focus lowered, a whole storm of memories slipped through the cracks and flooded outwards to the other pack members.

" _Anyone at all!" Bella and Edward in riding jackets, intertwined around one another. Flashing black eyes melting into warm brown. A pair of hands sliding up a pair of legs, awarding small caresses all the way up. Kisses -- hesitant with inexperience but enthusiastic with discovery. A cold grip on his wrists. A sneering mouth framed by the upturned collar of a sleek coat. Bella clutching her hand and spitting fury at him._

_Clasped hands pressed into the dirt hard enough to dislocate fingers, shaking with passion overtaking two bodies immersed in- STOP!_ Jacob snarled out loud as he washed the images from his mind and faced his pack with fury. _Get out of my head! Stop poking around, you bitch_. He shot at Leah, mirroring her expression back at her, and then turned furiously to Sam. _Aren't we going to be late or something?_

Sam stared at him for a long moment, and then turned away and started walking towards the field that the Cullens had specified. The other followed silently, avoiding looking directly at Jacob. But Jacob had realized something-he wasn't the only one turned inward. As individuals _and_ as a pack, they were trying to keep something from him just as badly as he was trying to keep something from them.

The march towards the field was mostly silent, but punctuated with small wisps of thoughts and emotions passing from one mind to the next. Briefly, he heard someone whisper _I think that last one was two guys…_ , but the thought was gone as soon as Jacob latched on to it. Just as the trees started thinning, Sam addressed them.

_Listen up: we're only going to watch. We don't fight them, we don't touch them. I don't want anything getting out of hand and I don't want a war on our hands because one of us can't control themselves, Paul._ He emphasized the last name at the sound of the gray wolf's derisive snort.

The ten of them, Sam in the lead, and Paul and Jared on each shoulder, stepped through the last line of trees and into the clearing. The Cullens were all clumped together and eyeing them warily, and Bella was holding Edward's hand and watching them with wide-eyed terror.

Jacob's russet ears twitched when he caught Edward's faint "Fascinating," and knew he must be picking up the odd sound of individual thoughts overlaid with the _together_ of the pack. Jacob knew their minds worked a bit like a tree where each small part came together to look-sound like one mass from a distance, and -- he then realized -- this was the first time the man had been in the presence of the whole pack in wolf form.

Edward was still wearing that same pressed button-down and slack set, but he looked a bit more normal without the strobe lights. His eyes still flashed unnaturally, though, and Jacob forced his mind away from that and towards the other vampires before his thoughts threatened to get louder.

The oldest-looking one, _Carlisle_ Jacob reminded himself, took a slow step forward. "Welcome."

Sam raised his head and met Edward's gaze. _Would you relay to the others for me?_ He projected, and waited for the minute nod before continuing. _Thank you. We will watch and listen, but no more. That is the most we can ask of our self-control._

As Edward repeated the words out loud, Jacob curled a lip. _Our? Most of us are perfectly controlled._

_I hope you haven't deluded yourself into including yourself in that category,_ Leah shot back, flicking her tail mockingly.

_Oh, shut up. Like you're such a shining example of propriety._ Jacob sneered back.

_Both of you shut up,_ Jared cut in, half-looking over his shoulder at the pair of them. _You_ should _be paying attention to what's going on, not getting into another pissing match._

_They are different from you?_ Sam was asking and Jacob, realizing he was probably missing key information, tuned back in.

Carlisle spoke again. "They are all very new -- only months old to this life. Children, in a way. They will have no skill or strategy, only brute strength. Tonight their numbers stand at twenty. Ten for us, ten for you," he gestured to each group in turn. "It shouldn't be difficult. The numbers may go down. The new ones fight amongst themselves."

Seth snickered eagerly -- a sound that was echoed by the other young members of the pack. They would finally get to _hunt_. The excitement even leaked a little into Sam's tone.

_We are willing to take more than our share, if necessary,_ he offered, and Paul flashed a wolfish grin that the father vampire smiled at. "We'll see how it plays out."

_Do you know how they'll arrive?_ The leader asked and Edward echoed.

"They'll come across the mountains in four days, in the late morning. As they approach, Alice will help us intercept their path."

_The one that sees into the future,_ Jacob remembered. But if the werewolves were going to help them intercept the newborns, how would she know where they were? As he mulled it over, Sam answered. _Thank you for the information. We will watch… And thank you for relaying that for us,_ he directed at Edward.

As another vampire stepped forward, this one with bright blonde hair and faint scars, Sam turned to Jacob. _There's one that can see into the future?_

The giant wolf nodded as the others laid down and watched the vampires. _Her name's Alice, and she can only sort of see the future. I think she only gets vague clips of what happens, and she can't see what involves werewolves…_ Jacob paused. _Except sometimes she can. That part's a bit confusing._

Meanwhile, the blonde was explaining general fighting information that applied to vampires in general, and Jacob was tempted to tune out, but he knew he had to focus. If he slipped, a thought he didn't want his family to see might slip past.

"Okay, Emmett first. He's the best example of a newborn attack."

Emmett -- Jacob's eyes instinctively narrowed at the volatile vampire and the fur on the back of his neck bristled slightly -- walked over to Jasper and assumed a sort of fighting pose. "I'll _try_ not to break anything," he muttered with a twitching grin. Sure of his victory.

The scarred vampire grinned back, sure of the same thing. "What I meant is that Emmett relies on his strength. He's very straightforward about the attack. The newborns won't be trying anything subtle, either. Just go for the easy kill, Emmett." He backed up a couple steps. "Okay, Emmett -- try to catch me."

With a snarl that had every wolf tensing, Emmett lunged at the other vampire, who ducked and slide to the side with a simple step and turned to knock Emmett away from him. Emmett kept reaching for him and catching only air as the blonde ducked and twisted away from his grasp. The movement was flashy and a bit unnecessary, but effective against Emmett who seemed good for nothing except for lunging threateningly. Suddenly, the blonde seemed to get bored and -- after sliding up right behind Emmett -- nipped the back of his neck. Emmett froze and cursed, admitting defeat.

Jacob could hear appreciation mildly rumble through the pack, though he wasn't that impressed himself. It wouldn't be hard to defeat Emmett with a technique like that, and the first vampire would probably be easily defeated by someone who put less flash in his steps.

"Again," the larger vampire insisted, straightening up and glaring at the other.

"It's my turn," Edward finally spoke up, sounding a bit off-put. Jacob forcibly turned himself away from his- _him_ , and watched the blonde.

"In a minute," he was still grinning as he spoke, "I want to show Bella something first."

He turned and waved at the clump of Cullens and Alice came forward. Jacob stiffened against the memories of those months before, when she had been standing in Bella's driveway as a signal for the Cullen's return and forced himself to focus on the upcoming fight.

"I know you worry about her," the vampire explained. "I want to show you why that's not necessary."

Alice kept walking until she stood just a few feet away from the original vampire, who slowly crouched while she simply stood still. Oddly enough, Alice closed her eyes.

The blonde lunged forward, showing as much finesse as Emmett had earlier, but missed as Alice stepped aside. He turned and tried to grab her again, but she simply stepped aside. His next jump-and-turn set him a lot closer, and so that time, she twirled as she stepped so that she could do a quick dart to his other side. Jacob saw the blonde's eyes narrow. Suddenly they were moving a lot faster than the previous fight had gone. Both of them twisted and turned around one another, Alice slipping from the other's grasp each time and turning every dodge into the next. She never stopped moving, but she added nothing unnecessary. Every step, every duck, every turn was calculated to put her into the ideal spot, and Jacob knew he wasn't the only one riveted. Out of the few vampires he'd seen, including the Cullens, she was by far the most graceful.

After only a minute or two, Alice decided to end it. Doing another one of her ducking side-steps, she suddenly leapt upon his back and nipped his throat like the blonde had done to Emmett earlier. "Gotcha!" Her laughter sounded like a tinkling bell and she kissed the back of the other vampire's neck with the casual intimacy of two people very much in love.

_I'm glad she's on our side,_ Seth commented quietly, and Jared nodded.

_That one actually looks like a legitimate threat,_ he added, and the other wolves sent their agreement.

Jacob could only watch silently and feel a ribbon of envy curl through him at the pair.

Across the field, he heard Edward quietly say, "It's good for them to learn some respect," and then saw him walk forward to join the others. "My turn."

Vaguely, Jacob could hear Alice and Bella having a quiet conversation on the other side of the clearing, but all he was paying attention to was Edward. He and the other one faced each other silently, each feinting to one side or the other as they tried to find an open weakness. In a flash, they spotted the same weakness and closed in on one another.

Jacob knew the blonde must be trying to go off instinct alone, but he was still thinking and so Edward was still hearing it. The blonde would duck to one side and Edward's hand would be waiting. He would try to swing, but Edward was already out of his reach. But the other vampire clearly had a good deal of experience and they were fairly matched. Every once in a while, one of them would let out a vicious snarl as some move or another failed and the battle dragged on.

Five minutes. Ten. Jacob could read the frustration on Edward's face as his mind-reading abilities failed to give him a clear win. The blonde looked just as annoyed, hating that even his instincts were being read.

At long last, Carlisle cleared his throat and the two men backed off. They both flashed grins, but there was an edge to them.

"Back to work. We'll call it a draw," the first vampire consented, and the fights continued.

Carlisle went next, and then the pretty one whose name Jacob didn't know, and then Carlisle's wife-and then Emmett again. They all fought the blonde and each other, each battle technique different. The wolves weren't learning much in the way of fighting newborns, but they were learning the strengths and weaknesses of each Cullen. A handy bit of knowledge should a war break out.

Every now and then, Edward would flash him a look or stare at him and poke around in his mind, but Jacob did his best to ignore him. Keeping his thoughts on lockdown was hard enough without golden-amber eyes trying to silently communicate with him while doing it.

After a few hours -- _two? Three? It looks like dawn should be here soon -_ \- the scarred vampire who had spoken to the pack before spoke again.

"We'll be doing this tomorrow. Please feel welcome to observe again."

Sam met Edward's gaze again and answered. _Yes. We'll be here._ _And, if I may, I'd like it if my pack could read the scents of each of your family members so that we can tell them from the newborns._

They watched as Edward stepped away from Bella and repeated the message to his family. Carlisle nodded. 'Certainly. Whatever you need."

The pack all stood as one, grumbling unhappily about having to directly inhale leech stench, but they all followed Sam further out into the clearing. Jacob fell into step right behind him, with the other senior wolves following him, and the newest four trailing behind. Sam sniffed at Carlisle, who seemed very formal but not unfriendly about the activity. Both the blonde and Alice seemed tense about it, but Emmett was relaxed and Edward only had eyes for Bella in that moment. Jacob felt a flash of jealousy skitter just underneath his skin at the vampire failing to pay any attention to him at his best, but he shoved it back down as he sniffed the Cullens one by one.

He glanced over only briefly to see Bella studying him intensely. Did she know it was him? Jacob had no idea, but he was willing to risk it. He flashed her a wolven grin, his tongue lolling out in what he hoped was a friendly manner. Her mystified stare crumpled and she let out a sharp giggle, like someone expelling fear. Reassured, Jacob left his place in line and went over to the pair of them, wagging his tail slightly. _Maybe if I associate us with dogs rather than wolves, she might calm down a bit_.

He could still never forget the vivid terror in her eyes the first time she saw the pack in their wolf forms.

He briefly glanced over at Edward, who was staring even harder than Bella had. His gaze kept flicking towards Bella, probably reading her reaction to the giant dog in front of her, but Jacob could feel the weight of his judging gaze against his fur. Doing his best to ignore him -- and self-consciously failing -- Jacob crouched down in front of the girl and leaned in.

Bella blinked. "Jacob?"

_Isn't that clear by now?_ Jacob chuckled at her, not unkindly, and watched as she slowly reached forward to touch the side of his face.

He closed his eyes, feeling a pleasant hum ringing in his chest, as she ran his fingers through his fur and stroked just below his ear. No one had ever _petted_ him in wolf-form before. And it was rather… nice. As she leaned closer, her hand beginning to stray to his neck, Jacob opened his eyes again. The dog thing was just too tempting. He leaned forward, sticking out his tongue, and licked her face. Being the size he was, there wasn't a patch of skin his slobber missed.

"Ew! Gross, Jake!" She jumped back, scrubbing at her face with a sleeve, but she was laughing. Jacob stepped back, feeling his wolflike laugh escaping him, and grinned again. She put her arm down, mock glaring at him and looking like she was about to say something else, when she noticed the audience they had.

Jacob turned and looked at them as well, seeing the confusion and disgust on the faces of the vampires and the icy disapproval from his brothers.

_You are not a dog_ , Sam growled, after a few moments of cold silence. _And I would appreciate it if you refrained from acting like one._

The others seemed to be more amused than upset, except for Seth, who was leveling a… a glare? at Jacob. _Why is he angry?_

_Don't worry about it,_ Seth muttered and forcibly cleared his mind like Jacob had earlier. Off to the side, he saw Leah shoot him a wordless warning look and Embry was edging away from him. Why? It didn't make any sense. What had happened between all of them? It seemed like they were keeping a secret that was just as bad as Jacob's was…

He glanced over at Edward, who looked… hurt? _What the hell?_ The vampire refused to look directly at Jacob and, instead, simply stared down at Bella. Having finished their sniffing, the rest of the pack wandered off into the woods, leaving Jacob there almost alone. Quil and Embry were still hesitating by that first line of trees, waiting for their brother.

Edward finally silently gathered himself and pointedly took Bella's hand. "Ready to go?"

_Wait!_ Another question popped into Jacob's mind. _What are you doing with Bella, during the battle? Where is she staying?_

Edward's gaze over Bella's head was entirely expressionless. "I've not quite figured out all the details yet."

_Well that's something you might want to figure out, isn't it?_ Jacob grumbled. _Why don't we just keep her somewhere nearby with a guard or two posted, and-_

"It's more complicated than that," Edward interrupted. "Don't concern yourself, I'll make sure it's safe."

"What are you talking about?" Bella demanded before Jacob could continue.

Edward didn't even look at her -- he only continued to stare levelly at Jacob. "Just discussing strategy."

Jacob narrowed his eyes, then promptly turned and stormed into the nearest patch of trees. He was going to talk to Edward as a human. _Let him deal with_ that _!_ And Bella needed to hear what he had to say, too. He phased back into his human form, pulled his black sweat pants from his ankle cord and walked back into the clearing when he became dressed.

His nerves were still buzzing as he approached the pair again. For some reason, Edward's chilled apathy was stinging more than his previous aggression would. "Okay, bloodsucker, what's so complicated about it?"

Edward didn't so much as twitch at the epithet. "I have to consider every possibility. What if someone gets by you?"

_Great, you too? Are you were Bella got this idea of the 'incompetence' of werewolves?_ He snorted, not needing an answer. "Okay, so leave her on the reservation. We're making Collin and Brady stay behind anyway. She'll be safe there."

Bella scowled at being left out of the conversation. "Are you talking about me?"

"I just want to know what he plans to do with you during the fight," Jacob explained patiently, turning a couple ideas over in his mind. All they really needed was a place the newborns wouldn't know where to look and a guard in case they found her anyway…

Bella bristled. " _Do_ with me?"

"You can't stay in Forks, Bella," Edward elaborated, and his condescension was palpable to Jacob. "They know where to look for you there. What if someone slipped by us?"

The girl paled. "Charlie?"

But Jacob already had a plan for that. "He'll be with Billy. If my dad has to commit a murder to get him there, he'll do it. Probably it won't take that much." He paused for a moment, mentally flipping through his dad's and Charlie's usual plans. "It's this Saturday, right? There's a game."

"This Saturday?" Bella asked, looking almost dizzy about the date. "Well, crap! There goes your graduation present."

Edward laughed and Jacob watched disbelievingly as they both promptly lost the point.

"It's the thought that counts," he replied in his 'perfect' voice. "You can give the tickets to someone else."

Bella suddenly smiled. "Angela and Ben. At least that will get them out of town."

The vampire reached out and touched her cheek and Bella looked utterly dazzled, the two of them completely lost in their own world. "You can't evacuate everyone," he said, still smiling in that oh-so-gentle way. "Hiding you is just a precaution. I told you -- we'll have no problem now. There won't be enough of them to keep us entertained."

Before they could continue, Jacob roughly cut in. "But what about keeping her in La Push?" _The newborns will smell the werewolves all over and they won't touch the place._

The sparkly couple both looked annoyed at being interrupted, though. "She's been back and forth too much," Edward pointed out, his tone a bit sharp. "She's left trails all over the place. Alice only sees very young vampires coming on the hunt, but obviously someone created them. There is someone more experienced behind this. Whoever he or she is, this _could_ all be a distraction. Alice will see if he decides to come himself, but we could be very busy at the time that decision is made. Maybe someone is counting on that." He frowned and his gaze slid back to his girlfriend. Jacob twitched. "I can't leave her somewhere she's been frequently. She _has_ to be hard to find, just in case. It's a very long shot, but I'm not taking chances."

He lightly patted her arm. "Just being overcautious."

Jacob turned and gestured to the huge mountain range behind him. "So hide her here. There's a million possibilities -- places either of us could be in just a few minutes if there's a need."

Edward immediately shook his head. "Her scent is too strong and, combined with mine, especially distinct. Even if I carried her, it would leave a trail. _Our_ trace is all over the range, but in conjunction with Bella's scent, it would catch their attention. We're not sure exactly which path they'll take, because _they_ don't know yet. If they crossed her scent before they found us…"

Jacob grimaced in frustration and saw Edward mirror the expression.

"You see the difficulties," Edward said quietly, probably turning over ideas like Jacob was.

"There has to be a way to make it work," Jacob muttered, but fell silent when Bella swayed on her feet. When was the last time she slept?

"I need to get you home -- you're exhausted." The concern dripped off the vampire's tone as he put a careful arm around the girl and held her close. "And Charlie will be waking up soon…"

But Jacob had thought of something. "Wait a sec'. My scent disgusts you, right?" _It wouldn't make any sense for the werewolves and the vampires to be teaming up, so they'll probably completely disregard the trails that we've left all through those mountains. I'll carry her and it should mask the scent._

"Hmm, not bad. It's possible." He turned to look over his shoulder. "Jasper?"

The blond vampire walked over to them, Alice a breath behind, and Jacob suddenly recognized the name. That was the same vampire that had been protecting Alice at the party a few hours earlier. He looked different in the dawn light than he had in that dark room, and his passive expression seemed to completely change his appearance. Jacob waited for them to speak or do something, but they only stood there and watched.

_Well?_ Jacob pushed, and Edward nodded. "Okay, Jacob."

The dark-haired man reached out towards Bella, motioning for her to come closer. As she studied him suspiciously, Jacob couldn't help but start feeling wary. He and Edward and Bella were hardly alone together very much, and there was inherent tension every time. He remembered when Edward came back to Forks and they faced off, and just after Bella and Jacob kissed, and the two of them faced off again, and now… when there was nothing to fight about. Except for the girl hovering in between them -- and the heavy stare they were exchanging.

Edward must have been thinking along the same lines since he closed his eyes and drew a deep breath.

"We're going to see if I can confuse the scent enough to hide your trail," Jacob explained, still keeping his arms raised. Bella didn't move.

"You're going to have to let him carry you, Bella." It may have been just Jacob's interpretation, but Edward's voice sounded odd to him. He was still calm and infuriatingly neutral, but there were dark undertones underneath that Jacob couldn't read.

Bella only frowned.

_I guess she's allergic to me now._ A hint of annoyance wound through Jacob, but he ignored it as he reached forward and hoisted her into his arms with a muttered "Don't be such a baby." As soon as he did, though, his gaze met Edward's again and he froze. This was pretty much it, wasn't it? How they were. Jacob and Edward facing off with Bella mock-resisting in Jacob's arms. _But then who's winning? Who's losing?_

After less than a second, Edward pulled his attention away and glanced at Jasper. "Bella's scent is so much more potent to me-I thought it would be a fairer test if someone else tried."

Jacob knew a hint when he heard one. He turned and walked off into the woods, still a bit annoyed. Bella was pouting with her arms crossed, which made him have to hold her close to keep her from falling forward. He carried her in a long arc, ending just a short distance away from their original spot, and Edward immediately came into view. Which wasn't surprising, since Jacob knew he was well within the mind-reader's range.

"You can put me down now," Bella bit out, her arms crossed and her tone flat. It was alright, though. He was used to a lack of gratitude. At that thought, Edward's eyes briefly flashed to his, but Jacob pointedly turned away.

"I don't want to take a chance of messing up the experiment," he muttered back.

"You are _so_ annoying."

"Thanks."

After another few poignant seconds, Alice and Jasper appeared next to Edward. Jacob immediately set Bella down-and she promptly walked away and took Edward's hand. Their eyes met again. Maybe that position, Edward and Bella clasping hands with Jacob standing by and wanting to be a part of it, was a more accurate representation of how the three of them were.

"Well?" Bella asked, looking towards the vampires that had been 'hunting' them.

"As long as you don't touch anything, Bella, I can't _imagine_ someone sticking their nose close enough to that trail to catch your scent. It was almost completely obscured." He looked happy about it.

"A definite success." The fortune-cookie just looked disgusted.

"And it gave me an idea," Jasper added, and Alice brightened.

"Which will work," she chirped cheerfully.

Edward paused, then shared a smile with them. "Clever."

Jacob hadn't felt that much out of the loop since Embry joined up with Sam's gang. "How do you _stand_ that?" He grumbled.

Edward ignored his distaste and, instead, explained the plan to Bella. "We're- well, _you're_ \- going to leave a false trail to the clearing, Bella. The newborns are hunting, your scent will excite them, and they'll come exactly the way we want them to without being careful about it. Alice can already see that this will work. When they catch _our_ scent, they'll split up and try to come at us from two sides. Half will go through the forest, where her vision suddenly disappears…" He trailed off, shooting a half-smile at Jacob.

"Yes!"

And the half-smile turned into a real one at the wolf's excited hiss. Unfortunately, just when the warmth started to build, Edward's attention snapped towards Jasper and he practically spat. "Not a chance."

Jasper, looking as if he'd been caught doing something bad, immediately waved it off. "I know, I know. I didn't even consider it, not really."

Alice looked just as annoyed as Jacob at being left out and stepped on her partner's foot. "If Bella was actually there in the clearing," the vampire quickly turned to explain to her, "it would drive them insane. They wouldn't be able to concentrate on anything but her. It would make picking them off truly easy…"

Both Edward's and Jacob's glares hardened at that.

"Of course it's too dangerous for her. It was just an errant thought," he added.

There was another pause long enough to make Edward repeat his reply.

"You're right," Jasper agreed and took Alice's hand. They started to head back towards the clearing. "Best two out of three?" the male asked casually, and heard her pleased reply. Apparently they would be practicing through the night. _At something,_ Jacob's mind added, but he stifled that thought at Edward's slightly raised eyebrow.

Still, neither one of them were amused with Jasper's theory.

"Jasper looks at things from a military perspective," Edward's tone was low, neither approving nor disapproving of the motivations. "He looks at all the options-it's thoroughness, not callousness."

Jacob snorted. _Every one of your delightful family members has an excuse, don't they?_

They both fell silent, suddenly aware the proximity of the other two. The three of them had never stood that close before, and for some reason, it seemed significant. When was the last time Jacob had just _existed_ next to Edward? No fighting, no sex, just existence… Not for a while, Jacob knew, and Edward seemed to be aware of that, too. Oddly enough, by the way Bella was glancing between the pair of them, it almost seemed like she was aware of the tension as well.

"I'll bring her here Friday afternoon to lay the false trail," Edward said at last, breaking the silence and making the other pair turn to him. "You can meet us afterward and carry her to a place I know. Completely out of the way, and easily defensible, not that it will come to that. I'll take another route there."

Jacob, however, was skeptical. "And then what? Leave her with a cell phone?"

"You have a better idea?" Edward almost sounded defensive, and Jacob couldn't quite keep his smugness down.

"Actually, I do." He briefly flashed the image of a werewolf sitting next to Bella, relaying thoughts to the wolf pack and receiving them. Both parties would know immediately if the other were in serious danger. And since Seth was being so prickly lately…

"Oh…" Edward mulled it over. "Again, dog, not bad at all."

_The way he says it, it almost sounds like a term of endearment._

The vampire's stare was suddenly more intent, and Jacob quickly turned away to explain things to Bella. Again. "We tried to talk Seth into staying behind with the younger two. He's still too young, but he's stubborn and he's resisting. So I thought of a new assignment for him: cell phone."

Bella sort of half-nodded along, but it was clear the plan wasn't clicking.

"As long as Seth Clearwater is in his wolf form, he'll be connected to the pack," Edward clarified, then turned back to Jacob. "Distance a problem?"

_Ha!_ "Nope." _We've heard each other from at least three hundred miles. Maybe more._

"Three hundred miles? That's impressive." And he almost sounded genuinely impressed.

Jacob grinned slightly. "That's the farthest we've ever gone to experiment. Still clear as a bell."

Bella nodded again, this time seeming to understand, and Edward spoke again. "It's a good idea. I'll feel better with Seth there, even without the instantaneous communication. I don't know if I'd be able to leave Bella there alone. TO think it's come to this, though! Trusting werewolves!" He sounded disgusted by the idea.

"Fighting _with_ vampires instead of against them!" Jacob copied the tone, but a smile twitched at his lips.

"Well, you still get to fight some of them," Edward corrected, and the flash of warmth that lit his eyes felt like it heated up Jacob's whole body, and the semi-grin they shared made it seem like they were almost friends. As if there really was an emotional bond between the physical connection. Almost as if… as if…

But Jacob didn't need to finish the thought. He already knew what it was. "That's the reason we're here."

x X x

The three of them quickly finished up their plans and figured out the times, the people involved, and everything else -- and by a little after dawn, Jacob was on his way home. Just as he reached the main road to his house, though, Paul cut him off at the turn.

The other man jogged up, shirtless like he'd recently phased, and fell into step beside Jacob. Jacob watched warily. Paul talking to him alone usually meant he had a bone to pick, or he was just itching for a fight. Normally, Jacob would've been thrilled for the stress relief, but the previous day and the all-night vampire-watching and the Edward-time in the morning had worn him down and made him just want to sleep.

"Hey, Jacob," Paul greeted. _Too casually_ , Jacob's mind pointed out. "What was that about, the staying behind?"

Jacob watched him out of the corner of his eye. He knew the pack didn't know his exact feelings for Edward, but if they had seen Leah's conversation, they would probably still be sniffing after the trail… And Jacob knew he'd have to watch what he said around the scheming pack.

"Just deciding what to do with Bella during the battle," the man answered, shrugging. "Why?"

"Just making conversation." Paul dropped his gaze, watching his footsteps on the gravel road, and stuffed his hands in his pockets. "Hey, I was wondering… My parents are out of town for the weekend and you know I can't cook worth shit -- do you think your dad would mind if I had lunch and dinner with you guys today?"

The request was perfectly normal, rather typical for the family-sharing pack really, but the tone was so off, Jacob stopped and stared at his packmate. The down-turned eyes, the slight hunch, the non-demanding tone… all of those were traits that Paul never showed, and Jacob knew there had to be something off about him. Was he having a fight with his family? Did he think he and Jacob were fighting and trying to make up? Jacob paused. _Are we?_

"What's this about?" Jacob asked suddenly, and Paul looked up again.

"The whole pack knows there's something wrong, Jake," his tone was low and serious, without a single aggressive edge or prideful lift. "Even Billy can tell, and he's been telling the other families about your issues. You aren't eating as much, and he doesn't think you're sleeping right, and you _still_ won't talk to us. What's wrong? _Please_ just tell us."

Jacob stayed silent until Paul reached out and grabbed his arm, just below the shoulder, and forced him to face him. "Why can't you at least tell me? You know me well enough. I'll probably stamp around and bitch and hit you a few times, and then I'll be over it. I'm probably the safest one to tell. Quil and Seth and Embry are all too emotional, Sam and Jared have to be focused on the good of the pack, and Leah holds grudges like permanent tattoos-but I explode and then I'm done with it. _Tell me_."

Now it was Jacob's turn to get worried. How bad did it have to be before Paul got concerned about it? Sure, Jacob was losing some weight; eating human portions at meals did that. And his sleep schedule wasn't that bad. His mood… Well, it probably could be better, but when did Paul start giving a damn about that?

_Still, I can't tell him. I can't tell anyone. They'll just have to deal with this._

Jacob pulled his arm away. "Stop worrying about it. Let's just go to my place, Dad'll be fine with having another lunch guest."

"You really are an ass sometimes," Paul muttered, but he put his hands back in his pockets and followed Jacob home.

When they reached the house, it was warm and bright as usual. Billy was in the living room, which meant Jacob was probably going to have to whip something up himself. "Sandwiches okay?" He asked the sullen Paul, but didn't wait for an answer. As his wolf brother lingered in the dining room, Jacob started rummaging through the fridge. After a moment or two, he pocked his head back out and glanced at Paul. "Coke? Sprite? Water?"

Paul shrugged. "A coke's fine."

Jacob tossed him one and took one himself, still a little offset by the man's demeanor but determined to play it cool. He went back to the fridge to grab sandwich-making material -- that is, until he heard a familiar voice coming from the hallway.

"Jake? Is that you?" The female called, and Jacob's hands froze, still holding the bread he'd just grabbed. _No… It can't be._

_But who else has her voice?_

"Rachel?" He called back, raising his head and setting the bread on the counter.

"Oh good, you still recognize me!" Rachel -- _it_ is _her! --_ trotted into the dining room and grinned at her brother. Her smile and mannerisms were just like Jacob remembered, but she looked several years older now. Her shiny black hair now fell to her shoulders and she had dumped the glasses somewhere down the line. That along with a charming face and shapely body, and Jacob realized she looked rather pretty. She looked different, too. But she was still first and foremost his sister, though, and she was _home_.

"Of course I do! And it's good to see you," he pulled her into a hug, grinning. "But I have no idea why you're here."

She smiled with the fake-modesty Jacob remembered from when she still lived at home when she was about to brag without looking like bragging. "Oh, I just finished my degree early. I decided to double-up on my class amounts for all the semesters and got the bachelor's I wanted in half the time. Cool, huh?"

"Sure, sure." Jacob rolled his eyes. "Nerd."

"Layabout."

She grinned back at him, but her gaze shifted to the man behind him. "Who's this? Your new boyfriend?"

"Oh, shut up! That's just Paul. He's one of my packm- one of my friends. He's-"

But Jacob didn't get to continue because, at that moment, he heard a sharp intake of breath from his sort-of-brother and suddenly a soda stain was spreading across the carpet and fizzing where it sunk into the weave.

"Nice goin', Paul," Jacob grumbled, jogging back to the kitchen, grabbing a towel from under the sink and tossing it to the man. To Jacob's annoyance, the towel just bounced off his shoulder and slid to the floor. His eyes were firmly locked with Rachel's.

"Rachel, you said your name was?" If Paul's voice had sounded strange before, it sounded downright alien then.

"Yeah. And you?" Horror upon horrors, his sister almost sounded _breathless._

It wasn't exactly an uncommon reaction to girls around the men of the wolf pack, but the fact that it was his _sister_ made the whole thing a bit disgusting.

"Paul. I… live down the street." _Was that a freaking_ murmur _? What's with those two?_

And then he recognized it. That shine in Paul's eyes, and the answering sparkle in Rachel's. He'd seen it with Quil and Claire. He'd seen it with Sam and Emily. Jared and Kim. _He just imprinted on my sister!_

"No. No way!"

"It's nice to meet you," Paul slowly started to smile.

"No way in hell!"

"It's nice to meet _you_ ," Rachel replied, a flirty sort of tone in her voice.

"Stop it! Stop it right now!" Everyone ignored Jacob's progressively louder protests.

"So I'm… ah… Well, like Jacob said, I'm a friend of his. I take it you're the sister he sometimes talks about?"

"Knock it off, Paul!"

"Yes. I've been off to college, but I decided to come home after my first degree… You're one of his friends from high school, right?"

"Right. And-"

"DAD!" Tattling was the only option, now. "GET IN HERE!"

"What are you _wailing_ about, Jacob?" His dad stormed in, glaring at Jacob in irritation. He stopped, though, when he glanced from Paul to Rachel and then back again. And then: "Oh."

x X x

It was a rule with the wolf pack that whenever one of them imprints, that imprint had to be told about the whole wolf deal. The truth behind the legends. And now pushing over two days without sleep, Jacob could only slump at the dining table and watch as his dad and Paul explained the situation to Rachel, who listened with wide and concerned eyes. He now knew what _lovestruck_ -Paul looked like, and he never wanted to see it again.

When the story was done, Rachel's gaze slowly moved to her little brother. "So that's why you look so different."

Jacob snorted. "What? Tall, muscular, twitchy, and without a high school girl's hair style?"

Rachel shook her head. "No. Adult. And… depressed."

"Oh, that's just because he keeps falling in love and getting dumped," Paul pointed out, only half-thinking and watching Rachel with wide-eyed wonder. Both Black kids froze.

_Keeps falling in love? It should have been 'did'. Did fall in love. He knows… he must know… or at least have a strong clue. Damn him!_

Rachel's hesitant smile slid off her face. "Oh… I'm sorry to hear that, Jake."

Jacob waved it off, pushing his rising fear back down and trying to focus. "No big deal. That was months ago." He abruptly rose. "I think I'm going to go to bed. It's been… a while… and I think I could use a break." He glanced at his sister. "Rachel, it's good to see you again." His gaze jumped to the other teen at the table. "Paul, for the last hour, I've hated you and will probably continue to do so for a good part of tomorrow, but hey," he grinned a bit when Paul looked up and stared at him. "we get over stuff fast, right?"

Paul nodded, slightly grinning back. "Right."

Jacob knew the pair of them had a bit of an odd relationship that seemed ridiculous to everyone not in it, but it worked for them. They bickered and fought and had constant pissing matches, but they had each other's backs. And with his sister back, maybe things were looking up.

But as he curled up in his bed, still dressed, he remembered how he and Edward were almost warm to one another that morning, and the instability of his life came back into sharp and painful focus. He closed his eyes and tried to ignore it, but as the hours dragged on, all he could do was tremble and stare at the inside of his eyelids.

And now with three days without sleep, Jacob felt his mind begin to break down.

_"Take a breath of the heavy air_   
_And try my best to just pretend there's no one's there_   
_Shut them out again, I'm trying not to miss you._   
_I'm busy looking for another place to run to._   
_Rock bottom isn't very far away,_   
_Because all we are, are broken dreams and shattered hearts."_

_~"Fairy Tale" by Saturday Night at the Apollo_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't find a decent description of Rachel anywhere, so I just made her up on the spot. That's sort of, hesitantly, how she looked in my head but I really have no idea. And wow, another way-too-long chapter (12,000 words, actually.) x3 I think it turned out pretty well, though.


	11. Kiss Me, Kill Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry, guys! This chapter took a long time to write, and I spent a few more days debating whether or not to break it into two separate chapters (I did.) And also-I just realized my page breakers weren't working! I thought the whole squiggle-asterick-squiggle thing would work, but I went back and read my fic and they're all gone! Does anybody know any (other than FF's line) that would work?
> 
> And once again, thanks for all the kind reviews, and I hope you lurkers are having fun, too! But before I begin on this chapter, I wanted to say something. I'm not sure if I mentioned this before, but I never bothered to read Eclipse all the way through before beginning this rewrite. I've basically been reading as I've been writing, only about a chapter ahead (though I knew the plot of the book, so I was able to map out the plot of this story pretty well). I'm occasionally shocked by how easily everything fits, and nothing does more than the first scene in this chapter. Edward has never acted more out of character. His mannerisms, his words, his actions… None of them make any sense with Meyer's version of him-yet makes perfect sense in mine. Cleary something's up with him. Clearly something is going wrong inside his head that he's dealing with, and he's taking it out on Bella. I've seen him be distant and condescending and edgy, but that was the first time I ever remember him showing contempt for Bella. Flat-out contempt.
> 
> Anyway, I wrote out this scene, albeit hesitantly (like someone who's been given free ice cream from a magical flying ice cream truck and is unsure whether eating it is a good idea) and I think it turned out alright. The rest of this chapter moved pretty smoothly, but I'll talk more about that at the end.
> 
> Alright, enough of the slow chapters and build-up-let's get to another chapter of just Jacob/Edward grit.

That morning, Edward carried Bella back in his arms and gave her to Charlie. He managed to come up with a flaky excuse about her staying up all night with Alice and forgetting the time, and Charlie accepted it with the grimace of a man who hates his daughter's boyfriend but knows he'll never be able to convince her to dump him.

A few minutes later, Edward was in Bella's bedroom and watching her sleep the morning and a heavy portion of the afternoon away. He laid quietly in bed, his gaze flicking across the popcorn-textured ceiling, and counted the bumps of the northwest quadrant. Even now, hours after he'd heard that massive amount of mental noise from the pack, he still couldn't forget all the things he'd heard. The plural mindset almost seemed to work like a room, with all the wolves trapped in it together. Jacob was huddled defensively in one corner while the rest of them avoid him on the other side. All amongst themselves, they chatted with one another or read each other's thoughts or projected their own… and it was all rather fascinating. He had heard Embry turning over thoughts of a possible half-brother in his head, and Edward had chased that thought to Sam, Quil and then to Leah -- a _female_ werewolf. Apparently she'd pointed out the lack of continuity in their family tree, and she was pretty well universally disliked by all.

Paul was alternating between being worried for Jacob and being disgusted by him, but most everyone was concerned. Seth's concern, however, dropped and turned to angry disapproval when he saw the look on Edward's face when Jacob had joyfully licked Bella's face and they'd shared a bonding moment -- he must have seen how that had stung. Unlike the other pack members, Seth seemed to be the only one who faced the situation with a worried sort of neutrality, like a man on a hill who can only watch from a distance as two trains on the same track rush towards one another. And there was the other thing Edward had learned: the pack knew about him and Jacob.

As of that point, though, they seemed unwilling to tell the man that they knew. Why, Edward wasn't quite sure, but it seemed like Sam was hoping it would end soon. The Clearwaters seemed to find that a bit deplorable, but everyone else thought it was a good idea. Edward just thought the idea was silly since obviously, they were already quite through and Edward had quite made his point. _Besides, Jacob hardly seemed interested at all last-_

Not that Edward cared or anything like that.

He, of course, had more pressing matters. Like the muttering of his sleep-talking girlfriend.

"Newborn… behind you… Ed…" Bella mumbled again, grimacing slightly and pressing her face into her pillow. Edward grimaced along with her. She'd been saying things like that all day, clearly replaying a battle over and over in her mind, and by the sound of it, it was the one that would take place in the clearing. Apparently she has delusions of coming along. Normally, he would've blown it off as pointless musings, since there wasn't a chance in hell he would let her come with them… but sometimes she was able to do stupid things too fast for him to stop her. Like run off to chat with a tracker hell-bent on killing her. _Or throw herself off a cliff._

"Edward?" Her voice sounded slightly clearer that time, and Edward looked down to see her hand reaching for him. He slid his forward and twined his fingers with hers without even thinking. So automatic. So mindless.

"Are you really awake this time?" he asked quietly, noticing that her eyes were still closed.

"Mmm," she sighed wordlessly and her eyes fluttered opened, watching him blearily. "Have there been a lot of false alarms?"

The vampire didn't smile. "You've been very restless—talking all day."

Bella blinked and glanced out the window. The light was shining through at an odd angle, indicating a darkening and ending afternoon. She frowned. "All day?"

He lightly squeezed her hand to reassure her. "You had a long night. You'd earned a day in bed."

She sat up, swaying slightly. "Wow."

However, despite his perfect acting and her pleasant responses, something felt wrong to Edward. Something was making his skin crawl and making him want to walk out of the room. He felt like he just wanted to get up and go—and had no idea why. _Wrong, wrong, wrong,_ his mind chanted quietly, though whether it was at the feeling or at the feeling's cause, he didn't know.

"Hungry?" He asked quickly, hearing a faint grumble from her stomach. "Do you want breakfast in bed?"

"I'll get it." She stretched with a groan and pushed herself to her feet. "I need to get up and move."

Edward watched, still holding her hand, as she stumbled her way down the stairs and into the kitchen. She still looked tired and rumpled, and not entirely awake. Unfortunately, some other emotion was slithering all through him and counteracting his concern. He felt… of all things, _twitchy_. As she passed him and moved to the pantry, he absently rolled a shoulder and tried to ignore the too-tight feel of his skin.

_Wrong, wrong, wrong._

Bella opened the pantry door and pulled a package of Pop-Tarts out. She mindlessly tossed them in the toaster and took a moment to examine her reflection in the chrome side. _I can't eat food_ , Edward thought wistfully, and immediately recoiled. Why did he care? He hardly ever thought about food, and Bella ate in front of him all the time without him disliking it. He didn't even want to be able to eat. Much.

"Ugh, I'm a mess," Bella complained, leaning back from her reflection and frowning at it.

"It was a long night," he repeated. "You should have stayed here and slept." _So mechanical._

_It's probably that damn wolf messing with my head again_ , Edward thought with a mental hiss, watching as Bella lifted the Pop-Tart to her mouth and the charm bracelet jingled lightly. He had watched Jacob put it on her and had been glancing at it every once in a while ever since. She'd yet to take it off. Bella probably thought it was a reminder of him for _her_ , but Edward had seen Jacob pointedly glance around when he had said that. With a twist in his stomach, Edward had realized it was meant as a reminder of the dog for both Bella and him. _But those stupid mind games won't work on me._

"Right!" Bella hmphed. "And missed everything. You know, you need to start accepting the fact that I'm part of the family now."

A smile twitched at Edward's lips as he forced Jacob to the back of his mind again. "I could probably get used to that idea."

His eyes stayed on the bracelet and that little carved wolf. Bella, noticing his gaze, froze.

After a moment, it was too much for the vampire to resist. "May I?" he asked, reaching for the wooden sculpture.

Bella gulped. "Um, sure." But Edward paid no mind to her hesitation and gently lifted the wolf. From a third person standpoint, the thing was beautiful. Every hair on that tiny animal stood out and it even had a facial expression. Strong, determined, leading. Dominant. Edward's eyes narrowed as he scanned the body and long legs and finally the tail of the wolf. It looked fairly proud and strong at first, but the tail hung lower than an alpha's would have. There was a hint of sadness behind the strength. Edward glanced up and noticed Bella watching him curiously. He snatched his hand back and let the charm fall back against her pale skin.

Something in him wanted to point out one of the many reasons he disliked the charm, but knew that most of them would just raise uncomfortable questions. One of his problems with it, though, he _could_ talk about. "Jacob Black can give you presents," he said flatly, the accusation clear.

Her expression didn't so much as flicker. "You've given me presents. You know I like the homemade kind."

Edward's gaze slipped back to the charm and he glared at it minutely -- _'homemade' indeed! --_ before looking back at Bella. "How about hand-me-downs? Are those acceptable?" He hoped he successfully kept the petulance that rattled in his mind out of his voice. The unfairness of her treatment of both Edward and Jacob was starting to wear on the vampire and that wear was starting to show. _Though, in all actuality, Jacob probably thinks it's overly unfair as well…_

_He gets all the physical-token love and I get all the emotional love, and all we want is what the other has._

She frowned slightly. "What do you mean?"

Edward traced a finger around her wrist, pulling up the chain slightly in front of the finger and letting it fall back into place behind it. "You'll be wearing this a lot?"

Bella shrugged.

"Because you wouldn't want to hurt his feelings?" Edward asked, waiting for it to click.

"Sure, I guess so."

Edward twitched. "Don't you think it's fair, then," he stared down at her hand and turned it over in his palm, hearing that silver chain jingle again, "that I have a little representation?"

"Representation?"

He had been thinking about it -- a gift that would match Jacob's, in a way. And he knew he had one in his possession that his mother gave him. "A charm. Something to keep _me_ on your mind." _And, incidentally, on Jacob's when you're with me._

_Again, not that I care or anything._

Bella still looked confused, as if they were discussing the Grand Unification Theory rather than the idea of fair balance in a three-way relationship. Then again, perhaps to her, they were. "You're in every thought I have," she pointed out, looking for all the world as if she hadn't just dropped another weight on his shoulders, "I don't need reminders."

Edward wasn't to be distracted by lines like that, though. "If I gave you something, would you wear it?" he asked slowly.

"A hand-me-down?"

"Yes, something I've had for a while." He smiled, and turned up the pheromones slightly -- and did his best to ignore the twitching, crawling feeling that told him something was _wrong_ with the situation that needed fixing.

"Whatever makes you happy," she said with a simple smile, clearly charmed by his presence. In that moment, the feeling went straight to his stomach and transformed into rolling nausea.

_What's wrong with me?_

"Have you noticed the inequality?" he all but snapped before he could stop himself. "Because I certainly have."

_Why am I saying these things?_

"What inequality?"

_I never used to be bothered by this. And I can't stop-_

"Everyone else is able to get away with giving you things. Everyone but me. I would have loved to give you a graduation present, but I didn't. I knew it would have upset you more than if anyone else did. That's utterly unfair. How do you explain yourself?" The last sentence came out as a flat-out accusation, and Edward mentally flinched from it.

_This is really inappropriate… I shouldn't be pushing this._

"Easy. You're more important than everyone else. And you've given me _you._ That's already more than I deserve, and anything else you give me just throws us more out of balance."

Instantly, Edward got a flash of a shirtless Jacob propped up on his elbows and pointing out the former's flaws with a grin. Jacob thought, no he _knew_ they were equal. They propped one another up and stood together. They both had equal say and equal weight in the 'relationship', and they walked through life side-by-side, rather than one leading the other. But it wasn't even like that with _her._ Edward was just carrying around Bella's lifeless body like some kind of…

_Why? Why does she think things like that? What have I ever done to deserve such mindless worship? I don't understand!_

"The way you regard me is ludicrous," Edward replied with a roll of his eyes, and his fingers twitched towards fists at his sides. The chant of _wrong, wrong, WRONG_ got louder.

She chewed her breakfast calmly as he stared down at the counter, the tension strung between them filling the room. Edward was just about to say something else when his phone rang. He pulled it from his pocket and glanced at the screen. _Alice._

He flipped it open with a sigh. "What is it, Alice?"

"Good news: the army is down to only nineteen members -- two of them fought to the death last night over a bit of prey," his sister answered, but there was a dark note in her tone. "Also, I saw another vision, this one of Bella directly. I think she's lost in the woods, somewhere near the battle, but not all that close. I think she's going to try to find us and fight with us-or something equally _human._ I'd keep an eye out for that."

"I sort of guessed as much," he replied, leveling a stare at Bella. "She was talking in her sleep."

The girl flushed and looked away and Edward hung up the phone without another word. "Is there something you'd like to talk to me about?"

He would give her a chance to be honest.

Bella sighed and glanced around at the floor, the walls, the ceiling, before returning his sharp gaze. "I like Jasper's idea," she said at last.

He groaned, annoyance joining the twitchiness and nausea on his list of emotional upsets.

"I want to help. I have to do _something._ "

"It wouldn't help to have you in danger," he explained, for what felt like just one too many times. There was nothing she could possibly do to help, and it would force Edward to always have one eye on her when he was trying to fight off vampires faster and stronger than he was. Couldn't she stand to just have one night without him? Just _one_ night?

"Jasper thinks it would," she retorted. "This is _his_ area of expertise."

_Bullshit,_ Edward thought with a glower, and the urge to walk away got stronger.

It just seemed so… it felt so… He just… This wasn't working. This, whatever-it-was between he and her didn't feel like it was working in that moment. She didn't understand anything about vampires, and the vampire in question was having- _had_ a gay affair with another supernatural being.

Clearly, they had not watched enough daytime talk shows to know how to properly handle a relationship.

Edward had enough of a grasp on self-awareness to know they were both sort of in the wrong, but in that moment, he could only see the wrong in her.

"You can't keep me away," Bella threatened, crossing her arms. "I'm not going to hide out in the forest while you all take risks for me."

Edward fought back a derisive laugh. "Alice doesn't see you _in_ the clearing, Bella. She sees you stumbling around lost in the woods. You won't be able to find us; you'll just make it more time consuming for me to find you afterward," he pointed out spitefully.

Bella faced him coolly, almost looking down her nose at him. "That's because Alice didn't factor in Seth Clearwater." Her tone was overly polite, almost mockingly so. "If she had, of course, she wouldn't have been able to see anything at all. But it sounds like Seth wants to be there as much as I do. It shouldn't be too hard to persuade him to show me the way."

Anger flashed through Edward's heart and mind, and his fists clenched. Slowly, though, he forced it down with a loud sigh. She would _not_ outdo him on this one. "That might have worked… if you hadn't told me. Now I'll just ask Sam to give Seth certain orders. Much as he might want to, Seth wouldn't be able to ignore that kind of injunction."

Bella's faith in Edward assured him that she would have no idea that Edward couldn't give Sam orders like that. A bluff she would never see.

Bella's smile somehow became even faker and she cocked her head ever so slightly. "But why would Sam give those orders? If I tell him how much it would help for me to be there? I'll be Sam would rather do me a favor than you."

Apparently, it was a bluff that she _could_ see. Edward barely bit back a snarl directly at her. "Maybe you're right," he agreed with a flash of his teeth, "But I'm sure Jacob would be only too eager to give those same orders."

_Jacob would choose me over her in a heartbeat. I just know it._

Bella frowned. "Jacob?"

"Jacob is second-in-command," Edward returned her sarcastically-polite little smile. "Did he never tell you that? His orders have to be followed, too."

Bella's face crumpled at the same realization that Edward had reached moments earlier: Jacob would side with Edward.

When her silence continued long enough for him to be sure of her self-doubt, he moved in. "I got a fascinating look into the pack's mind last night. It was better than a soap opera. I had no idea how complex the dynamic is with such a large pack. The pull of the individual against the plural psyche… Absolutely fascinating."

Perhaps her curiosity would distract her. Perhaps she would realize that she lost and therefore, should just go along with the new conversation topic. Either way, or any other way, Edward didn't care. For once in his sad, sorry life, he felt on top of things. He felt strong. He felt like there was someone in this world he could best without cheating by reading their mind.

He felt just a little bit spiteful against the world, too, and here was an outlet.

"Jacob's been keeping a lot of secrets," he added with a grin, knowing she wouldn't pick up so much as _half_ the meanings that sentence had. Bella remained silent, and his smile didn't so much as flicker.

_What's wrong with me?_

"For instance, did you note the smaller gray wolf there last night?" he asked.

Bella only nodded stiffly.

Edward chuckled slightly. "They take all of their legends so seriously. It turns out there are things that none of their stories prepared them for." _Oh, what a pretty little surprise that must've been…_

She sighed and looked away. "Okay, I'll bite. What are you talking about?"

"They always accepted without question that it was only the direct grandsons of the original wolf who had the power to transform…" he began.

"So someone changed who wasn't a direct descendant?"

Edward gave a crooked smirk. "No. She's a direct descendant all right."

Bella's eyes widened as it sank in. " _She?_ "

_I can't believe my distraction actually worked. I'd have Jacob's fingers around my throat if I pulled that with him-_

Edward cut himself off again and overrode the thought with his response to her question. "She knows you. Her name is Leah Clearwater."

"Leah's a werewolf?" Bella shrieked, her hands rising to her mouth. "What? For how long? Why didn't Jacob tell me?"

_And she has the gall to sound betrayed._ "There are things he wasn't allowed to share -- their numbers, for instance," the vampire pointed out firmly. "Like I said before, when Sam gives an order, the pack simply isn't able to ignore it. Jacob was very careful to think of other things when he was near me-" _I shouldn't be defending him…_ "Of course, after last night, that's all out the window." He added with another chuckle.

"I can't believe it. Leah Clearwater…" Bella trailed off, her eyes still wide, and she was clearly running through thoughts in her mind, probably putting pieces together. Meanwhile, Edward hid his clenched fists behind his back. The pull between Bella and Jacob had never felt so poignant for him. Part of him hated that the werewolf was stirring up these strange, negative feelings in him, but the other part was just curious enough to question the point and reasonableness in his and Bella's relationship. Something was just feeling more and more off with them. Something about Bella's behavior, about his own, about their interactions… Something was making him feel uncomfortable and aggravated by the whole thing.

More than anything else, in that moment, he wanted to see Jacob.

"Poor Leah," Bella whispered, probably having reached her own conclusion.

This time, when Edward tried to stifle a laugh, a rather pointed snort came out instead. "She's making life exceedingly unpleasant for the rest of them. I'm not sure she deserves your sympathy."

Bella blinked up at him, her previous anger looking almost gone. "What do you mean?"

"It's hard enough for them, having to share all their thoughts," Edward explained, his growing sympathy for the wolf pack starting to show, "Most of them try to cooperate, make it easier. But when even one member is deliberately malicious, it's painful for everyone."

"She has reason enough…"

Edward sighed. "Oh, I know. The imprinting compulsion is one of the strangest things I've ever witnessed in my life, and I've seen some strange things." He shook his head, toying around with the concept in his mind for the hundredth time. "The way Sam is tied to his Emily is impossible to describe -- or I should say _her Sam_. Sam really had no choice. It reminds me of _A Midsummer Night's Dream_ with all the chaos caused by the fairies' love spells… like magic." He smiled, but his heart just didn't feel in it. Still, with their argument over, it was only fair that he toss her a conciliatory line. It's very nearly as strong as the way I feel about you."

It was Bella's turn to sigh. "Poor Leah. But what do you mean, malicious?"

"She's constantly bringing up things they'd rather not think of. For example, Embry." He vividly remembered the triangle of stress flowing through a portion of the pack. The confusion of possibly, maybe having another bond, but never being sure.

"What's with Embry?"

The memory replayed in Edward's mind, the same one that was playing on repeat in Embry's. "His mother moved down from the Makah reservation seventeen years ago, when she was pregnant with him. She's not Quileute. Everyone assumed she'd left his father behind with the Makahs. But then he joined the pack."

"So?" Bella asked, not quite understanding.

"So the prime candidates for his father are Quil Ateara Sr., Joshua Uley, or Billy Black, all of them married at that point, of course."

She gasped. "No!"

Edward shrugged with a sort of _what-can-you-do_ quirk of his lips. "Now Sam, Jacob and Quil all wonder which of them has a half-brother. They'd all like to think it's Sam, since his father was never much of a father. But the doubt is always there. Jacob's never been able to ask Billy about that."

"Wow." The dark haired girl blinked slowly, thoughtfully staring down at her plate. "How did you get so much in one night?" she asked suddenly.

"The pack mind is mesmerizing. All thinking together and then separately at the same time. There's so much to read!" He smiled, knowing some of his excitement was showing through. His fascination with werewolves really was a bit unhealthy, but he couldn't stop himself. From Jacob's story a few days ago, Edward could sort of understand what it was like to be one of them, but nothing made it as clear and tangible as standing in a pack's presence.

Bella smiled back, but the edge to it set off a warning alarm in Edward's mind. "The pack is fascinating. Almost as fascinating as you are when you're trying to distract me."

Edward's calm and mostly pleasant expression slipped off his face.

"I have to be in that clearing, Edward."

"No," he replied flatly and stared down at her, waiting for the next unreasonable reason she was going to throw at him.

Instantly, her gaze fell to the table and locks of her hair slid out of their tuck behind her ear and into her face -- just enough for Edward's concern to override the other emotion for a moment.

"Okay, look, Edward," she whispered, "Here's the thing… I've already gone crazy once. I know what my limits are." Her balled fists tightened on the countertop. " _And I can't stand it if you leave me again!"_

Edward's breath caught in his throat as he watched her whole frame seem to collapse. Sometimes he forgot how much he had damaged her. At the time, he thought it would be a good idea for them to have some time apart, but he had never imagined how attached she already was. That she had subconsciously been attempting suicide was his fault and he knew it. And now, even knowing she was that fragile, he still continued to say and do stupid things like that. He quickly stepped around the corner and drew her into his arms, stroking her face and hair comfortingly. _I really can't believe myself sometimes…_

It was his indecision that was doing this to him. Every time he pulled Bella close, he longed to soften the blow for Jacob, and every time he held Jacob close, he hated himself for what Bella would feel. He would do anything, _anything_ , to be able to make them both happy. Even though he hated Jacob almost as much as he wanted to be with the man, there was still a part of him who… cared, in a way. But how was that right when he was also Edward's biggest threat? He was the only one who could possibly take Bella away from him.

And he didn't want to lose her any more than she wanted to lose him.

"You know it's not like that, Bella," he said quietly, burying his face in her hair and reminding himself of who he loved and who he was _supposed_ to be loving. "I won't be far, and it will be over quickly."

Bella didn't look up. "I can't stand it. Not know whether or not you'll come back. How do I live through that, no matter how quickly it's over?"

He sighed and gave her a quick squeeze. "It's going to be easy, Bella. There's no reason for your fears.

"None at all?"

"None."

"And everyone will be fine?"

"Everyone."

"So there's no way at all that I need to be in the clearing?"

He would've been annoyed, except that he knew he had well and truly earned this particular annoyance. "Of course not. Alice just told me that they're down to nineteen. We'll be able to handle them easily."

"That's right -- you said it was so easy that someone could sit out. Did you really mean that?" she looked up at him, blinking vulnerably.

Not sensing the trap, Edward nodded. "Yes."

"So easy that _you_ could sit out?"

Edward's forced smile vanished and he stared down at her blankly. She stared back at him levelly. "So it's one way or the other," she said at last, her previous emotional weakness completely gone and her voice driving the finality of her ultimatum straight through his chest. "Either there is more danger than you want me to know about, in which case it would be right for me to be there, to do what I can to help. Or… it's going to be so easy that they'll get by without you. Which way is it?"

Edward was silent. _What does she think she can possibly do? Why does she think this battle will either be incredibly hard or incredibly easy? Doesn't she know there's an in-between, a gray area of 'we'll just barely be able to do it, but we_ will _be able to'?_ He pictured his family trying to fight the newborn army without himself to tell them what the group was thinking. He pictured the wolf pack fighting valiantly beside his family, picking up the slack that Edward's absence would create… They had a sort of sixth-sense with vampires, but would it be enough? Maybe. But that was a maybe Edward didn't want to risk.

"You ask me to let them fight without my help?" he asked quietly, barely able to speak through the bile rising in his throat.

"Yes. Or let me be there." Her tone was even and merciless. "Either way, so long as were together."

He drew a deep breath in and out and let her go. The nausea and crawling feeling had come back even stronger, but… but now he was aware that Bella was in pain, too. But she was willing to risk the lives of everyone she cared about just for a half hour's comfort… But she also loved him. Was she a good person or a bad one? How could he ever know without reading her mind? He pulled back a bit more and took her face in his hands, staring deep into those eyes that he used to only see as warm and gentle brown. But now he saw the edge in them. The damaged soul. It had toughened her. Made her more cruel towards other people. His abandonment had done that to her, and so he had to face the consequences.

He let go of her face and pulled out his phone again, re-dialing the number that had last called him. He heard a click on the other line.

"Alice, could you babysit Bella for a bit?" he asked, hoping she didn't notice the double-edged disgust and guilt that threatened to overwhelm him. He was a man who cleaned up his own messes, but he still hated having to do so.

"Sure," she answered cheerfully, and Edward would be surprised if she hadn't watched the fight and the subsequent decision.

Bella bit her lip. "What are you going to say to Jasper?" she asked in a whisper.

Edward bit his tongue against a hundred things and said, "I'm going to discuss…" _Me abandoning my family. Me jeopardizing the people I care for._ "-me sitting out."

Bella lowered her gaze again. "I'm sorry."

_No you aren't._ _But it's my fault that you aren't._ "Don't apologize," he said with a tight smile. "Never be afraid to tell me how you feel, Bella. If this is what you need… You are my first priority."

"I didn't mean it that way -- like you have to choose me over your family."

_Liar._ He forced himself to make a vaguely casual waving-off gesture. "I know that. Besides, that's not what you asked. You gave me two alternatives that you could live with, and I chose the one that _I_ could live with. That's how compromise is supposed to work," he added, with no small amount of sarcasm. Not that he let that part show.

She leaned against his chest and he stayed put. "Thank you," she murmured.

He buried his face in her hair again. "Anytime. Anything."

As they stayed frozen like that for a long moment, Edward remembered the things she had said during her sleep. Most of it had made sense, and it had clearly been a battle, but there was something else… Something he had never heard of and that Bella had never mentioned.

"Who's the third wife?" he asked.

She tensed ever so slightly. "Huh?"

Edward tensed as well, hearing alarm bells in his mind. "You were mumbling something about 'the third wife' last night. The rest made a little sense, but you lost me there."

"Oh. Um, yeah," her fingers fidgeted with the cloth of his shirt and she wouldn't look up. "That was just one of the stories that I heard at the bonfire the other night. I guess it stuck with me."

Edward stepped away from her, still watching her face for nonverbal clues. Legends? Jacob would know, then. And it was obviously something that Bella didn't want Edward knowing. Was it about a vampire weakness, or a werewolf weakness? Or a fairy tale that had shifted her morals in a direction that Edward wouldn't like?

Before he could ask, the front door opened with the sharp crack of a breaking lock and Alice appeared in the kitchen. "You're going to miss all the fun," she said without greeting, and Edward knew she had seen a vision assuring what Bella had decided.

"Hello, Alice," he replied simply, bending down to give Bella a thankfully brief kiss before pushing away and walking towards the doorway. "I'll be back later tonight. I'll go work this out with the others, rearrange things." _Tell them a prayer might be a good idea because of this._

"Okay," Bella smiled, her mood quickly coming back.

"There's not much to arrange. I already told them. Emmett is pleased," Alice pointed out, probably reading the growing thunderstorm in his behavior and heading it off. Or at least giving him an excuse to avoid the family for a while without having to worry about it.

At the Emmett comment, Edward sighed a bit in exasperation. He always seemed to be competitive when it came to vampirism -- like being in the newborn battle would make him superior. "Of course he is."

Before he could leave, Alice's eyes shot to his and she flashed him a quick thought. _I'll take care of things here. Calm Bella down, get her an excuse to be at our house for the weekend, iron out a safe plan for Charlie… Get out of here. You look like you could use some alone time to break things._

The sparkle in her eyes said she understood, and Bella's attention immediately gravitated towards Alice's presence, so Edward didn't feel bad at all about storming out of the room and shutting the door with a bit more force than necessary.

x X x

Still, he didn't break anything. He took the long route home and walked at the normal human speed, breathing slowly and calmly. He didn't talk to his family, but he gleaned enough information from their minds to know they would mostly be able to do alright. They wouldn't be fighting blind, but they would be fighting in fog, so it wasn't a guaranteed win anymore.

So Edward distracted himself with a project he had been toying with lately. In his closet, he had a box full of all of his late mother's belongings. They had hardly been a rich family at the time, and so her possessions were rather meager, but there were gems. Not just the literal kind, either, though there were some.

And, sitting cross-legged on the floor in front of his closet, staring into the cardboard box, Edward decided to finally take the time to see everything he had.

When he was newly transformed, he didn't care. When he went on his vendetta against every free criminal he could find, he didn't care. When he was too busy choking back his urge to fulfill an addiction and forcing himself to live of animal blood, he didn't care. When he started stalking and then dating Bella, he didn't care. When he left, he didn't care. When he came back, he didn't care.

But now, re-evaluating every relationship he was in and had been in, he cared.

He pulled things out one by one and laid them out in a semi-circle around him, next to the box. There was a handkerchief with his mother's initials, and an old photograph of them standing together -- just him and his mother -- when he was probably no older than ten. There were some tarnished silver jewelry pieces and, of all things, a pair of napkin rings. There was a letter, but the ink was too faded for Edward to read it, and there was a coat pin in the shape of a flower that looked rather wilted to him.

There were also two fuzzy boxes.

He knew what was in both of them, but he didn't know which thing was in which box. A normal person would probably point out that simply opening them both would be a good idea and the key to finding the wanted object, but Edward was stopped by a deep-seeded dislike of seeing the _other_ object. One of the items in the box was the 'representation' he had convinced Bella to accept. The charm he wanted to give her. The other… The other was a ring.

When his newborn insanity faded enough for him to speak and reason properly, Carlisle had approached him with that box of items. _Your mother is dead_ , the doctor told him. _But we recovered a few of her belongings._ He gave Edward the big box, and then he gave him those two fuzzy boxes. _We decided to cremate her body,_ Carlisle continued, _but we decided to strip her of these first and pass them on to you._ He then said a bunch of other things after that that Edward neither heard nor gave a damn about, since shock was still ringing in his ears. At the time, he was just beginning to be aware of himself and of time, and he had learned several things at once: he was an orphan, he was a soulless monster, it was now the mid 1920's, and vampires were real. It was, understandably, overwhelming.

One of the worst bits of it, though, was that he now owned his mother's wedding ring. As a child, he hated that thing. It stood as a constant reminder of his father's absence and his mother's denial, and it was a metal coil that keep his family bound and alone without a strong male to take care of them. Edward had done the best he could to fill that role, and so had his mother, who -- of all the undignified things -- actually got a _job_ to support them. And it was the ring and the reason for it's continued presence that made all of that necessary.

So Edward never opened the box. Never touched it, never wanted to, but… at some point, he knew he needed to. At some point, he would marry Bella, and he would traditionally give her his mother's ring. The vampire reached into the box and let his fingers just barely brush the worn velvet, and his eyes narrowed at the object. If his fear of commitment had kicked up before, it was firing off in all directions then. He would be spending the rest of his eternity next to one person -- and a month ago, that hadn't bothered him. A month ago, he didn't even bat an eye.

But now… _now_ … it meant something. Now he had an alternative, however unwanted. Or… should be unwanted. Or, was vitally necessary to be unwanted. Bella was, despite her many flaws, nearly his perfect match. He should be happy with her. She was calm and soft-spoken, and a girl that fit right in with the time period he was most comfortable in. She wanted neither an education nor a career, and seemed only interested in being his bride. She was also willing to lose her soul for him, to stand with him for all eternity, and she was fairly pretty. He wasn't sure how she felt about children, but since he couldn't give her any, he figured that could just stay out of the equation.

Bella was _perfect._

Jacob… Jacob was everything that Edward _shouldn't_ pick. He was male, for one. A werewolf, for another. A volatile teenage boy, for a third. He was wild and untamable, and about as predictable as cast dice. And he was _male_ , in case anyone missed that. That he healed Edward, made him feel more like a human, made him feel at home in his own skin for once, had nothing to do with anything.

Jacob was about as _imperfect_ as it got.

Edward slowly picked up the fuzzy box he had been touching and brought it up to eye-level. Either this contained his mark of ownership on Bella, or it contained Bella's future mark of ownership on him. Oh sure, she would be wearing it, but the leash went both ways, and Edward would be spending all of eternity with one person. The same person who knew nothing and understood nothing about vampires. The same person who had emotionally blackmailed him into choosing her over his own family's safety. The same person who only loved him because of his chemical effect on her.

But didn't Jacob only lo- _want_ him because of the pull between their two supernatural creatures?

Perhaps. Perhaps not. For the first couple weeks, Edward was sure that was the only thing that kept drawing Jacob back, but lately… there was something else there. Something intangible. Something human. Lately, it was human-Jacob who reached for Edward. The wolf was only sitting in the background and salivating.

But it didn't matter who was what for which reasons. Bella was the one he was always intended to love.

Edward flicked the box open with his thumb and a diamond sparkled back at him.

x X x

By the time he was back to Bella's house, sprawled artfully and intentionally across her bed, he was calmed. Wherever his emotions were leading him, the answer was simple. Nothing mattered except marrying a woman whose only ambition is to end up with him -- and he had that, thankyouverymuchJacobBlack. There was no need for hesitation, no need to question his relationship with Bella, and no need for all of this self-doubting and self-destructive indecision.

At just a little before midnight, Bella arrived in her room.

"What time are we meeting with the wolves?" she asked, flopping down on the bed beside him, smiling from her afternoon with Alice.

Edward smiled back. "In an hour."

"That's good. Jake and his friends need to get some sleep."

"They don't need it as much as you do," Edward disagreed, seeing how she sank almost too easily onto the bed and how her eyes fluttered closed occasionally.

"Did Alice tell you that she's kidnapping me again?" Bella asked suddenly, and Edward's smile widened. He had spoken with his sort-of sister about that a couple days ago, after he'd decided that forcibly holding Bella hostage had been a bit inappropriate.

"Actually, she's not," he corrected with a grin.

She stared, confused.

"I'm the only one who has permission to hold you hostage, remember?" He sighed, though, remembering that with his trust of Jacob, he didn't really have to worry about restricting her from La Push. She hadn't seemed to want to go lately much, either. "I guess I don't need to do that now."

" _You're_ kidnapping me?" Bella's eyes widened.

Edward nodded, still smiling. She continued to stare. She continued to do so, until Edward's confidence started to sink. _Does she not like that idea?_ "Is that alright?" he asked.

She looked hesitant. "Well… sure, except for one thing."

Edward leaned forward. "What thing?" he asked. He had thought she would've jumped all over the opportunity.

"Why didn't Alice tell Charlie you were leaving _tonight?_ " And the question was so inane, Edward had to laugh.

x X x

When the two of them got to the clearing that night, Edward could already hear Emmett and Jasper fighting. His other family members were paired up and chatting lightly, and there were three wolves in the clearing. It seemed the whole pack decided not to go, but still wanted representation. Apparently Jacob had been their choice, and he decided to take his two best friends again: Quil and Embry. It seemed, for all his trust in Edward, he still didn't like being in a large group of vampires.

The three were sitting close together, but the slight hunch in Jacob's frame showed he still held himself a bit detached from the others. He was focused almost obsessively on the fight in front of him, and when he wasn't thinking about that, his mind was turning over each and every detail around him and describing it explicitly. So far, it had kept his mind clear of Edward and clear of evidence of their former affair.

_Too bad it's too late for that,_ Edward thought, with a cynical quirk of his lips.

"Where are the rest of the wolves?" Bella asked, her gaze on the three that were present.

"They don't all need to be here," Edward answered, noticing that the wolves had heard the conversation and three identical stories were floating to the surface of their mind. He told what he saw. "One would do the job, but Sam didn't trust us enough to just send Jacob, though Jacob was willing. Quil and Embry are his usual…" Edward briefly grasped around for a word. "I guess you could call them his wingmen."

"Jacob trusts you." The statement came out as almost a question.

Edward nodded. "He trusts us not to try to kill him. That's about it, though." _Then again, he does trust me better than he trusts my family. Sort of._

"Are you participating tonight?"

Edward swallowed back his regret and didn't let his previous disgust come back up. "I'll help Jasper when he needs it. He wants to try some unequal groupings, teach them how to deal with multiple attackers."

He and Bella watched Jasper and Emmett fight for a while longer, but a sudden motion from the wolves had Edward's attention snapping back to them. Jacob was on his feet and padding lightly towards them, that odd doglike grin on his face.

"Jacob," Edward greeted, careful to still be as coolly neutral as he had been the night before. He caught a brief flash of annoyance and hurt from Jacob before it was quickly stifled, and Edward made himself feel nothing.

_Edward,_ Jacob returned, but his politeness had an edge. He turned pointedly away from the other man and crouched in front of Bella. _What are you depressed about now? You aren't still worried, are you?_ He asked with a low whine in her direction.

Edward opened his mouth to translate, but Bella didn't need one.

"I'm fine, just worried, you know," she replied softly.

_Why?_ Jacob rolled his eyes. _That's really stupid. What is there to be worried about? A pack of werewolves and a damn magical vampire coven against an army of babies? They don't stand a chance._

Edward glanced down at Bella. "He wants to know why," he told Bella, censoring the cocky werewolven attitude from the reply.

Jacob shot him a quick, annoyed growl. _If you're going to play Telephone, do it right._

Edward's lips quirked towards an amused smile at that and was just about to reply, when Bella's "What?" interrupted him.

He looked back at her again. "He thinks my translations leave something to be desired. What he actually thought was, 'That's really stupid. What is there to be worried about?' I edited because I thought it was rude."

Bella smiled a bit disparagingly at the wolf. "There's plenty to be worried about. Like a bunch of really stupid wolves getting themselves hurt."

Jacob laughed derisively, a low and doglike echo of Edward's earlier. _We're werewolves, Bella-not a bunch of people who can turn into dogs! When will you get that? We're_ born _for this._

Edward rolled his eyes at that, even though he privately agreed with it, since Bella obviously wouldn't be able to hear the man.

Across the clearing, Jasper looked at him. _Could you come here a moment, Edward? I need someone to tag-team Emmett with._

Edward sighed, deciding he'd much rather be spending time with Bella and Jacob, but he knew he couldn't just leave his brother hanging. He looked over at dog and girl. "Jasper wants help. You'll be okay without a translator?"

"I'll manage," Bella replied flatly, and Edward wondered briefly about her sudden prickliness. He stared at her a moment, but gleaning nothing from her facial expression, jogged over to his siblings.

For the rest of the night, he play-battled with the other vampires. He beat Jasper and Emmett, but Alice beat him. He and Carlisle tied-once again, Edward's mind-reading capabilities were evenly matched against more experience. All the while, he watched Bella and Jacob out of the corner of his eye. Jacob was leaning heavily on Bella's presence to help shield his secrets, and focused on her every detail as she sat next to him. To anyone who didn't know, Jacob would seem contently in love with Bella… But Edward, Quil and Embry were not fooled. Edward could hear the other two pack members being careful not to think of Jacob or himself and were as obsessively focused on the vampire scuffles in front of them as Jacob was.

Eventually, though, everyone wandered off two by two. Carlisle and Esme went back home, followed shortly by Emmett and Rosalie. Quil and Embry left shortly after that, but Jacob stayed behind to watch the three-way battle between Jasper, Alice and Edward. Bella just silently watched them for another hour.

When he saw Bella start swaying where she sat, Edward put the battle on hold. "I think it's time I took Bella home. She could use a decent amount of sleep tonight," he pointed out, and the other three agreed. Edward was just about to turn and take Bella back to his car when Jacob moved between them.

_Can I talk to you for a… a minute? Alone?_ He asked, lowering his head slightly so he was at eyelevel, and Edward hesitated. Alice quickly stepped in, though. "I'll drive Bella home -- you don't have to worry about it." Her gaze flicked between the werewolf and the vampire. "You two work out whatever needs working out."

"Good night, then," Jasper waved to them, and the two Cullens and Bella disappeared into the trees.

As soon as they were gone, Jacob phased back into a human and got dressed in front of Edward -- who was pointedly looking away. He didn't know why Jacob was suddenly okay with nudity in front of him, but Edward sure as hell wasn't and he didn't appreciate the one-way comfortableness.

"What did you want to talk about?" Edward asked stiffly, still avoiding Jacob's sharp gaze. He instantly heard a hundred thoughts swarm the other man's mind.

"Nothing in particular," Jacob replied with a slight cock of his head that Edward caught out of the corner of his eye. But after that short, sideways glance, he couldn't help but turn and get a good look at him.

Jacob was back to his regular scent, looking like a powerful werewolf again, but there was still something off. He was shaking minutely -- not like a wolf about to phase, but like a man who was fighting exhaustion with every breath. His thoughts whirled slowly and sometimes vanished to a blank slate before jerking back to life. As they stared at one another, Edward noticed from Jacob's mind and body that he was in that oddly energized state that people reached when they hadn't slept for extended periods of time.

"Why did you pull me aside, then?" Edward asked coldly, trying to brush off his growing concern. He didn't look away this time, though.

Jacob clenched his teeth and glanced around before looking back at Edward. "I just feel… odd. And wondered if you felt that way, too." He met Edward's gaze, and Edward noticed an edge of vulnerability that he hadn't before. Like Jacob trusted him enough to expose a weakness. _The fool._

"I feel like time is moving too fast or too slow or something. Like I'm detached from reality, in a weird way. Do you feel that at all? There's like this sheet of glass between me and…" he trailed off, but Edward still understood. He saw Jacob's vivid mental picture of the man watching the world through a window and occasionally reaching up to press his fingers longingly against the pane.

Sadly enough, Edward knew the feeling exactly. For the last few days, there seemed to be a screen between him and what was going on around him. Something that made him downright uncomfortable, and while the fact that he wasn't the only one feeling strange softened the discomfort, he didn't want to admit it out loud. "Your very existence is a detachment from reality," he grumbled, crossing his arms and looking away again.

The continued presence of the werewolf was making his skin prickle.

Jacob blinked at him. "What do you mean?"

_He doesn't understand. He just doesn't get why his behavior and attraction make no sense at all. Why_ he _makes no sense at all._

_I'll have to tell him._

Frustrated, Edward took several steps forward, until he was breathing the Jacob's very air. The other man froze. "I mean… _Look_ at you, Jacob," Edward reached out and grasped the werewolf by both shoulders, holding him at arm's length and studying him critically. He could feel hysteria mix with the bafflement in his own mind, and it was the sort of wild confusion that echoed in Jacob's wide and startled eyes. "You're completely sober!" He peered into the man's eyes, "No dilation or fuzziness," he dropped one shoulder and brushed his fingers over Jacob's exposed chest, feeling his heart rate as clearly as he heard it every time they stood in one another's presences. "Your heart is racing, but it's not fluttering and faltering." He let his hand linger there as he met Jacob's gaze again. "And you're thinking… mostly clearly. You're as sober as it gets."

Jacob stared at him, looking like he was really trying to understand, but wasn't. Edward could hear that he wasn't.

"Sober… as opposed to what?" the wolf asked at last.

"You aren't completely high off my presence!" Edward growled, finally snapping and shaking him. "The pheromones are just bouncing off your system. You have no reason to be attracted to me! None! My smell, my taste, my appearance…. All of that, if I use it to the best of my abilities, can bring any human -- any gender, any age -- to their knees no matter how much self-control or resistance they have. That's simply how being the perfect predator works. But here you are, under my control, with no prey-compulsion at all!" He could sense Jacob's happiness at being in Edward's presence, and his willingness to help Edward any way that he could or just to make him happy.

_I'm not under your control!_ Briefly flashed through Jacob's mind, stirred up by the words of superiority, but aloud he said, "What's your point? Does that bother you?"

"Yes! It does!" Edward retorted and snatched his hands away from Jacob, needing to put space between them again. The wolf was faster, though, and Edward soon found both his wrists caught. Again.

"Why?"

"You have no business being attracted to me!"

"Did you forget our conversation in the forest?" _Before you had a panic attack and bolted?_

Edward merely glared back at him. The wolf didn't need to keep pressing. He was just stirring up trouble. And why had Edward even stayed behind when everyone left, anyway?

After a beat of silence, Jacob continued, "You know, I wasn't lying when-"

"Will you just drop it?" he spat, his anger flaring up.

Almost immediately, he heard answering fury from Jacob's mind. "No! Why are you so god-damned _stubborn_ about all this? Why are you running? Why are you pushing away?"

"Because you're so disgustingly and ignorantly misunderstanding all of this!"

_Oh yeah?_ Jacob leaned forward with a dark grin, and his hands tugged Edward closer. "I disagree. And I'm going to kiss you again… Because I'm ninety-nine percent sure you want me to."

"No, you don't-" Edward's sharp retort was cut off by the press of white-hot lips against his and he reeled. Jacob's released his wrists and moved to wrap around Edward's waist. Edward's hands shot up to Jacob's chest and tried to push him away, but only succeeded at clutching at the warm and overwhelming expanse of skin in front of him. As Jacob's head tilted just the right amount Edward was hit with a sudden and inexplicable _click._ The click of two people coming together who just meshed. Two people who _belonged_ together.

He forcibly turned away.

"I don't, Jacob. Stop it. I'm not interested." But his voice shook and the protest lost all conviction.

"I don't believe you," the other man replied simply, nuzzling Edward's neck.

"It's-" _True,_ he meant to say, but his words trailed off into a low moan that seemed to be giving Jacob, who was currently kissing his way up Edward's throat and onto his jaw, the completely wrong idea.

" _I want you,_ " Jacob murmured, emphasizing every word with a low, masculine rumble.

_Me, too!_ Edward's heart cried, while another part was chanting _No, no, no, no, no…_

And since that feeling of _Wrong_ had gone away, that must mean that this was the correct choice, right? This was where he… belonged…?

It was Edward's sudden, flaring, total panic that gave him the strength to shove Jacob away from him as hard as he could. He heard Jacob hit something and crumple yards and yards away, but he was too busy clenching his fists with his eyes screwed shut to pay any attention to the other man's injuries.

" _YOU AREN'T SUPPOSED TO!"_ The scream reverberated through the trees, and Edward instantly regretted it. He hadn't meant to be that loud. But since too-warm arms didn't immediately envelope him again, he supposed his point was made.

He slowly opened his eyes and saw Jacob pushing himself to his feet on the other side of the clearing. The man stood, rolling his arms and blinking rapidly. He staggered a moment, but straightened himself up and glared at Edward. He had obviously hit one of the trees hard, but was fighting to shake the blow off.

Before the man could get too far away from the trees, though, Edward shot forward and cut him off so they were standing just a few feet from the forest's edge. Up close, he saw Jacob's eyes flashing with a multitude of emotions, and his mind whirled too fast for Edward to pick out individual raindrops from the raging storm.

"I'm not going to give up on this," Jacob hissed, stepping back into Edward's personal space, and every battling feeling in Edward compounded into two simple yet endlessly complicated ones.

Love and hatred.

And as he heard the exact same thing happen in Jacob's mind, the vampire felt a shift between them again. Suddenly, what had been difficult, was easy. Well, not easy exactly, but simpler. They weren't trying to cross a web of a hundred different emotions, they were walking a fine line between just two.

And in that moment, they picked the same emotion.

"I'm. Not. Giving. Up," Jacob repeated slowly and emphatically, and reached for Edward again just as Edward reached to push him back. They both only ended up holding one another. With a snarl of frustration, Edward tried to twist out of the grip around his shoulders, but Jacob held on. He didn't look like he was amused or victorious, but Edward felt humiliated anyway. _Why can't I get rid of this man?_

"Fuck you, Jacob! Fuck. You." Edward was sick of this. Sick of Jacob. Sick of himself. Sick of the whole damn situation that made him into a liar and a fool and made his whole icy body feel like it was lit ablaze. Even then, he could feel the heat sinking into his skin from Jacob, who had goose bumps from his contact with the vampire's skin. It didn't make any sense, why they worked together, but somehow they did. Like they had a shelter in their mutual confusion, even though they were the cause of it in the other. For once, Edward could revel in the luxury of just raw emotion. No one to please, no one to impress. And Jacob, from the sound of the thoughts rising from the very core of his mind, was enjoying the same thing.

"I hate you," Jacob hissed, his breath hot against Edward's ear and his eyes mere inches away. But Edward knew the man wasn't just trying to inform him of this, he was trying to convince them both. He knew, just like the vampire did, that this wasn't how things were supposed to be. But unlike Edward, he couldn't fight the temptation. And hated himself for it. Jacob's breath was starting to come out in rattling pants, and his fingers were shaking as they clung to fistfuls of Edward's shirt. "I _hate_ you!"

"I hate you more!" Edward spat back, and at least he was telling the truth. He shoved the man off of him viciously and watched as he flew back several feet again, hitting his back against the trunk of a nearby tree again, and slid to the ground. Jacob flinched at the pain, but he never closed his eyes -- he only stared Edward down with his emphatic glare and slowly pushed himself back to his feet. Again. Edward's eyes widened as, without warning, the werewolf shoved away from the tree trunk and launched himself at the vampire, knocking them both to the ground. Edward's breath left him in a gasp as his back hit the cool earth hard and Jacob straddled him, pinning him there.

"You don't know anything about hatred! I _hate_ you," Jacob was still panting, but they were starting to sound like sobs and his eyes were blurry. "You're ruining my fucking _life._ " _My friends, my family, my sanity, I'm losing it all!_ "I… I can't eat… I can't sleep… I wish I'd never met you! I wish you were _dead_! I wish… I want…" His voice broke and he somehow managed to shove Edward even harder into the ground, like he wanted to bury him. Edward twisted and tried to pull away.

"You're always wishing! You're always wanting! When are you ever going to-" he broke off when Jacob's mouth was suddenly on his, hard and desperate. Edward could feel blood from where Jacob had cut his lip on his eyeteeth drip into his mouth and he gagged at the acidic taste. Shock roared in his ears and the outside world felt like it was dropping out from underneath him. The pain in his shoulders, where they were still being pressed into the ground, the way the arms Jacob was clutching felt like they were going to melt, the way Jacob's hair was brushing Edward's forehead like it was trying to soften the passionate onslaught… None of it mattered. _I have to get out of here!_

Edward struggled frantically, but Jacob with his size and weight had the advantage. His hands were still pinning Edward's to the ground, and his hips were keeping Edward's grounded as well. And though he knew if he tried, really tried, he could throw Jacob off -- he couldn't quite… couldn't seem to…

And all the while, Edward could feel the most bizarre emotion pulsing off the other man. It still contained the hatred and disgust for his very existence, and the baffled pain of the compulsion between them, but there was a different purity to it. A defining feature that said, no matter what Edward did, Jacob would always be next to him. There for him. With no pheromone compulsion at all, the man would stay by him. It wasn't a joyful feeling, not exactly, but one of _completion_ , and his next words rocked Edward to his core.

"Don't leave me, and I won't ever leave you," Jacob whispered, pulling his lips away from Edward's for one freezing moment, and then replaced them with a somehow greater passion. _I think I love him_ , his mind murmured _._ The world turned upside-down and inside out, then finally slotted into place as understanding flooded him as hot and heavy as the werewolf on top of him. Jacob didn't just like him. He didn't just lust after him. He didn't just feel a wolf-driven compulsion to own and dominant. He wasn't even the slightest bit influenced by Edward's pheromones…

He loved him. Jacob _loved_ him. Edward stopped struggling, the resistance slowly flowing away from his body. But Jacob didn't loosen his hold on Edward's wrists, didn't take his mouth away but… He wasn't just being desperate and lusty now. The kiss was frantic and needful and _scorching_ … Like Jacob wanted to imprint the message on Edward's mind and body. And the nauseating blood now dripping down his throat was forgotten.

Edward kissed him back.

As soon as he did, he felt a roaring, triumphant joy answer from Jacob's mind. The bizarre emotion came back with a firework-inducing frenzy, but now Edward could identify it: love. And it was dazzling.

_But wait -- Bella loves me, too._

Jacob's thumbs were caressing the frozen veins of Edward's forearms and his hands slid to Edward's shoulders.

_She only loves me because of my vampire attraction._

Edward tilted his head back, his eyes fluttering closed again and his body arching against the overwhelming heat. Jacob pulled his lips away and trailed them back down to Edward's throat, just above the first button on his shirt.

_Why does Jacob love me, then?_

As Jacob nipped at that top button, contemplating tearing it off, Edward forced his eyes open and looked down at him. "Wh- why…?"

Jacob sat up slightly, watching Edward through half-lowered lids, and only then did he see the desperation and desire in the wolf's eyes. "I don't know," he answered in a whisper.

Edward struggled to sit up as well. "Well then, why are you…" he trailed off, the question unnecessary. Neither of them had the answers to anything. But before he could get up, Jacob leaned forward, put an arm around his shoulders and pulled him into a hug. Just… a hug.

"Stop running away." It almost sounded like a reprimand.

"You don't _get_ it," Edward all but growled back, the slow-burning panic returning to focus. "This isn't… It's not how it's… I'm taken," he finished wearily.

"You really think Bella's right for you?"

"It doesn't matter! She's the right choice," Edward retorted, pushing against Jacob's chest and forcing space between them. Jacob squeezed harder, fighting the vampire's strength with his own. "Get off me!"

"No," Jacob shot back, another arm coming up to wrap around Edward's waist. "You only seem to listen to me when I-"

" _Off!_ " Edward snarled, this time punctuating it with a strike. A hard one. He heard a pained grunt in his ear and the shattering of a collarbone, and the arm around his shoulders slackened. He shoved Jacob the rest of the way off of him and the man glared at him, one hand pressed to his right shoulder and breathing hard.

"Just- just- stay away from me!" Edward spat, sitting back into a crouch with one hand on the ground to balance him and to make it easier to spring away if necessary.

"No!"

Edward both narrowed his eyes and sagged slightly. He couldn't keep fighting the man, not if he kept up this violent persistence. He couldn't keep denying that temptation, couldn't keep pushing his only comfort away. But why, no matter what Edward did to him, did Jacob keeping coming back? _Because he loves me,_ he reluctantly answered his own question. But the vampire was getting tired and hurt and frustrated, and he just wanted to lean into the arms of someone strong enough to support him… But he couldn't. He had to deny this. He had to make the right decision. _I have to choose Bella._

The two men listened in silence to the crackling and wet sound of flesh moving and bone rapidly knitting back together for a long moment.

"You can't keep doing this to me," Edward murmured at last, "It's just not fair."

Jacob's eyes kept boring into his with that same single-minded intensity, but his head cocked ever so slightly. _Not fair?_

Edward drew in a shaky breath. _I have to be honest with him…_ For once, he knew, he'd have to be entirely upfront. It's the only way the man would understand. "You think I'm ruining your life… What do you think you're doing to mine? I used to be happy. Maybe things weren't perfect, but I could close my eyes and pretend they were- but you… you…"

Jacob stared at him impassively, reaching the emotionless state of mind that only came from having too many things to feel to feel anything at all.

"You bring everything that's wrong into sharp focus," Edward explained, his eyes moving uncomfortably between Jacob's gaze, the ground, and his own hands. "All I can see now is everything that's wrong with the life I'm living. _You're_ doing this to me. You may think you're the only one that's confused, but I am too. I'm supposed to always be in control, Jacob. I'm never supposed to slip, or make mistakes, or lose focus. But then you come along, and it's like that's all I can do. I used to be _happy_!" he repeated emphatically, feeling his throat begin to tighten. "I used to love Bella, and I used to-"

"Wait," Jacob interrupted, leaning forward. "Used to?"

"I _do_ ," Edward corrected quickly. "I love her."

"Liar." _There's a Freudian slip if I ever heard one._ There was a ghost of a smirk on the other man's face.

"I _do!_ " _I have to!_

Jacob merely reached out again and pulled him back into the hug. Edward considered pushing him away again, but he was just so damned _tired_. It was all he could do not to groan against the sensation of being burned inside out. "What do you want from me?" he muttered weakly, his forehead leaning on his shoulder.

Jacob's grip unconsciously tightened. "I've… I've been thinking. About this. About you. A lot." His words were stuttered and faltering, but Edward heard them and heard the sentiment resound in his mind. "I've been turning this all over, and having… thoughts and epiphanies and sudden… sudden…" He broke off with a mental shrug of frustration at the lack of words for it. "And… and among all this-I realized something." The dark-haired man leaned back and grasped Edward's upper arms, giving him a quick shake. "The wolf led me to you. The wolf showed me the way or opened the door or passed me the needle, however you want to look at it… But _I_ walked through the door. _I_ took the hit. Jacob-the-human wants this. I don't know why, but _I want this_."

He still sounded surprised, somehow.

"I- I-" Edward found he couldn't be coherent either. He leaned forward and let his forehead rest on Jacob's, his breath still rattling unevenly. "You… can't…"

"Why not?" Jacob's voice was ragged in his throat. " _Why not?_ "

"I only… felt it in your mind," the vampire was frantic to explain, grasping as the last vestiges of his reasons for resisting. "The mind says a lot of things it doesn't… doesn't exactly _mean_. The mind doesn't have the censor that the mouth does… and so… Some things-"

"Do you want to hear it?" Jacob interrupted.

Edward squinted at Jacob, but the man was still blurry from being way, way too close. "What?"

"Do you want to hear it?" Jacob repeated slowly. Instantly, the vampire realized what the other meant to say out loud.

"N- no." _Yes!_

"Yes you do."

"No, I don't…" _Please._

"Edward." Jacob's face tilted up until their lips just barely brushed, and Edward couldn't move. Couldn't think. Couldn't _breathe._ As Jacob spoke, their lips caught on one another, just like they had during their first kiss.

"Edward, I love you."

_"Kiss me, you're all I'm wanting_   
_Kill me, this feeling's haunting._   
_Your kiss is torture,_   
_But killing me would be too easy."_

_~"Kiss Me, Kill Me" by Mest_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the cliffhanger folks, but when this chapter started pushing 20,000 words, I decided to break it in half. Plus, it gave me an excuse to add another song to the soundtrack. x3 Anyway, I think this is the most emotional thing I've ever written, and I think/hope it turned out pretty well. Now our boys are finally on the same page-but it's hardly over. We've got five more chapters to go, and the next one will stay in Edward's point of view.
> 
> Hope you guys like it so far!


	12. Hate Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Original author's note kept for posterity._
> 
> Again, thanks everyone! (And to you, Dina: J'espere que cela traduise correctement… Merci! Je suis raiment heureux vous l'avez aime!) And good insight, Kats Flower Girl! Yes, that was part of what was bothering Paul. He was partially worried about Jacob, but there was also this thing that just said he should go with him.

Trembling, gasping for breath and rocked to his very core, Edward ran. The last time he had ever sprinted this freely was -- he flinched at the memory -- the morning of their first… first kiss. Gone, however, was that cocky grace. In it's place was the sort of running that bordered on staggering, and the vampire found branches hitting his face and arms like they never had before. If only he could _think_ as fast as he could run.

That damnable werewolf, that damnable Jacob, had made it so he barely had enough room in his mind to concentrate on his steps, and had replaced it with steady brown eyes and a warm voice saying… saying…

Edward noticed his foot catching on a fallen log before he even began to fall, but by then it was too late to correct the error. At the speed he was going, Edward shot straight forward and tumbled violently, like a man thrown through a car windshield, until he slammed back-first into a tree trunk. The formidable plant came down with a roaring crash and Edward lay panting in the splintered rubble near its base and listened to the crackle of every leaf settling to the ground. He blearily opened his eyes and saw a trench in the ground, likely dug out by the force of his body, leading straight to where he lay.

_I don't have time for this. Get up. Get up! You have to go pick up Bella, remember?_

_I don't want to see anyone right now!_

_But I promised her a night just for us._

_And I need that night._

Edward's blackened amber eyes snapped open. Yes, he needed that night. He needed to be with Bella -- as close and as soon as possible. No more time for mere dating. No more time for blurred and semi-permanent titles… He needed something which implied 'forever' in every little nuance.

Which meant marriage.

And Edward had the ring in his bedside table.

He could bury himself in her. Lose every little bit of himself, and get away from Jacob.

He had to stay away from Jacob. He needed his family, Jacob needed his pack, they both needed Bella -- which were all things they'd lose if they outed themselves. And plus, they were… incompatible on principle. Edward had to remind himself of this. And remind himself. And remind himself. And remind himself of it again.

He pushed himself to his feet, plucking remaining splinters from his shirt, and took up running again. He was probably already late to Bella's house, and he had to hurry. Still, nothing could stop him from the rapid-fire glances over his shoulder, even though he knew the other man was miles away and certainly not within eye-shot.

Vividly, he remembered his frantic words to Bella the day before: _For this one night, could we try to forget everything besides just you and me? It seems like I can never get enough time like that. I need to be with you. Just you._

They were more true now than they had ever been. He had to be holding Bella as soon as possible to keep himself from running back to the La Push border and throwing himself back into Jacob's arms.

_But I can't be thinking about that. I shouldn't be thinking about it. C'mon, Edward! Bella, Bella, Bella…_

He arrived at her house, just as Bella was climbing into her truck, and he slipped into the passenger seat. Her pace as she drove to the Cullen household was painfully slow, but it gave him a chance to focus on her as much as possible. Her face ( _soft and gentle),_ her eyes ( _so, so brown)_ , her scent ( _freesia and femininity)_ , her everything. _I love her. I have to._

As soon as the girl cut the engine, he was darting around the front of the car and hauling her door open. He pulled her out of the driver's seat and into a kiss as passionate as he could manage with the level of gentleness he had to apply. He crushed her body close to his in one arm and threw her overnight bag over his shoulder with the other.

 _Bella, Bella, Bella_.

With a quick dip of his left arm, he grabbed the back of her knees and pulled her into a cradle without breaking the kiss for a moment -- and then kicked the truck door shut with a bang. Slightly awkwardly but determined, Edward shuffled his grip around so that he held Bella with one arm and opened the door with the other. Swallowing hard and hoping the kiss didn't show his unsteadiness, he stepped over the threshold.

 _Bella, Bella, Bella_.

He felt her arms twining around his neck, always trying to haul him closer and gave a low, nervous chuckle, pulling back.

"Welcome home," he said at last, smiling softly.

"That sounds nice," she whispered back, her smile wide and genuine.

"I have something for you."

_Bella, Bella, Bella._

She cocked her head slightly, like a confused werewolf. Edward's silent chest tightened.

"Your hand-me-down, remember? You said that was… allowable," he pointed out, eyes already flicking towards the stairs and the charm he knew was still in the closet.

"Oh, that's right. I guess I did say that." She sounded reluctant.

Edward chuckled again, trying to force the unnerved sound out of his voice. For once, he was glad he was a vampire. Were he just a human, he was sure he'd never be able to hide all the physical cues of his distress. Vampires, however, could act as soulless as they were.

In the back of his mind, he remembered the afternoon where he and Jacob had traded life stories. He remembered when he had confessed that he didn't think he had a soul. _Don't be stupid,_ Jacob replied, not giving the idea so much as a second thought. _You have thoughts, don't you? Memories? Feelings? You need a soul for those things. It's what makes you alive._ No crying, no frantic denials and shaking heads… Just a man dismissing it like he dismissed blue grass or green sky.

Flinching at the thought, Edward forced a tight smile. "It's up in my room. Shall I go get it?"

"Sure," she replied, an odd sort of smile twitching at her lips as she twined their fingers together. "Let's go."

Noticing the change from 'I' to 'us', Edward quickly scooped her up into his arms and shot up the stairs, setting her down at the door and darting to the closet. He opened the doors. The cardboard box. The fuzzy box within. And then back to Bella, who walked past him and crawled onto the bed, curling up into a sullen ball.

Edward had no idea what to feel.

"Okay. Let me have it."

He laughed, hysteria bubbling at the edge. _I have to calm down. I have to do this whole night right. She'll be wearing a ring by sunrise -- she has to be!_

He climbed onto the bed beside her, reaching towards her with one hand and flipping the box open with the other. "A hand-me-down," he reminded her firmly, taking her wrist with one hand and clipping the diamond heart charm to the opposite side of the bracelet as the wolf.

The vampire let Bella's wrist go, and she pulled it back and examined the bracelet again -- and he heard her inhale a sharp gasp.

He shrugged, trying to ignore how the wolf charm had turned so it was looking at the diamond that spun on its dangle. "It was my mother's. I inherited quite a few baubles like this. I've given some to Esme and Alice both," he disclaimed, "So, clearly, this is not a big deal in any way."

She merely smiled.

"But I thought it was a good representation. It's hard and cold," he laughed a little, "and it throws rainbows in the sunlight."

As the little wooden carving continued staring directly at the heart, though, Edward's thoughts darkened. _And though it's multifaceted and complex, most people are too distracted by the sparkle and glam to care about the details._

 _Someone saw right through the glitter, though,_ Edward's mind mutinously pointed out, and he clenched his teeth.

"You forgot the most important similarity," she replied quietly, as dazzled by the gem as she was with him. _Like a wife should be, I suppose._ "It's beautiful."

He hid a grimace. "My heart is just as silent. And it, too, is yours." _It_ is _yours. It's yours. My heart… is yours. Not his, yours. Hers. My fiancee's, not my… lover's._

_Hers, damn it, HERS._

"Thank you. For both." Bella smiled up at him.

Edward's fingers shook, but he forced his mind to stay on topic. "No, thank _you_. It's a relief to have you accept a gift so easily. Good practice for you, too," he added, flashing a quick grin and thinking of his mother's ring.

The girl leaned into him and he put an arm around her, pulling her closer and re-memorizing the feel of her warm -- but not _too_ warm -- skin.

After a moment's silence, Bella spoke again. "Can we discuss something? I'd appreciate it if you could _begin_ by being open-minded."

Edward blinked, a bit wary. Now that he knew she was capable of mind games and pure ruthlessness, he was hesitant to agree to anything before hearing what it was. "I'll give it my best effort," he said quietly.

"I'm not breaking any rules here," she began. "This is strictly about you and me. So… I was impressed by how well we were able to compromise the other night. I was thinking I would like to apply the same principle to a different situation."

Her formality rose alarm bells in Edward's mind, but he was on alert now and was not to be fooled. Smiling with just a hint of confidence, he asked, "What would you like to negotiate?"

She fell silent again, but her heart beat so quickly it practically thrummed. Which meant she was both falling under his pheromone spell and thinking hard about something. He supposed the thinking about something was an improvement, though.

"Listen to your heart fly," he commented softly, feeling the vibrations of it in the fingers resting on her shoulder. "It's fluttering like a hummingbird's wings. Are you alright?"

"I'm great." Her reply was toneless.

"Please go on, then," he encouraged.

"Well, I guess, first, I wanted to talk to you about that whole ridiculous marriage condition thing."

 _You certainly aren't getting out of it, love._ "It's only ridiculous to you. What about it?"

"I was wondering… is _that_ open to negotiation?"

He frowned. What more did she want? "I've already made the largest concession by far and away," he pointed out, "I've agreed to take your life away against my better judgment. And that ought to entitle me to a few compromises on your part."

"No." She shook her head firmly, and his frown deepened. "That part's a done deal. We're not discussing my… renovations right now. I want to hammer out some other details."

Like that morning, he was reminded that she could, indeed, be almost spectacularly unfair.

"Which details do you mean exactly?"

She paused a moment. "Let's clarify your prerequisites first."

"You know what I want," he said flatly.

" _Matrimony._ " Her disgust and disapproval dripped from every syllable.

He smiled, determined. "Yes. To start with."

She blinked. And blinked again. "There's more?" She sounded almost incredulous.

"Well…" He was determined to drive this idea home and into her as firmly as the marriage. In this day of age, he needed someone by his side who was educated. "If you're my wife, then what's mine is yours… like tuition money. So there would be no problem with Dartmouth."

Her stare turned into a disapproving glare. "Anything else? While you're already being absurd?"

_You asked for us to negotiate. That's what I'd like._

"I wouldn't mind some _time_ ," he added.

"No. No time. That's a deal breaker right there."

Edward sighed. "Just a year or two?" _Please?_

 _To just give me time to_ think _-_

_Except what more do I need to think about? Nothing, that's what. Nothing that's important._

"Move along to the next one," she commanded, completely disregarding the request.

"That's it," he smiled slightly, determined to put that aside for the greater goal. "Unless you'd like to talk cars…"

She grimaced, and he felt a reluctant grin begin to touch his face. "I didn't realize there was anything else you wanted besides being transformed into a monster yourself. I'm extremely curious," he added, his edge slipping through the expressionless mask as he lightly toyed with her fingers. Bella stared at their hands and, as Edward watched her, her cheeks began to darken.

He raised a hand to one of those cheeks. "You're blushing? Please, Bella, the suspense is painful."

She bit her lip, still determined to tempt him with her secret. _Mind games and more mind games._

"Bella." His chastisement came through in her name and she clearly picked up on his disapproval and lack of appreciation.

"Well, I'm a little worried… about after," she admitted at last.

Edward tensed a bit, but forced himself to stay calm. "What has you worried?"

She continued staring at their intertwined hands. "All of you just seem _so_ convinced that the only thing I'm going to be interested in, afterward, is slaughtering everyone in town. And I'm afraid I'll be so preoccupied with the mayhem that I won't be _me_ anymore.. And that I won't… I won't _want_ you the same way I do now."

He squeezed her hand, knowing she needed reassurance. "Bella, that part doesn't last forever." _We will, though._

She, however, wasn't reassured. "Edward… There's something that I want to do before I'm not human anymore."

He waited for her to elaborate. She stayed silent.

"Whatever you want," he said encouragingly, when it seemed like she wasn't going to speak on her own.

"Do you promise?" she asked softly, and he leaned in closer, a bit confused but determined to deliver whatever she was worried about not having.

"Yes. Tell me what you want and you can have it."

She seemed to wince preemptively at what she was about to say. "You," she mumbled.

Edward blinked. Didn't she already have that? "I'm yours," he replied, trying to sound cheerful but unfortunately just feeling like he was lying.

_No. Bella, Bella, Bella._

He heard her draw a deep breath, and then her arms were around his neck and she was kissing him. Confused, but knowing this was probably a good direction for his cause, Edward kissed her back. There was still that hunger, that longing for blood that had half-heartedly morphed into what he had blindly labeled passion, and the kissing certainly wasn't _unpleasant_ … It was just… Bland.

It seemed like she sensed that his mind was elsewhere because at that moment, her hands left his shoulders and slid, trembling violently, to the collar of his shirt. He let her, knowing some girls liked holding onto the shirts of their partners, but that willingness wavered when she pulled the first button from its loop. The distinction between her and Jacob seemed particularly poignant then. He was confident and sexual, she was hesitant and pleading, he was driven and definitely wouldn't have taken 'no', she was begging for him not to say 'no' but would have dealt with it… And yet, there was enough of a similarity that Edward froze and pushed her away.

He couldn't deal with that. Not then. Blurring the line between _him_ and _her_ would have only made more trouble for himself. "Be reasonable, Bella," he criticized, glaring and keeping her at arm's distance.

"You promised -- whatever I wanted!" She sounded unhappy and slightly resentful.

"We're not having this… discussion," Edward shot back, hastily redoing the buttons she'd undone.

Her passive anger quickly reverted to active anger and her discontented look became a glare. "I say we are," she growled back at him, and turned her hands on her own blouse, ripping the top few buttons from their holes.

Edward quickly reached out and clamped her arms to her sides. It was rather easier, being with a human. "I say we're not."

They glared at one another.

"You wanted to know," she said, slightly tauntingly.

Sharp dislike prickled along Edward's skin, both for the attitude and for the suggested act. "I thought it would be something faintly realistic."

Her eyes narrowed. "So you can ask for any stupid, ridiculous thing _you_ want -- like getting _married --_ but _I'm_ not allowed to even _discuss_ what I-"

She was making too much sense for his battered mind, and he quickly reached out to cover her mouth. She trailed off and glowered hard.

"No," he said firmly.

He waited a moment for her to realize just why he had to say that, but he realized his effort had failed when her face fell, not with disappointment but with utter depression. He released her mouth, but put a hand on her chin and forced her to look at him. "What now?"

Her eyes slid away. "Nothing."

He stared at her a moment, taking in how she was almost teary, the slight shaking on her skin and her painfully pounding heart. His eyes widened at the realization. "Did I hurt your feelings?" He asked, rather startled.

 _Is she actually taking it personally that I won't have sex with her? But I told her! I told her it was dangerous! I'd be completely giving into the feral monster, and while Jacob can take a too-tight grip and some biting, Bella most certainly couldn't…_ The thought trailed off as he remembered how beaten up the man had been after their first night, even though he'd healed mere hours later.

"No," she said quickly, ashamedly.

Stifling a sigh, he pulled her into his lap, cradling her despondent form and lightly stroking her cheek. "You know why I have to say no. You know that I want you, too."

"Do you?" she whispered, blinking back half-formed tears.

Her mood swings were beginning to give him whiplash.

"Of course I do, you silly, beautiful, oversensitive girl." He laughed a bit, but his mood tipped downwards again. "Doesn't everyone? I feel like there's a line behind me, jockeying for position, waiting for me to make a big enough mistake… You're too desirable for your own good."

_All the boys at school want her, every vampire wants her, Jacob wants… Jacob… Well, perhaps not. But who could tell anymore? The man makes decisions like a see-saw._

"Who's being silly now?" She shot back, though not bitingly.

"Do I have to send a petition around to get you to believe?" He asked teasingly. "Shall I tell you whose names would be on the top of the list? You know a few of them, but some might surprise you."

She shook her head. "You're just trying to distract me. Let's get back to the subject." He sighed as she continued. "Tell me if I have anything wrong. Your demands are marriage, paying my tuition, more time, and you wouldn't mind if my vehicle went a little faster. Did I get everything? That's a hefty list."

He fought back a smile at her reluctance at everything a girl would love. "Only the first is a demand," he corrected. "The others are merely requests."

She ignored him. "And my lone, solitary little demand is-"

"Demand?" he interrupted challengingly.

She wasn't put off. "Yes, demand."

He didn't like the sound of having to have sex with her while she was still human, but he remained quiet as she continued.

"Getting married is a stretch for me. I'm not giving in unless I get something in return."

He shook her head and leaned closer, whispering in her ear and jacking up the pheromones another notch. "No," he murmured softly. "It's not possible now. Later, when you're less breakable. Be patient, Bella."

_Maybe, if I ever found the time or self-control, maybe we could try some of the in-between things, though…_

"But that's the problem. It won't be the _same_ when I'm less breakable. I won't be the same! I don't know _who_ I'll be then."

The werewolf mindset of vampires-are-no-longer-people must be getting to her. "You'll still be Bella," he pointed out.

She frowned and sharply met his gaze. "If I'm so far gone that I'd want to kill Charlie -- that I'd drink Jacob's blood or Angela's if I got the chance -- how can that be true?"

"It will pass. And I doubt you'll want to drink the dog's blood," he shivered at the memory of the taste of it dripping down his throat for multiple reasons. "Even as a newborn, you'll have better taste than that."

"But that will always be what I want most, won't it?" she protested. "Blood, blood, and more blood!"

"The fact that you are still alive is proof that that is not true."

"Over eighty years later," she replied darkly, and he stifled cynical surprise that she was aware of his age. "What I meant was _physically,_ though. Intellectually, I know I'll be able to be myself… after a while. But just purely physically -- I will always be thirsty, more than anything else."

Edward blinked, the pieces not quite coming together clearly. Physically, she also needed basic necessities _now_. As a vampire, that too was always what she wanted: basic necessities.

"So I _will_ be different. Because right now, physically, there's nothing I want more than you. More than food or water or oxygen. Intellectually," she said again, "I have my priorities in a slightly more sensible order. But physically…"

Once again, he felt the weight of permanent and pressing obligation settle back onto his shoulders, but he fought to ignore it as she raised his hand to her lips and kissed his palm. It seemed an odd gesture, but her point was made.

"Bella, I could kill you," he pointed out again, wishing she understood this.

"I don't think you could."

Edward's eyes narrowed and he pulled his hand from hers. _Why doesn't she understand how strong I am?_ He reached out behind him and snapped one of the metal flowers from the iron bedframe and held it out where she could see it. As soon as she absorbed the image, his fingers tightened around the object and he crumpled it into a ball in his fist. As she wanted, he opened his hand again to expose a lump of metal that quickly crumpled into chunky sand.

"That's not what I meant," she glared at him. "I already _know_ how strong you are. You didn't have to break the furniture."

"What _did_ you mean then?" he asked sharply, throwing the sand at the wall in frustration. She seemed to have this picture that sex was this gentle and emotional act with soft motions and quite words-but it wasn't. It was difficult. It was violent. It was pretty damned physically exerting. And she was expecting him to find that perfect window of exertion, where they would be able to complete the act _but_ also in a way where he wouldn't do heavy damage to her. Already, he was unable to think of where he would be able to hold her where nothing would break, let alone what kind of thrusts would bring her off without snapping the base of her spine.

"Obviously not that you aren't physically able to hurt me, if you wanted to…" she seemed to struggle to explain. "More that, you _don't_ want to hurt me… so much so that I don't think you ever could."

_That's what I'm trying to do -- not hurt you!_

He shook his head, frustrated. "It might not work like that, Bella."

She huffed. " _Might._ You have no more idea what you're talking about than I do."

"Exactly." He pounced on that. "Do you imagine I would ever take that kind of risk with you?" Whenever -- and that had been a 'when' not an 'if' -- he made mistakes with the werewolf, they were all easily fixable. All they had to do was wait for whatever injury occurred to heal, and it was fine. For Bella, however, he could do something that it would take her months to bounce back from, or even something she's never bounce back from at all.

She stared into his eyes for a long moment, seeming to lose hope from every moment she faced his resolution. "Please," she finally whispered, sounding utterly broken. "It's all I want. Please."

The vampire grimaced, torn. It was the one thing he really didn't want to give her. He would have taken just about any other offer, but not _this._

"Please?" She continued, the pleading becoming more rushed and desperate. "You don't have to make me any guarantees. If it doesn't work out right, well, then that's that. Just let us _try_ … only try. And I'll give you want you want. I'll marry you. I'll let you pay for Dartmouth, and I won't complain about the bribe to get me in. You can even buy me a fast car if that makes you happy! Just… _please._ "

Edward found his arms tightening unconsciously around her, to stop the begging if nothing else. What was he supposed to say? Yes? That would be absolutely terrifying. And impossible. "This is unbearable," he muttered. "So many things I've wanted to give you -- and _this_ is what you decide to demand. Do you have any idea how painful it is, trying to refuse you when you plead with me this way?"

_Even knowing what kind of person you've become, even though we're competing for the same man -- sort of -- I still hate to hurt you like that… But still… Hurt you now or hurt you later? What am I supposed to choose?_

_Which will do the least amount of damage?_

"Then don't refuse," she breathed hopefully. "Please."

"Bella…" He shook his head slowly, trying to think. What would it even be like, having sex with someone who wasn't _him_? Who was… female? And human, at that? Like every young man in his teens, he had done his fair amount of quite pawing, but certainly nothing like this. With those girls, there was nothing serious since none of them knew what the hell they were doing. With Jacob, he had no one to impress, so he could do anything he pleased. With Bella, however, he had to make it perfect and wonderful to keep up that image in her head -- no matter what she claimed. So he would not only have to avoid injuring her, he would have to also make it the best sex she ever had with little to no experience.

His thoughts, though, were put on hold when she suddenly pulled him closer and kissed him again. His first impulse was to push away, but his second impulse was… _why?_

He knew she thought she had won the argument, and so this was how she would be kissing him before their first time. She seemed both desperate and determined, like someone who knew they were going to die but wanted to make the best of it to make it mean something. Like a starving dog who had a bone in sight and could have it, if only he could figure out how.

Like a girl who wanted sex so bad she could taste it, but knew that it was ultimately his decision.

Edward's curiosity kept him holding on, though, one hand cupping her cheek and the other holding her waist against his. At some point, they had risen to their knees and she had begun shivering. He felt her fingers shaking once more as she undid his shirt, but this time, he let her.

He was morbidly curious, in a way. Like this was some sort of test-run. A trailer to a movie. And her tracing of his chest and abs were almost reverent, like Jacob's had been their second… time…

 _Just let me touch you again,_ Jacob had whispered desperately, breathing down Edward's throat and in turn, inhaling the vampire's sharply sweet scent. He remembered the man deliberately undoing the buttons one by one, rather than simply tearing them away like he had before. He remembered his shirt being pushed gently off his shoulders and then being slowly laid back on top of the spread cloth. He remembered Jacob's lips trailing down his neck and collarbone, his chest, stomach, down to the trail of light hair that disappeared below the waistband of his slacks. In that moment, it had been slow, it had been intimate, it had been…

_Loving._

In a moment, Edward had Bella flat on her back on the bed, his hands binding her wrists and his body hovering carefully over hers. Half of him was screaming for that loving sensation again, frantically wishing to find it in the human girl, but the other half was shouting at him to stop. That it was wrong. That it was dangerous. That she wasn't _him_.

He also noticed that her shirt had become half-open at some point. "Bella," he said quietly, rapidly pulling himself together and schooling his features. "Would you _please_ stop trying to take your clothes off?"

_Remember: marriage is the goal. Not sex, marriage._

Bella seemed confused by the question. "Do you want to do that part?"

"Not tonight," he answered honestly. He slowly bent down and kissed her cheek, carefully keeping himself away from the wild urgency of the moment before.

"Edward, don't-" she began, but he didn't want to hear it. He needed a night to think about the deal.

"I'm not saying no," he interrupted. "I'm just saying _not tonight._ " _Please._

"Give me one good reason why tonight is not as good as any other night," she demanded, her frustration obvious despite her breathlessness.

He forced a small laugh. "I wasn't born yesterday. Out of the two of us, which do you think is more unwilling to give the other what they want? You just promised to marry me before you do any changing but if I give in tonight, what guarantee do I have that you won't go running off to Carlisle in the morning? I am-clearly-much less reluctant to give you want you want. Therefore… you first."

It was an immature argument at best and a lie at worst, and though Edward wasn't quite sure which it was, it worked for the moment. The truth was… he was scared. He was scared and confused and horribly uncertain, and Jacob's words continued to play on loop in half his mind while a sharp image of his mother's ring was imprinted on the other.

"I have to marry you first?" She asked with a huff.

"That's the deal-take it or leave it. Compromise, remember?"

She was quite for two beats too long, so he pulled her into another long and passionate kiss. There was only one way to keep this working and that was to keep that spark alive. To keep the chemical attraction flowing constantly. She had to be completely under his influence, and he had to be completely devoted to her for that marriage to last. And it _had_ to last.

"I think that's a really bad idea," she gasped quickly, pulling back for air after a long moment.

He smirked slightly, knowing her not-immediate denial said he had a chance. "I'm not surprised you feel that way. You have a one-track mind."

She sighed, grumbling. "How did this happen? I thought I was holding my own tonight- for once- and now, all of a sudden-"

"You're engaged," he finished with a smile.

She shuddered. "Ew! _Please_ don't say that out loud."

He pulled back and met her gaze, still a bit frustrated with her constant disgust of the concept. "Are you going to go back on your word?"

She glared at him.

"Are you?" he pressed.

"Ugh!" She all but threw up her hands. "No. I'm not. Are you happy now?"

He grinned. He had an agreement. A real, solid agreement! "Exceptionally."

She groaned again, and his hopefully dipped a little. "Aren't you happy at all?"

Another lack of an immediate answer had him lunging for another long kiss, which she completely acquiesced to.

"A little bit," she said quietly when they broke apart again. "But not about getting married."

Edward gave her another quick peck. "Do you get the feeling that everything is backwards?" he asked suddenly, his amusement slowly soothing over the violent wound of the conversation with Jacob. "Traditionally, shouldn't you be arguing my side, and I yours?"

"There isn't much that's traditional about you and me."

 _Au contraire, my dear… But she can't be knowing that._ "True."

He leaned forward again, this time leading a trail of kisses from her mouth to her forearm, tasting every inch of flushed skin along the way and making her heart and breathing stutter and falter.

"Look, Edward," she interrupted, and he paused at the palm of her hand. "I said I would marry you, and I will. I promise. I swear. If you want, I'll sign a contract in my own blood."

 _Sigh._ "Not funny," he murmured against her wrist.

"What I'm saying is this-" she ignored his comment. "I'm not going to trick your or anything. You know me better than that. So there's really no reason to wait. We're completely alone-how often does that happen?-and you've provided this large and comfortable bed…"

"Not tonight." While his opinion of the sex issue was wavering, he was firm on that. The conversation that evening plus his first time with Bella would probably make him explode. There was only so much emotional upheaval a person could take, after all.

"Don't you trust me?" she wheedled.

"Of course I do," he answered casually. _Hopefully not too casually._

Bella wasn't convinced, however. "Then what's the problem? It's not like you didn't know you were going to win in the end."

"Just hedging my bets."

He felt her slightly stiffen with a realization. "There's something else," she sounded suspicious. "Are _you_ planning to go back on your word?"

"No. I swear to you, we _will_ try." _Oh, God… I don't want to._ "After you marry me."

Her short laugh was humorless. "You make me feel like a villain in a melodrama-twirling my mustache while I try to steal some poor girl's virtue."

Edward briefly glanced up to search her face, wondering warily what she might have guessed, but he found nothing and ducked back down to kiss her collarbone. If she wasn't falling for the other one, he needed a better excuse. He just wasn't sure what that was yet…

Luckily enough, she provided one. "That's it, isn't it?" She gave another short laugh, though this one rang with mocking rather than depression. "You're trying to protect your virtue!" She giggled again, and even though it was a lie, the concept still stung a little.

What if he _was_ trying to protect his virtue? What right did she have to laugh at that?

"No, you silly girl," he retorted. "I'm trying to protect _yours._ And you're making it shockingly difficult."

"Of all the ridiculous-"

"Let me ask you something," Edward quickly interrupted. "We've had this discussion before, but humor me. How many people in this room have a soul? A shot at heaven, or whatever there is after this life?"

"Two." It was one of the rare times where Bella spoke firmly.

"Alright. Maybe that's true. Now, there's a world full of dissension about this, but the vast majority seem to think that there are some rules that have to be followed." _Namely, no sex before marriage. The perfect excuse. We don't have to have sex until we're completely dedicated._

Though…

_Men don't count, do they?_

Edward gave a quick shake of his head, too quick for Bella to see it. _No, of course not. There's no real commitment to be had there, anyway._

"Vampire rules aren't enough for you? You want to worry about the human ones too?" Bella protested, mouth twisted into a frustrated frown.

"It couldn't hurt." He shrugged, "Just in case."

She glared.

Still rather resigned, Edward continued, "Now, of course, it might be too late for me, even if you are right about my soul."

"No, it isn't!"

"'Thou shalt not kill' _is_ commonly accepted by most major belief systems. And I've killed a lot of people, Bella." _A_ lot _of people, Bella._

Edward had never bothered counting as a newborn vampire, since he had hardly had that level of consciousness. And though he had a vague idea of how many murders he committed -- most justly deserved, but still murders nonetheless -- he had eventually lost count. It was a time where he was still absolutely broiling in self-hatred, a feeling that he still had trouble shaking, and he used to think it was important how many he had killed.

At this point, however, Edward just couldn't be bothered. It was a lot, was all that mattered.

"Only the bad ones."

_I think she forgot I used to be a newborn before I was as I am._

Through slightly twitchy -- déjà vu from the day before -- Edward decided to ignore that point and move on. "Maybe that counts, maybe it doesn't. But you haven't killed anyone-"

"That you know about," she muttered sullenly, hunching slightly.

"-And I'm going to do my best to keep you out of temptation's way."

"Okay. But we weren't fighting over committing murder."

"The same principle applies -- the only difference is that this is the one area in which I'm just as spotless as you are." _Sort of. I think._ "Can't I leave one rule unbroken?"

She stared at him flatly. "One?"

Edward grinned. "You know that I've stolen, I've lied, I've coveted… my virtue is all I have left."

"I lie all the time." _And seduce, and manipulate, and-_

"Yes," Edward cut in on his own thoughts. "But you're such a bad liar that it doesn't really count. Nobody believes you."

"I really hope you're wrong about that, because otherwise Charlie is about to burst through the door with a loaded gun."

Edward smiled derisively, his opinion of the man no higher than it had been when they'd first met. "Charlie is happier when he pretends to swallow your stories." _Who wants to think they're an incompetent father?_ "He'd rather lie to himself than look too closely."

"But what did you ever covet? You have everything," she pointed out skeptically.

"I coveted you." Edward felt the corners of his lips twitch. "I had no right to want you -- but I reached out and took you anyway. And now look at what's become of you! Trying to seduce a vampire." He shook his head, pretending to be ashamed.

"You can't covet what's already yours," she smiled back. "Besides, I thought it was _my_ virtue you were worried about."

"It is. If it's too late for me… Well, I'll be damned -- no pun intended -- if I'll let them keep you out, too."

Edward already had a mental image of the afterlife, when he finally got unbearably bored of life and killed himself, or got into a lethal fight with another vampire. In heaven, he would find Bella perfect and clean. In hell, he would find Jacob… being Jacob. And being gay -- one mustn't forget that.

And when that time came, he would make the same choice again.

"You can't make me go somewhere you won't be," Bella stood up straighter, like it was a declaration. "That's my definition of hell. Anyway, I have an easy solution to all this: let's never die, alright?"

He smiled again. "Sounds simple enough. Why didn't I think of that?"

Bella hmphed, her conviction gone again. "So that's it. You won't sleep with me until we're _married._ "

 _Exactly._ "Technically, I can't ever _sleep_ with you," he pointed out, the beginnings of a lewd look twitching to show themselves on his face.

_Too much time around a werewolf._

She rolled her eyes. "Very mature, Edward."

"But, other than that detail, yes, you've got it right," he conceded.

The girl narrowed her eyes. "I think you have an ulterior motive."

Edward scrambled for an innocent expression. "Another one?" he asked sweetly.

"You know this speed things up," she accused.

_Whew._

He couldn't help but smile slightly in relief. "There is only one thing I want to speed up, and the rest can wait forever… but for that, it's true, your impatient human hormones are my most powerful ally at this point."

"I can't believe I'm going along with this." Bella's shoulders sagged.h "When I think of Charlie… and Renee! Can you imagine what Angela will think? Or Jessica? Ugh, I can hear the gossip now…"

Edward raised a brow. It had been almost a month since she'd been openly shallow -- she usually kept it covered up. Still, he knew what he was getting into, and it was no time to start focusing on the imperfections.

_You mean like the way you've been doing since-_

And there were plenty of good things to counteract the bad. She was usually quiet, pretty obedient, completely and unquestionably devoted to him, and rather nice-looking. Perhaps not holding the raw sexuality of some humans- _and werewolves, don't forget the w_ \- that he'd met… but still pretty.

Bella continued to twitch and fret and give tiny sighs until Edward finally interrupted. "It doesn't have to be a big production. I don't need any fanfare. You won't have to tell anyone or make any changes." He quickly thought up an idea. "We'll go to Vegas -- you can wear old jeans and we'll go to chapel with the drive-through window. I just want it to be official-that you belong to me and _no one else._ "

 _And that_ I _belong to no one else._

"It couldn't be any more official than it already is," she grumbled, fingers tapping impatiently and unhappily on her leg.

"We'll see about that."

And finally… his moment. The moment that she was probably as ready as she could be-softened with pheromones and good reasoning, and moved by her own love by him. The moment where he could finally move to get that ring on her. "I suppose you don't want your ring now?" he asked carefully.

_Casual suggestion._

She swallowed hard. "You suppose correctly."

Edward gave a light laugh. "That's fine. I'll get it on your finger soon enough."

_Clear inevitability._

"You talk like you already have one." She glared critically, but Edward was unafraid.

"I do. Ready to force upon you at the first sign of weakness."

_Humorous brush-away of the truth._

"You're unbelievable."

"Do you want to see it?" Edward asked, his excitement picking up with the likelihood of her taking it.

She immediately sat up, like she had during her conviction. "No!" The utter revulsion in her eyes sliced right into the vampire and he sagged slightly. _That was… a little harsh._

Probably noticing his suddenly dampened spirit, she conceded, "Unless you really want to show it to me."

He forced a shrug, his confidence rattled slightly. "That's alright. It can wait."

_After all, it's not the ring that counts, it's the dedication… the agreement. She agreed officially tonight already. But still…_

"Show me the damn ring, Edward," she sighed.

 _Stick to the plan,_ he told himself, trying to push the sudden faltering aside _. There is some special meaning to the ring, even if I'm not sure what it is yet._

_Alright… so… Withholding a prize._

"No," he said simply.

Bella blinked at him for a moment before leaning forward and brushing his cheek, her eyes soft and warm. "Please? Please, can I see it?"

Startled slightly, Edward leaned back. "You are the most dangerous creature I've ever met," he muttered, but moved to kneel beside the beside table and rifle through the drawer. In the back, behind his personal copy of the Bible and a few other trinkets and baubles, was the velvet box. He pulled it out and slid back to his seat next to her, putting an arm around her shoulder and setting the box on her knee. "Go ahead and look, then."

After a long pause, she reached out and gently lifted the box, her fingers shaking slightly. "You didn't spend a _lot_ of money, did you?" she asked nervously. "Lie to me, if you did."

"I didn't spend anything," Edward answered honestly, "It's just another hand-me-down. This is the ring my father gave to my mother."

"Oh." She toyed with the lid, not quite lifting it up, but looking like she might.

"I suppose it's a little outdated," the vampire added quickly, trying to keep the awkward silence at bay. "Old-fashioned, just like me. I can get you something more modern. Something from Tiffany's?" _Maybe it would seem less threatening if it was recognizable._

"I like old-fashioned things."

She carefully lifted the lid and there, nestled in fluff, was the object of Edward's earlier terror. An object of enduring and irreversible commitment. A clear stone that sparkled prettily and trapped effectively.

An object that meant an end to the… the feeling he got with Jacob. The dirty passion, the flame that flared from utter _wrongness_ , the look in the other man's brown eyes every time they slowed down enough to actually look at one another, the violent and dangerous love-affair that was going nowhere fast but still contaminated every bit of Edward's life. The sort of thing that made his chest tighten and his fingers vibrate. It was filthy and reckless and so forbidden, they were insane for even trying.

 _And an end to that is a good thing,_ Edward reminded himself.

Meanwhile, Bella stroked the diamond-encircled oval with a finger and staring at it. "It's so _pretty._ "

"Do you like it?" Edward asked.

"It's beautiful. What's not to like?"

_And then the final step to convincing someone to do something:_

"See if it fits," he suggested with a casual chuckle.

Bella's fist clenched, and Edward quickly changed his tone to show how silly he thought her actions were. "Bella, I'm not going to solder it to your finger. Just try it on so I can see if it needs to be sized. Then you can take it off."

"Fine," she muttered and moved to pick up the ring. Edward was faster, though, and picked up both the ring and her hand. And even though he was strong and sure and absolutely positive that he was making the right choice, his fingers still vibrated a bit. Hopefully beyond her notice, but he was still embarrassed for himself.

_I'm actually getting engaged -- be happy! Engaged, of all things! To Bella Swan. It's perfect._

He slid it onto her finger and held it out to admire. The stone sparkled slightly, clicking the last shackle around them both.

 _Perfect! Everything is as it should be._ "A perfect fit," he murmured to himself, an odd emotion crawling up his throat and making him have to think about breathing. "That's nice-saves me a trip to the jeweler's."

Bella studied him skeptically. "You like that, don't you?"

Edward shrugged uncomfortably, wondering why a smooth and flawless answer wasn't rolling from his mind onto his tongue like it usually did. "Sure," he choked slightly. "It looks very nice on you."

 _I used to be happy!_ He could hear his own protesting from that evening echo back in his mind. _I used to love Bella, I used to-_

 _Wait. Used to?_ Jacob's quiet but ruthless interruption.

 _I_ do _. I love her._

_Liar._

Edward met Bella's gaze, aware of the odd expression he must be wearing but having no idea what it meant. He forced to keep a straight face as she searched his eyes for something.

 _Do you want to hear it?_ Jacob again.

_N-no._

_Yes you do._

_No, I don't-_

_Edward-_

No, he'd managed to keep that memory away all night! And he wasn't going to think of it now. He wasn't going to dream about things like that, he wasn't going to, he wasn't, he wasn't-

_Edward, I love you._

Edward lurched forward, grabbing Bella, hauling her forward and meeting her lips roughly. She complied immediately, her arms winding around his neck as he pressed forward, inhaling her gentle scent and feeling her warmth -- _not warm enough, not warm at all._

Remembering her other comment, Edward pulled back slightly, his voice and head rattling for some reason. "Yes, I like it. You have _no_ idea."

She laughed, catching her breath like him -- but hers was from lust and he's was from… something. "I believe you," she said brightly, cheeks flushed slightly. Er, prettily.

"Do you mind if I do something?" Edward asked, hugging her a bit closer. There was one final thing he could do, besides sex, to finally drive the inevitability into himself. As odd as it sounded, he had to convince himself that this was the right thing to do.

And it was -- he just had to convince the other parts of his mind that it was.

"Anything you want," she agreed, but her expression slid into a pout when he moved away. "Anything but that."

He stood up, taking her hand and pulling her to her feet as well. He stared at her seriously until she returned the expression, and then began. "Now, I want to do this right. Please, _please_ , keep in mind that you've already agreed to this, and don't ruin it for me."

She realized what he wanted to do immediately. "Oh, no…"

"Be nice," he muttered before putting his small smile back on and dropping to one knee. _Do this right, do this right, do this right…_

"Isabella Swan?" He met and held her gaze, forcing every bit of emotion he had for her into that look. "I promise to love you forever -- every single day of forever. Will you marry me?"

She swallowed hard again, but she also smiled, which gave him hope for their future. "Yes."

"Thank you." He kissed her hand, the ring, her wrist and then her lips. She returned the soft kiss before pulling away and smiling again.

Edward smiled back. _She agreed! She really agreed!_

That strange, choking feeling stayed with him though, even as they laid back on the bed and Bella began to nod off. They didn't talk much as she slowly slid into sleep, and Edward held her close, but still twitched occasionally.

A soft murmur of _wrong, wrong, wrong_ had started to come back.

As soon as she fell asleep, Edward was on his feet and leaving the room. Silently, he crept down the steps to the first floor and went outside to their back porch. The night was crisp and clean, and the forest looked pleasantly dark, but nothing was getting rid of that feeling. All the vampire could feel was uncomfortable and alone.

_I loved Bella. I loved her… What's wrong now? What changed?_

_Jacob did,_ was the answer that immediately flew to the vampire's mind. Jacob gave an alternative definition of love, however dangerous and unhealthy it was. And it was more than just a crazed sexual attraction, it had turned into loving devotion and a determination to save Edward. And that, quite frankly, scared him more than the attraction had.

What made it even worse was that, even though he had finally gotten an official 'yes' from Bella about the marriage, he didn't feel any more attached to her than he had been before. He hadn't prevented or even slowed thoughts of Jacob. In fact, he could now easily think about the other man without flinching, without fear. _It almost seems… normal, to think that highly of him. For him to be an important part of me._

And there on the porch, hands clasping his upper arms, hugging himself and staring down at the grainy wood he stood on, Edward came to a sinking realization.

He hadn't stopped his problem. He hadn't remotely done anything. With a note of despair, Edward realized that all he had done was slide the knot of his noose around so that rather snapping his neck, the rope would only slowly strangle him to death.

He was well and truly fucked.

_"I had to block out thoughts of you, so I don't lose my head._   
_They crawl in like a cockroach, leaving babies in my head…_   
_There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain._   
_An ounce of peace is all I want from you, will you never call again?_   
_And will you never say that you love me, just to put it in my face?_   
_And will you never try to reach me?_   
_It was I that wanted this…"_

_~"Hate Me" by Blue October_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was another song that I had a hard time picking a section of… The whole thing fits pretty well. But I narrowed it down to this part or the "I'll drive so fucking far away…" verse, and chose this.
> 
> This chapter was rather difficult since, as it often is with Bella/Edward conversations, the words were pretty stiff and forced. I had trouble trying to soften it into a conversation where they couldn't unconsciously read each other's mind. (A common mistake for an author-I used to do it all the time, too.) I liked how the end turned out, though. The expression Edward had after he put the ring on Bella was just too strange for me to keep from twisting it around to my own version of canon. Which, I'd just like to point out, hasn't been conclusively disproven thus far in the book.
> 
> Anyway, sorry for the delay on this one. I had every intention of posting it Sunday night, but then I got caught up at a party that I went to and… well… we kinda forgot to stop partying and it went for about twelve hours, which made me completely crash for all of Monday. But anyway, I finished it this morning and brushed it up, and posted.
> 
> Hope you guys like it so far! It'll be Jacob's POV next… Just in time for the infamous tent scene (which I'll discuss in the next A/N).


	13. Heavenly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Tired of 100k words of gut-wrenching angst? Here is my attempt at fluff! Which is... Well, it's not exactly cotton candy fluff, but it's… dark mousse fluff._
> 
> _Original author's note kept for posterity._
> 
> Thanks for all the nice reviews so far, guys! Also… wow, this chapter went really fast. x3 It's a little under 14,000 words, and I wrote it in two days-that's how excited about this chapter I was. x3 It's here that we come to both my favorite and my least favorite part: the tent scene. Based on Meyer's canon, it makes no sense at all. And I don't mean a little nonsensical… I mean, what-the-hell? kind of nonsensical. What's with the deep heart-to-heart guys? The gentle teasing? The complete break in character? Well, there was so many holes in it, I just couldn't help but stuff it full of… well… as ashamed as I am to admit it: fluff.
> 
> Well, it's not exactly cotton candy fluff, but it's… dark mousse fluff. ANYWAY, we're almost to our end… Jacob's POV, by the way.

Jacob was ecstatic. Jacob was terrified. Jacob was running that night through piece by piece in his mind, his heart pounding and his breath racing.

He snickered a bit hysterically at the mental picture he was reviewing: the look in Edward's eyes just before he ran… and it was that look that he loved.

It was because of that look that Jacob wasn't worried that the other man ran. That light that flashed in his gaze just before he bolted was the type of expression that was difficult to nail down, but everyone saw it now and then. It was what told a person that who they were talking to agreed before they even opened their mouth. That… that… light. That simple sparkle.

And it told Jacob that he succeeded. He had more than just gotten under the vampire's skin, he had driven down deep, to a place where he stood at least vaguely close to Bella's level. He could compete with her now.

_But speaking of Bella…_

What had happened there? Jacob still didn't know. It was like the vampire had completely eclipsed her with his inexplicable and undying passion. How even when he was falling into Jacob's arms, he was still fighting. He was rough and mean and _real_ and Jacob could both read him like a book and comprehend nothing of him at all. And even though Edward could read his mind, he too, couldn't understand a thing. God, they were perfect together. Dangerous and reckless and broken and perfect.

They were perfect and terrible for each other. They could be the best thing for each other, and they could also be a total disaster… But what was wrong with that? Jacob's heart pounded just as hard during huge storms, fire and floods as they did during sex.

It was a thrill. A pure, unadulterated thrill.

And he would be seeing Edward all too soon enough! And even better than that…

_I can't believe I actually confessed!_ Jacob felt a girlish giggle rise in his throat before he could stop it and felt like an utter fool, but he loved the feeling anyway.

_I confessed! I said it! Openly, out loud, to him, to myself…_

He clenched his fists. _I love Edward!_

… _I'm insane._

Another semi-hysterical laugh. _But… happy._

x X x _  
_

Another good thing for him was that, now that he had transformed again, the burning compulsion and lack of control had settled a bit. He had a clearer head, but his feelings for Edward hadn't damped a bit. It was because of that that he decided to meet Edward -- and Bella -- as a human.

He heard them talking quietly before he even reached the clearing where the battle was supposed to be. He stepped between the trees and into the clearing just as Edward gestured in his direction with an emotionless "Right here."

Jacob crossed his arms, the jacket he had brought with him to stifle the extra cold hanging from one fist. Edward's expression twitched towards a frown, but Jacob wasn't put off by it. He was too busy putting every bit of effort into trying to keep his heart from leaping out of his throat, like it was trying to, to analyze Edward's current issue.

"There had to have been a better way to do this," Edward muttered, eyes jerking like he wanted to look away.

"Too late now," Bella grumbled, the pout in her tone evident.

"Hey, Jake," she forced cheerfulness when Jacob got closer.

"Hi, Bella," Jacob greeted back, gaze skipping to the dark-haired girl for a moment.

"Hello, Jacob."

Jacob's eyes flashed to the vampire's. _Hello, Edward._ "Where do I take her?" he asked out loud.

Edward reached for the backpack slung over his shoulder and pulled a folded up map from one of the side pockets. He held it out to Jacob, who took it and flipped it open. It was one of the hiking maps of the mountain range, with dotted lines crisscrossing through forests, around the multiple lakes, and up and down different peaks. Vaguely, Jacob wondered if Edward would ever want to go hiking with him.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the other man jerk slightly before reaching forward. "We're here now," he said quietly, touching the point on the map, right next to where Jacob's thumb was holding the paper flat. Dry ice touched burning metal and both men jolted back slightly at the shock that never seemed to fade no matter how many times it happened.

"And you're taking her here," Edward continued quickly, tracing one of the dotted lines to a cliff-side Jacob recognized. "Roughly nine miles."

Jacob nodded, trying to catch Edward's gaze, but Edward kept his eyes on the map.

"When you're about a mile away, you should cross my path. That will lead you in. Do you need the map?"

"No, thanks. I know this area pretty well. I think I know where I'm going." Jacob knew his voice was sounding forced and swallowed hard, his heart still rattling in his chest. It was making breathing difficult, and based on Edward mirroring the look, he was having a similar problem.

"I'll take a longer route. And I'll see you in a few hours," Edward murmured, taking the map back and folding it back up. Jacob nodded silently again, and Edward vanished through the trees.

_I love him._

And despite all the craziness, the werewolf felt his mood tip upwards. "What's up, Bella?" he asked, grinning. For once, they felt like friends again. Like he could joke with her and tease her, but it was alright -- and she seemed alright with it, too.

She rolled her eyes with a smile. "Same old, same old."

"Yeah. Bunch of vampires trying to kill you. The usual."

"The usual."

He shrugged, still cheerful, and put on the jacket to free up his arms. "Well. Let's get going."

With one quick motion, he bent and swept her into his arms princess-style, chuckling at her muttered "Jerk." _She never seems happy, no matter what I do._

_At least Edward smiles in front of me now and then._

He started off with a quick jog along the path Edward had traced, careful to avoid branches hanging in the way and sinkholes. Bella looked around for a while before turning to him. "you don't have to run. You'll get tired."

Jacob grinned. "Running doesn't make me tired." In fact, it wasn't even making him sweat. "Besides, it will be colder soon. I hope he gets the camp set up before we get there."

Bella lightly tapped his jacket and her hand lingered on his shoulder. "I thought you didn't get cold now."

Jacob shrugged with one shoulder to keep from dropping her. "I don't. I brought this for you, just in case you weren't prepared." He frowned slightly, glancing around at their surroundings as he ran. "I don't like the way the weather feels. It's making me edgy. Notice how we haven't seen any animals?"

She blinked. "Um, not really."

The corner of the werewolf's mouth quirked upwards. "I guess you wouldn't. Your senses are too dull."

"Alice was worried about the storm, too."

"It takes a lot to silence the forest this way. You picked a hell of a night for a camping trip." _Thunderstorm or snow, I wonder? Either way, I'm going to have to clear my mind again… I'll need fur._

"It wasn't entirely my idea," she muttered, but he let it pass. He was too busy studying the new charm on the bracelet that he'd given her. It was a little diamond heart with about a hundred different facets, and it jiggled and sparkled on the dangle with every leap that Jacob made up the rocky path. Jacob squinted at it. It was probably one of the most complex-cut stones he had ever seen. Definitely a diamond. Probably worth quite the pretty penny… And definitely from Edward.

"What's with the addition to your bracelet?" he asked casually.

Bella glanced down at her wrist and shrugged halfheartedly. "Another graduation present."

"A rock. Figures." Jacob snorted, but he couldn't help turning the thought over and around in his mind. It had to have been last night, since he'd seen her earlier and she didn't have it. So… why did Edward give her a present on the day that Jacob had… confessed?

_Which is not to say he's not allowed to give her presents, it just seems odd, since I thought he would be thinking about us rather than her, but I guess that's okay since they're officially dating and I'm just sort of on the side, and being on the side isn't that bad it's just a little uncomfortable, but I don't really mind, except for-_

Jacob cut off his own rambling thoughts. "So it's been a while since you came down to La Push," he commented, jealousy creeping in on the edges of his tone.

"I've been busy," she said flatly. "And… I probably wouldn't have visited, anyway."

He grimaced. _I guess I'm not done paying for that move yet._ "I thought you were supposed to be the forgiving one, and I was the grudge-holder."

Bella was silent.

"Been thinking about that last time a lot, have you?" he asked teasingly, and for once, it felt like that -- just teasing. Not pressuring her into anything she didn't want.

"Nope."

He laughed. "Either you're lying, or you are the most stubborn person alive." _I know you kissed me back -- you aren't fooling anyone, Bells._

She huffed. "I don't know about the second part, but I'm not lying," she grumbled back, twitching in his arms, like she wanted to move away.

"A smart person looks at all sides of a decision," Jacob pointed out, half to her and half to himself. And he had. It's just that he considered the risks and the cost to be quite worth the prize.

"I have."

"If you haven't thought at all about our… er, conversation the last time you came over, then that's not true."

"That _conversation_ isn't relevant to my decision."

"Some people will go to any lengths to delude themselves." He didn't really know why he was pushing this. At that point, whether she chose him or Edward was irrelevant. He just… wanted her to open her eyes to whatever connection they had, however strange it was. To not just keep brushing it off as him being a sexual predator and her being… her.

"I've noticed that werewolves in particular are prone to that mistake -- do you think it's a genetic thing?" she asked sarcastically.

"Does that mean that he's a better kisser than I am?" he asked, still semi-teasing. He _was_ curious about what she thought, though.

"I really couldn't say, Jake. Edward is the only person I've ever kissed."

Jacob raised a brow. "Besides me."

She snorted. "But I don't count that as a kiss, Jacob. I think of it more as an assault."

Jacob grinned despite himself. "Ouch! That's cold."

Bella shrugged silently, refusing to so much as acknowledge his humor at the situation -- however inappropriate it may have been. _But it's still funny in that I-can't-believe-I-did-that sort of way…_

"I did apologize for that," he commented.

"And I forgave you… mostly. It doesn't change the way I remember it."

"Forgave me… right," he muttered. There was only so long he could he could remain happy around such a killjoy.

Still, her choice of partners still kind of disturbed him. What the hell was a vampire and a human doing together? He might as well be dating a cow because he liked hamburgers. It was just awkward. And to think that the First Love was the One True Love…? It was just… well.

"I still think it's pretty irresponsible," Jacob said quietly.

Bella continued looking off into the distance. "Whatever you're talking about, you're wrong."

Jacob sighed. _How can I put this in a way that she'll understand?_ "Think about it, Bella. According to you, you've kissed just one person -- who isn't really a person -- in your whole life, and you're calling it quits? How do you know that's what you want? Shouldn't your play the field a little?" _I mean, my first ice cream was pretty damned good, but I still poked around at other flavors._

_Though that's probably a bad example, since I still decided the first one was my favorite…_

"I know exactly what I want," she said coldly.

"Then it couldn't hurt to double check," he replied, trying to bring the lightness back to the conversation. "Maybe you should try kissing someone else -- just for comparison's sake." _Mike, maybe? The boy worships the very ground you walk on._ "Since what happened the other day doesn't count." He grinned down at her sullen face. "You could kiss _me_ , for example. I don't mind if you want to use me to experiment."

Still smiling teasingly, he gave her a quick hug, but she took it seriously and tried to twist away in his arms. "Don't mess with me, Jake. I swear I won't stop him if he wants to break your jaw." She sounded a bit panicked, and Jacob's amusement took the sting from the words.

"If you _ask_ me to kiss you, he won't have any reason to get upset. He said that was fine," Jacob commented, laughter bubbling on the edges of his voice.

"Don't hold your breath, Jake- no, wait, I change my mind. Go right ahead. Just hold your breath until I ask you to kiss me."

The werewolf shook his head, a bit exasperated. "You're in a bad mood today."

"I wonder why?"

He snorted. "Sometimes I think you like me better as a wolf."

She narrowed her eyes up at him. "Sometimes I do. It probably has something to do with the way you _can't talk._ "

The man put on a mock-thoughtful expression. "No, I don't think that's it. I think it's easier for you to be near me when I'm not human, because you don't have to pretend you're not attracted to me."

Bella gaped a moment and then her mouth closed with a furious snap. Jacob smiled again, a stifled snicker vibrating in his throat.

She drew in a slow breath. "No. I'm pretty sure it's because you can't talk."

Jacob sighed, shaking his head. "Do you ever get tired of lying to yourself? You have to know how aware you are of me. Physically, I mean." _I can practically smell it on you. But it's okay. I'm hot. It's only natural._

"How could anyone _not_ be aware of you physically, Jacob? You're an enormous monster who refuses to respect anyone else's personal space!"

Jacob gave a short laugh. "I make you nervous. But only when I'm human. When I'm a wolf, you're more comfortable around me." _And that's okay._

"Nervousness and irritation are not the same thing."

Jacob slowed to a walk, his amusement slowly fading to calm contentment. He stared down at Bella, still incredulous at her stubbornness, as she stared wide-eyed back up at him. Now a bit curious, Jacob leaned down, hearing her breathing and heartbeat accelerate as he got closer. _Does she have any idea at all?_

Bella swallowed hard. "It's your face," she reminded him, her voice faltering slightly.

Jacob leaned back again, a laugh already escaping him. "I don't really want to fight with your vampire tonight -- I mean, any other night, sure-" _I could honestly slug him for his indecisiveness sometimes._ "But we both have a job to do tomorrow, and I wouldn't want to leave the Cullens one short."

After all, a passionate fist fight ending with one of them dragging the other into the bushes was bound to take a while. Jacob smirked at that.

Bella, on the other hand, was only looking at him with a mixture of disdain and something else. Jacob rolled his eyes. "I know, I know. You think he could take me."

_And to be honest… he can._ A lewd look slipped across his expression before he stifled it again.

Bella just stayed silent.

"What's the matter with you, Bella?" Jacob frowned down at her, worried. Did she really take his and Edward's bickering that seriously? Chances were, they'd probably never seriously fight, really. "If something I said upset you, you know I was only kidding. I didn't mean anything."

Her lip quivered and Jacob panicked. "Hey, are you okay? Don't cry, Bella."

She stiffened in his arms. "I'm not going to cry."

"What did I say?"

She looked away. "It's nothing you said. It's just, well, it's me. I did something… bad."

It was Jacob's turn to be silent.

Her next whisper actually sounded… guilty. "Edward isn't going to fight tomorrow. I'm making him stay with me. I'm a huge coward."

_We're… not going to fight together tomorrow?_ "You think this isn't going to work?" he asked suddenly. "That they'll find you here? Do you know something I don't know?"

"No, no," she quickly shook her head. "I'm not afraid of that. I just… I _can't_ let him go. If he didn't come back…" She winced at the thought. "If anyone gets hurt, it will always be my fault. And even if no one does… I was horrible. I had to be to convince him to stay with me. _He_ won't hold it against me, but I'll always know what I'm capable of."

_So what, her pet monster can't even fight anymore? He has to just be_ oh so civilized _for you? Do you have any idea what you asked him to do?_

Jacob knew, like werewolves, vampires were very violence-oriented when it came to solving problems. Whether that was because they were supernatural beings or natural predators or people who had lost a chunk of their humanity, it was just how they worked. She hadn't just muzzled him, she had clicked a leash around Edward's throat and had dragged him to her heel. So what… the vampire was just going to sit there while everyone else had to fight? It was bad enough that that's what Seth had to do-Jacob was still torn by that, unsure of his fighting or not -- fighting was better -- but for Edward to have to do it, too?

_Why would you…?_

He realized his silence had gone on too long when Bella finally turned and looked up at him, sad but expectant. Jacob scrambled to clear his expression and snorted. "I can't believe he let you talk him out of going. I wouldn't miss this for anything."

She sighed. "I know."

"That doesn't mean anything, though," he said quickly, before he could stop himself. "That doesn't mean that he loves you more than-" _Me._ "-I do."

_He would never change a part of himself for me-not that I would ask him to, necessarily. Unless… is that what he thinks of… of us?_

"But _you_ wouldn't stay with me, even if I begged," she accused. Like how much a person would bow to another's will determined how much they loved them.

_Damn straight, I wouldn't._ "That's only because I know you better," he said after a long pause. "Everything's going to go without a hitch. Even if you asked and I'd said no, you wouldn't be mad at me afterwards."

"If everything does go without a hitch, you're probably right. I wouldn't be mad. But the whole time you're gone, I'll be sick with worry, Jake. Crazy with it."

Jacob hmphed. "Why? Why does it matter to you if something happens to me?" _Or, to be even clearer, if anything happened to anyone but Edward?_

"Don't say that," Bella muttered. "You know how much you mean to me. I'm sorry it's not in the way you want, but that's just how it is. You're my best friend. At least, you used to be. And still sometimes are… when you let your guard down."

Jacob smiled, his annoyance not able to last when she spoke in that voice. "I'm always that. Even when I don't… behave as well as I should. Underneath, I'm always here."

Bella returned the hesitant smile. "I know. Why else would I put up with all of your crap?"

The werewolf laughed lightly, but his face still fell at the thought of her denial. "When are you finally going to figure out that you're in love with me, too?"

Her expression turned back to ice. "Leave it to you to ruin the moment."

"I'm not saying you don't love him. I'm not stupid. But it's possible to love more than one person at a time, Bella. I've seen it in action."

_I've_ been _it in action. So has Edward… I think._

"I'm not some freaky werewolf, Jacob," she growled.

Jacob opened his mouth to respond, but then his nose suddenly wrinkled at an all-too-familiar scent. "We're not far now, I can smell him."

Bella sighed.

"I'd happily slow down, Bella, but you're going to want to be under shelter before _that_ hits," Jacob said, nodding towards the sky. He still couldn't tell if those clouds would dump wind and water, or snow, but he didn't want to run in his human form in either.

"Wow," she murmured after looking up for a while. "You'd better hurry, Jake. You'll want to get home before it gets here."

Jacob glanced down at her. "I'm not going home." _Miss more tense, love-triangle drama? Not a chance,_ he thought sarcastically. The truth was, he wanted a moment to get Edward alone and in a place where they couldn't be overheard -- something that the storm would give him.

"You're not camping with us." Bella glared at him, worry forgotten again.

"Not technically -- as in, sharing your tent or anything. I prefer the storm to the smell. But I'm sure your bloodsucker will want to keep in touch with the pack for coordination purposes, and so I will graciously provide that service," he explained, lips quirking at the 'bloodsucker' bit. It seemed… odd then, but the word sounded… different. It sounded like the mocking insults he traded with members of the pack, grinning.

_Odd._

"I though that was Seth's job."

"He'll take over tomorrow, during the fight."

Bella bit her lip, and then blinked hopefully up at him. "I don't suppose there's any way you'd just stay since you're already here? If I _did_ beg? Or trade back the lifetime of servitude or something?"

Jacob rolled his eyes -- like those manipulations were going to work on _him_. "Tempting, but no. Then again, the begging might be interesting to see. You can give it a go if you like."

"There's really nothing, _nothing_ at all I can say?"

"Nope," Jacob answered shortly. "Not unless you can promise me a better fight. Anyway, Sam's calling the shots, not me."

Bella sighed, quiet a moment, before continuing. "Edward told me something the other day… about you."

The hair on the back of Jacob's neck bristled warily. He didn't talk about the things he'd learned from the pack mind with Bella, did he? "It's probably a lie."

"Oh, really? You aren't second in command of the pack, then?"

_I'd rather not talk about it._ "Oh. That."

"How come you never told me that?"

Jacob shrugged halfheartedly. "Why would I? It's no big thing."

"I don't know. Why not? It's interesting." Her eyes focused up at him again. "How did Sam end up as the Alpha and as the… the beta?"

"Sam was the first, the oldest. It made sense for him to take charge."

She frowned. "But shouldn't Jared or Paul be second, then? They were the next to change."

Jacob stifled a sigh and looked away. "Well… it's hard to explain."

"Try," she demanded and that time, Jacob did sigh.

"It's more about the lineage, you know? Sort of old-fashioned. Why should it matter who your grandpa was, right?"

Bella blinked. "Didn't you say that Ephraim Black was the last chief the Quileutes had?"

He was a bit startled. _How do you_ remember _stuff like that?_ "Yeah, that's right. Because he was the Alpha. Did you know that, technically, Sam's the chief of the whole tribe now?" He forced a laugh. "Crazy traditions."

"But you also said that people listened to your dad more than anyone else on the council, because he was Ephraim's grandson?"

"What about it?"

"Well, if it's about lineage… shouldn't you be the chief, then?"

And this was why Jacob didn't want to bring it up. He suddenly had to focus on his jogging steps, hoping she'd take a hint and drop the topic. He didn't want that whole responsibility. He didn't want to give up the things he enjoyed -- like being a stupid teenage boy, and being in love with another one -- to be the leader of anything.

"Jake?"

"No. That's Sam's job," Jacob answered curtly. _Take the hint, take the hint…_

"Why? His great-granddad was Levi Uley, right? Was Levi an Alpha, too?"

_What are you, an elephant?_

"There's only one Alpha."

"So what was Levi?"

"Sort of a Beta, I guess." He snorted. "Like me." _Let's talk about something else._

"That doesn't make sense."

"It doesn't matter," he snapped.

"I just want to understand!"

He met her baffled and determined gaze and exhaled slowly. "Yeah. I was supposed to be the Alpha."

She thought for a moment. "Sam didn't want to step down?"

"Hardly. I didn't want to step up."

As soon as Jacob had returned to his senses after his first transformation, Sam was already rambling away about leadership and being Alpha and following the call of your ancestry and everything else-and Jacob had been terrified. He was a fucking _wolf_ , for God's sake. It was a lot to absorb at the time. He didn't want to be the leader of the psycho wolves any more than he wanted to _be_ one.

"Why not?" Bella asked.

"I didn't want any of it, Bella," Jacob explained, dropping his gaze. "I didn't want anything to change. I didn't want to be some legendary chief. I didn't want to be part of a pack of werewolves, let alone their leader. I wouldn't take it when Sam offered."

Bella was silent for a long, long time.

"But I thought you were happier," she whispered after nearly a mile of jogging. "That you were okay with this."

Jacob smiled again, trying to smooth over the harsh words. "Yeah. It's really not so bad. Exciting sometimes, like with the thing tomorrow. But at first, it sort of felt like being drafted into a war you didn't know existed. There was no choice, you know? And it was so final." He shrugged, trying to shake out of his declining mood. "Anyway, I guess I'm glad now. It has to be done, and could I trust someone else to get it right? It's better to make sure myself."

She stared up at him for a long time, a strange sort of… _awe?_ lighting her expression. "Chief Jacob," she whispered.

Jacob rolled his eyes.

Right then, the storm picked up. With a rush of wind, the temperature dropped and Jacob smelled the snow before it began to come down. He pulled Bella closer to his body and picked up the pace, racing to where he knew Edward -- and the tent -- were. After a few more minutes of running, they rounded the corner of the peak and caught sight of the tent. Edward must have been pacing because he paused mid-step and turned towards them, not smiling exactly, but still looking excited.

"Bella!" he called, lifting an arm in greeting. It was the only warning he had before the man rushed straight at him. Jacob took an unconscious step back at the sight of the vampire suddenly filling his vision. Opening his eyes again, he set Bella down and watched as she was suddenly swept into Edward's arms.

Jacob was careful to keep his face clear of any emotion. Even if Edward could hear the pricking jealousy from his mind, Bella didn't need to see it. Edward's golden-amber eyes flashed up at Jacob's over Bella's head. "Thank you," he said, his tone barely louder than the storm. "That was quicker than I expected, and I truly appreciate it."

That was sort of an… odd thing to say, but Jacob went with it. The cold snow hitting his skin and instantly melting into ice water was a bit distracting, since it was reminding him of certain things about Edward while Edward stood _right there_ , well within hearing range.

Jacob shrugged, trying to ignore the cold thrill. "Get her inside. This is going to be bad -- my hair's standing up on my scalp. Is that tent secure?"

Edward seemed as puzzled by Jacob's comment as Jacob had been by his -- it felt like they were both putting on an act, but for what audience? Bella hardly noticed much beyond her own nose, but… was Edward trying to just be friendly? Was he trying to play the 'just friends' card, as odd as that sounded for them?

"I all but welded it to the rock," Edward said after a minuscule pause, and Jacob couldn't tell if the barely-perceptible nod was at Jacob's mental question or at his own assured reply.

"Good," he replied, keeping his tone as clear as his expression. Edward mirrored the look.

There was another long pause.

"I'm going to change," Jacob suddenly announced. _I need to back up a second._ "I want to know what's going on back home."

His shoulders were stiff as he made his way to the privacy of the trees, undressed, and phased into a wolf. Like before, he was careful to only think about his surroundings and occasionally touch on Bella and -- also like before -- none of the others pushed it. About half the pack was in wolf form, but the numbers diminished as night fell. One by one, they fell asleep to rest for the coming battle and by midnight, Jacob was alone.

He lay curled up outside the tent, listening to murmured and stilted conversation between Edward and Bella and turning churning over several thoughts. One, what were Edward's feelings for Bella, exactly? Did he love her, or was she just an easy solution? Was she an escape, a way to soothe the stress of his everyday life -- or was she future wife-potential? Two, what were Edward's feelings for Jacob, exactly? Jacob was almost positive the other man loved him back, but there was no way to be absolutely sure unless he convinced him to say it -- truthfully. Was this just a gay fling for him, a way to test the waters? Was Edward even gay, or was it just something about Jacob that dragged him in? Did they have any shot at a future at all?

After nearly an hour of silence from the tent, he heard Bella's violently shaking question. "W-w-w-w-w-what t-t-t-t-time is it?" she asked, barely comprehensible, and Jacob flinched at the severe level of her discomfort.

"Two," Edward replied, and Jacob could hear the concern and helplessness in that simple syllable.

Once again, Edward tried for the cabin idea. "Maybe…"

"No, I'm f-f-f-f-f-fine, r-r-r-really. I don't w-w-w-want to g-go outside."

Jacob knew of a cabin nearby and had told Edward about it, and Edward had immediately wanted to move Bella there. Bella, on the other hand, had decided that the tent was the much better option and wanted to stay right there. Edward acquiesced. Jacob growled.

"What can I do?" Edward asked, and his lowered tone meant he was talking either to himself or to Jacob.

Jacob lifted his head, shaking snow out of his ears so he could hear the man better for a conversation.

_I don't know. Do you think she'll be okay? Maybe we can force her to go to the cabin,_ he suggested, worry making him irritable, and he let out a low whine.

Bella raised her voice. "G-g-g-get out of h-h-here," she commanded, but Jacob didn't move.

"He's just worried about you," Edward immediately jumped to his defense, but before Jacob could drop a sarcastic comment at that or silently thank him, the vampire backtracked. "He's fine. _His_ body is equipped to deal with this."

Bella's only reply was an incoherent stutter. Jacob's thoughts hardened at the sound.

_Let's take her there. Really -- who's stronger between her and us? It'll be more protected, warmer and maybe she can actually get some sleep so she won't be a total emotional wreck during the fight._

"What do you want me to do?" Edward snapped. "Carry her through _that?_ I don't see you making yourself useful. Why don't you go fetch a space heater or something?"

"I'm ok-k-k-k-k-k- _kay,_ " Bella protested, but Jacob's and Edward's matching growls quickly silenced _that._

_Don't make me come in there and take her myself! Don't think I won't bite a hole through that tent and force some sense into her -- and kidnap her if she still refuses!_ Jacob mentally snarled at Edward, letting out a howl of frustration to emphasize the point.

"That was hardly necessary," Edward muttered in the silence that followed. "And that's the worst idea I've ever heard."

Frustrated beyond the point of reasoning at the couple, Jacob forcibly phased himself back into a human and turned towards the tent. "Better than anything you've come up with," he retorted with a human voice. " _Go fetch a space heater._ I'm not a Saint Bernard." _I can, however, provide your little space heater._

"I don't like this," Edward growled as Jacob unzipped the tent and crawled in, having grabbed his pants and the coat he'd left outside. "Just give her the coat and get out."

Apparently he had caught on to the werewolf's idea.

_Jealous?_ Jacob raised a mocking brow at him before dropping the coat next to Bella. "The parka's for tomorrow -- she's too cold to warm it up by herself. It's frozen." _And so's she._ "You said she needed a space heater," he continued, walking the fine line between mocking and teasing. "And here I am."

Bella immediately sat up in protest. "J-J-J-J-Jake, you'll f-f-f-freez-z-z-ze!" she gasped.

"Not me," he flashed a grin. "I run at a toasty one-oh-eight point nine these days. I'll have you sweating in no time." He glanced at Edward. _Care to join us?_

Edward only snarled.

Jacob crawled towards Bella and began unzipping the sleeping back she was curled up in. Almost instantly, Edward's freezing hand was on his shoulder and Jacob's eyes snapped up to meet the already-darkening ones in front of him. Jacob couldn't read the man's face, though. Too much anger but no direction to it-what was he pissed about?

"Get your hand off of me," he growled, annoyed. _What's your problem?_

"Keep your hands off of her," the vampire retorted, his grip tightening.

_Why?_ Jacob asked, narrowing his eyes, but Bella cut in before Edward could respond.

"D-d-d-don't f-f-f-f-fight," she stuttered through her rattling teeth, and Edward's anger melted back into indecision.

"I'm sure she'll thank you for this when her toes turn black and drop off," Jacob commented, hoping Edward could just cool it for an hour or two.

Edward let go of Jacob's shoulder and moved to the other side of the tent. "Watch yourself."

_Do you honestly think I'd do anything to her, you idiot? This is about keeping her alive, not feeling her up, or whatever stupid idea you've got in your head,_ Jacob shot at Edward, who merely glared.

He unzipped the bag further, but this time Bella put a hand on him to stop him. "N-n-n-n-no…"

_Honestly, the_ both _of them!_ "Don't be stupid. Don't you _like_ having all ten toes?" he grumbled, stuffing himself into the tiny sleeping back and zipping it up again. Instantly, Bella curled up against him.

Her frozen body reminded him vividly of the other man in the tent. But just like Edward's scent, the feel of his skin was nothing without his _presence_ with it. "Jeez, you're freezing, Bella," he complained.

He didn't want to smell burnt sugar or be freezing cold or be pissed off one at a time… He only wanted it when it all came mixed together with the bane and the joy of his existence.

"S-s-s-s-sorry," Bella murmured, her shaking taping off but her voice still unsteady.

"Try to relax," he muttered as another convulsion wracked her body. She wasn't warming up fast enough. "You'll be warm in a minute. Of course, you'd warm up faster if you took your clothes off," he teased.

Edward, in no mood for jokes, growled again.

Jacob rolled his eyes, but smiled slightly at the other man. "That's just a simple fact. Survival one-oh-one."

"C-c-cut it out, Jake," Bella snapped, but the way she snuggled closer took the bite out of the comment. "N-n-n-nobody really n-n-n-n-needs all ten t-t-t-toes."

"Don't worry about the bloodsucker. He's just jealous," Jacob smirked at Edward again, who stared levelly back.

"Of course I am. You don't have the faintest idea how much I wish I could do what you're doing for her, mongrel."

The epithet made Jacob pause. The odd sound of the words was back again. Like… like they had become terms of endearment. An in-joke between two former enemies. Edward's eyes widened minutely as well, like he'd caught the same strange ring to the words.

"Those are the breaks," Jacob returned lightly, but his heart was pounding. "At least you know she wishes it was you."

"True."

When the trembling finally stopped, Jacob looked down at Bella. "There. Feeling better?"

"Yes." And the stutter was gone.

"Your lips are still blue," he continued teasingly. "Want me to warm those up for you, too? You only have to ask."

Edward sighed.

Jacob exhaled and turned his gaze back to Edward. _I was only messing around -- I can't help it. You're just so… cute, when you're pissy._

Edward's eyes widened and his fists were already clenching with rage.

Trying not to draw attention to their silent conversation, Jacob stifled open laughter, but his shoulders still shook with it.

Slowly, Bella thawed and went limp against Jacob's chest. A chest that Edward kept sneaking covert glances of, but was always too fast for Jacob to directly catch him at it.

For a long while, the three of them were utterly silent, until Bella finally spoke up. "Jake? Can I ask you something? I'm not trying to be a jerk or anything, I'm honestly curious."

Vividly, Jacob remembered their conversation in the kitchen, about boyfriends and kissing and blood. How long ago had that been? A week? Two?

"Sure."

"Why are you so much furrier than your friends? You don't have to answer if I'm being rude."

"Because my hair is longer," the werewolf replied, shaking his head. He wasn't sure why that affected his fur length, but somehow, it did.

"Oh," she seemed to mentally hover for a moment. "Then why don't you cut it? Do you like to be shaggy?"

_No -- I just think I look hotter with longer hair,_ Jacob's thoughts jumped to answer, and though he stifled that before he said it, Edward still caught it and snickered.

Jacob looked up, not sticking out his tongue at him, but conveying the same emotion nonetheless.

"Sorry," Bella apologized, still unaware of the silent conversation going on over her head. "I didn't mean to pry. You don't have to tell me."

"Oh, he'll tell you anyway, so I might as well," Jacob grumbled, and it was Edward's turn to smirk. "I was growing my hair out because… it seemed like you liked it better long." His gaze flicked to the vampire's.

"Oh." She adjusted her position, looking like she felt a little awkward. "I, er, like it both ways, Jake." _So do I,_ Jacob's mental 12-year-old piped up. "You don't need to be… inconvenienced."

Jacob shrugged. "Turns out it was very convenient tonight, so don't worry about it."

Bella nodded, and then started to nod off. As Jacob watched her slowly slip into sleep, Edward spoke up. "Seth is here," he said quietly.

"Perfect," Jacob replied in a cheerful whisper. "Now you can keep an eye on everything else, while I take care of your girlfriend for you."

Edward's eyes narrowed and Bella sleepily muttered something that neither man caught.

After that… there was silence.

x X x

Jacob was getting a bit drowsy himself as he lay against Bella's now-warm body and inhaled Edward's scent. It seemed odd, but the smell didn't bother him as much as it used to. He'd built up a resistance to it by that point, and it was simply another facet of _Edward._ The feel of their skin touching wasn't bad anymore, either. It still stung, sure, but it wasn't horribly cold like he had once been.

And Jacob… Jacob could almost picture his perfect future. He used to think that that would be a trinogamy between himself and Bella and Edward, but now Bella… was just a friend. A friend he could poke at and tease, and who took his comments in stride.

It would just be him and Edward. They'd live out in the woods, away from obnoxious people, where the air was clean and they had a huge range of space to run around in. It would be a little cabin, since they would spend most of their time outside, but it would be big enough to hold all of their stuff and a TV. They'd go hiking together all the time -- maybe Jacob could even stand to watch the vampire eat someday, and they would take down animals together and then have sex on the forest floor after they'd eaten their fill.

And then they'd go back home and sit on the couch together and watch football and the opera -- or whatever classy thing Edward normally watched. And then maybe they'd have sex again in the metal-framed bed they'd buy, because they'd need something durable. And they would go on vacations together, to places humans couldn't go because of the terrain or the temperature or the wild animals. And they'd take turns topping, since Jacob was well of their mutual control issues, and they'd try all sorts of positions and strategies. And it would be more than just sex, because the passion strung between them would be more than just lust. They were angry with each other, entranced by each other, trapped by each other… And every time they had energy to burn, or they needed to be intimate to solve a relationship problem, or they were simply just in the _mood_ … they could do that. And Jacob would taste every inch of Edward's skin, because if his disgust at the scent had faded, maybe the taste wasn't so bad anymore either. And Edward could throw his head back and writhe and grip so hard he twisted Jacob's muscles, and then Edward could tend to him while he healed for a moment, and Jacob would do that teasing thing where he just barely dipped his fingers below the vampire's pant's waistline just before flicking open the button and-

"Do you _mind?_ " Edward suddenly hissed, shifting where he sat, and Jacob's eyes snapped open. He quickly cleared the goofy grin off his face.

"What?" he asked innocently.

"Do you think you could _attempt_ to control your thoughts?" his whisper sounded furious, and Jacob narrowed his eyes, offense mixed with embarrassment.

"No one said you had to listen," he grumbled, looking down at the floor of the tent. "Get out of my head."

"I wish I _could_ ," Edward growled at him. "You have no idea how loud your little fantasies are. It's like you're shouting them at me."

"I'll try to keep it down," Jacob whispered sarcastically, shooting a glare at the vampire.

After a moment of silence, he ducked his head again. _You know, she cares about me as much as she cares about you. It's just as likely that her and I will go running off into the sunset and leave you alone as it is vice versa._

Edward grimaced. "Don't I know it?" he whispered, then raised his voice slightly. "I'm jealous of that, too."

"I figured it was like that," Jacob aimed for smug, but missed and just landed in _pleased._ "Sort of evens the playing field up a little, doesn't it?" _Between the three of us?_

Edward chuckled suddenly. "In your dreams." Their gazes met again, and Jacob found, for once, complete openness. He supposed that came from both being 'alone' with Jacob -- since Bella was asleep -- and from knowing that Bella was safe at the same time. For once, he didn't have to worry about anything.

"You know, she could still change her mind," Jacob pushed. "Considering _all_ the things I could do with her that you can't. At least, not without killing her, that is."

"Go to sleep, Jacob," Edward whispered, leaning back on his hands and staring at the ceiling of the tent. "You're starting to get on my nerves."

"Maybe I will. I'm really very comfortable," Jacob retorted in a sharp whisper, but he didn't. After a long pause where Jacob watched Edward and Edward forcibly kept his eyes on the ceiling, Jacob continued. "I need to think of more cutting things to say -- you've built up a resistance to my make-Edward-envious strategies."

Edward rolled his eyes towards Jacob. "Why do you even _want_ to upset me?"

Jacob met the dark amber eyes steadily. "Every time you are, it's one of those rare moments where I know you feel the same way I feel about you. I don't get to see those moments very often."

The other man opened his mouth to reply, but then snapped it shut and looked away.

"Do you?" Jacob pressed.

"Do I _what?_ "

"Feel the same way I do."

Edward shrugged in frustration. "I don't know. How do you feel about me?"

"I love-"

"Okay!" Edward overrode the words immediately, his eyes wide with… _fear?_ "I… would rather not answer that right now. You know, Bella could be overhearing this."

"I doubt it."

"I'd rather not risk it," Edward said shortly, sitting up again and pulling his knees to his chest, like he had during that morning where they had traded life stories. Jacob cocked his head and watched him silently for a long while.

"Would you ever?"

"Maybe… No. No, probably not," Edward admitted.

Jacob smirked slightly. "So an inch from death -- yours or mine, it doesn't matter -- you wouldn't answer that for me? As your dying confession, or my dying wish?"

"Maybe I would," Edward retorted, looking frustrated.

"But would you be honest?"

"You can always ask and see," Edward muttered, and the look he flashed Jacob clearly said _But that would mean me or you close to dying -- and at this point, I would be happy to oblige._

Jacob readjusted his position so he could comfortably be looking at Edward now, with his head resting on his arm and his hair out of his face. "Well, you see inside my head -- let me see inside yours tonight, it's only fair." _I only have a few questions,_ he mentally added.

Edward seemed to stifle a snort. "Your head is _full_ of questions. Which one do you want me to answer?"

Jacob glanced down as his body next to Bella's, and thought of all the times Edward had sullenly watched them be buddy-buddy together. "The jealousy… it _has_ to be eating at you. You can't be as sure of yourself as you seem. Unless you have no emotions at all," he commented, keeping his tone light, but the subject was serious.

_Would he ever even openly admit to not wanting me with someone else?_

"Of course it is," Edward said at once, and Jacob's eyes widened in surprise. "Right now it's so bad that I can barely control my voice. Of course, it's even worse when she's away from me, with you, and I can't see her." Jacob heard the silent, _And I can't see what you two are doing together_ that came after.

"Do you think about it all the time?" Jacob whispered, fascinated now. "Does it make it hard to concentrate when…" _I'm-_ " _she's_ not with you?"

"Yes and no. My mind doesn't work quite the same as yours. I can think of many more things at one time." Jacob bristled at the insult, but Edward swept on. "Of course, that means that I'm _always_ able to think of you, always able to wonder if that's where her mind is, when she's quiet and thoughtful."

Jacob blinked, the offense forgotten. _You're always thinking about me?_

Edward twitched at his slip, but didn't deny it. "Yes."

After a pause, where Jacob's mind wandered a bit back towards Bella and wondering the same question, he continued. "I would guess that she thinks about you often. More often than I'd like. She worries that you're unhappy. Not that you don't know that." A ghost of a glare appeared in his eyes. "Not that you don't _use_ that."

"I have to use whatever I can. I'm not working with your advantages," Jacob replied in a sharp whisper. "Advantages like her knowing she's in love with you." It seemed like, in their weird little triangle, Jacob was the only one not completely in the 'know'. Edward knew the other two were in love with him, Bella knew the other two were in love with her, but Jacob… he didn't have a confirmation on either -- just a strong belief in it.

_But sometimes it's difficult to deny something when the person next to you so strongly believes it._

"That helps," Edward commented mildly, but Jacob caught the wisp of sarcasm.

"She's in love with me, too, you know," he growled. _And so are you._

Edward quickly looked away and didn't reply.

"But she doesn't know it…" _And… maybe neither do you…_

"I can't tell if you're right."

"Does that bother you?" Jacob asked suddenly, a new curiosity springing up in the wake of the dying conversation. "Do you wish you could see what she's thinking, too?"

"Yes…" the other man hesitated. "and no, again. She likes it better this way, and, though it sometimes drives me insane, I'd rather she was happy."

Jacob glanced down at Bella and then back up at Edward. Someone needed to be there to make sure _Edward_ was happy, too… And Jacob would do that. He wanted Edward to be happy. He still wasn't sure if Bella was the right choice, but… if the vampire still wanted to hold onto both of them, Jacob was alright with that. He could wait.

"Thank you," Edward whispered suddenly, and turned to look directly at the werewolf. "Odd as this may sound, I suppose I'm glad you're here, Jacob."

Jacob smiled and was rewarded with one of those rare, crooked smiles from Edward. "You mean, 'as much as I'd love to kill you, I'm glad she's warm,' right?" he teased.

"It's an uncomfortable truce, isn't it?"

"Actually, I'm comfortable with it," Jacob breathed, barely loud enough to be heard by the vampire's superior hearing over the storm.

Edward's eyes narrowed, flicking to Bella, and Jacob grinned again. "I knew you were as crazy jealous as I am."

"I'm not such a fool as to wear it on my sleep like you do. It doesn't help your case, you know," Edward commented lightly, but there was an edge to his tone.

"You have more patience than I do," Jacob shot back, shrugging. _I am who I am._

"I should," Edward retorted. "I've had a hundred years to gain it. A hundred years of waiting for…" To Jacob's surprise, it seemed like the man had to forcibly look away from him and at Bella. " _Her_ ," he said with unnecessary emphasis.

"So… at what point did you decide to play the very patient good guy?" _You're no fun anymore._

"When I saw how much it was hurting her to make her choose." Edward settled onto his back on the other sleeping bag, looking like he was settling in for a long conversation. "It's not usually this difficult to control. I can smother the…" he gaze slid past Jacob's chest, body and back to his face in less than a second. "…less civilized feelings I may have for you fairly easily most of the time." Jacob smirked, but with more teasing than actual mockery.

"Sometimes I think she sees through me, but I can't be sure," the vampire confessed quietly, folding his arms behind his head and looking back up at the tent ceiling.

"I think you were just worried that if you really forced her to choose, she might not choose you." _At least… that was probably the problem at the time. Now, though, things are probably different._

Edward seemed to mull that over for a bit. "That was part of it," he said at last, "But only a small part. We all have our moments of doubt. Mostly I was worried that she'd hurt herself trying to sneak away to see you. After I'd accepted that she was more or less safe with you -- as safe as Bella ever is -- it seemed best to stop driving her to extremes."

Jacob sighed. _She's not a delicate flower. She_ is _kind of excessively feminine, but she's not weak. She was never in any danger outside of the times where she was unconsciously trying to kill herself._ He saw Edward flinch a little at that and turned away from that line of thinking. "I'd tell her all of this, but she'd never believe me," he muttered out loud.

_In fact, I don't think she'd believe much of anything going on behind the scenes._

"I know." Edward smiled and glanced at Jacob out of the corner of his eye.

"You think you know everything," Jacob replied with a scoff, but his tone was as gentle as the mood in the tent.

"I don't know the future," Edward whispered.

After another long pause -- _we really have too many of those_ , Jacob noted -- he asked, "What would you do if she changed her mind?" _If she chose me instead, or just anyone else?_

"I don't know that, either." Edward raised a brow at him, silently returning the question, but Jacob wouldn't take it. He didn't know any more than the vampire did. It was alright, though, since Edward had answered his question good enough.

Jacob quietly chuckled at the next question on his mental list before asking it. "Would you try to kill me?" _Ever, I mean?_

Edward answer was immediate. "No."

Startled at the complete lack of a pause for thought, Jacob blurted the first thing that came to mind. "Why not?"

Edward, also looking startled for some reason, seemed to have to collect himself before turning and giving Jacob his most sardonic glare. "Do you really think I would hurt her that way?"

Jacob was brought up short. _You mean that wouldn't hurt_ you _?_

Edward merely kept his stoic gaze on the ceiling, firmly away from Jacob. After a long while, Jacob asked, in that same barely-audible voice he had used before, "Do you ever think… the death of one of the three of us or a twisted little ménage à trois are the only good options?"

Edward grimaced and finally looked at Jacob again, returning in the same tone, "Both of those would end badly, I think."

After the whispers, Jacob's sigh sounded loud in the tent. "Yeah, you're right. I know that's right. But sometimes…"

"Sometimes it's an intriguing idea," the other man finished, and his shameless, open honesty made laughter bubble up in Jacob's throat.

"Exactly."

Unfortunately, their content -- almost happy -- mood couldn't stay forever. Jacob wanted to ask something a little darker for his next one.

"What is it like? Losing her? When you thought that you'd lost her forever? How did you… cope?" he asked, and to his embarrassment, his voice already sounded hoarse at the topic.

Edward grimaced as well. "That's very difficult for me to talk about."

Almost unconsciously, Jacob reached out with the arm laying over Bella and brushed Edward's fingers with his own. Edward's gaze darted up to Jacob's before looking back at their touching hands. "There were two different times that I thought that," Edward began, and Jacob listened closely. Edward wasn't much for exposing his weaknesses and hardships, so the werewolf treated each one like a treat. "The first time, when I thought I could leave her… that was… almost bearable. Because I thought she would forget me and it would be like I hadn't touched her life. For over six months I was able to stay away, to keep my promise that I wouldn't interfere again. It was getting close -- I was fighting but I knew I wasn't going to win; I would have come back… just to check on her. That's what I would have told myself, anyway. And if I'd found her reasonably happy… I like to think that I could have gone away again."

He sighed. "But she wasn't happy. And I would have stayed. That's how she convinced me to stay with her tomorrow, of course. You were wondering about that before, what could possibly motivate me… what she was feeling so needlessly guilty about. She reminded me of what it did to her when I left -- what it still does to her when I leave. She feels horrible about bringing that up, but she's right. I'll never be able to make up for that, but I'll never stop trying anyway."

_So you're sacrificing yourself… out of guilt?_ Jacob's mind asked before his mouth could. Edward shrugged halfheartedly. Perhaps he didn't see it as guilt, or he didn't want to admit it. Or maybe it was guilt he thought he really had earned.

"And the other time -- when you thought she was dead?" Jacob asked. _It… it'll feel like that for me, I think, when she… she…_

"Yes," Edward answered softly. "It will probably feel like that to you, won't it? The way you perceive us, you might not be able to see her as _Bella_ anymore. But that's who she'll be."

The vampire was trying to reflect, get the pressure off him and onto the other, but Jacob wouldn't let him. "That's not what I asked."

"I cant tell you how it felt. There aren't words," he growled in frustration.

Jacob moved his arm again, this time to really clasp Edward's hand. "But you left because you didn't want to make her a bloodsucker. You _want_ her to be human." It sounded like a statement but in all honesty, it was a question. What did Edward think of Bella's humanity? Was it a relief, an obstacle, something else?

"Jacob, from the second time that I realized that I loved her, I knew there were only four possibilities." He turned to meet the werewolf's gaze. "The first alternative, the best one for Bella, would be if she didn't feel as strongly for me -- if she got over me and moved on. I would accept that, though it would never change the way I felt. You think of me as… a living stone -- hard and cold. That's true. We are set the way we are, and it is very rare for us to experience a real change. When that happens, as when Bella entered my life, it is a permanent change. There's no going back…

"The second alternative, the one I'd originally chosen, was to stay with her throughout her human life. It wasn't a good option for her, to waste her life with someone who couldn't be human with her, but it was the alternative I could most easily face. Knowing all along that, when she died, I would find a way to die, too. Sixty years, seventy years -- it would seem like a very, very short time to me…" He suddenly frowned, a worry appearing in his eyes that seemed like it had been there for a long time. "But then it proved much too dangerous for her to live in such close proximity with my world. It seemed like everything that could go wrong did. Or hung over us… waiting to go wrong. I was terrified that I wouldn't get those sixty years if I stayed near her while she was human."

Edward took a deep breath. "So I chose option three. Which turned out to be the worst mistake of my very long life, as you know. I chose to take myself out of her world, hoping to force her into the first alternative. It didn't work, and it very nearly killed us both. What do I have left but the fourth option? It's what she wants -- at least, she thinks she does. I've been trying to delay her, to give her time to find a reason to change her mind, but she's very… stubborn. You know _that._ I'll be lucky to stretch this out a few more months. She has a horror of getting older, and her birthday is in September…"

Before the vampire could continue, Jacob cut in softly. "I like option one."

When Edward didn't reply, he continued. "You know _exactly_ how much I hate to accept this, but I can see that you do love her… in your way. I can't argue with that anymore. Given that, I don't think you should give up on the first alternative, not yet. I think there's a very good chance that she would be okay. After time. You know, if she hadn't jumped off a cliff in March… and if you'd waited another six months to check on her… Well, you might have found her reasonably happy." He smiled slightly. "I had a game plan."

Edward chuckled reluctantly. "Maybe it would have worked. It was a well thought-out plan."

Jacob wouldn't be sidetracked, though. _She could be happy with someone else, Edward. You know she could, I know she could. You're her first love, but not her last one… Just…_ "Give her a year, Edward," Jacob murmured. "I really think I could make her happy." _We'd be friends again, I wouldn't push her into a relationship, and maybe she'd find some other guy…_ "She's stubborn, no one knows that better than I do, but she's capable of healing. She would have healed before. And she could be human, with Charlie and Renee, and she could grow up, and have kids and… be Bella." He met Edward's tense expression with his own earnest one. "You love her enough that you have to see the advantages of that plan. She thinks you're very unselfish… are you really? Can you consider the idea that I-" _Or any other guy, for that matter._ "-might be better for her than you are?"

"I have considered it," Edward answered slowly. "In some ways, you would be better suited for her than another human. Bella takes some looking after, and you're strong enough that you could protect her form herself, and from everything that conspires against her. You _have_ done that already, and I'll owe you for that for as long as I live -- forever -- whichever comes first… I even asked Alice if she could see that-see if Bella would be better off with you. She couldn't, of course. She can't see you, and then Bella's sure of her course, for now."

The point was moot, though, anyhow. Jacob knew he and Bella would almost surely not get together. And both men knew that, at that point, Jacob was more likely to choose Edward than Bella, even if Bella switched her flag to Jacob-loyalty. It was a nice idea in theory, but chances were, Bella would end up with some other human man.

"But I'm not stupid enough to make the same mistake I made before, Jacob," Edward's tone suddenly sharpened. "I won't try to force her into that first option again. As long as she wants me, I'm here."

"And if she were to decide that she wanted me to?" Jacob asked challengingly, but his confidence wavered. "…Okay, it's a long shot, I'll give you that."

"I would let her go."

"Just like that?" _Even if it weren't even me? Even if it were some guy you didn't really know?_

"In the sense that I'd never show her how hard it was for me, yes. But I would keep watch. You see, Jacob, _you_ -" The vampire seemed very stuck on the fact that Bella would only be with either of them and no one else. "-might leave _her_ someday. Like Sam and Emily, you wouldn't have a choice. I would always be waiting in the wings, hoping for that to happen."

Jacob raised a brow and met Edward's stare, but he stuck with that conviction and met Jacob's gaze without hesitation.

After a moment, Jacob smiled. "Well, you've been much more honest than I had any right to expect…" _Even though I expected it anyway._ "Edward. Thanks for letting me in your head."

_It never gets any less special, no matter how many times I get that,_ he added silently.

"As I said, I'm feeling oddly grateful for your presence in her life tonight. It was the least I could do…" His smile suddenly widened. "You know, Jacob, if it weren't for the fact that we're natural enemies and that you're also trying to steal away the reason for my existence, I might actually like you."

_Trying to deny you even like me now?_ Jacob challenged, but out loud, he retorted, "Maybe if you weren't a disgusting vampire who was planning to suck out the life of the girl I love… well, no, not even then."

Edward chuckled and, surprisingly, they shared a warm smile between them. And Edward still hadn't shaken Jacob's hand off his. It was strange, but suddenly, their animosity just seemed like an inside joke. Like it was a part they played in front of other people, and sometimes for each other, but that's all it was. An act.

"Can I ask you something?" Edward asked, breaking the contented silence.

"Why would you have to ask?"

"I can only hear if you think of it. It's just a story that Bella seemed reluctant to tell me about the other day. Something about a third wife…?"

Jacob blinked. "What about it?" _Was he talking about the Quileute legend?_ Briefly, Jacob scanned through the story of the third wife questioningly.

"Of course." Edward suddenly hissed. "Of course! I rather wish your elders had kept _that_ story to themselves, Jacob."

Jacob narrowed his eyes. What was wrong with that legend? "You don't like the leeches being painted as the bad guys? You know, they _are_. Then _and_ now," he growled defensively.

Edward waved it off. "I really couldn't care less about that part. Can't you guess which character Bella would identify with?"

Jacob thought back to the story, again. He couldn't think of… any… Oh, God, Bella's self-sacrificing streak was acting up again. "Oh. Ugh. The third wife. Okay, I see your point."

Edward grimaced. "She wants to be there in the clearing. To do what little she can, as she puts it. That was the secondary reason for my staying with her tomorrow. She's quite inventive when she wants something."

"You know, your military brother gave her the idea just as much as the story did," Jacob replied resentfully.

Edward slowly exhaled. "Neither side meant any harm."

After another long pause, Jacob squeezed Edward's hand. "And when does _this_ little truce end? First light? Or do we wait until after the fight?" _I don't want to have to play nice for too long -- I'll get bored._

Edward didn't even have to think about it and, really, neither did Jacob. "First light," they whispered together.

"Sleep well, Jacob. Enjoy the moment," Edward whispered and, lightly stroking the vampire's frigid fingers, Jacob sank slowly back into the fantasies from before.

A few minutes later, Edward groaned. "I didn't mean that quite so literally."

"Sorry," Jacob whispered back, a smirk pulling at his lips. "Could leave, you know -- give us a little privacy," he suggested lewdly, glancing towards the tent door, and the other man snorted.

"Would you like me to _help_ you sleep, Jacob?"

Jacob outwardly smirked then. "You could try. It would be interesting to see who walked away, wouldn't it?"

"Don't tempt me too far, wolf. My patience isn't _that_ perfect."

_But what if I_ want _to tempt you?_ Jacob silently teased, until Edward tightened his grip on Jacob's hand so that he could throw him if he wanted to.

"I'd rather not move just now, if you don't mind," he said, laughing quietly again.

Edward rolled his eyes and laid back again, and Jacob slowly closed his eyes. Soon, Edward began humming, and Jacob slowly opened his eyes again. He didn't recognize the tune, but it was nice. It was soft and gentle, and Jacob found himself slowly falling asleep…

That is, until a sleepy grumble woke him again.

"E… Edward…" Bella said, twitching in her sleep. Jacob half-sat up and looked down at her.

"You awake?" he asked in a slightly louder whisper than he and Edward had been conversing in.

"She talks in her sleep," Edward commented, pausing in his humming.

Jacob blinked. "Why? Does she not sleep very well, or…?"

"Vivid dreams, probably."

"Be… behind you… there's… Vict…" Bella's speech was stilted and nonsensical, but Edward seemed to understand and grimaced at her.

"That damned dream again…" he murmured, but didn't finish the thought aloud until he realized Jacob was watching him expectantly. "She's been dreaming the same thing over and over lately," Edward quickly explained. "I'm positive it's of the battle tomorrow -- or later today, I should say."

Jacob rolled his eyes. "I hope she realizes there's no way in hell she's coming to that."

Edward shrugged. "With me here, hopefully she won't try."

Bella groaned wordlessly and shifted restlessly again, as both men watched her. When silence had fallen again, though, Jacob and Edward settled back down into comfortable positions to pass the time in. Jacob didn't really want to sleep, not when his former dream had finally been realized. He could be touching and sleeping with Bella _and_ Edward at the same time -- and it was glorious! Especially with Bella cuddled tight against his body and Edward lightly stroking his wrist and running his fingers up…

Wait -- what was the other man doing?

Jacob's internal monologue halted when he looked down to see Edward lightly playing with his hand and forearm. Jacob shot a quick, sideways glance at the vampire, who was only blandly watching their hands, as if they belonged to two other people. And Jacob, deciding that he was perfectly willing for Edward to think that as long as he didn't stop, did the same.

Jacob lay perfectly still as Edward traced the curves of muscle up and around his forearm and paused at his elbow. At that moment, the vampire's golden eyes flicked up to Jacob's face, and Jacob gave the tiniest of shrugs. _Go ahead -- I don't mind._

A ghost of a smile flitted through Edward's expression and disappeared as he moved his fingers to wrap around Jacob's bicep. The werewolf shivered slightly at both the feel of ice brushing his muscles, and at the memories it brought up. That's exactly where Edward's hands had been, the first time he'd slammed Jacob to the ground with fire in his eyes.

This time not asking for permission first, Edward moved his hand across and over Jacob's shoulders, to his neck, and up to his jaw, where he just barely brushed the stubble that Jacob hadn't gotten around to shaving yet. The vampire's hand readjusted and lingered there, until it was almost cupping Jacob's face -- and Jacob could feel his heart pounding as Edward leaned in closer.

He didn't kiss him, though. He merely stayed just a few inches away and searched his eyes. Jacob blinked, surprised that he wasn't uncomfortable, and even more surprised that Edward wasn't either.

"I do… you know," Jacob said quietly. _Love you._

"I wish I knew why," Edward replied, his tone just as low.

A smile quirked at Jacob's lips. "Your guess is as good as mine, but even if I don't know, I still can't stop."

Edward was silent, but for once, the silenced seemed content and calm. So soft that it was almost like it didn't want to draw attention to itself, the vampire's thumb stroked Jacob's cheek.

"Do you think… you could ever return those… feelings?" Jacob asked falteringly, almost as terrified of knowing the answer as he was of not knowing it.

"I think…" Edward squeezed his eyes shut. "I think… it's possible." When he opened them again, guilt -- of all things -- reflected from them. But Jacob's heart was in his throat, and he felt his inner wolf howling it's victory and his human side choking back a hundred mushy things to say.

At last, he said aloud, "What do you know? I guess you are capable of making me happy sometimes."

Edward let out a soft snort. "Don't get used to it. I'm rather good at making mistakes," he muttered, and Jacob was too distracted with his thrumming joy to hear the self-deprecating edge to the comment.

He lifted his arm off Bella again, this time reaching for Edward and running his fingers through the vampire's hair. When he didn't resist, Jacob cupped a hand against the back of his skull and drew into a feather-soft kiss.

"Jacob… _My_ Jacob…" Bella murmured, and Edward suddenly pulled himself away. Jacob's slowly drew his hand away, but Edward yanked his off Jacob and curled up a little in on himself. Strangely enough, in her sleep, Bella was actually being _possessive_ of the werewolf -- and it would have made Jacob happy if not for the fact that it had made both men suddenly aware of the third person in the tent.

Clenching his teeth, Edward rolled over so he faced the opposite wall of the tent.

"Edward?" Jacob asked hesitantly, but only received the cold shoulder -- pun not intended.

This time much less content than he had been, Jacob slowly nodded off again. And his sleep might have been completely ruined, if not for the fact that he felt a ghost of a touch over his stubbled jaw again before he completely went under.

x X x

Jacob snapped back to wakefulness when the shock of a cold surface hit his shoulder. "Hey!" He immediately rolled back onto the nearest bit of warmth he could find, which happened to be another body. As soon as he grabbed it, though, the body gasped, and Jacob found himself being knocked almost two feet away from the sleeping bag and into one of the supporting bars of the tent.

Startled, disoriented and furious, Jacob jolted into a crouch and focused on his attacker. It was Edward, who was also in a crouch on the other side of the tent. Outside, he heard Seth snarling in fury at Edward's both obnoxious and unnecessary behavior. For some reason, all the warmth of that previous night had vanished from Edward's expression. It was like looking at the Edward who had come back from Italy, and Jacob was both stunned and hurt. At the sound of the vampire's first rumbling growl, he began his own, and the snarls sounded uproariously loud compared to the hushed whispers of that previous night.

Bella didn't notice this, though, and quickly sprang between them. "Stop it, stop it!" she yelled, pressing a hand to each of their chests.

Edward grabbed her wrist to pull her out from between them, but she turned to him with a furious glare. "Stop it, now."

Jacob slowly got himself under control and quieted his snarling -- but continued to bear his teeth at Edward.

"Jacob? Are you hurt?" Bella asked softly, lowering her arms.

"Of course not!" he growled back. _I'm just wondering what_ his _problem is, all of a sudden!_

Bella's sharp gaze turned back to her boyfriend. "That wasn't nice. You should say sorry."

Edward's eyes widened incredulously. "You must be joking -- he was crushing you!"

_Seriously, what's your problem, Edward?_

"Because you dumped him on the floor!" Bella pointed out, still sounding angry. "He didn't do it on purpose, and he didn't hurt me."

Edward groaned reluctantly and turned a shockingly furious glare on Jacob. "My apologies, dog."

"No harm done," Jacob shot back, hurt and angry and taunting.

"Here," Edward said suddenly, grabbing the coat that was still on the floor and handing it to Bella.

"That's Jacob's," she protested, but Edward cut her off. "Jacob has a fur coat," he hinted, shooting a dark look at the werewolf.

Jacob, however, wasn't going to budge just because Edward was suddenly having his time of the month or something. "I'll just use the sleeping bag again, if you don't mind," he muttered defiantly. "I wasn't quite ready to wake up. That wasn't the best night's sleep I ever had."

"It was your idea," Edward pointed out, a mocking edge to his voice, but Jacob refused to be riled. Let the vampire be pissy by himself!

"I didn't say it wasn't the best night I've ever spent. Just that I didn't get a lot of sleep. I thought Bella was never going to shut up." Deep inside, he knew that wasn't exactly the truth, but he hated how she had stolen the moment from them. Jacob was really liking that…

"I'm glad you enjoyed yourself," Edward muttered back, misinterpreting why Jacob liked it, the jealousy hot and thick in his voice.

"Didn't you have a nice night, then?" Jacob asked sarcastically, opening one eye and looking at the other man.

"It wasn't the worst night of my life."

Morbidly curious, Jacob had to ask, "Did it make the top ten?"

"Possibly." Edward replied, and Jacob smiled and closed his eyes again, that is, until the follow-up. "But if I had been able to take your place last night, it would not have made the top ten of the _best_ nights of my life. Dream about that."

So… what… he was mad that Jacob had been dreaming about Edward again? Did he prefer him dreaming about Bella -- for some reason? Really… why was he suddenly angry?

"You know what? I think it's too crowded in here," Jacob all but spat, and crawled out of the sleeping back.

"I couldn't agree more."

"Guess I'll catch up on my sleep later, then," Jacob's expression twisted into a grimace. "I need to talk to Sam, anyway."

He finally reached the tent door and grabbed the zipper, but Bella reached forward and grabbed his arm. "Jake, wait-" she began, but Jacob pulled his arm away. He wasn't in the mood for the love-triangle crap.

Ignoring his coldness, Bella persisted. "Please, Jake? Won't you stay?"

"No," Jacob said flatly, and violently unzipped the tent. When he glanced back again, though, Bella looked utterly heart-broken. Jacob sighed. "Don't worry about me, Bells. I'll be fine, just like I always am." He forced a laugh. "'Sides, you think I'm going to let Seth go in my place-have all the fun and steal all the glory? Right."

"Be careful-"

But Jacob didn't want to hear it. "Give it a rest, Bella," he muttered and stormed out of the tent.

Out in the open, clear air, Jacob could collect his thoughts. So something happened last night that didn't immediately bother Edward, but that either bothered him upon reflection, or was something that he _thought_ he should be upset about. _Which was it, though?_ Jacob wondered. _And what, exactly, was it?_

Rolling a tense shoulder to loosen it, Jacob settled just outside the tent and tried to ignore Seth's steady eyes on him. Jacob would swear the pack seemed to be getting more and more worried about him as the days progressed, even though he wasn't nearly as depressed as he used to be.

After a few minutes of sitting still, though, Jacob felt the cold start to seep in through his roasting skin, and he reluctantly phased back into wolf form. Seth gave a wordless greeting, which Jacob curtly returned before completely making his mind blank.

Inside the tent, Bella and Edward were talking again.

"What would you like?" Edward was saying.

"You could tell me about your ten best nights," Bella suggested brightly. "I'm curious."

_So now he's happy again? What happened? Was last night just some -- No! No, a clear mind. A clear mind._

_You know,_ Seth butted in. _You could just_ tell _the pack what your deal is so you wouldn't have to keep hiding it, and we can all start getting a full-night's rest again._

_It's none of their business!_ Jacob shot back.

Seth grumbled wordlessly under his breath and Jacob pulled his attention back towards the other conversation -- and heard Edward doing his 'perfect' laugh. _Is any part of himself real around her?_

"Try to guess."

Bella huffed slightly. "There're too many nights I don't know about. A century of them."

"I'll narrow it down for you. All of my best nights have happened since I met you."

Jacob was just about to be pleased that he made it in that same window, but he clamped the thought back down. A small breeze of exasperation came from Seth, but Jacob ignored it.

"Really?"

"Yes, really -- and by quite a large margin, too."

After a long hesitation, Bella said, " I can only think of mine."

"They might be the same," Edward encouraged, and Jacob suddenly felt like gagging at all the sweetness.

' _I love you.' 'I love you more' 'I love you most' 'I love you mostest'. God I'm gonna puke,_ Jacob snarled to himself, jealousy pricking his fur and making his lip curl.

Seth rolled an eye towards him. _Somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed._

_Somebody,_ Jacob growled, _was thrown violently from his bed this morning. So 'somebody' probably shouldn't be poked at by more bite-sized wolves._

_Well 'somebody' should probably stop taking it out on their brothers and being a jerk-ass. You know, you really-_

_Shut up, Seth._

_Shutting._

"Well, there was the first night. The night you stayed," Bella was saying, and Jacob turned back to that again.

"Yes, that's one of mine, too. Of course, you were unconscious for my favorite part."

"That's right. I was talking that night, too," Bella suddenly commented, but her next words were an embarrassed whisper. "What did I say last night?"

Edward was quiet.

"That bad?"

He sighed. "Nothing too horrible."

"Please tell me," Bella pressed, and Jacob could hear the grimace in Edward's next words.

"Mostly you said my name, the same as usual."

"That's not too bad."

"Near the end, though, you started mumbling some nonsense about 'Jacob, my Jacob'."

Jacob was startled to hear the pain in those words. It seemed like Edward had really been legitimately bothered by that. Forgetting Seth shared his mind for a moment, the werewolf craned his neck over his shoulder and projected concern to the other man. Jacob was sure that Edward would have caught it with his mind-reading, but he must still be angry, because his next words were directed at the wolf.

" _Your_ Jacob enjoyed _that_ quite a lot."

Jacob jerked back with a frustrated snort before laying his head on his paws again. From inside the tent, he heard the sound of lips on skin.

"Sorry," Bella said softly. "That's just the way I differentiate."

"Differentiate?"

"Between Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Between the Jacob I like and the one who annoys the hell out of me."

_That makes sense,_ Jacob thought quietly, and heard Edward echo the same sentiment out loud. "Tell me another favorite night."

"Flying home from Italy."

Edward was suddenly quiet and still.

"Is that not one of yours?" Bella pressed.

Edward cleared his throat. "No, it _is_ one of mine, actually, but I'm surprised it's on your list. Weren't you under the ludicrous impression that I was just acting from a guilty conscience, and I was going to bolt as soon as the plane doors opened?"

Bella gave a slight laugh. "Yes. But, still, you were there."

Jacob, on the other hand, remembered that night just as vividly and counted it on his absolute bottom ten.

He heard the kissing noise again. "You love me more than I deserve."

Bella laughed, this time it was feminine and tinkling and flirty and Jacob hated it. "Next would be the night after Italy."

"Yes, that's on the list. You were so funny."

"Funny?" Bella sounded incredulous.

"I had no idea your dreams were so vivid. It took me forever to convince you that you were awake."

"I'm still not sure," the girl muttered. "You've always seemed more like a dream than reality."

Jacob rolled his eyes. Did she even _know_ him? Well, it didn't matter. Jacob had the confirmation he needed to keep pushing, to keep reaching for Edward. He knew he wasn't the only one in love now-that Edward was at least somewhat there. Maybe he already was, and he didn't comprehend it yet. Maybe they really did have a shot at forever…

Seth and the pack link were still forgotten, even as more wolves joined in one by one. Soon, the majority of the pack was there. But they were all both surprised and pleased that Jacob's guard was down, so they were all very carefully silent. Jacob, on the other hand, had a feeling he should be listening to this conversation.

Meanwhile in the tent, Bella asked, "Tell me one of yours, now. Did I guess your first place?"

"No -- that would be two nights ago." Jacob's heart was suddenly flying wildly in his chest. That was the night he confessed. The night they held each other, their last fight, the most passionate night they ever had… The first time Jacob ever cried in front of Edward and the first time Edward-

"When you finally agreed to marry me."

And Jacob's heart and mental victory dance slammed to a stop. Before it even hit him, he was already slowly sitting up, his neck fur bristling. _When… we… When I confessed… He… He… proposed?_

_They're getting married?_

Jacob's chest tightened and suddenly, it was difficult to breathe.

Beside him, Seth raised his head and whined. _You okay Jake?_

_He got engaged that night?_

_Jacob?_ Seth again.

Jacob didn't hear him. _I said I loved him and in response, he proposes to another woman? To… to BELLA?_ For a moment, he was blind to the pack link. While he no longer paid attention to the pack, Seth raised the alarm to the others, who immediately picked up the rising stress levels in their packmate. The russet wolf's breathing came in short, desperate gasps, and the other werewolves called with increasingly higher volume and anxiety

_Why…_

_Jake!_

_Would…_

_Jacob-_

_He…_

_Jacob, just wait a-_

_Edward…_

_JAKE!_

The metal ropes that had been constricting Jacob's chest suddenly snapped and drove straight into him, and all of the words to Edward and Bella that he ever wanted to say came out in a wild, screaming howl that bounced off the mountain side behind them.

It ended in a choked-off gurgle, a wolf-equivalent of a sob. _I guess you're right, Edward. I guess you are good at making mistakes._ _You're also exceptionally good at lying._

Seth leapt to his paws, but Jacob was faster. By the time the smaller wolf had time to get in front of him, he was already at the treeline, and by the time he was aware again that he was part of a pack mind link, he was miles away.

He was done with this. _Done_ with it. D-O-N-E, and they could all go fuck themselves.

Especially that fucking leech.

_"So much for holding on,_   
_I'm the weak and you're the strong._   
_I'm broken._   
_In a box it's hard to see,_   
_Things have changed, but it wasn't me_   
_I'm still here."_

_~"Heavenly" by Skylar Blue_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I REALLY hope you guys liked this chapter! I enjoyed writing the scene, even though I couldn't stop laughing at the amount of evidence for there being more than animosity between Jacob and Edward that had been dumped into my lap. Given that Bella openly admitted to it being like a dream for her and that she was half-asleep, I got to tweak and stuff the convo a lot, put details in that she might've missed.
> 
> I still didn't change the essence of the scene as a whole: which was an intimate heart-to-heart between Jacob and Edward about their worst fears and greatest weaknesses.
> 
> Actually, at this point in my story more than any others, I would highly, highly, highly suggest reading Eclipse and this side-by-side. I think you guys would be really surprised how little I changed.
> 
> Although… Okay, I admit it! I finally caved! I had to change the dialog-just once! It was right after that conversation about fur length… But come on, who can blame me? "That's right, honey, go to sleep"? The hell, Jacob? Since when are you the 'honey' type? Since when did you say stupid things like that? x3 GYAAH!
> 
> Also (wow this author's note is long. But don't worry, I'll shut up soon) this was a hard song choice! Again, it was down to the wire between this song and "Always" by Saliva. I love that whole "I love you, I hate you, I can't get around you..." bit… So… again, you should listen to both! But this song... well, it won out because the concept makes me cry, and it really fits the tone of the scene this chapter doesn't show: Jacob running through the forest, as fast and as far away from Edward as he can.


	14. Not Tonight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Original author's note kept for posterity._
> 
> Thanks for all the reviews! Heh, I'm glad you guys still like Jacob, despite his confused and angsty love. x3 *cough* Also, as much as I hate to give away the ending, enough people are tilting towards one opinion that I sort of need to. x3 I'd just like to point out that, earlier, I said this story was canon with the whole series. This means it's not only canon with Twilight and New Moon, but… Breaking Dawn as well. So just… keep that in mind.
> 
> Now, a few questions about this chapter of Eclipse (Meyer's version): Why did, according to Stephanie Meyer, Edward had "agony in his eyes" over hurting Jacob? Why did it take him so long to find the wolf and come back? Why did Jacob ever agree to come back when he had a battle to fight, anyway?
> 
> Those are only half the questions I have when it comes to the last bit of Eclipse. For the next chapter, I have… well, actually, more than that.
> 
> I loved writing this scene too, though. For once, it's Edward in control, and Jacob floundering for stability. And I liked working out how both of them would deal with the switch. So, without further ado, from Edward's point of view, The Confrontation:

The realization that he failed to soften the blow even a tiny bit slowly sank into Edward. He tried pushing the werewolf away, he tried making him angry, riling him up… He thought maybe the anger would make the pain easier to deal with. Maybe the anger would make it so Jacob wouldn't be hurting for a while -- at least not while the pack needed him, at least.

But he was wrong. Jacob was capable of being angry and hurt simultaneously, and the double-blow tipped him over the edge.

Just when Edward was trying to think of an excuse to go outside, Bella sat up and turned to him with a horrified whisper. "Jacob was listening."

"Yes."

"You knew."

Edward couldn't have lied at that moment for the world. "Yes."

The vampire could feel his chest tightening again, and shudders broke out over his skin. "I never promised to fight fair. And he deserved to know."

_He needed to know that I was marrying Bella, not settling down into a cabin in the woods with him. He_ needed _to know that. There was no way to say it any better._

But all the justifications in the world couldn't stop the bile and self-loathing from rising in Edward's throat.

"Are you angry with me?" he asked faintly.

"Not you. I'm horrified at me."

Just then, Edward reminded himself that Bella was under the impression that Jacob was madly in love with _her_ and that _she_ had been the one to tear his world apart. And at that, Edward's guilt skyrocketed.

"Don't torment yourself," he almost begged, half-surprised at how broken his voice already sounded but too busy wondering where Jacob was going and in what condition he was in to really care.

"Yes, I should save my energy to torment Jacob some more. I wouldn't want to leave any part of him unharmed," Bella said bitterly, tears welling in her eyes, her expression reflecting the same amount of self-loathing that was driving into Edward.

"He knew what he was doing," the vampire reminded both himself and her. But inside, he knew there had to have been a better way. Maybe he should've just been cold that night. Maybe they shouldn't have had that heart to heart, no matter how happy it had made Edward for a few short hours…

"Do you think that matters?" Bella suddenly demanded, her voice raising in volume and pitch. Edward immediately reached out and pulled her into his arms. "Do you think I care whether it's fair or whether he was adequately warned? I'm _hurting_ him. Every time I turn around, I'm hurting him again!" she all but cried, and Edward could hear the hysteria creeping in. "I'm a hideous person."

"No, you're not." _The person holding you is,_ Edward silently corrected.

"I am! What's wrong with me?" Her voice was almost a scream, and she pushed him away and got to her feet. "I have to go find him."

"Bella, he's already miles away, and it's cold."

_I could find him…_ The idea buzzed softly in the back of Edward's mind.

"I don't care. I can't just _sit_ here," the girl spat, tugging off the coat that was keeping her warm and pulling on her boots. "I have to… I have to…"

She couldn't finish the sentence, but didn't seem to care as she unzipped the tent and stormed out like Jacob had, minutes before. Edward silently followed her out as she paused and looked around. There was probably more snow than she had been planning on hiking through.

Off to the side, out of earshot, Seth was curled up by a few trees, one of which looked like it had been knocked heavily aside. Maybe the werewolf had tried to stop Jacob… Tried, and failed.

Seth -- Edward remembered the wolf's name -- didn't lift his head, but he opened his eyes and stared past Bella and directly at Edward.

There was a murmuring storm of worry from him and all the werewolves he was linked to, but the most vivid thing to the vampire was the pure, rumbling _dislike_ pouring out of Seth's mind and directly at the source of Jacob's pain.

Edward forced himself to turn away and saw Bella stumbling towards the trees. He darted forward and grabbed her wrist. "You can't go after him. Not today. It's almost time. And getting yourself lost wouldn't help anyone, regardless."

She tried to twist out of his grasp, hair falling in her eyes and tears pouring down her cheeks, writhing like a worm on a hook. She was the very embodiment of what Jacob was probably feeling, and Edward could only stare in horror at the poor, broken creature.

"I'm sorry, Bella," he whispered, but it was to both of the people he'd hurt. "I'm sorry I did that."

"You didn't do anything. It's my fault. I did this. I did everything wrong. I could have… When he… I shouldn't have… I… I…" she stammered to a halt and suddenly burst into violent sobs. Edward tugged her into his chest, wrapping his arms around her and pressing her face into his shirt so he didn't have to watch.

"Bella, Bella," he said softly, stroking her hair and looking off into the woods. He couldn't hear Jacob through Seth, which meant he was in human form. Out in the woods, in the snow somewhere.

Broken because of Edward.

Broken, because Edward had written off anger as a lack of thinking or feeling, rather than a way to channel the pain as something with more pride.

Meanwhile, Bella was anything but quiet. "I should have- told him- I should- have said-" she gasped between sobs. "He shouldn't have- found out like this."

And then Edward couldn't stand there a minute longer. "Do you want me to see if I can bring him back, so that you can talk to him? There's still a little time."

There. That was a good excuse. Edward hoped.

Bella nodded, and he gave her one final squeeze. "Stay by the tent. I'll be back soon."

And he was gone. Racing through the trees, following the werewolf scent that he knew so well, following the trail of destruction through the forest as branches and plants were ripped away by a huge animal running too fast to care. He could even see where large paws had caught low branches or sinking places in the mud and snow, had tripped slightly, but kept barreling forward. After several miles-miles Edward covered in mere minutes -- the large paw prints turned into staggering, barefooted steps.

It was just another half-mile before the vampire stopped and stared.

He'd found Jacob.

The other man was leaning on a tree with one hand and panting hard. His shorts were slung low on his hips, like they had been pulled on in a hurry, and his hair was unkempt and full of twigs and leaves-probably from pushing through the underbrush. He looked wild and dangerous, like a wolf. Like out here, in the dark and muddy woods, was where he belonged. _Inhuman._

Edward hadn't felt that distant from Jacob since they'd kissed.

Edward approached him from behind as quietly as he could, and Jacob didn't hear him. The sharp lines of his shoulders were tense, but trembling violently. _Stupid, stupid, stupid_ , his mind chanted, and even his internal voice was ragged with pain. Edward flinched slightly at the sound, but stayed where he was, unsure of what to do or say. Jacob, too wrapped up in trying to pull himself together, didn't smell Edward behind him.

"You changed back," Edward said at last, careful to keep any emotion from his voice.

Jacob whipped around, dark eyes flashing, and the _I hate you_ and _I love you_ flew from his mind so fast that they blended into one pained exclamation. Then his mental voice and expression collapsed back into anguish. "I didn't want the others to hear me," he whispered. _What would they think if they found I loved both of them? I can't let them know… They'd never understand… God I hate this, I HATE this…_

Edward stood and listened to him, trying to imagine was it would be like if he couldn't read minds. Jacob looked angry and upset, but not like he was shattering. Not like his mind's voice implied. If Edward had just been looking at him, he would have just thought him jealous and bitter, but as it were… Edward knew it was more than that. Not just the pain of rejection, but also the anger at him and at Bella and at the unknown source of Fate. He was hurt beyond measure that every time he did something good, it turned on him. He felt helpless and betrayed, knowing all his effort to not only find love outside of Bella but to save another lost soul had given him nothing. He had given his whole heart to Bella for reasons he didn't even understand, and she shattered it to pieces and handed it back to him. And then, staggering under the weight of that shock plus his phasing process into a full-grown werewolf, he had fallen to his knees in front of Edward and had shakily offered him the broken pieces he had left. And what had Edward done? Crushed them to dust and handed them back to Jacob as well. Now all the man had left was a pile of ashes for a heart and he didn't know what to do with them.

Edward was sensing more feelings than actual words from the werewolf, and so he stood and _felt_ for a long while. The werewolf had turned away again and was looking at his hand-pressed against a tree and half-holding him up. His shoulders still shook and Edward watched and listened as the man desperately tried to pull his emotions into words. _What do I do now? What can I say? God, I love him… I love_ them _… But now I just hate them both._

Edward stepped forward, the need to justify himself finally overpowering the urge to just stand and listen. "Jacob, I-" but the gentle tone just set the man off.

"Get out of my head, _leech!_ " he lashed out, voice cracking on the last word. It was no longer a slightly-playful epithet, but a slur meant to dehumanize and hurt. Edward winced slightly, unused to the word being spat like that, but he still continued to reach for his former lover.

"Jacob, you had to hear that. You had to know."

_I loved you! I didn't have to hear anything of the sort! Bastard! Leech! Fucking soulless bloodsucker!_ Jacob's mind screamed back, the look in his eyes unmistakable for anything but total agony. But the only sign of his violent fervor was a slight shake in his voice. "You could have just told me you proposed. You could have just told me, I didn't-" he exhaled, "I lost." _Oh, God, I really did lose… I really am nothing…_

"No, you weren't!" Edward interrupted, stepping closer again. "You… You weren't nothing, you helped me. You…"

Jacob made a noise that sounded like he had tried to laugh, but it ended it a squeak and a half-formed sob. Edward watched the hand that wasn't holding the tree fly to Jacob's mouth to cover it. To hold it shut. But nothing could stop his mind from replying.

_I didn't do shit._

"I said everything I could have possibly said that night," Jacob whispered. "But you didn't hear a thing. You ran home… Not to think about us or the things I said, but to propose to Bella. Whatever I said was so terrible, you decided to get engaged immediately to get away from it."

The vampire froze in his forward inching. Jacob would probably punch him if he got any closer. "I… I told you why I couldn't," Edward said weakly. He didn't know how else to explain it. He _had_ to be with Bella. He wouldn't let himself have any choice in it.

But if he told Jacob that he was forcing himself into it, the werewolf would never give him. And Edward needed him to give up.

"You _love_ her. I get it. You're guilty, you're stupid, and you love her," Jacob replied flatly.

"She's everything I need."

Jacob's face crumpled and he pridefully covered his mouth again. _Why?_ his mind wailed before Jacob could push the thought back down.

Edward decided to use as much honesty as he could, and he remembered his reasons for saying 'no' that night. "I… I need my family. You need your pack. We both need Bella. And we would lose all of those things, Jacob. We would lose everything for this. For temporary happiness."

_"We're immortal too,_ _asshole_ ," Jacob snapped. Edward opened his mouth to retort but Jacob continued. "We could be happy forever, just like your little vampire plan with Bella." He took what looked like an unconscious step forward. He didn't get close to Edward, not yet, but he looked like it was taking a lot of effort not to do so.

Edward shook his head. "Not in the long run."

Jacob opened and closed his mouth several times before he straightened up, fist clenched, and glared furiously at Edward. "So you're just saying 'no'? You can't even give me a decent reason… and you still have the gall to say 'no'? I won't give up. I won't do it!"

The vampire grit his teeth and looked away, unable to meet Jacob's gaze anymore. "I'm getting married, Jacob."

" _No_ ," Jacob retorted, sounding disgusted and angry. "You're trapping yourself in a loveless marriage because of… of… guilt, or because you think everyone will hate us, or maybe because you're still so damned stuck on that _gay-people-are-evil_ shit you keep thinking!"

Edward didn't know how to answer that. "I'd still like it if you were there," he murmured, trying to soften his expression. He would try to be comforting. He really would try. But he would keep it at that -- comforting a friend.

Jacob met Edward's gaze expressionlessly. "At the wedding?"

Edward nodded.

"I won't go," his voice was flat. No silent thoughts followed the statement

Edward stepped closer, wondering if Jacob was whispering his thoughts. But no, his mind was silent, probably shocked into speechlessness. Well, if he didn't have a good argument…

"I want you to be there," Edward repeated.

The other man's lips curled into an ugly snarl. "I won't go!" _I've been scarred enough, you piece of shit. You think I need to go there and see you two… you two exchanging vows and… her in that perfect white wedding dress and you in some… slick tuxedo saying you'll love each other forever, and… and… I'll just be there on the side…_ _An ex-lover you two can laugh about later in your undead eternity…_

"Jacob-" Edward interrupted again, wishing he could wash away that imagine of him and Bella at their wedding -- happy, just like Edward had imagined -- except with a kicked dog in one of the wedding seats, watching the two loves of his life forget him in one beautiful instant. And everyone stood and clapped while the dog withered away. It was true, but Edward wished he had a better justification for it. "I just…"

"Why the hell are you even here, anyway?" Jacob snapped, cutting him off. "Shouldn't you be back there protecting the love of your life?" He was bitter with anguish and, like usual, had turned it into anger and lashed out with it. Edward felt like he was losing control of the wheel and his car was careening across the ice. That memory had never faded from his mind, and he thought of it every time he felt himself slipping. He had survived the accident, but… the person in the passenger seat had not. _I never got around to telling Jacob about that. Or Bella, for that matter._

"Yes, I should," Edward agreed, attempting to clear his mind and focus on the man in front of him, "but I wanted to… see if you were okay first. If you were going to be okay." It was the truth, as much as Edward sort of wished it wasn't. Jacob shouldn't have meant this much to him when he was a dangerous wolf and the very image of all things dark and feral in this world, but he did. He was supposed to only be thinking of Bella, but Jacob kept elbowing his way in, whether he meant to or not.

Jacob sneered, but his eyes were shining with unshed tears. "Well I'm fine, so you can go." _Please, God, stay with me._

Edward hesitated, catching the stray thought that followed the words. He frowned uncertainly. "I'm not so sure about that…"

"I am, so just leave! I don't want you here anymore!" _I'm a liar! I love you, don't leave me, don't marry her! Please! I would give you everything you ever needed!_

He felt as if his heart was breaking at each spoken and unspoken word, and the extreme contrast between them was dizzying. Furious and biting voice mixed with a mental cry that told Edward that Jacob would crumble as soon as he turned his back.

"Dammit, why are you still here?" _Have you changed your mind? Shut up, Jacob that'll never happen. Stupid dog. Humans hate you, vampires hate you, you're nothing. NOTHING._ "Go! Get out of here," Jacob's voice was starting to break, "I don't want to look at you anymore!"

He turned away and Edward would have been convinced if his shoulders weren't shaking and his mind wasn't still screaming. _Be stubborn! Fight me! Tell me I'm wrong, make me come back with you! Come up with a solution, like you always do, with your damnable perfection. I don't care if it's fake, I don't care if you love her more, fight me! Put your damn condescending foot down!_

He was right, Edward would have to do just that -- but not in the way the wolf wanted.

"Jacob, I… I know you love me, but…" _but I can't love you_ , Edward continued silently. Jacob couldn't have read his mind, but he clearly heard the sentiment in his tone. He turned around to look at the vampire, lips still curled in a snarl of helpless and furious agony. He looked feral. He looked nearly insane.

"You don't know _anything_!" And finally, his voice matched the tone of his thoughts. "You're such a bastard, letting me believe our… our connection… was mutual! _You are a liar and I HATE YOU!_ " _I love you_. "Just get the hell out of here!" _I thought it was inevitable for us both. I thought we would always eventually be together. But somehow, you're able to just… walk away. HOW?_

Edward moved closer again and Jacob hissed through his teeth and stepped back, like a bristling cat.

"I won't leave yet. Bella is worried and she wanted me to bring you back," he said firmly. He had to regain control of the situation. He had to silence his emotions and rein Jacob back in. It was what Bella wanted.

Jacob's face contorted with the emotions Edward had smothered. "Oh, so that's why you're really here. Well Bella can fucking-"

The vampire suddenly sprang forward, grabbing Jacob's wrists hard and making him wince. "Stop it, mutt," the words were nasty, but his voice was smoothly cold and impersonal. The image of the Distant Lifeless Vampire. Jacob swallowed the lump in his throat with a shaky snarl. He threw a fist forward, dragging Edward's hand with it, and struck the vampire's chest. It didn't hurt that much, but Edward got the sentiment clear enough.

" _You_ stop it!" Jacob howled. "Don't you dare play flawless in front of me! With me, you aren't smooth or suave or oozing perfection! You're rough and mean and honest and that's the part I love, you shit, the fact that you're _real!_ " His hand clenched on a fistful of Edward's shirt and he leaned his forehead on the on the other man's chest. Edward's hands hung at his sides and he felt a lump of lead in his stomach. He couldn't be nauseous, he hadn't eaten in nearly a hundred years, but he felt as if he could have been.

_You're better off with her, but I want you for myself_. Jacob's thoughts were soft now, but firm. A gentle statement of absolute truth. Edward listened to the man's heart pound steadily, a sign of being absolutely clear of pheromones and of werewolf compulsion. A sign that the man was in love with a man, and not a werewolf in love with a vampire. And for a moment, he would have given anything to have been allowed to feel the same.

_We'll both be safer, more content, with you two together. But I don't want that._ Jacob's shoulder shook with dry sobs, but he had to make Edward understand. _I want you to be angry and unstable and violent. You don't need to be a gentle deer -- you need to be the dangerous predator you are. Why subdue yourself? I don't want to have to stand and watch you be beautiful and perfect, like a fucking statue. You're human-sort of. You get annoyed, you get exasperated, you lash out when you're angry and scream when you're furious, and you wouldn't have to wear a mask in front of me._ It was everything the werewolf couldn't say out loud and Edward was transfixed. He was still frozen, even as Jacob raised his head and spoke aloud.

"I'll show you… I'll talk to you like the human you could be. Don't poke around in my head," he whispered, dark eyes shining, "Ask me a question. Ask me anything and I'll answer out loud."

Edward opened his mouth, but the words were caught in his throat. Jacob looked expectantly at him and he knew he wouldn't come back with him until he asked. Finally, Edward thought of something. Something that had bothered him since their second kiss.

"What makes you think this could possibly be a good idea?"

Jacob slowly smiled, expression still tinged with the agony he was feeling, but Edward could see that this was where he felt he belonged. Where he always wanted to be. Edward forced himself to focus on the verbal words and the verbal words alone.

"Because I can save you. I can keep you from losing yourself," he murmured, and then leaned forward.

Edward leaned back. "I don't need saving. I'm happy with Bella."

Jacob's expression flickered and hardened. "Happy or healthy?"

"Both. They're the same thing."

He shook his head. "No, you aren't being yourself."

"This is me."

"No, it's not!"

"Jacob, stop it," Edward released the wrists he had forgotten he was holding and stepped back, "I intend to stay with Bella for as long as she'll have me, with no interference from you." Edward's expression darkened and he intended to drive this point home. He put up an icy wall and spoke.

"I don't care what you think or what you feel. You can love me all you want, but I have a fiancée and you were always just an affair. You were a distraction, an experiment, and nothing I would want around for the long-term. Do you understand?"

_So that's it, then._ Jacob's mental tone was flat. _I'm supposed to stop fighting now. I'm supposed to turn and walk away and let them marry. I'm supposed to watch them both die… with each other._

Jacob was silent for a long time, and he rubbed his wrists. _They're still cold…_ When he looked up, he didn't bother faking a brave smile, like many others in his position in the past had.

"Yeah, I do," he said at last, "I guess… I fooled myself into thinking you had a soul."

Edward sighed. The fireworks were over. He turned away, back towards the tent. "Does that mean you'll come back? Bella just wants to make sure you're okay. She cares about you."

The werewolf couldn't hold back a derisive snort at that. "Right. She's just so very selfless…"

Edward twitched slightly, but decided to hold back. He would continue to be impersonal. Jacob was nothing but competition for Bella's affections -- competition that was about to be struck down. After that, he would be absolutely nothing.

Edward would _make_ him mean nothing to him.

Jacob kept up an angry monologue all the way back, and Edward absorbed it in silence, knowing he used fury as a defense and considered it much easier to watch than the agony from before.

_Yes, she cares so very much… Of course Edward is perfect. He doesn't have any of those nasty "personality traits". No, he's just a pretty statue to rub against. No depth, no flaws, just a statue. She'll probably delude herself for the rest of her life. Which is, what… a week left? Yes, kill her, why don't you… Make her a pretty statue to match all the other pretty statues and you'll all live happily ever after and never mind the wolf rotting in a ditch, because he was just a distraction. Not meant to be. Just one monster finding solace in another, but who gives a damn? Fucking bastards…_

As they neared the clearing, Edward stepped up to walk slightly in front of Jacob, knowing Bella would interpret it as Edward being the one in control and thus -- as Jacob mentioned -- eternally perfect.

"I'm going to give you two some privacy, alright? Seth and I will just wander off for a bit," he said quietly.

"Fine," was all Jacob said, but spoke up again when he heard a low, rumbling growl coming from the clearing. "It's just us, Seth!" he called and stepped into the light.

As Jacob stood off to the side, Edward approached Bella and Seth, and the large wolf walked up to him. _We need to talk, Cullen. Edward._ _Firstly, Alice -- that's the psychic one, right? -- says the newborn vampires are coming a little sooner than expected, but not too soon. Secondly, a little dog to vamp, man to man discussion about Jacob is in order._

The vampire nodded. "Yes, that's all we need," he muttered. _Another werewolf to give me advice._ "I suppose we shouldn't be surprised. But the timing is going to be very close. Please have Sam ask Alice to try to nail the schedule down better." He continued, and heard Seth relay the thought and get answering echoes from the werewolves in the distance.

Edward turned slowly and saw Jacob still had his back to them. For once, he was murmuring his thoughts. His raging agony had cooled into simmering resentment and self-disgust, and hatred at the whole situation. Edward knew without a doubt the werewolf's feelings would spring back to life and explode in every direction at the wrong words, and if Bella was good at one thing, it was saying the wrong words. But he trusted him. He knew he wouldn't hurt Bella. He just hoped that Jacob would be oka-

No. _No. I don't, I_ can't _care about that werewolf at all._

Bella was still standing shakily by the tent, the regret coming off of her in waves. Edward stepped to her side. "Bella," he murmured. This was the moment. _I have to trust Jacob. I have to give them the privacy I promised._ "There's a bit of a complication-" If that's what you could call Seth's sudden protective-older-brother complex. "I'm going to take Seth a little ways away and try to straighten it out. I won't go far, but I won't listen, either. I know you don't want an audience, no matter which way you decide to go."

It was just a formality, he knew, and Jacob knew it too from the sudden pulse of pain that Edward picked up from across the clearing. They both knew Bella would choose her vampire over her toy dog, and Edward realized this could be the last time he ever saw the werewolf. He looked over his shoulder at Jacob, obscured in the shadows, his bulky shape standing out against the spindly trees, displaying power and self-control. He was strong. He would survive. Edward was sure of it.

"Hurry back," Bella whispered at last, and he bent to kiss her lightly before following Seth into the thicker underbrush. As always when Edward was with a werewolf, he heard the low buzz of the whole pack's thoughts, along with the collective mindset. Seth's mind was still the loudest, but since the other minds were turning to focus on him, they started coming in just as clear.

Seth began speaking after a few brittle moments. _I can't say I know for sure what your relationship with Jacob is,_ he began, a forced calm in his mental tone. _But there's something I'd like to ask if my guess is correct._

_Seth, I don't think this is wise._ Sam. It sounded disapproving, but Edward noticed it was not a command to stop. Whatever it was Seth was going to ask, Sam secretly agreed it should be said.

_Personally, I think it's quite 'wise'._ Leah. Snappish, but amused. A cynic's sort of comedy show.

_Shut up, Leah._ Embry. Defensive. Bristling. He didn't know what to think, and so everyone was on the wrong side to him.

Paul simply leaked aggressiveness and his mind started and stopped -- a sign that Sam had silenced him on the subject before he had a chance to speak.

_What I'm trying to ask_ , Seth continued, speaking over the low murmur of background thoughts. _Is what did you say to Jacob?_ _We'd like to know what sort of wolf is going to join us for the fight… That is, if he's planning to._

"He is," Edward murmured, side-stepping the question. "There's no keeping him away now."

_Is he fit to?_ Sam asked, not letting the question slip by.

That, the vampire didn't know. From the waves of incoherent emotion crashing against his back from the clearing, he would guess _No._ However, Jacob did what Jacob wanted to and he was sure Jacob would come to that fight.

"I don't know," he replied honestly. "But… I think he should. He'll fight fine. Just…"

They all clearly heard the sentiment. Jacob wasn't okay. He wasn't going to be okay for a while.

Seth began again, hesitations making him uncertain. _Do you… Did Jacob ever tell you…_

_Seth!_ _Stop._ Sam again. This time, it was a direct order. Seth's mind snapped shut, and was immediately replaced by Paul's angry and disgusted continuation.

_No, the leech needs to hear it! Did he ever tell you how messed up he got? He didn't just shut down his wolf side, he stopped his wolven sleeping schedule. Even worse, he stopped eating. Humans may get away with scraps of food here and there, 'normal meal sizes' they call it, but a werewolf… He can't do it. He was pretending to be a human and it was killing him!_

_But then he suddenly got better,_ Seth cut in. _Suddenly, for once since you came back to Forks, he was happy. Actually… happy. We had been resigned to you throwing him to the curb before that, but then we thought, maybe…_

_We thought you'd grown a heart,_ Paul jumped back in again. _Why? Why do you pushing him into these wild mood swings, screwing him on the side and enjoying your little vanilla relationship with Bella? Why would you treat-_

_Paul, just stop. I don't think Edward really gives a damn._ Embry's hurt but resigned interruption stung more than Paul's fury had. Edward had hurt his sort-of brother, and so Embry had written him off as just another vampire. Edward sighed. It wasn't a lie, though. He had earned that label true enough.

_I agree with the hothead, actually_. Quil that time. He had been silent up until that point, but he finally spoke. _But Edward doesn't need another leg-up on Jacob. He's got enough._

_Actually, I think Edward's had a 'leg up on Jacob' for some time now_ , Leah gave a small mental snicker.

_Shut up, Leah!_ All the wolf voices that time, and since Sam was among them, she fell silent.

Edward stood silently beside Seth for a long time and listened to the various murmured and wordless opinions of the La Push pack. Sam was calm, determined to be reasonable. Paul was bristling and seething, angry on behalf of the person who had not just hurt his wolf-brother, but who had hurt the little brother of his imprint. Jared was a bit disgusted, but was trying to laugh it off. Leah, bitterly amused. Colin and Brady, just nervous and confused. Quil and Embry, the boys Edward knew to be Jacob's best friends, just seemed generally unhappy about the whole thing. Quil seemed like he was trying hard to understand, though. Like he really wanted to know if a vampire could or would make Jacob happy.

After several minutes of the quiet thoughts, Edward finally spoke.

"You all seem very calm about this."

Leah let out a bitter laugh, but she was banned from speaking. So was Seth. Paul and Embry were too resentful to say a word to him, so it was Sam and Quil who answered.

_We've guessed for a while._

_We had some time to get used to the idea._

"And you're okay with it?"

_He's part of the pack._ Paul whispered and it was the same low murmur of absolute truth that Jacob had used in the forest. _No matter what he did or does, he's family._

_Brothers_ , the whole pack whispered, even Leah. _Family._

They were all silent for a long time until Jacob's mind suddenly leapt into the fray, startling everyone from their quiet thoughts. The russet wolf was already sprinting towards the predicted fight area, a reckless howl in his throat and murder-suicide in his mind.

Edward's breath caught in his throat, but he turned back to the tent clearing. "Come on, Seth. We need to go protect Bella."

And Seth let out a mournful whimper.

_"Do you remember all the things you said to me?_   
_You made them sound so simple,_   
_But they're just not that easy._   
_You swear that you could be someone to hold me for all time_   
_Baby, not tonight."_

_~"Not Tonight" by Adelayda_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I was pretty happy about how this one turned out. ^_^ I don't like that it's only about 6,000 words, which is ridiculously short, but I wanted to keep this scene all to itself. The next chapter will probably be the same length, but fifteen will be… a while. x3
> 
> Also, I would suggest listening to this chapter's song, too. It really, really explains/shows where Edward's coming from.


	15. It's Not Over

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Original author's note kept for posterity._
> 
> A always, thanks for the reviewing! And Seylin, I remember how you said you liked it when Edward was just verbally throwing Jacob down during a previous chapter and I was hoping you'd like that when I wrote the line. x3 Also, folks, this is just an Eclipse re-write. It will end long before Breaking Dawn starts in the timeline. So… no Jacob/Renesmee imprinting (though I will address that in one of my later fics), or Edward falling for Bella. (Which is the sort of fluffy relationship that just makes me gag. I can only take fluff in small doses…) Also: Heh, I know, DaNiTiC, and I love long reviews, ACE.
> 
> Also, I know it's fanfiction and that I can change the ending, but that's not what I use it for. When I write, it's not to change an ending that I didn't like, it's to expand on a world that I'm fascinated by or that I think hasn't been expanded upon properly. I wrote this fic because I knew something was going on in Eclipse that no one was saying, and I had yet to see a Jacob/Edward fic that dealt with the fact that they couldn't even stand the touch or smell of one another, rather than just being emotionally repulsed. So… I decided to try.
> 
> Alright, so here's just one more dual-POV chapter, and I think the alternating situations are different enough that you should figure out who's POV is whose. But just as a hint, it starts with Jacob…

Bella looked so beautiful and so beautifully broken in the clearing, surrounded by half-melted snow and a wilted forest. The sunlight gave the ground a gentle sparkle, outlined her hunched and defeated frame, and barely touched the hair that hung in her reddened eyes, making it almost glow. She was just so very, very real. So unlike the man she loved.

Why couldn't Jacob have loved her?

It would have been simple, easy, something everyone would have liked. Why couldn't he be more like Edward, willing to find some sort of twisted happiness from everyone else's happiness? It was as if the vampire could live off of just knowing he had made everyone's happily ever after come true.

But he couldn't do it. He couldn't love her, not really.

"I'm in a hurry, Bella," his tone was flat and unfriendly, "Why don't you get it over with?"

She stayed silent, merely looking up at him with still-watery eyes.

"Just say the words and be done with it," Jacob growled impatiently.

_You act like this is such a surprise for me, that you won't ever love me,_ he thought, the bitterness at himself turning outwards to another target. _I saw this coming. Just say it. 'I don't love you. I don't want you. You're just a very convenient friend to me.'_

_If Edward can say it, so can you._ And a lump rose in his own throat.

"I'm sorry I'm such a rotten person," Bella whispered, and the level of self-loathing in her voice was a bit startling to Jacob. Did she really care about him as more than a convenience? That was a surprise, but one that came a bit too late. "I'm sorry I've been so selfish," she continued, "I wish I'd never met you, so I couldn't hurt you the way I have. I won't do it anymore, I promise. I'll stay far away from you. I'll move out of the state. You won't have to look at me ever again."

Jacob narrowed his eyes, incredulity managing to rise through the throbbing bitterness that had taken him over. "That's not much of an apology."

Bella swallowed hard. "Tell me how to do it right."

Jacob uncrossed his arms, but his fingers continued to compulsively tighten into fists at his side. "What if I don't want you to go away? What if I'd rather you stayed, selfish or not? Don't I get any say, if you're trying to make things up to me?"

Jacob didn't even know why he wanted to stay near her, whether it was because he couldn't handle losing them both or because she was his only link to Edward now, but all he could think when he thought of her leaving was _No._

"That won't help anything, Jake. It was wrong to stay with you when we wanted such different things. It's not going to get better. I'll just keep hurting you. I don't want to hurt you anymore. I hate it." On the last word, her voice broke and new tears formed in her eyes.

The self-flagellation was more than Jacob was willing to witness at that moment. He sighed, wishing his need to fix people would just go away. "Stop. You don't have to say anything else. I understand."

God, he wished there was an easy solution to this. Something that would make them all happy. Why couldn't he or Bella love someone else? Why couldn't they all just somehow make something work together? Why couldn't one of them just die?

And Jacob suddenly felt a fraction of his tension slip at the thought of dying. It was like a man out in the rain comforted by the thought of being home and dry soon. If he died, the problems would all be over, wouldn't they? Both his and Edward's. And Bella's, really. He could almost imagine the moment -- helping his brothers out with all the newborns, but as soon as they could handle the fight without him, he could just… slip up.

Many young werewolves make stupid mistakes. They wouldn't guess a thing if he could stay quiet.

Oh, they would mourn, to be sure. But that was nothing compared to the pain he caused when he hung on to everything and tried to force it all to work. And well… dying couldn't be so bad. In fact, it would probably be rather comfortable after the initial pain. Then again, vampire kills were so quick, he probably wouldn't feel a thing. One minute, he would be fighting and the next, his unhappiness would be over.

Jacob's head snapped up, a new light in his eyes. And standing beside Bella's hunched form was Edward, as handsome on the outside as he was ugly on the inside. "Well, you're not the only one capable of self-sacrifice. Two can play at that game," he muttered to them both, a viciously victorious edge to his voice.

He heard a faint whisper of "What?" from someone nearby -- but Jacob was too busy talking to himself, and in a way Edward and Bella, to pay much attention to it.

"I've behaved pretty badly myself. I've made this much harder for you than I needed to. I could have given up with good grace at the beginning. But I hurt you, too."

Bella blinked in shock. Jacob's vision of Edward didn't have a flicker of emotion -- but why should he, when Jacob himself didn't even know what the vampire would be feeling?

"This is my fault," Bella suddenly insisted, her voice rising. _That's odd. She sounds worried about something._

But that wasn't Jacob's main concern. Her words were. "I won't let you claim all the blame here, Bella." He let out a humorless laugh. "Or all the glory either. I know how to redeem myself."

"What are you talking about?"

Jacob glanced up at the sun. It was almost high noon, almost time for the newborns to reach the clearing. "There's a pretty serious fight brewing down there," he said quietly, a grin twitching at the corner of his mouth. God, he'd considered this solution before, but never did it seem so… accessible. Easy. "I don't think it will be that difficult to take myself out of the picture."

Vaguely, he heard Bella's breath catch in her throat. "Oh, no, Jake! No, no no no!" She sounded frantic. Almost as if she cared. "No, Jake, no. Please, no!"

But the wolf was in too high spirits to let it stop him. Finally, a new door was open. A door to a place without Edward or Bella or werewolvism or confusion and pain. "What's the difference, Bella?" He shrugged casually and, for once, the gesture felt real. "This will only make it more convenient for everyone. You won't even have to move."

"No!" Her voice jumped up to an even higher volume. "No, Jacob! I won't let you!"

Jacob smiled. He was feeling positively serene. "How will you stop me?"

"Jacob, I'm begging you. Stay with me."

Jacob's gaze and heart hardened. "For fifteen minutes while I miss a good brawl? So that you can run away from me as soon as you think I'm safe again? You've got to be kidding."

And she had better be kidding, because Jacob was tired of being jerked around by pretty girls and horrible, beautiful vampires.

"I won't run away," Bella insisted, looking frantically hopeful. "I've changed my mind. We'll work something out, Jacob. There's always a compromise. Don't go!"

Jacob was unimpressed. "You're lying."

"I'm not. You know what a terrible liar I am. Look in my eyes. I'll stay if you do."

"And I can be _your_ best man at the wedding?"

Bella was still for a long moment. " _Please_ ," she said at last.

Oh yes, she would mourn, but not all that much. It was the guilt that would hurt her, not his actual absence. Well, Edward would soon get rid of the guilt, and Edward didn't give a damn about him, so they would both be happy soon enough. And half the pack had imprinted, with more and more doing it by the month. It wouldn't be long until he was worth rather little in their minds, too. After all, what was just some dumb guy in their pack when their only reason for living was one person?

"That's what I thought," Jacob replied darkly, cynically amused at her sidestep of his question. Even more amusing was that, through it all, she was still his friend. He hated her almost as much as he hated Edward and himself, but he would still do almost anything for her. Anything but not die, anyway.

"I love you, Bella," he murmured, rolling the words across his tongue like they tasted funny to him. And in a way, they kind of did.

"I love you, Jacob," she whispered back, sounding wounded by his choice to die.

He smiled. Her lie wasn't enough to change his mind, but it made his day a little brighter. "I know that better than you do."

He put his hands in his pockets, the relaxation settling in further and further, and turned to leave.

"Anything!" He heard her call after him. "Anything you want, Jacob. Just don't do this!"

Jacob turned and slowly looked over his shoulder, still smiling. "I don't really think you mean that."

And he was positive she didn't.

"Stay," she begged, but it sounded like she was stalling. She wouldn't stay, not after that wonderful door was closed. It didn't make her a bad person, that was just how she worked.

Jacob shook his head determinedly. "No, I'm going." But what kind of friend would he be if he didn't toss her a small bone, just to soften her suffering a bit? "But I could leave it up to fate."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't have to do anything deliberate -- I could just do my best for my pack and let what happens happen." He shrugged. " _If_ you could convince me you really did want me to come back -- more than you wanted to do the selfless thing."

But that would be silly. She had no idea what selfish really was, so how could she be selfless? She thought that kicking Jacob out of her life and taking away the last of Edward's humanity was selflessness.

"How?" she asked, and he knew she would do whatever he told her to in that moment.

"You could ask me," he suggested, a bit of sarcasm creeping into his tone.

"Come back," she whispered, and Jacob all but rolled his eyes. _I said ask me, not assume you know the best for me and give me an order._

"That's not what I'm talking about," he said with a small shake of his head, but no amount of annoyance could take the relaxed smile off his face.

She was quiet for a fraction of a second. "Will you kiss me, Jacob?"

Jacob casual mellowness shuddered. "You're bluffing."

_Let's hope you're bluffing. You can't honestly think another make-out session will solve anything._

"Kiss me, Jacob. Kiss me, and then come back." Her shoulders were squared. Her voice was sure.

Jacob couldn't even begin to say what he was thinking. He was still sure that she would run as soon as he was safe, but that she was willing to go that far just for his temporary safety said something.

That information alone might have made him start to forgive her, if it wasn't for the one fact that stood against all of her occasional niceties: she was taking the man he loved and killing him. That was unforgivable.

And she thought that Jacob was only madly in love with her, so in her eyes, she was using her own body as a bribe to get the man that loved her to do her bidding. 'I'll give you one little touch if you just do this one thing for me.'

Intelligent. Manipulative. Cruel.

Perhaps it was better that he didn't love her.

But still… She would never know how dirty of a thing she had just done if he didn't kiss her.

But was it really his job to teach her a lesson? Not really.

But, then again, maybe a consensual kiss would be all it takes to make her realize she was in love with him.

Maybe if she realized she loved him, she would genuinely miss him when or if he died. He could use that. It would be kind of nice to have at least one person miss him-and Bella was as good as anyone.

He would kiss her -- but he was still angry at her suggestion. He didn't have to be nice.

He reached her in three steps and took her into his arms, his anger transferring into a violent passion, as it had done every time with Edward. Bella held perfectly still. Annoyed, Jacob wondered if she had never kissed anyone like that. Carefully, but still very firmly, he took her wrist and put it over his own shoulder and did the same with the other one, hoping she would take the hint.

Then again, he shouldn't be callous. With the toxic venom in Edward's mouth, she probably _couldn't_ kiss him like that. Still, as her passive resistance continued, his annoyance grew, and he abandoned her mouth to kiss and nip down the line of her jaw and into the feminine slope of her throat.

So, so different than Edward. There were no hands clutching at him, no soft and resistant groans, no twitches that gave away the real level of arousal. Just the thought of it, even as he kissed a friend he felt nothing but disgust for, made his mouth water.

"You can do better than this, Bella," he muttered tauntingly against her chill -- not ice cold -- skin. "You're over-thinking it." _If you're going to sell your body as a bribe, you had better learn to do it right._

But instead of plugging her nose and diving in, she shivered and half-melted. It was as if his words had touched a chord in her and he half-wondered if that was the feeling of her denial melting away.

"That's right. For once, just let yourself feel what you feel," he encouraged softly. Let someone, just one person in this damned world, love him. But at those words, she shook her head and half pulled back, and the annoyance came rushing back.

"Are you sure you want me to come back?" Jacob asked, the taunting edge back. "Or did you really want me to die?" _No, you don't want me to die, you just want me to keep doing what's convenient for you._

She didn't say anything, but at that, her fingers suddenly clutched at his hair with a wild fervor, and with that same mixture of bitterness and amusement, Jacob matched the passion step for step. She kissed him like he was all she could ever want, and by the way one had slid sensually through his hair while the other clung to his shoulder with need, he was vividly aware that she was aching only for him in that moment.

_That's more like it._

Too bad it was too late.

He pulled back, smiling slightly at how her lips jerked after his as he put distance between them. His relaxed happiness was back, and he was pleased to see reality slowly dawning on her. _Yes, you just cheated on your fiancé and sold yourself to meet your own ends. You're halfway to a vampire already._

"I have to leave," he whispered, still not wanting to miss the battle. He still had no intention of not dying.

"No," she whispered back, still holding on to him.

"I won't be long. But one thing first…"

He knew he owed her this much at least. He bent and kissed her slowly, sweetly. Every ounce of their up-and-down but sure friendship into that one kiss. It was how he had wanted to kiss her every day they had fixed motorcycles together. " _That_ should have been our first kiss. Better late than never."

She swallowed hard and pressed her face against his chest. Jacob gave her one final squeeze before stepping back. "I'll be right back," he grinned teasingly and then sprinted into the trees. He didn't bother clearing his mind, though. He knew he couldn't have, anyway.

Let the pack find out. It wasn't as if he'd be alive much longer.

He released his hold on his already-shaking body and exploded into his secondary form, built for ripping vampires apart and taking harder hits than a truck could, and howled with joy at the physical manifestation of his new mental freedom.

He felt the whole pack with him, he heard them gleaning the dialog of his argument with Edward from his mind, he saw them look at the vision of an emotionless Edward blurred by tears.

_Stop it, mutt._

The words still ached in Jacob's heart, and he felt the pack feel that.

What surprised him, though, was that he didn't feel any shock. Just… resignation. Worried acceptance. Semi-supportive incredulity. And the knowledge that they'd known since the day Leah confronted him. They'd known and had just humored his attempt at being secretive.

_You could have just told me you knew and kicked me out of the pack, you know,_ Jacob commented darkly.

_No -- we need you._ Sam replied. _You're our brother. You belong with us, and we need you._

A semi-hysterical laugh escaped Jacob, garbled by a dog throat. He had forgotten, with Edward gone, they were one short during the fight. They couldn't afford to lose another fighter for their side, it would be risky to the loyal pack members. Afterwards, he would probably be disposable, though.

Perhaps he deserved that for lying to them, but it still stung a little.

_Now, Jacob,_ Sam began, but Jacob ignored him. It was okay. He lied to them. They lied to him. They were all even.

_Jacob, we just wanted you to be the one to tell us. That's why we didn't tell you,_ Quil said quietly, and Jacob heard the sentiment echoed from the others.

Still, much like Bella's epiphany, it came a little late.

He stood silently and faced the direction the newborns were coming, refusing to look at his packmates as they arrived one by one. Sam and Carlisle had split them into two teams. Jacob led Quil, Paul, Jared, Emmett, Alice and Jasper -- he'd learned their names after hearing them enough times during the practice fights. Meanwhile, Sam led Leah, Embry, Carlisle, Esme and the blonde… _Rosalie, I think._

Jacob heard Quil join him first, and then Paul and Jared just a few moments longer. They flanked him, their concern for him offsetting their eagerness for battle -- even for Paul. Jacob rolled his wolf eyes. They all had imprints, it wasn't as if they would miss him all that much. The sun was bright, the air was clear, the forest smelled nice and felt gentle and quiet. It was a good day to die.

He felt three sets of eyes turn towards him immediately.

_You know… hypothetically,_ he replied casually, not particularly caring whether they believed him or not.

Through Seth's ears, he could hear that Edward was back in the tent with Bella, but he couldn't make out the words. He vaguely wondered if he went too far in teaching her a lesson. He knew he had left her under the impression that anything she did would affect his decision to die or not, and since he would die, perhaps that was a little too much guilt for one person.

Even for someone like Bella.

He heard a good deal of small animals start to scatter, sensing the danger that was coming. Jacob could feel the fur on the back of his neck prickle, and knew it would be less than even ten minutes before the pack of newborns came down around their heads. He had only a little time to undo the potential damage he could have done.

_Seth!_ he called, instinctively looking over his shoulder in the other wolf's direction, even though they were miles and miles apart. _Seth, can you do something for me?_

The young werewolf's tone was wary. _What?_

_I need you to relay a message for me,_ Jacob said quickly, seeing the other wolves tense as they heard the rushing of many things running quickly through the woods and still tried to pay attention to Jacob's words. Jacob ignored them. _I may have said something a little hastily when I left Bella. Edward has probably seen what it is from your mind. Could you tell him to tell Bella it was a lie? I don't want her thinking it's her fault or anything._

_Jacob… Jake, it_ is _a lie, isn't it?_ Seth asked shakily.

Jacob laughed. _Hardly._ And then he turned towards the rushing sound with a resolute set of his paws, hoping the message got to Edward and that he would do what Jacob asked him to. After all, after all that Jacob had gave, it was the least that soulless leech -- that poor, broken person -- could do.

x X x

When Edward received the message, he automatically cringed, but Bella's face was pressed into the sleeping bag so she didn't notice. When he went back with Seth, that was how he had found her, and she hadn't moved since. He softly stroked her hair, watching Jacob through the others' eyes, and he'd heard the sentiment along with the words through Seth.

And as much as he hated it, he agreed -- and he would do it, however distasteful it was. After all, after how much Jacob had done, Edward supposed it was the least he could give in return. A little peace for a dying man. A dying wolf.

Edward began with a reluctant chuckle. "And I thought _I_ fought dirty. He makes me look like the patron saint of ethics."

_Come on, you can do better than that,_ he told himself firmly. _Jacob was lying, Jacob was lying, Jacob was lying. Tell yourself that enough and it becomes the truth. Jacob was lying._

"I'm not mad at you, love," he continued, his hand moving from her hair to her cheek. "Jacob's more cunning than I gave him credit for. I do wish you hadn't asked him, though."

Bella sniffed. "Edward. I… I… I'm-"

He cut her off with a gentle shushing noise.

_Jacob was lying. Jacob was lying._

"That's not what I meant. It's just that he would have kissed you anyway -- even if you hadn't fallen for it -- and now I don't have an excuse to break his face. I would have really enjoyed that, too."

"Fallen for it?"

Edward swallowed hard, glad that he didn't have to do this while she was looking at him. He was disgusted with himself. With Jacob, too. He should have told the man to go fuck himself, that he should stay alive so he could tell Bella he was lying himself.

So that he would have incentive to come back.

"Bella, did you really believe he was that noble? That he would go out in a flame of glory just to clear the way for me?" Edward asked, trying to sound like the very idea was ridiculous. He kept his face soft and emotionless just in case she looked up, and he was glad for it because that was just what she did.

"Yes, I did believe that," she grumbled faintly, staring at him with blank desolation, but then her expression crumpled and she buried her face again.

_Jacob was lying._

"You're such a bad liar, you'll believe anyone who has the least bit of skill."

"Why aren't you angry with me?" Bella whispered. "Why don't you hate me? Or haven't you heard the whole story yet?"

Yes, Edward had definitely seen the whole story, the whole pack had picked it up, but it was rather secondary in their minds. It was rather secondary in Edward's too.

"I think I got a fairly comprehensive look. Jacob makes vivid mental pictures. I feel almost as bad for his pack as I do for myself. Poor Seth was getting nauseated. But Sam is making Jacob focus now."

He could hear the alpha's snarling through Seth. He, along with the rest of the pack, was slowly realizing the intensity and the drive of Jacob's master plan. He was scared. He was horrified. He wanted to find a way for Jacob to stay, but the russet wolf was convinced that he was going to be kicked out of the pack, that Bella would forget about him, that Edward didn't love him.

He was going to die.

_No. No, Jacob was lying. Jacob was lying._

_God, I wish he was lying._

x X x

The rushing noise split into two halves, and Jacob heard Sam's group tense. They had all given up talking to him. They were all convinced that they would have a chance to yell at him after the fight-like he was really going to be there. Like they could really stop him.

His mood was so high, he flashed a wolfish grin just as a dozen newborn vampires flooded the clearing.

He would've been afraid of their numbers if he wasn't so damned happy to see them.

Half of them, probably having never seen werewolves, froze in their tracks, growing horror in their eyes. Jacob lunged, his first kill almost depressingly easy. He sent the head flying one direction and the limbs in another, and caved in the entire torso with one slam of his paw. Let the disgusting thing try to reassemble itself now. Meanwhile, he heard Quil having trouble with one of the braver newborns and Jacob leapt into the fray, causing a distraction while Quil decapitated it with a single snap of his jaws. Jacob snickered as his brother spat out the fragments of the thing, but quickly moved to the next one.

They were too new to being vampires. They fought like humans -- lunging and punching and losing limbs because of it. The next time one did that, Jacob grabbed the swinging arm in his jaws and sent the remainder of the body flying through the air with a massive sweep of his own paw. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Emmett rip one of the newborns to absolute shreds, laughing all the way. _Crazy bastard._

It wasn't long before another battle appeared in the space, the second team having driven the other newborns into the clearing. The two vampire groups instantly jumped into the same group to protect each other's backs, but Alice and Jasper -- moving faster than Jacob had ever seen them move in the play battles -- darted through the clump and absolutely shattered it. Vampires went everywhere, and they were losing badly. Carlisle and Esme were taking one down and Sam and Leah had teamed up with another one. Jacob heard Paul's distinctive snarl then saw an unidentifiable body part fly past him. The newborns, just scared teenagers really, were screaming now. Screaming and crying and falling to pieces everywhere.

Jacob's pack didn't need him there anymore. There was no way they would lose. And with that, Jacob immediately attacked two newborns at once, swiping at them both with one swing. They darted out of his range and then teamed up against him. They were fast, but Jacob was faster. Unfortunately, as soon as he was crushing one against the ground, the other leapt at his throat and he was forced to release the leech. He turned to snap at the second one, but in that moment, the first wrapped its arms around Jacob's throat.

For one frozen moment, Jacob vividly felt cold arms begin to crush his neck before he saw a flash of brilliant blonde hair and one of the arms was missing, shortly followed by the head and the rest of the vampire. He opened his eyes and saw Rosalie staring furiously at him. "Stupid move, mutt."

Jacob curled a lip into a vague sneer, but he couldn't reply, so he just turned and leapt for the next one. It was kind of nice, being able to be reckless for a while. Rather fun, really. And it wasn't as if he had anyone he had to go home to.

x X x

Edward's breath caught in his throat, and without thinking, he was on his feet. He didn't have time to go through the door, so he grabbed the ceiling of the tent and ripped the whole thing down. Seth was already turning towards him, crouching, ready to spring towards the clearing. He was fast. He was strong. He was a wolf.

He could survive and make Jacob make it out of there, too.

For a single, frozen second, they breathed the same air, knowing that they shared the same feeling even though the mind link only went one way -- utter horror.

Edward clenched his fists. "Go, Seth!"

And the young werewolf was gone.

He had almost done it. Jacob had really, almost done it. If Rosalie hadn't been at a loss for a newborn to fight, the werewolf would have been beheaded.

Maybe with Seth there, they could all kill the newborns before Jacob could use one of them as an easy out. Edward was with Bella -- they would figure something out. Or someone or something could get Jacob under control. Maybe his pack could work to reign his heart back in.

But just as he began feeling hopeful, he smelled two things simultaneously: Victoria and whatever vampire had been in Bella's room.

With one quick motion, he grabbed Bella and pushed her back against the rock face, assuming a fighting position in front of her.

"Who?" Edward heard Bella whisper behind him.

"Victoria," he answered, already feeling the defensive snarl rumbling in his chest, and praying hopelessly that Seth was still in range, that he would hear her and her companion coming. "She's not alone. She crossed my scent, following the newborns in to watch -- she never meant to fight with them. She made a spur-of-the-moment decision to find me, guessing that you would be wherever I was. She was right." He clenched his fists again. "You were right. It was always Victoria."

He heard a twig at the edge of the trees snap and turned his head towards the sound just in time to see Victoria and a blond boy -- Riley, Edward quickly found out his name was, appear from the shadows. From Victoria's mind, all he saw was vision after upsetting vision of Bella's violent demise. From Riley's, he saw worries about his newborn friends, visions of passionate nights with Victoria, and repeated flashes of a boy named Diego that watched Riley as if he was all the world to him and stared at him in horror and hurt as Riley killed him.

The other boy's gaze reminded him of Jacob's.

Edward gave a tiny shake of his head. He couldn't think about that now, not when the plan Victoria was all but chanting in her mind was going to be so effective. Riley would attack Edward and Victoria would kill Bella as soon as he was distracted. And while Edward knew he was a pretty good fighter, he couldn't take on someone like Victoria and another vampire.

He needed to get rid of Riley. Edward dug in the boy's mind further and, once again, came to thoughts being torn between Victoria and that Diego. Doubts about his choice. Doubts about Victoria herself. Doubts that Edward, hopefully, could use as a wedge between the two vampires.

"Riley," Edward said, just barely above a murmur. "She's been lying to you, Riley."

x X x

Jacob was panting, bits of fur torn from his body and bleeding from cuts and bad scrapes from being thrown multiple times -- but he was still happy. The battle was all but won, but it wasn't over. Not yet.

He flashed his teeth at one of the remaining newborns as he and Jared leapt at it simultaneously. The two of them blocked its way, forcing it back against a tree and dodging its wild punches. Jared turned one of his ducking movements into an attack and knocked the leech of its feet, which Jacob promptly pinned there. As one, they both reached down, grabbed an arm and tore their prey in half.

Jacob glanced down at his half . _I win. Do I get a wish?_

_Not with the kinds of things you'd wish for, no._ Jared grumbled and tossed his down. _I killed more vampires than you, anyway._

Jacob snickered. _Yeah, but you took all of yours down with a partner._

Across the clearing, he heard an exasperated sigh from Sam. _Hello? Battle for our lives going on right now._

Paul came padding up next to him. _Not anymore._

Jacob glanced around. The clearing was covered in chunks of stone, moving, crawling, trying to pull themselves back together, but no one was left standing. The wolves and Cullens slowly started picking up pieces and tossing them into a big pile, and Emmett was fishing in his pockets.

Meanwhile, Alice had rushed over to Carlisle and the others and was whispering very urgently with them. Jacob wasn't sure what about, but the head vampire called over the others and left the wolf pack to clean up the mess.

Which most of them did gladly -- except for Jacob.

He was too busy standing at the edge of the clearing and scanning every inch of it for a potential enemy, trying to fight back the bitter disappointment that was beginning to rise in his throat. He didn't die. He got so close, more than once, but he didn't die. He just… stayed alive. Stayed…

He slowly closed his eyes -- that is, until a low, feminine snarl grabbed his attention. He looked up to see Leah facing a rustling bush, half-crouched and waiting for the thing inside to jump out.

And with a flash of glittering white, Jacob's hope soared once more.

x X x

Things hadn't gone well. With a few soft, loving words from Victoria, Riley's doubts were wiped away and both vampires had turned to attack the vampire that stood between them and Bella.

Edward couldn't stop the pure, unadulterated joy and relief as Seth came thundering back to the little clearing by the cliff face, pinning Riley down and shredding his arms and hands. The wolf jumped back just as the newborn aimed a kick for his shoulder, but he wasn't fast enough to keep the attack from landing. The cracking noise reminded Edward of his and Jacob's fight in the practice field, of Jacob's persistence and his confession.

_Edward… Edward, I love you._

The vampire tightened his fists. He couldn't think about that now, not with Victoria shuffling back and forth, looking for an opening and forcing him to match her steps. They stepped together, her both aggressive and fearful, him compensating. It was almost like a dance, though less like the kind on polished marble floors and more like the kind on dirt that moved to the beat of clanging and clashing steel.

A few yards away, Edward heard Seth take hit after hit and dish out everything he got back. Through Seth's mind, he watched Jacob still fighting a mass of newborn vampires with his pack.

With one backwards shuffle, Edward realized that Victoria was attempting to escape, and quickly -- verbally -- reached out for her. A few short taunts about James and how much he cared for her and she was back into the dance, fury at him mixing with her frustration and hatred of Bella. Fury that made her foolish.

The fight between Riley and Seth wheeled closer and Seth passed just behind Edward, his tail brushing his waist and shoulder -- a sign of silent support to other two vampires.

Riley ignored it, not understanding the significance, but Victoria's eyed widened comically. From her mind, Edward heard her confusion and surprise, stunned that the mortal enemies were fighting together. Voluntarily, rather than out of real need.

"No, he won't turn on me," Edward replied to the question repeating in the back of her mind. "You provided us with a common enemy. You allied us."

Not a lot of vampires knew about werewolves. The only ones who really could know were all of the old ones and any young vampires who knew the old ones. Carlisle had told Edward about them. The Volturi had sent out huge hunting parties to wipe out every werewolf -- man, woman or child. Because of that, they had become very, very scarce, and it was rare to run into any sort of pack. It was rather startling for his family when they had moved to Washington and encountered one. It was terrifying, but they learned that the pack was as scared of vampires as they were of them, so they made a treaty and tried to ignore one another.

Victoria, and the two men she once traveled with, were one of the few vampires that had encountered a werewolf. He could see visions of them tracking a baffling scent across Siberia until they came across its source: a middle-aged werewolf. He could see the animal through Victoria's eyes, and it was a pitiful sight. It had no family, no hope. It stayed alive merely because of the twisted sort of immortality given to werewolves, but it was utterly miserable. At the sight of the vampires, he was inflamed with rage -- and even knowing he couldn't win, he attacked all three, merely on principle. It wasn't long before he was torn to pieces. Literally.

And Victoria thought that every werewolf was like that.

"Look more closely, Victoria," Edward nodded to Seth, and used the distraction of the conversation to move closer to the woman. "Is he really so much like the monster James tracked across Siberia?"

Victoria glanced between Seth and Edward, disbelief growing out of the confusion. It made no sense to her, that every vampire's worst nightmare was actually a potential ally. "Not the same?" she asked, overlaying her image of that other torn creature to Seth. And though Edward hadn't realized it at first, there did seem to be a rather distinct difference between the two. Seth's shoulders weren't as bulky, and though that could just be attributed to age, the way his nose stopped short like a Shepherd's and not like a wolf's couldn't. His whole frame seemed a bit… softer. Domesticated.

It was like looking at two different species of dogs -- the body shape was mostly similar, but there were little details that set them apart and made them too different to lump into the same category. Were there differences in werewolves based on region, or were the Quileute wolves something completely different? Edward knew they could shift when there wasn't a full moon, but did traditional werewolves?

He was pulled from the line of thought by Victoria's still-disbelieving and angry "Impossible!"

Edward smirked lightly. "Nothing is impossible. Except what you want. You'll never touch her."

And their dance tripled in speed. She kept attempting to duck around him, push him to the side, slid between him and Bella -- but he blocked her, knocked her hand away from him with a sharp crack and made sure he was always between the two women. Their odd little battle became violent, though, when she lashed directly out at him -- not to reach Bella, but merely to cause pain to him. Edward felt claw marks across his shoulder where she had raked him and narrowed his eyes. The next time she reached for him, he disabled the hand with a grab and twist of his own wrist. She gasped in pain and fury and her next attack just much closer to his throat. No longer playing passively defensive, Edward curved his fingers into claws and his steps turned aggressive.

x X x

The newborn leapt from the underbrush, terrified and furious, trembling from head to toe but facing them with clenched fists. Leah laughed and jumped forward.

When she was knocked back by a violent shove from the leech, Jacob's hope got any higher. He began to run to that side of the clearing.

Leah lashed out with a paw, but the vampire ducked out of the way and pressed her back defensively to the tree. The rest of the pack moved forward to help Leah, but Jacob was faster.

Jacob leapt.

x X x

With one last wild, desperately disappointed look in Bella's direction, Victoria turned and bolted. She was fast, but Edward was much faster, and he caught up to her before she even made it through the trees.

With one sharp snap of his nearly indestructible teeth, he broke her spinal cord and took her head clear off her shoulders. With a flash of flowing, red hair, her head bounced and rolled halfway across the clearing.

Meanwhile, Seth had finished disassembling his enemy and was barking joyously, both at the victory and at Jacob being alive.

In less than ten more minutes, vampire and wolf had all the broken pieces of Victoria and Riley piled together and covered with pine needles before the whole thing was lit. The smell burned Edward's nose with its overwhelming sweetness, and for a moment, Edward wondered if that was what he smelled like to Jacob. But then how was he able to get so close all the time?

Edward glanced from the flames to Seth and back to Bella. They had made it. Everyone had survived.

Everything was going to be okay.

x X x

Leah fell back, but her body was coiled to spring. The newborn fell into a fighting crouch. Jacob's door to joy and freedom flew wide open. He was going to be free! In less than a handful of seconds, his misery would be nothing at all.

The force of his paws on the ground and his size carried him forward at an incredible speed and, when he collided with Leah, he sent the female werewolf tumbling. As soon as he slid into her place, the young vampire moved. Through Seth's ears, he vaguely heard an agonized scream of "No! Don't-"

_That almost sounds like Edward._

-before frigid arms closed around his neck and haunches in a mock-hug and he was crushed like an empty soda can.

_"The tears run down like razor blades_   
_And no, I'm not the one to blame_   
_It's you, or is it me?_   
_And all the words we never say come out_   
_And now we're all ashamed_   
_There's no sense in playing games when you've done all you can do_   
_Now it's over, it's over_   
_Why is it over?_   
_We had the chance to make it…"_

_~"It's Not Over" by Secondhand Serenade_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I'm very sorry for the delay, especially because I actually had this one finished for a while and just kept putting off posting it… Well, it's posted now, and I'm hammering away at the final chapter, trying to fit it into a logical timeline.
> 
> Also- this song was honestly a bit hard to pick, since I needed something that could explain both sides. I actually had two different songs in the running, since I didn't decide on whose POV it would be until it was almost done. In the end, I just took chunks out of both versions of the chapter and kind of crunched them together and chose this song.


	16. Turning Page

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone who got the “New chapter posted!” email alert for this fic… ten years after its last update… Um. Terribly sorry for the wait. =S
> 
> Happy Twilight renaissance, everyone! I have no idea why it’s happening, but I’m enjoying it.
> 
> I always wondered what I’d say here, for the last chapter. As the years ran on, I was conscious of how my writing style had changed and I was worried I would not be able to do the ending I intended as a teen justice. This year, I decided it didn’t matter; what mattered, to me, was finishing a damned good story. This chapter was particularly difficult to write because it was hard to pin down an exact timeline of events, but I managed to get a pretty reasonable grasp on it, I think!
> 
> I’ve mentioned in some chapters the gifts Meyer accidentally gave me, to make this rewrite possible. But this is my very favorite. Charlie’s description of Edward, arriving with Carlisle to help Jacob. "Edward was really... nice. He seemed as worried about Jacob as you are -- like that was his brother lying there. The look in his eyes..."
> 
> Now, my wonderful readers, the conclusion…

For a moment, relief washed over Edward. No one had died, and Victoria and her army had been vanquished. The Volturi were coming, but they were going to be too focused on the newborn army to care about Bella still being human.

For one beautiful moment, it was all over. Edward smiled.

_Another newborn vampire!_ Seth cried. _She was hiding!_

Edward’s head whipped toward him. “What’s she doing?” But he could answer that on his own.

He focused on the pack link. Through their eyes, he saw a terrified newborn still willing to fight. Every wolf turned to kill her, but it was Leah who leapt first. She turned to face the oncoming newborn, and Edward could feel the burn of her desire to prove she was as good at killing leeches as the rest of her pack. Pain and terror for his sister tore through Seth — until another shape came flying in from every wolf’s peripherals, sending Leah tumbling. With a note of finality and relief, the russet wolf had taken her place in front of the newborn. _Jacob!_

“No!” Edward shrieked, unable to suppress it. His hand reached toward the battleground from where he stood, as if he could have closed the distance between. “Don’t—!” 

There was nothing anyone could have done. Leah sprang to her feet, out of harm’s way, and the young vampire closed its arms around Jacob. 

Edward saw Jacob’s broken body crumple to the forest floor from the eyes of every wolf in the clearing. He heard their agonized cries, including Seth’s, whose cry rang directly in Edward‘s ears.

The ear-splitting pitch and the emotional blast from Seth’s pack link knocked Edward’s legs out from under him. He sank to his knees in the snow, clutching his head as it began to ache and spin with what he had just seen.

Jacob couldn’t leave. He couldn’t die! He was bluffing Bella, damn it! _He can’t die! Oh, God, he’s dead… He couldn’t have survived that…_

But no. No, Edward had to pull himself together. He had to be perfect. He covered his face with his hands, trying to draw a steady breath. From very far away, he felt his slacks soaking with freezing water and tried to hold onto the sensation to ground himself.

_Jacob, no. You can survive this. Werewolves are durable._

When someone panicked or fell to pieces beside him, Edward would always stay strong for them. He had to do it now.

_No no, Jacob, no stay with me._

_Get it together, Edward. Get up._

He had to stay strong for Seth, and Bella. He had to stay strong for… for…

_It hurts, god it hurts. This isn’t how it ends._

Then a tiny sound rose over the din of the wolf pack’s grief. A mental whisper under the screaming. Jacob’s mind wasn’t gone from the link.

And bit by bit, the wolf pack heard it, too.

“Edward! Edward!” Bella cried, falling to her knees in front of him, tugging at his hands to see his face. Edward raised his eyes and shakily met her gaze, his mind still assaulted by nearly a dozen wolf voices solidifying into clear words.

Quil. _Oh, God, Jacob! Jacob, wake up!_

Leah. _You fool! You stupid, obnoxious, inconsiderate, god damned FOOL!_

Jared. _What the hell just happened?! What did he do?!_

Embry. _Kill it! Kill it now!_

Paul. _NO, you stupid bloodsucker! Why should we give mercy to the fucking vampire who killed Jacob?!_

Sam. _I’m sorry Carlisle, but I agree. She must die for Jacob’s death._

Brady. _He’s not dead--not yet! He… I can hear him, I think._

Leah again. _He will be, if he doesn’t get help! The fucking martyring idiot._

Edward could barely see Bella’s face in front of him. “It’s okay. We’re going to be fine. It’s--”

He broke off at the sound of a loud argument threatening to become violent between his family and the wolf pack. The wolves wanted to kill the newborn; Carlisle wanted to save her.

“What’s happening?!” Bella’s voice was shrill and demanding, ringing in his ears like Seth’s cry. She still held Edward’s wrists, and was looking under the red fringe hanging in front of his eyes to make him meet her gaze. 

“We’re fine. We’re going to be okay,” Edward reassured both her and himself. Jacob wasn’t dead. Not yet. They would be okay.

_That argument won’t be the last thing I ever hear from Jacob._

Jacob rose from the depths, meeting only blinding pain, and sank again. Edward didn’t need two medical degrees to know Jacob was going into shock. The blood soaking through that russet fur gave it away. The whisper of Jacob’s mind dissolved away again, and the pack mind turned to panic as they intimately felt him slipping away. Through Sam’s eyes, Edward watched Carlisle drop to his knees to give what was probably his best approximation of CPR on the wolf thrice his size. 

_They heal quickly, Carlisle just has to keep Jacob’s circulation going…_

_No, too quickly. They can’t let his bones set like this._

Edward yelled to Seth, hoping it would reach the alpha’s ears, “Sam— help him—”

Bella swooned. Edward caught her before she hit the ground and sprang to his feet. Seth poised to spring, ears flat and lips curled in a snarl, to join in the fight to decide the newborn’s fate. Edward could already see the violent fantasies blazing through his mind, the urge to shred and burn another vampire.

“Seth!” Edward shouted, grabbing the young werewolf’s attention. Seth turned his head slightly and glared at Edward. _I’m going, Edward. I’m going, and I’m killing her. I’ll crush her like she crushed Jacob, pile her into a campfire and every Quileute will dance around the flames._

“No!” He growled back. “You go _straight_ home. Now. As fast as you can!”

Seth shook his head, letting out a low and defiant whine. _I don’t_ think _so!_

“Seth. Trust me.” Edward didn’t want to have to explain the werewolves to the Volturi, or vice versa. He had noticed the difference between the Washington pack and the creatures of legend and nightmare; the Volturi surely would as well.

Seth crouched for a long moment, looking off into the woods towards the clearing and then towards La Push. _I hope you have a good reason,_ he muttered. With a flash of fur, he was gone, heading towards La Push.

Just as fast, Edward lifted Bella into his arms and started sprinting towards the clearing. 

With Seth gone, Edward no longer knew what was happening with Jacob, but he knew Sam and a few of the others were trying to drag his huge wolf body all the way to La Push, which was hundreds of miles away. Even in the best-case scenario, that shattered bag of bones would be jostled all the way there. 

_If they can get him to transform back, they can make the trip._ Edward desperately wanted a chance to run there and help them. He didn’t see how they would succeed without vampiric strength on their side. 

At least he could be sure that Jacob’s body wouldn’t be in the clearing for Bella to see — though he himself was still forced to see it flashing vividly in half the minds present. There was only about half of it left.

“Edward,” Bella gasped as Edward raced down the mountain peak at almost his top speed. They were moving fast enough, the trees blurred even for him. “What happened, Edward? What happened to Sam? Where are we going? What’s happening?”

He knew she was going into mental shock, but he had no way to soothe it as they ran. “We have to go back to the clearing. We knew there was a good probability of this happening. Earlier this morning, Alice saw it and passed it through Sam to Seth. The Volturi decided it was time to intercede.”

Bella was silent for a long moment, and Edward tried to be comforting. Taking care of her pulled his mind away from how much of Jacob’s blood had soaked Sam and Paul’s fur last time he saw them. “Don’t panic.” _You too, Edward._

“They aren’t coming for us. It’s just the normal contingent of the guard that usually cleans up this kind of mess. Nothing momentous, they’re merely doing their job. Of course, they seem to have timed their arrival very carefully. Which leads me to believe that no one in Italy would mourn of the newborns _had_ reduced the size of the Cullen family… I‘ll know for sure what they were thinking when they get to the clearing.” 

Edward didn’t mask the bitterness in his tone, but he did hold back his relief for the distraction. He didn’t want to think about Jacob. He didn’t want to think about the newborn that had crushed him — the newborn that was alive and waiting in the clearing.

_Can I really blame the newborn when this is what Jacob wanted?_

“Is that why we’re going back?” Bella whispered, flinching and curling in on herself. She had to be close to breaking, and Edward’s chest tightened with fear for both the people he loved.

_‘Loved’…?_

Edward stomped the thought down and kept sprinting. He didn’t have time to think about that. If he had one more thing to worry about, he would collapse.

“It’s part of the reason,” Edward answered, then cleared his throat when he realized how shaky his voice sounded. “Mostly, it will be safer for us to present a united front at this point. They have no reason to harass us, but… Jane’s with them. If she thought we were alone somewhere away from the others, it might tempt her. Like Victoria, Jane will probably guess that I’m with you. Demetri, of course, is with her. He could find me, if Jane asked him to.”

Bella made a panicked gurgle in her throat, and Edward held her tighter. “Shh, Bella, shh. It’s all going to be fine. Alice can see that.”

As they neared the clearing, Edward came into range of the family and started picking up bits of their thoughts, including Alice‘s rapidly shifting visions, Carlisle‘s burning pity and empathy, and Jasper’s cold disgust of the newborn.

The newborn’s name, Jacob’s would-be killer, was Bree.

Bella seemed confused by his last statement. “The pack…?”

“They had to leave quickly. The Volturi do not honor truces with werewolves.”

As Bella’s shock wore off, Edward could hear her heart and breath quicken towards a panic attack. She wasn’t going to be able to hold herself together for long, and Edward would be lying if he said he wasn’t scared for her. He didn’t know how to deal with a Bella who was falling apart.

_That was Jacob’s specialty._

“I swear they will be fine,” he muttered, trying to sound steady and sure. “The Volturi won’t recognize the scent — they won’t realize the wolves are here; this isn’t a species they are familiar with. The pack will be fine.”

Bella was quiet for another long moment, before asking in a terrified, whisper. “What happened? Before. When Seth was howling? When you were hurt?”

Edward hesitated, not knowing if this was a good moment to be sharing the news. He didn’t want to say it out loud, either. It would make the image of a broken Jacob from the pack’s eyes more real than a vivid dream from another mind.

“Edward! Tell me!” Bella demanded, with the tone of someone who didn’t want the news but who needed it.

Edward swallowed the bile in his throat. “It was all over,” he said softly. “The wolves didn’t count their half… they thought they had them all. Of course, Alice couldn’t see…”

“What happened?!”

“One of the newborns was hiding… Leah found him--” Edward’s voice grew harsh as he recalled why she had attacked in the first place. “She was being stupid, cocky, trying to prove something. She engaged him alone…”

“Leah.” The girl sounded worried, but like a vein of even greater worry had been released. “Is she going to be okay?”

Edward ducked his head. “Leah wasn’t hurt,” he mumbled under his breath.

Bella stared at him blankly. Edward stared determinedly at the sky — or, more specifically, at the huge column of purple smoke that rose up from between the trees. It smelled like incense and made terror slide down his spine, even though he knew the fire had nothing to do with him.

“Edward… Edward, someone got hurt.”

In the distance, on the barest edge of Edward’s range and only because he was straining, Edward could ‘hear’ the pack again. _They haven’t made it far at all._

“Yes,” Edward whispered. 

He could see Sam, Paul, and Embry trying desperately to lift, carry or drag Jacob’s body through the forest. Paul’s fangs were deep in Jacob’s scruff, doing most of the lifting. Sam was trying to get a decent hold on Jacob’s hindquarters. Time and time again, one of Jacob’s dragging legs would catch on the underbrush and they would drop him. But they kept trying – no order from Sam needed. All the whole, Edward could hear them begging their packmate to wake up, phase into his smaller shape. It was difficult for Edward not to flinch every time the body crumpled again.

“Who?” Bella asked faintly.

Edward tried to stop his violent trembling. “Jacob.”

“Of course,” Bella whispered, and fainted in his arms.

A glimmer of relief ran through Edward, a window where he could get to Jacob and try to help — followed by trickling shame. _How can you leave Bella?_

_Bella will be fine._

_Will Jacob?_

_I shouldn’t be so quick to leave her._

And yet. Bella would be alright with rest. Jacob… Jacob was not. He was decided when his family came into view.

“Edward!” Carlisle relieved smile dimmed when he saw Bella’s body in Edward’s arms. He was over to the two of them in just a couple strides. “What happened?”

Edward swallowed, still feeling torn between Bella’s unconscious body and Jacob’s, even as he planned his get-away. Jacob was stronger, but he was also more heavily injured. Bella certainly needed him and Jacob— 

_Jacob needs me._ _I need to focus._

“Stress and shock. She just needs a mental break, I think,” Edward said, looking down into her ashen face.

Carlisle’s eyes narrowed. “And this?” he asked, gently lifting her arm so they could both see the long, ragged gash on her arm. Blood oozed out of it and dripping from her fingertips. 

Edward grimaced. “A stunt of martyrdom I’d rather explain later.” He realized distantly that he should be raveningly thirsty at the sight, but Jacob’s stuttering heartbeat had its hooks in Jacob’s far more than Bella’s enticing blood.

The three far-away werewolves had dropped Jacob again, this time more roughly than before. Jacob stirred with a whimper and sank into unconsciousness, and that was all Edward could take. _I have to get to them!_

“May I go? I’ll be back before Bella wakes, I’m sure. I just need to… they’re trying to carry Jacob...”

His pseudo-father’s gaze was filled with nothing but understanding as he nodded. Edward would have been terrified if it weren’t for the fact that Carlisle’s thoughts showed nothing of romantic interest between the two boys… only a deep, emotional bond.

Well… that was worrying too, but not as much so as the wet crunch of bone fragments shifting inside Jacob’s body — loud enough that Edward was hearing it clearly third-hand.

“Thank you,” Edward said in as steady a voice as he could manage and held Bella out to Carlisle. His pseudo-father took Bella back to the fire, and Edward ran. 

He sprinted through the trees, following the trail of blood, the bits of torn fur, and Jacob’s scent. He had barely made it ten miles before he saw the group he was looking for.

His eyes immediately fell to the crumpled reddish-brown wolf on the ground. Standing over Jacob were three wolves just as large — one black, one silver, and one smaller chocolate-brown — covered in blood.

_This isn’t working!_ Paul, the silver one, snapped.

_Any better ideas?_ Sam growled back.

_Jacob_ … Embry pushed his nose into that damp fur. _Transform back… please..._

“I have one,” Edward said softly, knowing they could easily hear him. He skidded to a halt, close enough to see Jacob’s flank rising and falling in stuttering breaths, and far enough away to dodge if the wolves chose to attack.

Sam turned to stare at Edward, looking like the Grim in ebony black, standing over Jacob’s broken body. Edward steeled himself, the rage and distrust coming off Sam in waves. 

_Why are you here?_ The pack leader asked, his lips curling in the snarl the words held.

Paul’s furious eyes flashed to Edward and then sullenly back down to Jacob. Edward caught a memory from him, of Jacob shaking his head with bloodshot eyes. _Why can’t you just tell me?_ Paul had begged; he hated it, because what people called compassion, they usually meant “coddling stupidity” and Paul felt just as stupid doing it. And it _still_ hadn’t worked. 

Edward could hear the clear dismissal in Paul’s mind. Edward hadn’t been helpful and wouldn’t be now. Leeches didn’t matter when his brother was on the ground.

He recalled Jacob’s memories of Paul. Protective rage, defensive rage — nothing would touch what he loved while _he_ stood between them and the perceived threat. Just as Paul was doing now. This particular brand was distilled helpless fury, inflamed by the vampire scents all around them.

“I’m here to help,” Edward said at last, when none of them spoke. He walked slowly toward them, extending a hand. “Carry him, or transform him, or—” 

Paul sprang between Edward and his fallen brother, fur bristling. _Haven’t you done enough damage?!_ Punctuated with a hair-raising snarl out loud. _You caused this! YOU! Get the fuck out of here, we don’t need your help!_

Edward clenched his fists and then deliberately loosened them. These were just Paul’s instincts. “Don’t punish Jacob for my mistakes.”

_Just get out of here!_ the gray wolf snarled. His muscles were coiling to spring, his huge paws raking tracks in the forest soil. The defensive hatred was palpable.

_Paul,_ Sam said in a warning tone.

Edward planted his feet as well, half-bending his knees. He could probably throw a charging wolf with minimal damage to them both. “No.”

Paul’s lip curled and another violent snarl rumbled from his chest and rattled the nearby leaves. Edward struggled to hear a clear thought over Paul’s pain, rage, agony. Everything that wiped these werewolves’ minds and left nothing but violent urges in their wake.

_Last warning, leech,_ Paul finally managed to spit, _Now is the worst possible time to start pretending to care. Just turn around, walk away to your pretty girlfriend, and leave Jacob with us._

Under Paul’s feet, Jacob gave a wet gurgle, and Edward’s chest seized. 

“You’re just hurting him more!” Edward snapped, trying to reel Paul’s reasonable side back in. “Every time you drop him, every time you shift him the wrong way, every… Look, I can try to change him back. At the very least, I can get him onto one of your backs and hold him steady. You need someone with _hands_!” He squared his shoulders, refusing to move an inch. Behind Paul’s bristling form, he could see the blood in Jacob’s mouth bubbling slightly. Jacob was still breathing, but just barely, and it wasn’t going to last long. Edward was hardly breathing himself, his own fury rising to match Paul’s. 

Paul lunged forward and Edward jumped back to dodge those glistening fangs, which missed him by a hair. He caught a wisp of a thought from Paul about just scaring leeches away — killing Edward would upset Jacob.

Edward planted his heels into the dirt and reached for Paul with clawed fingers and a matching snarl on his own lips. Paul ducked away, forcing Edward to reach even further to grab Paul by the muzzle. But as soon as his grip tightened and prepared to twist, he felt a paw as big as his head planted his chest, ready to shove.

Edward could twist Paul’s face off, but he was bound to lose his torso or his arms in the process. He froze.

Before either of them could speak, Sam jumped forward and snapped in Paul’s direction. _STOP._

A shudder raced through Paul’s mind, and Edward heard the clink of another chain link appear. An order from on high that the wolf could not disobey. Paul dropped his paw immediately and, not wanting to seem the lesser man, Edward released him as well. Both were still bristling.

_He’s right, we need him._ Sam’s tone was low and resigned. He, like Edward, was trying to stay strong for everyone’s sakes and was quickly getting emotionally exhausted from it. _Let him help._

The alpha turned to Edward a moment later. _The floor is yours_ , he said with a bite of irony.

Nodding with relief but keeping a wary eye on Paul, Edward stepped forward. He kneeled by Jacob’s giant russet-brown face and rested a hand between those soft ears. They were nothing like the nightmare beasts in Siberia. The Cullens were right to make a truce with these guardians.

Jacob’s body lay twisted at odd angles from its latest drop. Through his hand on Jacob’s head, Edward could feel the squish and scrape of the wolf’s healing abilities trying to put Humpty back together again. Jacob’s skin twitched with it, like something was alive beneath his skin. That skin was completely sealed now, the blood caked to Jacob’s fur was turning brown. If Edward thought werewolves smelled bad — their blood was nauseating. He would rather drink bleach. At least there was no more bone exposed, like there had been when the trio of wolves started dragging Jacob off.

_Jacob can’t heal this. It’s too catastrophic._ But maybe, _maybe_ , his human body could survive long enough for Carlisle to help after the Volturi leave.

Jacob’s nose weakly twitch and then his lip. _Can he smell me?_

Edward’s ran his fingers through Jacob’s thick fur, massaging the base of his ears. The mind beneath his hand stirred muddily. Jacob _could_ be awake under the black pool trying to drown him.

Visualizing shoving his hands into a deep pool of oil, Edward reached into the broken and battered mind and tried to fish out conscious thought… if there even was any.

Luckily, Sam had a closer mental bond and could hear more wisps of thought than Edward could. _We’ve been trying to talk to him._ Sam said quietly. _He’s refusing to wake up and shift to human form. Too much pain, not worth being aware. We can’t motivate him._

Quil, who had been quiet up into that moment and whose nose was still pressed into Jacob’s fur, let out a low and wounded whine. _Why aren’t we good enough for him?_

Edward didn’t have a good answer for that. He didn’t know. He could motivate Jacob though.

_Do you feel the same way I do?_ Jacob had asked in a tent, a million years ago. Or twelve hours, it felt the same.

_I’d rather not answer_ , Edward had said.

_Would you ever?_

Edward ran a slow, soft hand from Jacob’s forehead, around his ear, in gentle circles. He bent closer, ignoring his violent nausea and the panic still clawing its way up his spine. He had run his fingers through Jacob’s hair several times now, but never like this.

“Jacob, I…” Edward’s voice cracked and broke off, and he cleared his throat. _I can say this. It’s not that hard._

_No, probably not_ , Edward had answered that freezing night, and Jacob had scoffed.

_So, an inch from death — yours or mine — you wouldn’t answer that for me?_ Above Jacob’s mocking smirk had been such doubtful eyes. _As your dying confession or my dying wish?_

And Edward had said _Maybe._ He never realized he would be put to the test so soon.

The wolves were murmuring amongst themselves behind him, guessing what he would say, hissing their disapproval not at Edward as a male, but Edward as a vampire. Edward didn’t disagree. He was vividly aware of the audience he had (not just the three nearby, but many were still in wolf form and part of the pack link), but he ignored the embarrassment that threatened to well up. Jacob was the important thing right now.

Their secret was already revealed to the pack, whose first loyalty was to one another. They wouldn’t tell any Cullens information they didn’t need, and they considered Bella a Cullen in spirit.

Edward could be honest about the thought that had struck him as he ran Bella to his family. Honest about the feeling that curled in his chest when he vented to Jacob, who only watched with patient eyes. Honest about what had driven him, screaming, through the woods to land on one knee in front of Bella. 

He let the feeling well up in him like the sun cresting over the hills. Jacob was that sun, shining under and through Edward’s skin, reflecting off him, revealing the truth of him. His imperfections, his inhumanity. And Edward _shone_ with it, he truly did. 

He could still feel Jacob’s lips catching on his, painfully close as he whispered what he thought of Edward’s imperfections. What he thought of Edward. It was time he returned the favor.

Edward’s soft voice still rasped on the words. “Jacob, I love you.”

Emotions frothed from the pack, so strong and so varied, they blended and became incomprehensible to a trembling Edward. He heard their scorn and disbelief. Paul’s amplified distrust rang out above the storm. Sam’s fear. And softly, the lightest splashing waves beneath the whirlwind, he felt Leah’s and Seth’s disbelieving happiness. 

Trying to ignore the chatter, Edward ran his hand across Jacob’s face and neck fur, down to his shoulder. He could still feel the internal shifting, but the crunching had stopped. Jacob’s mind pushed half-heartedly into wakefulness but that pain still clawed at him. Under the roar of the pack mind, Edward could hear Jacob clearly. Agony was still there, but emotional shock too, and sudden awareness. He could smell Edward.

Edward curled his fingers, a fist of fur between them. With the other hand, he cupped Jacob’s muzzle the way he would have cupped the man’s cheek, feeling ridiculous but determined.

“Do you hear me, Jacob Black?” Edward said softly, triumph beginning to rise in his chest. “I love you.”

A weight was rolling off his shoulders onto the dirt, forgotten. A tightness in his spine slipped away, the muscles in his jaw eased. Edward felt a great loosening across his whole body. He had faced the truth, just like Jacob wanted.

The body under his hands flushed with heat and Edward felt Jacob’s mind rear up with a mighty effort. Those wolf eyes flashed open and rolled, trying to focus. Edward concentrated, leaning in to hear his mind over the pack, but Jacob’s thoughts were too loud, too tangled. Edward couldn’t pick out any specific words, or even a particularly clear emotion. _Resolve, perhaps._

Edward tightened his fist against Jacob’s damp fur. “I can’t understand you.” He felt the ghost of a smile on his lips and didn’t suppress it. “You’ll have to talk to me.”

Fire lanced across Jacob’s body, which blurred and shrank beneath Edward’s hands. He blinked, and his hands were resting on a naked human shoulder and a cheek. The body was still torn, still bruised and gruesomely twisted, but it was alive. He was breathing and moving. And Jacob–

Edward could barely hear the man over the roar of the pack, the resounding of their fury and relief and joy, punctuated with howls.

“ _Liar_.” Jacob rasped, eyes fluttering open. He looked as if he were about to continue, but his throat seized, and he turned to spit out a mouthful of coagulated blood.

Edward laughed, breathless and relieved. “Never about that. I love you.” Now that he could say it, he wasn’t sure if he ever wanted to stop.

Jacob blinked up at him with devastatingly warm brown eyes. “You have shit for timing,” he ground out, throat worn and aching. “I hurt way too fucking much to enjoy this right now.”

“I’m sorry,” Edward answered sincerely, still smiling. Jacob’s lips twitched upward, a miracle in this condition. 

He gathered Jacob up against his chest, with an arm around to keep the werewolf’s body steady, and tried not to think of the first time he held this naked body when he himself was fully clothed. Pressed against a tree as a bear bled out at their feet. Jacob was as naked as he had been for their first kiss. 

Edward pressed his lips to Jacob’s bloody ones, not giving a damn about the taste. Jacob sighed and Edward felt relief wash from Jacob’s mind to his. He deepened the kiss, encouraged, arms curving tighter around his lover. 

Jacob flinched. “Gentle— ow fuck!” Jacob hissed in pain, pulling away. Edward felt a pang of guilt but his exultation was much stronger.

“I don’t have to be gentle with you, wolf,” Edward murmured. Jacob’s eyes widened; he was doubtlessly remembering their first kiss as well. 

Moisture was gathering in Jacob’s eyes, and Edward knew they were losing their moment of peace. The werewolf had reached a level of pain beyond any conscious comprehension — but that wasn’t going to last. Jacob’s healing was speeding up again. 

Edward shifted into a crouch, still holding Jacob close. “I’m going to pick you up. You’re going back to La Push,” he said firmly.

He felt the spark of agreement from Jacob a second before he spoke. “Okaaa—” The word ended in a violent gasp and Jacob’s body seized. The convulsion reverberated back through his body, wracking it with pain. Panic tightened in the back of Edward’s throat as Jacob fell into a circle of pain, flinching, and further pain. 

“Jacob— try to hold still!” Edward rose to his feet, holding Jacob tightly, trying to keep his torso still. In this state, it felt like cradling a bag of tent stakes. Paul was snarling low in his throat, and Sam’s warning growl echoed it. 

For a hideous moment, Jacob shook, and Edward feared he was about to explode into his secondary form again. But before Jacob’s body could summon the strength, his eyes rolled back, and he lost consciousness again. 

Quil and Embry’s minds appeared in range just seconds before their looming wolf forms pushed through the trees beside Sam. They were carrying bundles of jeans in their mouths.

_From a stash,_ Quil said.

_He’s back!_ Embry cried, dropping the jeans. _When we heard his mind disappear, for a second I thought…_

Edward lifted Jacob fully in his arms, as he has held Bella just minutes before. “Can any of you carry him?” He demanded, turning to the four wolves. As humans, surely they could, but as a wolf, they could run at vampire speed.

Paul shook his pelt and knelt near Edward in what was a rough approximation of a horse kneeling to be mounted. _Weird to see a dog looking like that_ , Edward thought, and hefted Jacob onto Paul’s back. 

He picked up Embry’s dropped jeans and tied them into restraints, binding Jacob belly-down to Paul’s back. As Edward’s hands brushed Paul’s bristling gray fur, he felt the wolf heave a deep breath, and thoughts of Rachel rushed through him. She eased down the anger, the instinct to turn and shred Edward.

It bought Edward enough time to finish and step back. Paul bolted, Quil and Embry got on his heels.

Sam pauses, surveying Edward. _Thank you for your help_ , he said formally. Then he, too, disappeared into the brush.

The odds were high now that Jacob would make it.

Edward hoped.

x X x

Everything after that was a blur of alternating fear and relief. 

Fear: Bella was still unconscious when Edward skidded to a halt back at the newborn funeral pyre, where his family waited. Relief: she awoke.

Fear: Carlisle was seriously considering adopting this wild _Bree_ into the Cullens. Relief: it could, seemingly, maintain control. 

Fear: the Volturi arrived and killed the girl, staring straight at Edward as they did so. They threw the shredded body in the fire, Jane glancing significantly at Bella. Relief: they left without punishing anyone for Bella’s continued humanity. 

The two emotions bled and mixed until all Edward felt was a twitching disquiet, and an eagerness to get to La Push. Carlisle’s phone rang shortly after the Volturi left — a frantic Billy Black on the other line. The man knew of the battle today of course, but there was no formal arrangement in the Treaty on aiding the other “side.” Carlisle was both the only person able to treat Jacob, and someone who would be well within his rights to refuse.

Carlisle agreed, his tone urgent and soothing to Billy over the phone. Edward shifted, restless at his side.

“I want to see him,” Bella whispered, when Carlisle hung up.

“Charlie is there,” Carlisle warned. “He would be suspicious if we all showed up together — but I can call you as soon as Charlie is gone, if you’d like.”

Bella nodded mutely, and Edward reached out a hand to gently cup her cheek. She was still so very shaken. “I’m going with him. I’ll come get you as soon as Charlie leaves, if you’d like.”

Bella perked up, frowning. “Carlisle can tell me, can’t he? I need you here, Edward, I can’t– please stay–”

Alice reached out and took her hand. Edward crushed down his impatience and kissed Bella’s forehead. “I’m sorry, Bella. I’ll be back soon. Carlisle will need a second set of hands for this, and frankly I think Jacob would prefer a– a familiar face.” He bent and brushed a kiss across her lips.

Bella looked like she still wanted to protest, but Alice began tugging her toward where the Cullens had left their cars. Edward skimmed Carlisle’s mind and saw that he had already examined Bella’s arm and determined stitches could wait and she wouldn’t have any permanent damage.

As Carlisle and Edward raced back to Carlisle’s Mercedes, Carlisle gave Edward a long look. “If Bella needs you, I could do this alone. Sam and the others would help.”

Edward studiously looked away, trying to ignore the dazzling understanding and compassion radiating from Carlisle. His pseudo-father was being very careful not to presume anything specific about the nature of Edward’s bond with Jacob, and if anything, that was worse.

“You need my help,” Edward insisted, glad he could no longer blush. “He might still be unconscious. You might need me to read his mind.”

Carlisle was silent for a long moment and then gave a single nod. “Alright, then.”

x X x

Carlisle drove, since he knew where Billy – and Jacob – lived, and Edward did not. He took them to a rickety old house next to a large barn, both covered with flaked paint and surrounded by broken-down cars.

When Carlisle’s Mercedes screamed into Billy’s drive, spraying gravel, he could hear the deafening howls. Underneath it, he could hear the pack mind churning. Sam had already howled to Billy, who had been fishing on the lake with Charlie, to let him know one of them had been injured and to be ready. Billy’s mind was in range, and Edward could hear the echoes of the man frantically calling the parents of every other wolf in the pack, hating himself for hoping one of them had gotten the bad news call and not him. 

Carlisle frowned over at Edward. _The whole village will hear them_ , he heard Carlisle think softly. Edward didn’t know how secret the pack had to be from the tribe but if they were before, he doubted they were now. Just as they got out of the car — Carlisle clutching the medical bag he always kept in his trunk — the howls all died out at once and above them, Edward heard Jacob screaming.

Charlie and Billy burst out of the house, just as the whole wolf pack came out of the woods in their human forms, all with at least pants on. Someone had been smart enough to get pants up over Jacob’s broken legs as well. Jacob hung from Sam and Paul, who each had an arm over their shoulders. Edward was at-once relieved that Jacob was healed enough to be carried that way and horrified at how fast it had been. They needed to set the bones– 

“Jacob! Oh, Jacob...” Billy’s wheels slid down the front door ramp and skidded on the grass as he tried to cross the yard the hard way. Charlie grabbed the back of his wheelchair and ran them both to the pack. Edward started – he didn’t know a thing about Jacob’s father.

“Hey– Billy–” Sam panted. Charlie was swearing softly, and Edward could feel his concern stretching out beneath the fog over the man’s mind.

It was nothing compared to the long stream of varied cussing from Jacob, punctuated with snarling and yelping. Sam tripped, a spasm of pain racing up his ankle. Edward darted forward and caught him, a hand against his chest, and caught Jacob by proxy.

“Let me help.” _He’s hurt_ , Edward realized. _Before or after the battle?_ He poked Sam’s mind and found the alpha had no idea.

He pulled Jacob’s arms from around Sam’s shoulders to around his own and bore up most of Jacob’s weight.

“Fucking CHRIST,” Jacob panted, his head falling against Edward’s shoulder. He seemed to be exhausting himself. “Jesus, fuck… fuck me, mother god unholy hell, this f-fucking hurts…”

“Jacob, try to calm down. Get him inside!” Carlisle snapped to Sam and Paul. Edward always saw Carlisle as his gentle father figure, and rarely as a brusque doctor that many of the other residents admired. He imagined he was seeing that man now.

Charlie was pushing Billy across the yard, keeping pace with them. One of the wolves Edward didn’t know – _Brady_ , the mind answered – ran ahead and held open the door.

Edward followed Paul’s mind to Jacob’s bedroom and together, they got the fallen wolf onto his bed. They tried to set him down gently, but he bounced on the firm mattress.

“God damn it,” Jacob hissed, and tried to curl in on himself. “Paul, you clumsy fuckstick asshole.”

“Hey, I wasn’t the only one carrying you just now!” Paul protested.

“Was’def’nitely your fault... shitless graceless bag of dicks...” Jacob ran a hand over his face, mumbling. “Edward’d never do that… Too fuckin’ perfect...”

_He’s cursing himself to sleep,_ Edward thought, smothering the warmth curling in his chest. “Jacob,” he nudged the man’s foot. “Stay awake. Talk to us.”

“No,” Jacob said flatly, but he uncurled slightly and kept his eyes open.

Carlisle came into the room, followed by Billy and Charlie. The rest of the wolves filled the tiny living room: seven giant bodies and Leah’s only slightly smaller one. Billy rolled up next to the bed and Edward forced himself to step back, away from Jacob. He stood at the foot of the bed and rested a hand on the blanket under the man. It was almost like touching Jacob. The room was choked with his scent and for once, Edward wasn’t bothered by it.

Carlisle got to work, running his hands down each one of Jacob’s limbs to gauge exactly how bad it was.

“Sam! What happened?” Billy reached up and held his son’s face between his hands. Jacob flinched, even at that. “Is he going to be okay?”

Sam glanced at Charlie. “Motorcycle accident. We didn’t see— the tree. The bike landed on top of him, crushing him, when it dropped.”

Billy nodded slowly. Charlie came up quietly behind the other man and put his hand on his shoulder.

“That damned bike!” Charlie cursed. “I bet you weren’t wearing a helmet or a jacket – as usual. How could you be so reckless, Jacob?” 

Edward could hear Jacob’s mind churning with self-recrimination, doubt, frustration that he’d landed in this miserable half-step between alive and dead. Confusion on top of confusion about where he stood with Edward and Bella now.

“Heh,” Jacob laughed, the sound catching in his throat. “Just the way I am, I guess.” He convulsed again, but far weaker than he had before. “Bet you’re glad she loves Cullen instead of me today, huh, Charlie?”

Charlie just shook his head. Edward noticed he didn’t disagree. Charlie’s eyes suddenly snapped up and focused on Edward and Carlisle. Suspicion rolled in his thoughts. “Speaking of– Billy said he was calling you, but I thought you two were on a trip.”

“We had to come back early and were in the area,” Edward said in clipped tones.

Charlie started to nod, but suddenly frowned. “Wait, shouldn’t he go to a hospital or something?” Charlie demanded, looking from Jacob to Carlisle and back again.

Edward barely stopped the breath from hissing between his teeth. _Apparently, he’s having a particularly intelligent day today. But he picked a bad time._ He knew it was an ungenerous thought, but his silent heart was in his throat. He was sure Jacob would be fine but looking at the man spread across the bed, he could easily see where several of the bones had knitted crookedly – and Carlisle had noticed too. The bones would have to be re-broken.

“I know what I’m doing,” Carlisle answered coolly. Edward was surprised to glean that the doctor wanted Charlie to leave as much as Edward did. This would be easier if they didn’t have to play human the entire time. 

“Hey – how did you get here so fast then, too?” Charlie asked suddenly.

_Go away!_ Edward nearly snapped.

“I called him,” Sam answered quickly. “On my cell phone. When Jacob crashed. He was the first one I thought of, and I know he does house calls.”

Charlie frowned. “You… have Carlisle’s phone number?”

Sam shrugged, looking agitated. “Doesn’t everyone?” He tried to sound casual.

Edward, hearing the growing distress in the alpha’s mind, stepped in. “Is it alright if we discuss this later, Officer Swan?” His voice was steady and respectful, but wavered as he added, “Jacob is hurt, and…”

“O- Oh. Of course, yeah.” Charlie gave him a long look, glanced down at Jacob, and back up at Edward. Like he was trying to see where a puzzle piece fit.

“All of you, out.” Billy said. “It’s too crowded in here for Carlisle to work.”

Charlie trailed off to the living room to join the other wolves. Only Billy, Sam, Edward, and Carlisle stayed. Carlisle pulled a vial of morphine out of his bag and drew an exceptional dose. With a healing rate like Jacob’s, his metabolism would be extraordinary as well. 

Carlisle buried the needle in Jacob’s thigh. The werewolf fell back, his body limp. Low groans still rumbled in his chest, and wisps of consciousness remained. 

“I need you two to hold him for me,” Carlisle said softly. Edward and Sam stepped forward.

x X x

The next three hours were a blurry hell. Carlisle had used so many braces – there was no use in applying plaster casts for only a couple days – he had to go back to his car to fetch more.

They rebroke both legs, one arm, and a collarbone. Carlisle dislocated and relocated several ribs. And all the while Sam twitched and shook, every instinct in him screaming to knock these leeches away from his packmate. He stayed strong though, never once voicing the instincts coiling through his mind.

Jacob continued to burn off vial after vial of morphine, his body running hot enough to sting Edward’s hands. 

They snapped the last brace over Jacob’s upper arm and Edward braced his hands on the footboard of Jacob’s bed, breathing. Inhaling that reeking wet dog smell just to reassure himself Jacob was here and alive. Sam put a hand on Edward’s shoulder, shooting him a glance of profound camaraderie. Sam knew Edward and Jacob loved each other now. Their families had fought side by side. Generations ago, Edward had stood across a fire from leaders of the tribe and listened to Carlisle laying out the treaty. It had been cold, fearful, hateful. He never imagined that one of their children’s children would put a hand on him in support. 

Charlie left and, true to his word, Edward rang Bella. She was still shell-shocked when she arrived. Edward held her hand as lightly as he could while she gripped his like it was the only thing keeping her standing. They both watched the rise and fall of Jacob’s chest, finally easing into a normal rhythm as he slept.

Carlisle’s last morphine dose would have put a human into a permanent coma.

Carlisle was still by the foot of the bed now, watching Jacob twitch, and adjusting his braces as necessary. 

“You have to go back to Alice now, Bella.” Edward eventually murmured, squeezing her hand. “It’s important you two have that sleepover and get your alibi straight.”

Charlie knew they were back from the trip, and that he hadn’t seen Bella in a while. Any normal father would fear it was a scheme to have a sleepover with the boyfriend — _fiancé,_ Edward corrected himself — and Charlie was painfully “normal.”

Bella didn’t move, just stared at Jacob, transfixed. Edward wondered how long he should wait before forcibly pushing her out. He loved her, he was going to spend the rest of his life with her, and still painfully wanted her _gone_ in that moment so he could speak with Jacob.

Carlisle came over and put a gentle hand on Bella’s shoulder. “He’s just fine. We’re going to call you as soon as he’s awake and can have visitors.”

Bella shook her head, not even seeming to hear him.

Edward’s phone rang. _Alice._ “Yes, we’re leaving soon,” he said as soon as he opened it.

“Give the phone to Bella,” Alice said sharply. Edward did, wondering if she’d seen a vision. Or rather, maybe Bella had no intention of ever leaving Jacob’s side in this condition and her immediate future had vanished. 

He listened to Alice’s fierce murmur and watched Bella mute nodding. Alice talked about the meticulously careful life of a Cullen, the necessary lies, the alibis, the _responsibility_ of the family. It was a conversation Bella needed to hear, though Edward wouldn’t have been as harsh.

The phone call convinced Bella to leave. Edward stayed behind with the murmured excuse that Carlisle still needed help.

When Jacob’s condition finally stabilized, Carlisle took his leave as well. But for a moment, he hovered in Jacob’s doorway, looking back and forth between Edward and Jacob. His father was turning over quite a lot of thoughts in his mind, some he was willing to voice and some not. He was as worried for Edward as he was for Jacob. Edward appreciated the concern but he wanted him _gone_ , he wanted the room empty, for everyone to just _go away._

Eventually Carlisle cleared his throat, a human habit he had never quite dropped. “Call me if anything goes—”

“I have two medical degrees,” Edward said tightly. _One while bloodletting and aromatherapy against disease were considered legitimate practices but still._

Carlisle’s brows raised at Edward’s sharp tone and Edward felt a pang of embarrassment at his own impatience. “Academia is not practicing medicine,” Carlisle said, a disapproving note in his mild tone.

“I will take care of him,” Edward insisted.

Carlisle went, leaving his bag by Jacob’s bed just in case. Billy left the house with him, likely to discuss new treaty tenets.

After coming in the room to see that Jacob was okay, and snarl at Edward a bit, the wolf pack left too.

x X x

When Jacob awoke, he could feel his legs without the sensation of someone jamming a knife behind his kneecap and prying it off. He took a careful breath in, out, and his aching lungs weren’t being scraped by broken ribs. 

With that breath came the characteristic sickly-sweet scent of rotting bodies, of vampires, and – Jacob would always recognize it now – distinctly _Edward._

He opened his eyes and looked down. A blanket was covering his legs, but he could see the outline of braces underneath. His torso was bound tightly, as was his left arm. Jacob clenched both his fists; his left hand could hardly twitch, but his right curled around another hand.

Jacob looked down at the freezing hand in his and followed the attached arm up to Edward’s face, and was rewarded with Edward’s relieved half-smile. That burnished bronze hair was all askew and those molten topaz eyes had a growing ring of black around the iris – no doubt Edward would need a decent meal after the battle they just had. Easy as breathing, Jacob felt his love for this man wash over him. The rage was still there, the ache of a broken heart, the teeth-tingling wolf instinct to attack, but it all swam under a lake of yearning, intrigue, gratitude. Edward’s frozen features were hard to read but his exhaustion was obvious. 

“Hey,” Jacob said, gravel rasping in his throat, when the silence threatened to become awkward.

“Hello.” Edward’s voice wavered. _He really is exhausted._

Jacob ran his thumb across the back of Edward’s hand, then suddenly looked up, realizing they were _not_ in a private place. _Oh, the door is closed._ He couldn’t smell any of his packmates around either, or Billy for that matter.

“Everyone suddenly had someplace to be,” Edward answered his unspoken question. “I think they knew we needed some privacy.”

Jacob tensed — _Everyone knows...?_ — then immediately winced as the tension sent pain lancing up his spine.

“No!” Edward put another hand on top of Jacob’s. “Well…”

Jacob groaned. “Who all knows?”

“Well you already know your pack knows… I think Carlisle guesses but is being careful not to assume.” Jacob choked, and Edward rushed on. “But Billy has no idea. Amusingly enough, I believe Charlie might be wondering. He… well, he saw how I looked at you.”

Jacob half-smiled. “How were you looking at me?” _Worried, were you?_

Edward looked away, studying their tangled fingers. “Yes, I was worried about you,” he said stiffly. 

Jacob felt a flash of annoyance and squeezed Edward’s hand. “Hey, don’t go back to that,” he complained. _Cold._

Then an afterthought: _It’s not very convincing anymore. Just annoying._

Edward scoffed but didn’t reply to Jacob’s thoughts.

“Cold…” he mused. “I’ll probably always be that.”

“Not to me.” Jacob squeezed the hand in his again.

They were both quiet for long moments. A red-orange sunset was coming through Jacob’s broken blinds, diffused by the dust motes in the air, and it touched Edward’s hair to copper. Edward’s eyes were sharp, no doubt having to deal with Jacob silently waxing poetic. He never did like Jacob being a sap.

“I’ll blame it on the morphine,” Edward joked.

Jacob smiled, encouraged. Edward was being vaguely distant. Their fight before the battle had been a nasty one. Edward was engaged. There was every reason for this talk to go badly. But he had made Edward smile. He felt splinters of doubt in his throat, but he had already decided to be brave. This man, this vampire, looked beautiful and impossible in Jacob’s tiny, dingy bedroom. Jacob had sworn he would say it, strapped to Paul’s back and not knowing if he would live. 

“I love you.”

Edward smiled, but his eyes shone with pain. “I love you too.”

It was agonizingly clear Edward was being truthful. It was also clear how much the truth was hurting him.

“But not enough to stay with me,” Jacob said quietly.

“No.” The word quavered.

Edward was looking steadfast away at Jacob’s windowsill. The light that had touched his hair to copper now betrayed the glisten in his eyes. The hand in Jacob’s shook. 

Jacob supposed he already knew that would be the answer. He once thought it would be comforting to see Edward nearly crying — as much as a vampire really could — over him. He once wanted to know that someone losing him would be as painful as the loss of Edward or Bella was to _him_. But now that he was granted that knowledge, he couldn’t stand it. He wanted Edward to be happy more than he wanted Edward himself — and wasn’t that just the same self-sacrificing bullshit that had gotten him laid up in bed like this? But it was true.

Jacob loosened his fingers and Edward immediately released his hand, likely thinking Jacob was about to pull away. Instead, Jacob used it to brace against the bed, trying to sit up. They weren’t having this conversation with him flat on his back.

“Idiot! It’s not safe to move around yet!” Edward hissed, half-standing to put a heavy, freezing hand on Jacob’s chest, pinning him to the bed. Jacob fell back with a _whoomph._ “You’re still healing.”

Jacob growled in protest, but there wasn’t much bite in it. For one, he agreed; that move had sent burning awareness into every healing rib. For another, well— he was suddenly distracted by Edward in his bedroom, pinning him to his bed, those charred amber eyes boring into him. How many times had Jacob slipped a hand under his boxers to that idea?

Edward jerked his hand back, and — to Jacob’s surprise — he laughed. A breathy, shocked, relieved laugh. He sat back down and, unconsciously, his hand fell back onto Jacob’s chest.

“How can you think about such a thing in the condition you’re in?” Edward asked, that breathy laugh staying in his tone. Jacob liked it.

“I blame you,” he said, grabbing Edward’s hand and holding it against his chest. He could feel his own heartbeat pounding through their fingers.

The shared moment of levity seemed to have soothed Edward’s pain, but only marginally so. And Jacob hadn’t managed to delay the conversation or sit up for it. 

“I’m marrying Bella.” Edward said. He didn’t sound apologetic — _and he shouldn’t,_ Jacob thought. 

“I figured. Tends to follow an engagement,” Jacob said dryly. He would try to be strong for Edward — try not to make the same fuss he had been making. It hurt, _god_ it still hurt. Out of the three of them, he had been chosen to be cast out. Bella had said she loved him too and kissed him like the world was going to end, and she too would leave with Edward. He was the least desired— 

“That’s not it—” Edward protested. Jacob waved it off with his free hand.

“I don’t mean that like either of you are bad people,” Jacob said. _Everyone momentarily thinks things they don’t truly believe._ He focused on flexing his now-mobile left hand.

Edward’s fingers tightened on Jacob’s. “Our decision doesn’t mean anything is wrong with _you._ ”

Jacob shrugged. “Maybe we’re all bad people.” He smiled a bit, to show he was half-kidding. _But only half._

“All of us, imperfect. Isn’t that what you’re always harping about?” Edward teased. 

Jacob felt a legitimate smile tugging at his lips. “Something like that.” 

He closed his eyes and breathed, fatigued from his injuries, fatigued from their fight that morning, the battle, his sacrifice, and now the enormous cloud suffocating the room. The herald to the end of whatever-this-was for the last couple months. A lump in his throat began to choke him. _Damn, I swore I wouldn’t cry._

Jacob heard the scrap of a chair against the floor, scooting closer to him, and Edward’s cheek rested carefully on Jacob’s shoulder, as featherlight as the vampire could be. Jacob reached over and gently pushed Edward harder against his shoulder. That one didn’t feel nearly as bad as the other, and the pain was worth it. He remembered this morning, exhausted, isolated, humiliated, and willing to go out in a blaze of glory rather than just fade away. He would have died for the head resting against him now. That feeling was starting to feel hazy, like an old fever dream. He wanted to _live_ for Edward and Bella, for his pack, and his family.

“You don’t want to die anymore,” Edward observed quietly.

“No.”

Edward nestled in closer. Jacob opened his eyes, looked over, and found Edward already looking at him.

“Why is that?”

Jacob was going to lose his train of thought in those curious, hopeful eyes. “I wanted to die up to the point where I woke up after I was injured. I pictured it — my life — just going black in the blink of an eye. I die in glory, protecting my pack, you two are happy—”

Edward scowled, so Jacob hurried on.

“And reality wasn’t like that at all. For a minute, I wanted to die _more_. Trying to breathe with blood in my lungs, and the pain, god I’d never imagined that much… But. My pack tried to haul me back, and you woke me up, and– I wanted to live. More than anything, I didn’t want _that_ to be my last day with you two, even if– even if I couldn’t be–” The lump was back, and Jacob cleared his throat. “And it’s not just about you and Bella.”

Jacob curled a hand in Edward’s soft, disheveled bronze hair. “You probably get the idea, mind-reader and all.”

Edward shook his head. “When it gets too complicated, it’s just a buzz of voices. That’s what you sound like right now. So– tell me anyway?”

Jacob laughed, threading bronze hair through his fingers in slow strokes. “I don’t want my life to be about one thing. The whole werewolf ate it up for weeks, and then I was all about Bella, and then I was all about _you_. I want to be more than that, hopping from one thing to the next. Not one of those things can sustain a whole life. Maybe I’ll get more serious about motorcycle repair… or travel for a while or something. Work on my woodcarving.”

He let his gaze drift over to the windowsill, where Edward’s had been earlier. Half a dozen wooden figurines were lined up on it, half-finished attempts or failures, practice models for the wolf he had made for Bella. A bird, a cat, a rabbit. Another, he couldn’t recall what he had been aiming for. Fish. Eagle. He could picture the memory perfectly: standing on the beach with Bella, telling her you don’t see a fish trying to plant a kiss on an eagle. Bella laughing, and saying eagles were good-looking birds. He could see why prey would willingly die to get closer to the eagles like Edward.

“Does that make you a wolverine?” Edward asked, deadpan. 

Jacob laughed. Sometimes it was easy to forget Edward had been hiking Washington mountains for decades. Wolverines regularly climbed trees to steal eagle eggs or fledglings. Incidentally, they too ate fish. Maybe he’d carve one of them next.

He flexed his left fist again, barely feeling more than an ache now. His bones were knitting together with the strength to break human bones. _Like Bella’s._

“You caught me. I’m secretly Wolverine,” he said cockily.

Edward chuckled, shaking his head. “You’re ridiculous. But nice try – distracting me.”

Jacob had honestly thought he’d said all there was to say on their previous topic.

Edward sat up a bit, his expression darkening at Jacob’s flippancy, and Jacob missed the cold against his healing shoulder. “Do you know what your suicide would have done to everyone who loves you right now? How your family would feel? Bella would have been traumatized for life.”

Jacob felt a flash of irritation, but he masked it with an angelic innocence. “Remind me again, what brought you to Italy earlier this year?” He asked sweetly.

Shadows rippled through Edward’s eyes, the anger burning more of that topaz into black. 

“I thought Bella was dead,” Edward growled.

“And Carlisle?”

Edward recoiled, frowning. “He understands my priorities.”

“Bet it would still break his heart.” Jacob pushed himself up to sit up a little, with significantly less pain than the last time he tried. Edward twitched forward like he was going to stop him again, but he must have read from Jacob that it hurt less. “So, you have no room to talk.”

“Just — tell me if you feel that way again,” Edward ground out.

Jacob couldn’t help but laugh a little. _He’s terrible at this pep talk stuff._

“Planning to stick around, then, are you?” Jacob crosses his arms.

“Are _you_?” Edward challenged.

Jacob had mulled it over, strapped to Paul’s back in a blinding haze, _hearing_ his bones try to grind into the right position, how the next few years would unfold. Bella dying. The blood-crazed years. _I don’t want to see any of that._

“Might need some space for a bit,” he admitted. If he was ever going to see vampire Bella as _still Bella_ , it was going to have to be when she was more like the rest of the Cullens. Yellow eyes. At least moderately rational and civilized – Edward aside.

“Ha ha.”

“Go on, tell me I’m wrong.” Jacob smirked at him, unapologetic for his thoughts, and reached out to take Edward’s hand again.

Edward rolled his eyes. “Bella will want you around for all that, you know.”

“Well I don’t want to be.” Just imagining Bella as one of Victoria’s clawing, shrieking army was turning his stomach. “I’ll change her mind. I’ll be the bad guy.” He mulled it over, then recited, “I only pretended I would go out in a blaze of glory so you’d have a jealous fit, I’m just a manipulative asshole, yada yada — that’ll drive her off.”

Edward threaded his chilly fingers between Jacob’s. “Did you know I tried that once, at the beginning?”

“Well it obviously didn’t work.”

"Not at all.”

Jacob sighed. “Well you and Bella have a deeper bond than I have with her–” _Or we have together_. He stomped down the thought. “So maybe I’ll finally beat you at something.”

“Is winning all you care about?” Edward smiled humorlessly.

“No.”

The word hung, unchallenged, in the still room. For a long time, winning had been what Jacob wanted. Beating the memory of Edward so that Bella could move on. Then beating Edward himself as Bella’ closest companion and the man meant for her. Then beating Edward’s insecurities and obstacles as the best companion for _him._ Jacob hadn’t know what he wanted– no, he wanted it all, and in exchange had lost everything. Counted among that loss was his love for Bella. He could face that now: that he wasn’t happy with her, and he couldn’t be. What he had with Edward had burned away the soft, gentle, human life he imagined with Bella. Jacob was too much of a wolf, and he couldn’t hide that behind a fragile human.

Outside, evening birds chirping broke the prolonged silence.

“I’ll do the best I can to drive her off,” Jacob said softly. “I’ll probably fail, like you. But I’ll try. She’s yours. You’re hers. Have your happily ever after.”

Jacob caught the bitter twang in his tone and choked down any remaining thoughts. Edward was happy, that should be what mattered. And if it wasn’t perfect, so be it. Bella and Edward were just two people pushing their broken edges up against one another. If they never talked about Edward cheating on her for months or the fact that Bella didn’t desire Edward for _him_ , she was just drunk on his dazzle, well that was no business of Jacob’s.

Edward suddenly frowned. _Oops. Not much pride in successfully shutting up around a mind-reader._

“I wouldn’t— Sorry. I didn’t want to voice that,” Jacob said, abashed. “If you couldn’t read minds…”

Edward opened his mouth, eyes flashing, but paused. Jacob watched as Edward leaned back, thinking, and finally said: “I know. I don’t mind that you did. If this is the last I’ll be seeing you for a while… it’s a time for honesty. For example: this happily ever after is not as happy as it could have been with you involved.”

x X x

Edward found it hard to concentrate as Jacob watched him with warm, puzzled eyes. “I didn’t know we agreed on that,” Jacob said quietly. 

“We do.” Edward swallowed. The next part was harder. “I love you, Jacob. I love being able to be myself around you — it’s a bit addictive, really,” he confessed, and was rewarded by a genuine smile from Jacob. “But— I want the future I see when I’m with Bella. For both of us.”

Jacob steeled himself; Edward could hear the determination to control his emotions. He wanted to know why Edward so desperately didn’t want them to abandon their families, and what in his world was worth giving up _this_. 

“Tell me about that future, please.”

So Edward did. “I never knew your tribe’s Taha Aki, but I knew Ephraim Black in the 20’s. I had just come back to Carlisle and had chosen to only feed off animals – you already know about all that.”

Jacob nodded slowly, and Edward continued. “We made the treaty with Ephraim and then never stepped foot on that beach again. His pack phased regularly all our time here, and chose to grow old and die when we left. When we came back, Ephraim and his sons had passed. His grandson was aging, and you were young. But meeting your father, chief of the council… It was just like meeting Ephraim reborn. We had come and gone — and you had stayed right here.

“It’s the life of a vampire to be nomadic, transient. Don’t draw attention to our immortality. We stay in each town for less than a generation. But you werewolves stay in one place, piling generations on generations on the same land, the wolf gene and the responsibility passing with it. I’m going to marry Bella, and once she’s through the first couple years of being a newborn, we will always be on the move. New town, new high school, a new hospital for Carlisle, whiling away the years. A life of perfect peace. But you?

“The war on vampires defines your life.” _One of the reasons I have no interest in you ever meeting the Volturi,_ Edward thought. _You would be honor-bound to fight._ “You and your pack will patrol the Olympics, like every pack before you. When your father dies, you’ll likely become the new chief of the council. When Sam has children with Emily and chooses to grow old and die with them, you will become Alpha, and Chief of the tribe, like Ephraim. Both pack and council leader. If vampires return here, _you_ will make the next treaty. The loss of you would be a blow to the Quileute.”

He’d heard from Jacob’s mind that Paul had imprinted on one of his sisters, and so the Black bloodline would pass regardless, but the wolf gene had a strong propensity for passing father to son.

Jacob stared at him, transfixed, mulling over all the campfire stories he’d been told. Their age gap yawned between them; Jacob’s sixteen short years piled against over a hundred. And Edward was considered _young_. The Volturi were all more than twice as old as Carlisle. Edward was feeling that gap too. He listened as Jacob’s contemplation rolled through him, sending the first quivers of a wolf transformation ripping through his body. Edward rested a hand in Jacob’s bristling, calming him. Jacob saw what Edward meant; the traditions his father had told him, the generations stretching behind and ahead of him, as timeless as a single vampire life. He hadn’t wanted to be a wolf, hadn’t wanted to be Chief, but he didn’t get to choose. He was resigned, inspired, and– reluctant still.

“I never wanted any of that,” Jacob voiced aloud. “I want _this_.” He reached out and rested a scorching hand along Edward’s jaw.

So did Edward. Edward’s fingers smoldered in his, and the heat raced up his wrist and coiled in his chest. He thought of resisting but– what was the point, right now? He leaned in. Jacob’s eyes fluttered closed, willingly, instinctively, and Edward pressed his lips against Jacob’s. It was as sweet as the kiss they had shared earlier that day, but all of Jacob’s bones were in the correct place. Edward half-stood over the bed, one arm curved around Jacob, and Jacob’s body arched up to meet him. He could see the life he could have with this werewolf unfold behind his eyelids: the daring hikes, the adventures, the long conversations wrapped up in one another. And god, it _hurt_. 

Before getting into musical composition, Edward had been an avid reader. There was one piece, he’d always forgotten the title, but he remembered the author’s name, Ishiguro. And there was a line that in the hollow cave where his heart had once beat:

_“There was another life I might have had, but I am having this one.”_

Edward let himself sink into the warmth, into Jacob, into what could have been _._

When he resurfaced, his breathless, “Me too” felt unnecessary.

Jacob agreed, though he didn’t voice that thought. “I hear the ‘but’ in there,” he said.

Edward made himself lean back, and slowly sit back down. “I believe in a world bigger than myself. There’s a God, and fate, and I found the woman I’m meant to be with. Someday, you will too.”

Jacob rolled his eyes.

“I’m serious. You’ll imprint,” Edward warned. “Alphas always do.” _It didn’t used to be half the pack, like it’s becoming now._

“Might be a man,” Jacob suggested, half-teasing.

Edward shook his head. “No, your bloodline is too important.”

He watched Jacob sigh and cross his arms. “Kiss a guy like that, and he’s supposed to think about women?”

A laugh bubbled up in Edward’s chest, fizzling against his broken heart. “Incorrigible,” he grumbled. “You were happily straight four months ago.”

Jacob scoffed. “And six months ago, I was happily human! It’s been a rough year.”

Edward couldn’t help it – he laughed. Jacob soon joined him, and the crackling tension hissed out of the room. Edward was physically and emotionally exhausted, and Jacob wasn’t much better. Edward was also hearing Jacob’s twinges and aches, as the last dose of morphine wore off. 

“Do you wish things were different?” Jacob asked suddenly. 

“Often.” It was, second to Victoria, the primary thought on his mind the last few months. “Why do you ask?”

A shrug. “Forever’s a long time. I don’t want to grow old right now. You and Bella never will. Let’s say you’re right and the tribe needs me. What if it doesn’t need me forever?”

Jacob took a deep breath in and out. Edward watched Jacob’s fantasy in the tent rematerialize in his mind. The cabin in the woods, the vacations only supernatural beings could enjoy. He watched himself in it, and Jacob, and Bella. Jacob no longer loved the girl quite like Edward did, but they would always be best friends. And Edward would still love her, and Jacob both. They would all live together, maybe with the Cullens, maybe without. No kids, no troubles.

“Let’s say your future goes all according to plan,” Jacob started. “You two get through the newborn years. I stay here and, I don’t know, imprint and have a family. My wife is human, and one day she’ll die. My kid will wolf out, carry the legacy. If I keep phasing, I’ll never age. But my family lives on, there’s someone to take my place on the council and at the head of the pack, and everything else. I’m no longer needed. Maybe… fifty years from now?”

Jacob quirked a small smile. “You might miss me by then.”

“I will miss you when I walk out that door,” Edward said, low and soft.

Even though it was _his_ vision, and the future he thought was meant to happen, it hurt like hell. Shutting the door on this indefinitely, the years of trying to control a newborn Bella without support or companionship, Jacob imprinting and forgetting him… It hurt to imagine anything else being half a century away. Another half-again Edward’s present lifetime.

Jacob moved first this time, reaching out and tangling his fingers in Edward’s hair. He dragged his fingers down to Edward’s nape and pulled him close, Edward’s eyes closing in anticipation. But Jacob just pressed their foreheads together, the heat searing between Edward’s temples. As if reading Jacob’s every thought wasn’t enough to make the werewolf’s presence branded there.

“Would you consider it?” Jacob asked.

It was a day of near-misses, and crazed plans. Perhaps one more wouldn’t hurt.

“I have a bargain,” Edward whispered back.

Jacob leaned back, not quite daring to smile. 

“A bargain isn’t a ‘no.’”

“A bargain isn’t a ‘no,’” Edward agreed.

He closed his eyes and relished the sweet burn of hope and fear, joy, anticipation, rushing through Jacob.

“Name your price.” Jacob whispered in a fervent prayer.

“We don’t talk about this anymore. We seal this season away, a memory in a box. I focus on my wedding, Bella’s transformation, and whatever follows that. You will try to be Bella’s friend after her transformation, in any capacity you still can. Try to see her as still-living, as you see me. And you and I are… friends.”

Jacob was shaking under Edward’s hands. “And in exchange?” Still a whisper.

“Over the decades, if Bella seems amicable, I will ease myself into sharing her. And… into her sharing me. I will convince Bell and… and myself that we can love more than one person.” _I know that it’ss possible now_. “I will imagine our three lives together, without shame, and without fear. If Bella ever agrees, and we all feel the same way _then_ as we– as we do now, we’ll discuss it.”

Jacob regarded him silently, waiting for the _but_. Edward did not have one. The two of them looked at each other, not breathing. Edward was trying not to anxious for Jacob’s answer – asking the man for decades of silence was a large demand. But it wasn’t a _no_. It could even be shorter than Jacob’s fifty years.

“Okay,” Jacob said. He breathed in and out, carefully, his eyes bright and clear. “Okay.”

Edward reveled in it, those umber eyes burning with love and without a hint of pheromones. “Okay,” he echoed.

Exhaustion was settling into Edward’s bones. Jacob’s eyes were fluttering. Bella’s conversation with him would no doubt be even more of a drain, so Edward didn’t want to push him much harder. With years to think about it as Bella stabilized as a vampire, he knew Jacob would be contemplating what they spoke of today. Edward would be contemplating it for the rest of his existence.

Jacob rubbed a hand over his face. “I need to talk to Bella,” he said.

“Yes, she wanted me to call you as soon as you were up. I– I wanted to talk to you first,” Edward admitted.

His hand slipped from Jacob’s hair and back into the werewolf’s hand. “I’m sorry you found out about the engagement that way. I’m sorry that in my urge to push you away I… Well, I said things I regret.”

Jacob nodded slowly. “I’m sorry for kissing Bella and– and I’ve been pushing you pretty hard this entire time. You have the right to do whatever you think is best.” He quirked a smile. “Even I think it’s stupid.”

Edward smiled back. “Maybe I’ll agree in fifty years.” He took on an exaggerated, formal posture. “I give you my full permission to say, ‘I told you so’ when that time comes.”

He heard Jacob’s mind snag on _when_ , and the smile breaking across that adoring face was infectious.

“Until then,” Jacob said, in a ghost of his usual cheerfulness around Bella.

“Until then,” Edward agreed.

The front screen door creaked; Billy was back.

Edward pulled the quilt at Jacob’s feet over his body and smoothed it down, tucking Jacob in a bit. The braces could still be seen, but he didn’t look quite as bad. Bella would be calmer that way.

“Heal fast,” Edward whispered. The front door shut, and Edward could hear Billy thinking about coming in and wavering. No doubt he saw from the car outside that Edward was still here.

Jacob leaned in quickly, stealing a last kiss, light and painfully sweet. Edward’s eyes fluttered closed at the touch.

“I’ll see you as soon as I can manage,” Jacob promised.

In a few minutes, Edward would need to get up and call Bella. She and Jacob had an important conversation to have too; she still believed the extent of his heartache was all her doing. The guilt had the power to destroy her, but Edward knew Jacob would do everything he could to take up the burden of it. Jacob was right: he was far better at playing the bad guy than Edward.

In a few minutes, he would have to go back to the life he had before this summer. He had a wedding to help plan with Alice. He had to juggle the logistics of a vampire bite for Bella and a hard discussion with Sam on the treaty, and he had to figure out how to make love to Bella without killing her. _Thankfully Jacob gave me a few ideas_ , he thought with a bit of amusement but mostly guilt. He wondered idly if Jacob wanted a wedding invitation, now that things had calmed down from that morning.

He looked down at their intertwined fingers, allowing himself to savor the heat pulsating in his palm. Jacob was watching him through hooded eyes, falling into a half-sleep, a steady stream of contented thoughts flowing. Edward raised Jacob’s warm knuckles to his lips, and then leaned his forehead against them.

For a few minutes, he could let his heart have _this_.

_Your love is my turning page_

_Where only the sweetest words remain_

_Every kiss is a cursive line_

_Every touch is a redefining phrase_

_I surrender who I've been for who you are_

_For nothing makes me stronger than your fragile heart_

_If I had only felt how it feels to be yours_

_Well I would have known_

_What I've been living for all along_

_What I've been living for_

_Though we're tethered to the story we must tell_

_When I saw you, well I knew we'd tell it well_

_With a whisper we will tame the vicious seas_

_Like a feather bringing kingdoms to their knees_

_~ “Turning Page” by Sleeping At Last_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact! I could have just straight-up copy-pasted the epilogue of Eclipse to the end of this fic and it would have fit just fine lol. So, feel free to imagine that as Jacob’s last POV thoughts. And this is probably a sad ending, but I want to leave you guys with a bit of hope. Per Breaking Dawn canon, Edward kept his word to easing Bella into the idea by suggesting she “have puppies” if she wants kids. Anyway, I hope the wait was worth it and I’m sorry again that it was so long!
> 
> I’ve been chewing on a possible sequel, but I’m entrenched in a different fandom right now. I personally headcanon Renesmee as ace and only desiring a protector/mentor role from Jacob. When she comes to that realization, it opens the door to Jacob more comfortably experiencing romantic attraction again. Edward and Jacob confess their affair to Bella and discuss a poly situation*. It would take place years in the future (not sure how many, but I picture Renesmee as an older teen), after the four of them have lived together for a long time. Just thinking over various plot possibilities. Let me know if you’d be interested! I was surprised to see how little polyamory fic there is in the Twilight fandom, so I want to add to it! 
> 
> * note: affairs are a terrible way to start a triad! Do not try this at home! But when have Bella, Edward, or Jacob ever been responsible? Lol.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you guys liked this one! Just as a quick note, this is the only chapter that will have alternating point of views in it. The other chapters (each taking every other turn) are just going to be told by Jacob or Edward. Also, the song lyrics at the very end will usually just be the verse or chorus, but I was careful to only use songs where every line fit, so you'll often find extra information from the chapter in the full song.
> 
> Feel free to leave a review, but I don't mind lurkers. =3


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